The Perseus Attraction
by There She Goes And Shes Comin
Summary: Perseus Jackson thought he was normal: turns out he was wrong. Now Percy has to contend with love-struck monsters, a retarded Riptide and his 'love interest'; one crazy blonde girl with a really sharp knife. Even Artemis is gunning for him with a steriod junkie Apollo riding behind. But with looks to equal the Goddess of Beauty what did he expect? Phoenix Award Nominee
1. My Latin Teacher Spouts A Shotgun

**The Perseus Attraction**

**A Parody of the Olympian Series**

**Playing upon Percy's fabled looks and little subtle signs in the books.**

**Series 1: The Lightning Thief**

**12 Years Old**

**Perseus Jackson had always felt a little… awkward around other people.**

Look, Percy never wanted to be drop dead gorgeous and generally attract every single monster, demigod, girl and even boy in the United States or anywhere else for that matter. Best place to start? His first encounter with the furies.

It had been a normal day. Grover had been acting slightly gay, which was really weird as Percy was very sure he had been straight before he'd met him.

"Percy."

Percy looked around at his best friend Grover. "Yep."

"Hey, that guy looks totally fat in those jeans," Grover commented, pointing at the guy, but Percy didn't really see anything. He just reckoned it was a gay thing.

"Percy."

Percy looked around to see Mr Brunner approaching in his wheelchair, though Percy was sure he could walk. Maybe he just liked not having to do any extra work.

"Yes sir?" Percy asked.

"Could I have your activities sheet?"

Percy frowned, as nobody else was having theirs collected in, but just shrugged and handed it over.

Mr Brunner seemed to hold contact with his hand longer than was probably necessary, or legal for that matter, before taking his hand away, completely forgetting the sheet he asked to collect in.

Grover looked angry, and, unless Percy was going crazy, he swore that Brunner smirked, as if he had had a treat Grover had missed out on. But Percy couldn't see what that was.

He looked around and dodged a piece of peanut butter sandwich, which hit Grover instead. Grover just sighed and wiped it off.

"Why's she such a… bully?" Percy asked, referring to Nancy Bobofit.

Grover frowned. "You mean a bitch?"

Percy looked around. "Grover," he reprimanded.

Grover shrugged. "Just saying it as it is Percy. Anyway, it's probably because she fancies you."

"What?!"

Grover nodded. "Yeah… she's just trying to get your attention. Typical girl thing."

"How'd you know that?"

"Because I've done it," Grover stated simply.

"To girls, I hope." Percy asked hopefully.

Grover shook his head. "Nope."

Percy coughed. Great; his best friend had tried the 'moves' on guys. Well, this certainly shattered Percy's idea that Grover may be straight.

"Percy."

Percy gritted his teeth. He was getting annoyed with people calling his name.

"Yes." He turned to see Mrs. (what unlucky man married her?) Dodds.

She looked at him, appraisingly, like she approved of him, which was weird, as Percy was pretty sure she hated him.

"Come with me."

Percy frowned. "Err, why?"

"Because I told you to, Jackson. Hurry up."

Percy cleared his throat. "Great… Grover, hold my fountain spot." He made to stand up, but Grover grabbed his arm.

"Percy, I think… I think…" Grover was going red.

Percy leaned in. "What is it man?"

"I think…" he took a deep breath. "I think she wants to rape you."

Percy blanched. "Why?"

"Because you look-"

"Jackson!" Mrs Dodds shouted across the area.

Percy looked around. Nancy was trying to avoid his eye. Mr Brunner was looking hurt. Grover looked jealous. Some random guy was just staring at him.

"I'll see you later." Percy told Grover.

He started walking off towards Mrs Dodds, wondering why she wanted him. He was pretty sure he could fight her off if she wanted to rape him. Sure she was evil and all, but Percy was confident in himself… sort of.

She led him into the museum and through the different sections, further and further into the museum until they got to the Greek display again.

Mrs Dodds looked around at him.

"So…" she started.

"Miss?" Percy answered.

"Why did you try to hide from us?"

"Us?"

"With beauty like yours you could be up there with Aphrodite, so why are you sticking with that satyr Grover? He's average, a five at most."

Percy was very confused now. "Sorry, but what on earth are you talking about?"

But Mrs Dodds was on a roll, steamrolling over Percy.

"All that time, together in the classroom grinding chalk-"

"You made me do that!" Percy protested.

"No! You chose to heed my-"

"Order?" Percy suggested.

"Request!" Mrs Dodds insisted.

Percy looked down, knocking his feet around. "Right… so, erm, what now?"

"Now? Now? Now you admit your love for me!"

Percy was getting seriously weirded out now. "But I_ hate_ you!"

"Hate? Hate… _Hate!_" Mrs Dodds started to lose control at the 'hate' world. She started transforming into a… a thing, great wings growing, talons springing for her fingers.

"God…," Percy muttered backing off.

"What ho Percy!"

Percy whipped around to see Mr Brunner rolling in with his wheelchair. He held a… he held a pump action shotgun!

But instead of blowing Mrs Dodds back to Hades, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a ballpoint pen.

"Catch!" He shouted before hurling the pen at Percy.

Time slowed. Mrs Dodds lunged at her lover (Percy), and Percy was frozen. He was screwed, basically. She reached out to slice him, but the pen hit Percy's face, knocking him down and out of the way of the talons.

Percy hit the ground heavily. Mrs Dodds went sailing over him. She landed 7 feet away and looked up.

Besides the fact that Percy was freaking out he was seriously wondering why Mr Brunner didn't blow her up.

"Pretty boys. Useless," Brunner muttered before pulling the trigger.

The blast hit Dodds throwing her backwards. Brunner made to fire again but the gun just clicked.

He looked down in frustration. "Damn. And _this _is why we keep with good old swords."

Mrs Dodds lunged and kicked Brunner's wheelchair. He went flying back.

"Kill her Percy, you can do it! Use the sword to-"

But then he went flying through Rome and out into the food area.

Percy looked up. Dodds looked down.

"Such a shame to kill you…" She looked genially heartbroken.

Percy scooped up the sword (when had it become a sword?) and swung at Dodds. She dodged before squaring him off.

Percy moved forward but Dodds didn't move and the sword went through her like butter.

**Mrs Dodds was outraged when Percy denied that romantic night with the chalk.**

It drove her over the edge and transformed her into her demon form. He hated her!

She'd kicked away that stupid centaur, now it was just her love she had to kill.

But squaring off with him, she realised she couldn't so it.

Percy was crouching, slightly tubby, but that's nothing Greek training couldn't handle. But his face, perfect features, black hair falling across his eyes. His face looked so strong, yet gentle. She couldn't destroy perfection, could she? His eyes looked like mini gems, emeralds, but then he struck. She could have blocked but she was too much in love to ruin his moment. She felt the blade destroy her essence as it passed through, her love songs on her IPod flowing through her brain…

**10 minutes ago…**

**Nancy wished he'd notice her.**

She'd been throwing peanut butter at him for ages now, watching his muscles tense as he dodged perfectly, once, twice, three times. She sighed as he looked at that stupid Grover fellow. He hadn't even noticed her haircut, even when she made a remark about it. Just because his hair was perfect, didn't mean everyone's could be.

She was half tempted to go and talk to him, but the last time she'd down that he'd pushed her in the fountain. Love… She cursed the word and Percy's good looks…

**Present**

**Grover used to be a ladies man. He'd go for any wood nymph he could find and he'd even settle for the odd Aura if it was a quickie job.**

Then he'd had the misfortune to meet Perseus Jackson and he'd become gay. Now, all he could think about was Percy and his stupid smell. Percy smelt like nature… like a clean sea breeze and he couldn't be anybody but Zeus' son. He was way too cool to be like, Ares or something. Then again, he could be Aphrodite's son, with her blessing on, permanently. He was way too good to be otherwise.

Grover was yanked out of his musings as Percy walked through the door, and made his way over to him. He looked confused, out of it.

"Hey Percy," Grover started.

Percy looked at him. "I killed Mrs Dodds."

Grover knew what he had to do. Percy had killed his first monster. He had to pretend all was okay.

"Who?"

Percy crinkled his brow which nearly killed Grover. "Mrs Dodds. Crazy woman, apparently we had some messed up romance going on."

Grover shook his head. Percy was looking at him and he wanted to tell him the truth. Percy looked so _good_ but he had to hold himself.

"Nope, don't know what you're talking about."

**Hope you liked it, and it's not going word by word through the story, just key moments so don't worry about basically reading the books again. Please review so I know to actually continue this thing. Thanks. **


	2. Annabeth Has A Spasm

**Okay, thank you guys. Lil' P 101 claimed he fell off his chair laughing. Well, I fell off my chair seeing how many reviews I got for one chapter! I'm glad you enjoyed it and please continue to review. And those who read but didn't review, please do. It makes my day and it's why I dropped everything to get this out so fast. I love you guys, and I hope this chapter can be thanks. Hope you like it. It feels nice to be liked. **

**What could Percy say? **

He'd had one messed up week.

First he'd killed his teacher. Grover had acted weird. Then they'd been that fun experience with the crazy old ladies with knitting stuff and that guy who'd hit on him at the bus station. Throw in Gabe, the cabin and not to mention the mad dash they'd made across America to a strawberry farm, a minotaur, his mother… dead, or gone or whatever and Grover passed out.

But hey, normal stuff.

**Annabeth ran up the hill.**

It was pouring down and she ran up next to a load of campers who were watching a figure fight… wait, was that the Minotaur? It had to be a half-blood, and judging from how it was going, he wasn't doing too badly.

"I give him five more minutes," one of the campers muttered.

Annabeth looked over at them. "Are you betting on him?"

He looked at her in confusion. "What? You're not?"

Annabeth made to reply before Chiron trotted up.

"Chillax Annabeth. He'll be fine. Or he won't but then we haven't really lost anything."

Annabeth made to respond to him too, but then she heard a roar. She looked over at the Minotaur, disintegrating, and the figure standing on the hill, before lifting another figure up and started walking down to the Big House.

The campers started muttering. "Shit, man, we bet against that monster! If he finds out…"

They started running in fear of what this demigod would do to them. I mean, he'd killed the Minotaur; what else could he do with his bare hands?

That thought turned dirty as the demigod reached them, light starting to reflect across his features.

His face was almost timeless. But also very aged. He was beyond the word 'handsome', perfection being a better word to describe his cheekbones and strong chin. His hair was pure black and Annabeth could tell it would be perfectly glossy and smooth if it was dry.

She wanted to reach out and feel him, but she couldn't bring herself to do that.

"Hey! It's Percy," Chiron cried out.

Annabeth looked at him. "You know this…" this what? This man… this sculpture of perfection… this God.

Chiron nodded. "Yeah, he defeated a fury".

Annabeth nearly threw up. So not only was he gorgeous but he was also skilled in defeating monsters.

He collapsed in front of her, falling on her legs, which honestly, she didn't really mind. Grover rolled down the hill, but no-one cared about that loser.

She knelt next to him and she could almost 'smell' his power. He was radiating it.

Chiron asked for Argus to take him to a bed (which Argus looked too happy about), which sparked unsuspected jealousy in Annabeth. He was hers, or he would be soon.

Chiron clapped his hands. "Well, fun stuff. Let's go to bed and hope Percy survives." With that he trotted off.

Annabeth made her way into the sick room, and looked at Percy on the bed. He was slightly tubby, but that was nice, like a cuddly bear. Argus watched her suspiciously.

Annabeth cleared her throat. "You can go Argus, I'll take it from here."

Argus made a hand sign which meant: _"Move off sister. He's mine."_

Annabeth drew her dagger without thinking and shoved it under Argus throat, right next to one of his many eyes.

"Move Argus or your total eye count gets closer to an average one."

He gulped before moving out. Annabeth watched him go before she realised what she'd done.

"Oh man, Percy what have you done to me?" She looked over at his body. She was…

No, she had to accept it. She was becoming obsessed with Percy Jackson.

**Percy had a weird dream.**

But hey, he has those every day, so nothing new, right?

What _was_ new though were his surroundings. Much nicer than he was usually looking at. Clean fields, canoe lake, some cabins, Greek styled buildings.

He tried to move, but he felt stiff. Not painful exactly.

"Whoa there, Perce, stay down."

He looked around to see Grover leaning against the rail. Oh, yeah, he remembered Grover was a satyr. A gay one. Just great…

Percy looked over at the drink. It was empty.

"Err, Grover? Was there supposed to be anything in this?"

Grover nodded. "Yeah."

Percy shrugged. "So where is it?"

Grover frowned. "I… I wouldn't know."

"You drunk it, didn't you?"

"Yeah…," Grover agreed.

"Thanks. Good to see you care about me."

Grover nodded. "Your Moms dead too. That must blow."

Percy couldn't believe Grover was so… tactless.

"Yeah, thanks Grover."

Grover nodded. "Right, get up. We're going to meet the gang."

"What?-" But Grover pulled Percy up before he could protest and walked him around the wrap-around porch, until they came upon a table and three people.

One was the girl he'd seen last night. Percy caught his breath. She was beautiful with her blonde hair, those grey eyes, which Percy was still deciding if liked or not. She looked up at him, and she looked so calm, assured, he was having trouble controlling himself.

He looked over at the table where Mr Brunner was sitting with some pudgy guy.

Brunner saw him. "Percy! Sit down."

Percy was shoved into a seat by Grover.

Brunner leaned forward. "So, how are we?"

Percy tried to catch his breath. "You had a shotgun."

Brunner nodded. "Yeah, I rock. But we're not talking about me."

Percy swallowed. "My mother's dead."

The pudgy guy looked up. He locked his eyes on Percy. "Well, hello."

Percy nodded. "Hey."

Brunner looked at the girl. "Annabeth, go force some kids out of Hermes cabin to make room for Percy."

She nodded, before running off a little too quickly. Percy sniffed himself. Nope, he smelt fine.

Brunner clapped his hands. "Right, I should tell you the Gods exist, the Greek one's mind, and all that."

Percy nodded. "Right."

Brunner nodded. "Also, my real names Chiron."

Percy nodded. "Right."

Pudgy spoke up. "I'm Dionysus."

Percy nodded. "Oh yeah, the crap God."

Dionysus scowled.

Chiron laughed. "Yeah, we call him Mr D because Rick can't be bothered to spell his name each time."

Percy raised an eyebrow. "Rick?"

Chiron nodded. "Our scribe. Just forget it."

Mr D leaned in. "So, Percy, I hear you killed a Minotaur."

Percy nodded. "Yep, I was there."

Mr D laughed really weirdly. "So _funny. _But to business. Do you have a girlfriend? Boyfriend?"

"None of the above," Percy replied.

"Would you like one?"

Percy was thrown off. "What, like, what?"

"Do you like older men Percy?"

"What!"

Mr D sighed. "I only drink Coke because I must. I'm really very sophisticated. I drink wine."

"Great for you."

"Do you like sophisticated men?"

Percy shook his head. "No, go away."

Mr D's eyes burned. Chiron threw a card at him.

"Cool off. You've got a wife. Percy's not gay." He seemed to spot Grover. "What are you doing here? Fuck off. Go eat trash like you things like you to do." He looked back at Percy as Grover ran off. "Seriously, we should have done a Roman Camp and made them beggars."

Percy had no idea what he was talking about but he was scared, as everyone seemed to still be hitting on him, his mother was dead and he fallen ass backwards into the weirdest setting he could possibly think up.

Chiron was talking about some plan to exterminate all satyrs but Percy cut across him.

"Why does everyone hit on me sir? First here, then with the Fury… What's going on?"

Chiron looked at him longingly. "You're beautiful Percy. I don't know who your parent is, but we'll find out soon. Now, let's go camping. I'll explain it all as we go down."

He rose up from his wheelchair, which was about to confirm Percy's theory he was not disabled, but then he turned into a horse, which pretty much ruined Percy's theories. Again.

**Percy got told all about Gods, demigods, furies, the Minotaur, the whole works. The only thing Chiron couldn't tell him was why he was so… desirable and who his parent was.**

"It's probably Aphrodite."

Percy nodded. Not great, but it made sense.

"Or Zeus," Chiron mused.

"Why?" Percy asked.

Chiron shrugged. "You're awesome, he's awesome. Makes sense."

Percy just nodded. "If you're the Chiron how are you still alive?"

"Because I keep escaping the Underworld. Screw that. They can take my heroes but they won't get me."

Percy grinned to show he wasn't dangerous. Great! A camp full of bastard demigod children, with swords and monsters led by a crazy homicidal centaur; just perfect.

They made their way up to a crappy brown cabin.

Percy grimaced. "Someone should put a torch to this place."

Chiron nodded. "I've tried, trust me." Chiron coughed. "You know Harry Potter?"

Percy nodded. "Yeah."

"This is Hufflepuff."

Percy started to sweat; the worst house. He couldn't be put here. He'd escape or something.

Percy tried to laugh. "I'd hate to stay in this dump."

Chiron laughed. "That's a good attitude, considering you're sleeping here."

Chiron saw Percy's face. "Don't worry lad, you're parent might take pity on you and move you out. Well, unless you're Hermes son. He'll probably leave you unclaimed. Better to think you might be Zeus son, than be doomed to the Hermes cabin."

Percy looked up. Hermes hadn't claimed him yet. He was still good.

Annabeth ran up to them.

Percy raised a hand and she blushed, before putting on her stony face. Percy was wondering what was wrong with him.

Chiron leaned in. "She fancies the toga off you!" Then he galloped away before Percy could question him.

Percy looked back and cleared his throat. "So… Annabeth. You going to guide me."

**His voice sounded like a breeze flowing through a creek. It was cheerful, distant, but very real.**

She looked at him standing there. He was ever so slightly shorter than her, but broader, and his hair was just as good as she'd thought it'd be. Glossy, reflecting the sun, falling in his eye, just waiting to be pushed aside…

**Percy watched Annabeth's hand go through a slight spasm, before gesturing for him to go in.**

Percy walked through the door to see a load of kids.

Some looked happy (the unclaimed ones) and some looked like they were seriously contemplating suicide (the Hermes kids).

One tall guy made his way through the crowd. He saw Percy and smiled.

"Hey, I'm Luke."

Percy took his hand, and Luke kept it there. Two minutes… Five minutes. Percy's smile started to become forced.

"Right," Percy muttered, trying to pull away, but Luke kept his hand on his.

"What's the matter Percy? Feeling hot?" Luke asked.

Percy yanked his hand away. "More awkward."

All the kids were staring at him and a load ran off, to probably spread the news about him, Percy figured.

He wondered how many more people would hit on him before the end of today.

Looks like he was stuck in here.

**This one probably isn't as good as the last one, but it will improve. I definitely have a plan. **

**I've got some moments I hope are good coming up, so please stick with me and continue to review. Please. I think we can get to 25 reviews, (have you seen the other stories!) and please click the review button below. I swear I'll get another chapter out 7pm UK time/1pm America if I get some reviews. Please. (Note: I use please too much and I sound desperate. Ah, well).**


	3. We Fight To 'Noah And The Whale'

**Love the reviews you guys are giving me. Please, continue to. Don't worry about giving me too many. I'll take 5 from the same person per chapter. It's all cool. And it takes two seconds. I review all I read, and it also attracts more people, because they see it with *Hopefully* a lot of reviews and I get more readers. But, as always it's your choice. But yeah, I'll spin a sad story. My family's in debt, my brother's addicted to rugs and somehow your reviews can save us all. Great, sad story done, hope you enjoy the sword class. If you review a good deal I'll try to get another chapter out, though works catching up on me. Review!**

**Percy was happy to get out of that cabin.**

Annabeth looked almost as relieved.

"Why does everybody like me?" Percy pleaded.

Annabeth looked at him and he was happy she seemed to be the only person who wasn't attracted to him.

"I don't know Percy…" She shook her head before changing the conversation. "So, mother or father?"

"I had a mother." Percy muttered.

Annabeth put a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry. But what's done is done. We can talk about it later. Now, let's go look at the cabins."

Percy looked at her and smiled. "Yeah, that sounds good."

He turned to the rest of the cabins. He heard a thump behind him and looked around to see Annabeth, spread eagle in the grass.

"Annabeth?"

**Annabeth was visibly annoyed. **

She'd fainted. Pure and simple. She needed to get some sort of defence against him.

And she'd done it right next to him. But she hadn't been able to control herself. He'd smiled at her and she'd just touched his shoulder. It was all too much.

Now they were walking across the grounds and Percy was looking at her funnily. She was supposed to helping him! He looked so cute, all worried but she did her best to act like she had shaken it off. They made their way past a load of cabins.

"That's Zeus' one." Annabeth said pointing.

Percy nodded. "Right, the one I have to blame about the rain as I was walking home."

Annabeth laughed. His voice was so engaging, she couldn't shake it.

"Yeah, and that's Poseidon's."

"Right, the moody guy who got dumped with the sea. "

Annabeth nodded. "Yeah, he sucks. I'm an Athenian so we all hate him."

"What if I was his son?" He looked at her, almost like he knew something she didn't. And his eyes…

"I couldn't be your friend." She stated. Forget that, she could be his friend, even if he killed Luke.

"We're friends?" Percy teased.

Annabeth blushed. Stupid, attractive, Poseidon loving guy!

"I never said that!" Annabeth snapped. "Let's keep moving."

Percy smiled before following.

**Percy thought this was going quite well. Sure it was weird, but he was getting over that.**

Annabeth was great, intelligent (dangerously so, from the easy way she mentioned facts Percy had no idea existed) and interesting.

They passed a red cabin full of kids working out to Katy Perry.

Percy nodded, lips pursed. "Ares likes Katy Perry."

Annabeth nodded. "Yeah, Ares is kinda messed up."

"So, this cabin is full of dope heads and steroid takers."

Annabeth frowned. "I'm not sure they take steroids."

They watched as an Ares kid popped open a tube and injected himself.

Annabeth coughed. "I'm not sure all of them take steroids."

Percy nodded. "So this is the loser cabin."

Annabeth nodded. "Yeah, it's almost as bad as Hermes."

A girl looked over at Percy, a huge girl with stringy brown hair. Percy looked back at her.

She seemed to take this for a sign. She marched up to him, flanked by two other girls.

Percy leaned over to Annabeth. "So… If Ares has girls they're kinda screwed."

Annabeth hit Percy's arm lightly, before blushing, like she couldn't believe what she'd done. But Percy liked it. Finally, one girl who was intoxicated with him.

The big girl came up. "Hey handsome. How are you?"

Percy moved backwards. "Okay, thanks?"

She grinned at her friends before turning back to him. "I'm Clarisse."

"Percy Jackson."

She grinned again. "You want to go out with me?"

Percy let loose a strained laugh. "No thanks. I'm cool."

Clarisse's expression turned ugly. "What did you say?"

Annabeth jumped in. "If you had two brain cells you'd know!"

Clarisse looked at her. She started to make her way over but Percy stood in front of her.

She looked stunned. "Percy, what are you doing?"

Percy swallowed. "I don't know."

"Move."

"You move."

Clarisse looked pained. "I don't want to do this but pretty boy needs to be taught a lesson."

**She grabbed Percy but he pushed her off.**

It looked almost like she didn't want to attack Percy. Annabeth found it interesting.

Her friends looked stunned, but they sprung into action as soon as Clarisse told them too.

Annabeth didn't see this though. She was still reeling from Percy springing to her rescue, like a regular hero. He was so perfect. Strong, handsome, he even smelt incredible.

They grabbed Percy in each arm and started to drag him away.

Percy was fighting against them, his hair flying around, looking perfect as he did so. Then Annabeth realised that Clarisse and friends weren't 'grabbing' him. They were… hugging him. Trying to be near him.

Percy shouted and then it happened. Annabeth had an unnatural desire to help him. She looked around and saw everyone else had too.

Every camper started coming towards Percy, converging on him.

"Percy." They chanted.

Every camper was coming. Chiron was galloping over, his bow in hand. Nature spirits were coming over.

Clarisse and friends let go off Percy and started to run. Everyone followed them.

Percy got up and looked at the retreating crowd.

"Erm, what just happened?"

Annabeth couldn't say. What could you say?

"**The Perseus Attraction".**

Percy looked up. "What?"

Annabeth looked at Grover. "Grover, if Percy told yourself to kill yourself, would you do it?"

Grover, watching a couple of guys go past, jerked around. "What?"

"You heard me."

Grover scratched his goatee. "Do you think vogue is in fashion?-"

"Grover!"

"Oh, right. Nope."

Annabeth looked at Percy. "So?..."

Percy frowned. "So we found out nothing."

Annabeth rolled her eyes. "No, ask Grover to do something."

"Annabeth…"

"Do it."

Percy saw no point in this. "Grover, eat your shirt."

Grover grinned. "Sure Perce." He started eating his shirt.

Percy yanked him away. "No, stop that. I was joking."

Grover kept grinning. "Whatever Perce."

Annabeth smiled. "Ha! See, people are attracted to you so they do anything for you. You have to be Aphrodite. Somehow."

Chiron trotted up. "Hey guys! Annabeth, go shoot something. "

"But I'm teaching Percy Greek." She protested.

Chiron waved a hand. "Percy's going to sword fight now."

Grover got up. "I'd love to sword fight!"

Chiron looked at him. "Err, how about you go chant at a tree."

Grover looked disappointed, but Chiron grabbed Percy's hand and pulled him onto his back.

"That's the stuff." He muttered.

Percy felt really uncomfortable sitting on Chiron with his legs spread, his crotch pressing into his back.

"Erm, Chiron, I'm not sure about sitting on… you."

"Nonsense, just because I'll never have you, doesn't mean I can't enjoy simple pleasures."

Percy scratched his arm awkwardly. "Could we get there quicker?"

Chiron smiled at him. "What? And rush our time together?"

Yeah, exactly, Percy thought, but he held his tongue. He hated the 'our' like he was supposed to enjoy this.

After a painstakingly long time, in which Chiron made some very weird noises, they got to the sword arena.

It was like a gladiator pit, sand and stands. Oh, and weapons galore on the stands.

Chiron put Percy down unwillingly and went to address the demigods. They looked at Percy, some adjusted their armour straps, the Aphrodite daughters (who'd been stalking Percy for the last couple of days) put on lipstick, but only Luke made his way up.

"Hey champ!"

Percy tried to look away, but Luke filled his vision.

Last time Percy had seen Luke, it was when Luke had insisted they share body heat during a cold night. Now, no-one knew how the cabins heat had cut off (Luke) or where the extra duvets (Grover) had gone, but Luke had suggested they 'snuggle'. Great for some, they had girls, and the others had been turned gay by Percy, but everyone went for him. All asking if they could snuggle with him. Percy denied all of them.

But Luke was persistent. Percy told him he'd happily freeze, but Luke had snuck up later. Just like when Luke had recommended he and Percy share shower rations (which Percy was still counting his blessings he'd avoided), he'd shown a new level of obsession.

"Be my partner."

Percy was saved by Chiron shouting out. "Right, all gather up."

All the demigods gathered around him.

Someone brandished a note. Chiron trotted over. "Okay, who else has notes to get them off?"

He started collecting notes. "Hermes says my son is too stupid to fight… Nope, it's Hermes so who cares? Next! Hephaestus claims Jake's ill. Let him off or get beaten to death by a hammer… Okay, Jake, you can go! Next! Note from Hades, requesting my soul back in… Next! Hmmm…. This is by Zeus! Now I know none of you have Zeus as a father! Who wrote this!"

Everyone laughed. Chiron pretended to laugh too.

"You'll see how funny it is when you're stuck against the Furies with NO sword training, then we'll see whose laughing!"

Chiron cantered to the exit. "Luke, take them! I can't be bothered." He galloped off out of the arena.

Luke made his way to the front. "Right, everyone, let's start with some squats."

He started squatting and everyone started to follow.

"Who wants some music?" Luke shouted.

Everyone cheered and Percy was even more confused. When did swords come in?

Luke put on Katy Perry. Percy had to say something.

"Luke!"

Luke looked at him. "Yeah, sexy."

Percy found that very irrelevant. "Yeah, um, why is Katy Perry playing everywhere?"

Luke frowned. "Well, she's a demigod…" he started thrusting again, and Percy realised they'd changed exercise. "And she kicks ass! Yeah! So, one, two, one, two, Travis, get pushing!"

Luke was pushing, even going red. At least he was a good fighter. It made up for that hideous move.

Percy decided to try again, but the thrust were distracting him.

"Luke!"

Luke looked up again. "Yeah, Percy. I'm thrusting!"

_Yes he was_, Percy thought. "No, Luke, can we play something different!"

Everyone stopped. Someone said. "Why'd we want to stop Katy?"

Percy sighed. "I don't really like her."

They all gasped. Luke was the first to recover. "Right, all. Looks like we're be playing 'Noah and the Whale' instead."

He told them to continue with star jumps before he changed the CD.

He got back into position. "Right! Say it with me. "

Every time they did a reach down their toes, they had to sing 'L.I.F.E G.O.E.S O.N'.

Percy reflected that this was even weirder than Chiron with a shotgun.

"Luke!"

Luke was drenched now. "Yes Percy! What is so important this time! The only reason I haven't gutted you yet is because you look like a young Zeus. So be out with it."

Everyone started talking. Percy heard the Aphrodite kids give him a 13 on a 1 to 10 scale of hotness.

"Luke, what the Hades does this have to do with swords?"

"You have to be fitter than a cucumber to be a decent swordsman. I mean, I could squat for hours and it shows in my fighting. But, yeah, we're done with warm ups. Let's gut each other."

Percy laughed, but no-one else was.

They took their swords from their sports bags and paired up. One guy stabbed before the other guy had turned and his sword buried itself in his stomach.

Luke turned to look. "Come on! You call that a block!" He turned back to Percy. "What a loser."

He swung at Percy who realised he was missing a sword. He ducked, grabbed one that felt like a tennis racket and stabbed at Luke. Luke was swinging his hips to Noah at the time and he took the blade to his thigh.

"Arghh!" He crumpled.

"Oh, sorry Luke!"

Percy ran up to him. Luke waved him away. "I like it Perce. You used Noah to distract me, knowing I had to swing my hips to '5 Years Time' and beat me. You must have planned that since you came in. Good, thinking ahead." The other demigod's blood reached them.

Luke looked at the blood. "At least it's just my leg. That other guy's fucked."

"I'm sorry-"

Luke waved his hand. "And you did it with that piece of shit." He looked up at Percy with more than just lust. Now it looked like approval. "I wonder what you could do with a real blade."

**Link, below. Pointing downwards. Please review! I might be able to get to 30 reviews! Please, just below. Just dump in a 'crap' or 'rubbish', takes too seconds. Don't even need an account. Just *Straining like Luke* below. VVVVVV**


	4. Chiron Spoils 'Lost' For Me

**Thank you, all of you for your reviews. It is mind-blowing, you can't know how much it means unless you write a story or you're just weird like me. People have complained about everyone being gay. A.) You're kinda right, but it's only because of Percy. B.) Don't worry. No-one else is going gay. Only Luke and Grover. So it'll be less of a gay version. Please continue to review you incredible people! Oh and Captain Noah, don't think I know you've followed me! But it's awesome, so thanks! This is all I can say, but I hope you continue to review and far more importantly, enjoy this story. Also, lots of comments about the Gods coming in. Don't worry, I had ideas about them from the very start. And no, they don't turn gay. I've got some better humour (I hope) than that. Enjoy (I hope)! **

***Oh, Spoilers for Lost and don't ask.* **

**It turned out that Percy was extremely skilled with the sword. **

Luke was head over heels in being able to spend some quality time alone with him after deciding to tutor him.

"No, Luke, I'd rather not look at your 'sword'!" Percy protested during one of their usual sessions.

"Oh, come on Perce! It's really good!" Luke cried.

"Go," Percy pointed at that 'area' with his sword, "Show it to Annabeth or something."

Luke shook his head. "I only want you to see it."

Percy shook his head. "Maybe I don't want to."

Luke grinned. "That's just what you think now."

Percy swung his sword at Luke to get him to stop fiddling around there and defend, but Luke seemed able to do both pretty well.

But it all came to a head during capture the flag.

Percy was asked by all the cabins to be their teammate but in the end they all seemed to back off after Annabeth took him on. He was grateful to her for that. Again, she seemed to be the only one without an obsession with him, and Percy couldn't describe how grateful he was to her for that.

Percy was fitting himself out in some custom made, bronze armour forged by the Hephaestus cabin as a random 'gift' to him for helping them by carrying some bronze for them and letting them fit him in it. Now, Percy knew full well what he was getting himself into when he allowed them to 'fit' him, but only the girls did it and they really were quite good. A little swoony, but they didn't make him undress and he got some awesome armour which grew with him, so it was a small price for some comments on his hair.

Percy was struggling to get it on though. He'd got the bronze boots/greaves, the bracers, but the damn breastplate with its leather and bronze skirt bit was giving him trouble.

Percy suspected he was supposed to wear it without trousers, but he added them anyway, and he honestly thought he looked quite good. But still, it was hard to get on.

Luke came up to him.

"Struggling, Percy?"

Percy looked up at him. "No, I'm fine."

Luke snorted. "You might be a hotdog, more hot than dog BTW, but you're a terrible liar. Let me do this."

"No, it's fine Luke."

"Nah, I've got this." He started running his hands across Percy's chest.

"Boy Percy, you don't need a breastplate for this."

Percy pushed his hand away. "I'd like one."

Luke whistled. "Okay, Percy, whatever you say."

He started adjusting the armour.

"You good for this Percy?"

"Pardon?"

"Catch the flag. You remember our training?"

_Vividly, _Percy thought to himself as he stood there.

"Remember Percy, it's all in the hips."

"What?"

"You swing, and move those hips."

This was all fine and good until Luke started moving Percy's hips."

"Get off me!" Percy shouted.

Luke backed off. "Just easing the tension, baby."

"Yeah, well don't."

Chiron came rolling up in his wheelchair with Annabeth trailing behind.

"Luke! Back off you horny bastard!" He shouted.

Luke moved off. "See you on the field Percy." He slapped Percy's ass, making Percy jump a couple of feet, but moved off.

Chiron looked after him. "Luke used to be so normal. A little bitter about that quest he cocked up, but generally okay."

Percy nodded. "Yeah, well, I think Luke undid more of my armour than he did up."

Chiron agreed. "Annabeth…?"

Annabeth walked forward and started working on Percy's armour as Chiron rolled off to annoy some other campers.

"Hey, Annabeth, thanks for being so normal."

Annabeth looked over his shoulder. "Yep, no problem Percy." She started working on his armour again, with quick deft movements.

She smiled. "Maybe I'll get you to do up one of my dresses at some time."

Percy laughed. "That wouldn't be awkward at all. But, wait, you have dresses?"

He looked around at her to see a radiant smile. "No, but if."

Percy smiled. "If."

Annabeth looked at him, as if drinking him in. "Anyway, eyes to the front, you're making this harder for me."

"How?"

He felt Annabeth tense. "You… err, you're all twisted wrong."

Percy nodded. "Yeah, okay."

**Annabeth breathed a sigh of relief as Percy accepted that.**

She was finding it hard to do this. She knew she was giving an easy impression of mutual friendship, but still...

Good news: She was getting better at resisting the Perseus Attraction, but then he'd throw in a little laugh, like waves lapping across a shore. And she'd finally realised what his voice sounded like.

The Sea; strong, but calm, but also very ready to become a tempest, distant but again, very real. She felt as if it was washing over her, cleaning her, making her better than she could be alone. Her mind told her that she was... actually; she wasn't going to say it. It'd make it real.

Percy thanked her for the armour fitting.

_The pleasure was all mine, _Annabeth thought as she appraised him.

He was losing some of that tubbiness, which had definitely been some sort of defence mechanism. She could only imagine how irresistible he'd be if he was as muscled as Apollo. And he was getting there, if slowly.

The armour was a good fit too, muscled armour, with two horses on each side, black/bronze, combatant, heads near the collar and hoofs around mid waist. Percy said he liked horses, so the Hephaestus kids had done it for him.

Percy looked around. "So, what am I doing?"

_Standing there, _Annabeth thought, before she yanked herself out.

"Guard duty. Just stand somewhere and guard."

Percy nodded. "Thanks."

Annabeth pulled on her helmet to hide her blushing.

Percy pulled on his helmet, again beaten with two horses on either side. Annabeth was sad to see his hair covered, only his chin visible, eyes glowing, like abalone beneath the sea.

The conch horn was sounded and Chiron was pushed by one of the Stoll brothers into the forest. Everyone else followed.

**Of course, it all went wrong from there. Percy took down half the Ares cabin, was deemed a son of Poseidon, and Chiron concluded that he must have been a result of a threesome, involving Poseidon, Aphrodite and 'that woman'. **

**Naturally, Percy was a bit angry that his mother was deemed the third wheel in his birth.**

But perks included a cabin all to himself, and sure Grover camped outside, but he was away from Luke with locked doors between them. 

Percy was fishing with Annabeth by the canoe lake when Chiron came rolling down the hill.

"Whats up!" Chiron shouted as he skidded to a stop, power-sliding in his wheelchair, spraying dirt all over Annabeth.

Percy looked up. "Hey."

Chiron nodded. "You tried out any wicked awesome sea powers yet?"

Percy looked at him. "It's a lake."

"Oh, really smart ass. Anyway, you've got a quest."

Percy tugged at the line, pulling out a naiad. He took out his knife and killed her before retying another line.

Percy turned to Annabeth. "Got dinner," he told her.

She nodded.

Chiron piped up again. "Great, now could you stop slaughtering the local mythical monster population and listen to me, Zeusdammit."

Percy turned. "I'm listening."

Chiron looked down at him. "Look, just because you're a son of barnacle beard, doesn't make you all that."

The lake started rising behind Percy, changing into two very Chiron killing looking fists.

Chiron cleared his throat. "I get it, you're a bit pissed you got claimed by the old drip, but anyway, you've got a quest."

Percy sighed. "Why me? I've been here for," he threw his line out again; "a week, and I barely know how to be a demigod let alone a quest leader. Not to mention the fact everyone here and all those monsters hit on me everywhere I go. Get someone else to do it."

Chiron waved his hand. "Yeah, yeah, just come with me."

Annabeth spoke up. "Wait, what about me? I've wanted a quest for_ years_! And Percy might not even be accepted as the quest guy! He has to be chosen-"

"Stop your piping sister! He has. By me. I'll force the Oracle to give him a prophecy. And you can go too."

Annabeth shut up.

Chiron shrugged. "Come on, let's go."

Percy threw his line away and trudged up to Chiron's wheelchair. He took hold of it and pushed it up to the Big House.

"Hey, Chiron. How come you never walk?"

Chiron sighed. "I've been walking for 3000 years. I'm taking a break."

Percy nodded. "I can relate."

Chiron nodded. "I know you can Percy."

Percy smiled. "Yeah, okay."

They got to the Big House. Chiron rolled up to the railing as Percy sat down. Mr. D was there too.

Mr D looked at him over his glass.

"Hey, Percy, look. I'm drinking wine. Does that turn you on?"

"Shut up, you're drinking blackberry squash," Chiron remarked.

Mr D turned towards him. "What would you know of wine?"

Chiron looked at him. "More than a guy who can't drink it anymore."

Mr D ignored him. "So, Perseus. I have a really nice condo we could hook up at. Do you like skiing. I like skiing. We could go skiing together."

Percy nodded. "Yeah, sounds tempting. But, anyway Chiron, quest?"

Chiron nodded. "Yeah, here's the beef jerky laid out. Your daddy was claimed to have stolen Zeus' thunderbolt, but Zeus knew this and had already hidden the real one. So your daddy got a fake, but then Ares took Poseidon's fake and the real one was actually the fake one, and that fake one was in the hands of Hades, but Hades knew this, he would have counted on it, and so he got some guy to steal the real one, and this real one was the real deal. But then, Hera told Hermes who told Mr D who told Ares that he was having an infertile birth and it ended up with Mark dropping Lucy who went off with Steve instead. Then the baby was born but it might be Peter's who was seen going in that night with Demeter who made some crops inspiring the 56th series of Lost-"

"What happened in the end of that again?" Percy asked.

"Oh, in the 56th, the main storyline follows the survivors, reunited in the present day. Following the demise of Jacob, the island's protector, the survivors are up against the Man in Black, known previously as the Smoke Monster. A "flash-sideways" narrative also follows the lives of the main characters in a setting where Oceanic 815 never crashed. In the final episodes, a flashback to the distant past shows the origins of the island's power and of the conflict between Jacob and the Man in Black, who are revealed to be twin brothers. One survivor becomes the successor to Jacob as caretaker of the island, and kills the Man in Black in a final showdown, with the island at stake. A small handful of survivors escape on the Ajira plane. It is implied that a few survivors return home later, while others remain living happily on the island. The series finale reveals that the flash-sideways timeline is actually a form of limbo, where some of the survivors and other characters from the island are reunited after having died because their time on the island had been the most important part of their existence. In the end the survivors are all reunited in a church where they "move on" together."

"So, what am I doing?"

Chiron shrugged. "I don't know."

Percy nodded. "Great, sounds easy. Did my dad steal it?"

Chiron waved a hand. "I don't care. Either way, he claimed you for that reason."

"What?"

"Daddy doesn't love you Percy. He just needs you like I need an anti-stress pill every fricken' day after a day in this ditch."

"Thanks for the support."

"Yeah, and the master bolts pretty powerful, so don't drop it or we'll all die."

"Great, and if I fail?"

"Then we're screwed."

**Okay, please review. And I hope this wasn't too bad. Don't worry, I really know where I'm going. It's just getting Percy out of camp. I really hope you like this and please Review.**

**vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv Below. vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv**

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	5. We Complete Kate Moss' BFF Quiz

**Again, I can't thank you guys enough for the reviews. I just hope you continue to do so. I hope you enjoy this. Sure, they'll be less Luke but Percy, Annabeth and Grover are off on their quest (finally) and next chapter the much awaited Gods are coming in. Oh, sorry this took longer to come out, but it is frying to write. I'm sure you all understand. *Pelted with tomatoes* They'll probably be coming out slower, but don't worry. It won't be too long. Oh, and IMPORTANT ANOUNCMENT. Go to my profile and take the quiz for who's your favourite character in the 'Perseus Attraction'. It'll help me to put more of that character in, according to votes. More characters will be added as they enter the story. Easter egg to 'kingawesome'. Hope you'll all review and here we go…**

"**Percy, get up!"**

Percy jerked awake. Annabeth was at the end of his bed with Grover, both with full backpacks, Grover holding an extra one.

Percy groaned. "Was there a reason for waking me up so early?"

Grover pushed his way forward. "We, like, need to go, because, like, the Aphrodite cabin is going to do a night time raid."

"A what?"

Annabeth looked around nervously. "Look Percy, get dressed. They're coming to raid _you. _Ten of them, heavily made up, you'd never survive."

Percy got up. "Gods… Tonight?"

Annabeth and Grover nodded.

Percy started to get dressed, Annabeth running out of the room and Grover throwing him clothes. Percy even forgot that Grover was gay.

They got Percy dressed and ran out of the cabin and up the hill to that tree.

Percy pointed it out as they got near. "Hey, Grover, what's that tree again?"

"Oh, some stupid half blood got herself turned into a tree," Grover panted.

Percy looked at him. He wasn't too cool with the fact that Grover was struggling with a hill, let alone monsters, but he had to take him. He was his best friend, even if he was weird, and he was causing trouble at camp anyway; something about sleeping outside cabins and hitting on the naiads. (Percy knew he was straight!)

They approached Chiron (in his wheelchair again, I mean, why walk when you can roll) and Annabeth.

Chiron nodded at Percy and Grover. "Okay, you guys have a bus and Argus will take you into the city. From there, we're leaving you."

Percy raised his hand. "Yeah, what am I doing?"

Chiron looked at him. "Didn't I tell you?"

"No, you spoiled 'Lost' for me and said my dad stole Zeus lightning bolt."

Chiron shook his head. "No! No! I said, Hades stole it! See, he had the fake and Ares got the-"

"Yeah, okay, so I'm off to the underworld."

Grover piped up. "Yeah, we could say 'hey' to your Mom!"

Percy turned to look at him. "Yeah, we could," he said coldly.

Chiron nodded. "Yeah, so that's that. Annabeth will tell you where it is."

He looked to say more, but just then Luke came racing up the hill.

"Hey! Good, I thought I'd missed you!"

Percy groaned. _Great…_

Luke held up a pair of shoes. "These are mine."

Percy nodded. "Yeah, they're cool. Bye." He started to turn around before Luke grabbed him.

"I want you to have them."

Grover moved forward. "Oh no! Those are, like, converses. They are so out of style. They won't match your outfit Percy!"

Luke shook Grover off. "They fly. Look… _Maia!_"

They sprouted little wings. Chiron grabbed them.

"No, you silly Hermes twat! Percy can't fly! What are you trying to do! Kill him!" He started shooing Luke away. "Get off! Go away!"

"Bye guys!" Luke called as he ran away from Chiron.

"What do you mean I can't fly?" Percy asked.

Chiron sighed. "Percy… has your mother ever allowed you on a trampoline?"

"No, why?"

"Because, you'd jump but you'd never get to execute that saddle jump you'd been getting height for."

"What? I'll get fried if I go too high?"

Chiron nodded. "Yep, that and the fact the Camp doesn't have the funds for a flight. Mr D spends our funds on that damn Pac-Man game… I'd run him through if he wasn't unkillable…" Chiron muttered.

Percy nodded, smiling to defuse tensions. "Err, okay."

Chiron perked up. "I'll give the shoes to Grover."

Percy watched him hand them over.

Grover shook his head. "But they totally clash!"

"Put them on Grover." Percy commanded.

Grover laced them on. "I feel like a Cyclops. Totally out of fashion. What would Jack Wills say?"

Percy didn't know what he'd say but Chiron grabbed his arm again.

"I have another gift too," Chiron stated.

"It's not a trampoline is it?"

"No, it's better. This is from your dad. He gave it to me, to give to the next child of whatever woman he knocked up."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pen. Percy recognised that pen.

"Hey, you hit me in the face with that thing. It turns into a sword."

Chiron grinned. "Yeah, it does!"

"Awesome."

Chiron handed it over. "Now, uncap the lid and watch your fingers."

"Why?"

"Because some guy lost his fingers to it when I tried to hock it over."

"Wait, but… my dad wanted you to give it to me."

"Yeah, well, like I said, funds are getting low. I needed money. A centaur needs to eat! So yeah, so I tried to sell it for a few denarii-"

Annabeth came forward. "Isn't that Roman currency?"

Chiron started to sweat. "Yeah, but, well, I wouldn't know of, no, I, I mean, there's no such thing as a Roman camp where you'd all die if you set foot in it, a place where they learn boring group tactics in opposition to your movie fighting, no, no."

Annabeth frowned. "There's a Roman camp?"

"No, no… yes, yes there is." He looked up at the heavens. "I'm sorry Rick. I didn't mean too. I know you were saving it."

Percy moved forward. "Who's Rick?"

Annabeth looked at him. "God of Stories, obviously."

"Oh yeah, right." Percy frowned.

"Anyway," Chiron pushed the pen into Percy's hand. "Uncap it and let's get some Riptide action going!"

"Okay," Percy agreed. "Let's do this."

"Wait!" Chiron shouted.

Percy stopped. "What?"

"Chuck that fucker! Send it to Tartarus!"

"Why?"

"You wouldn't question Yoda, but because I'm a centaur I'm free game, huh?"

Percy shook his head. "No, no. Okay, fine." He chucked the pen away. "Great, there goes my sword." Percy said glumly.

Chiron laughed. "Nah! It comes back, see? Reappears in your pocket!"

Percy grinned. "Awesome. How long?"

"Soon, just wait."

Percy shifted restlessly. "So… this Rick? What's his story?"

Chiron shrugged. "He wrote a series which the Gods liked, so they made him a God."

Percy nodded. "Ah, I heard about that."

Chiron nodded. "Yep, go on. Get the pen."

Percy reached into his pocket. "Err, there's nothing here."

Chiron frowned. "Just wait."

They waited. And waited. After 10 minutes, Chiron decided something was wrong.

"The reappearance was supposed to be instant!"

Percy threw his hands in the air. "We've been here for 10 minutes! How's that instant?"

Chiron shook his head. "We'll have to look for it."

Annabeth came back from her cabin (they'd been there for so long). "Got the pen?"

"We will soon." Chiron said happily. "Right kids, gather round. Chiron's teaching 101. Okay, how do we find a pen?"

Annabeth raised her hand. "We look!"

Chiron pointed at her. "Correct, Miss Chase."

_Mrs. Jackson, _Annabeth thought to herself, catching her dreamy Percy stare before Percy noticed it.

Grover came up. "So we have to look for your pen? Because this outfit is an underworld finding outfit. Not a pen finding outfit!"

Chiron waved a hand. "Change then. Get going."

Grover pointed at Percy. "He threw it."

"He did, but his dad also stole Zeus thunderbolt and you don't see Percy complaining about having to find that! You're his quest companion. Help with his quest."

Grover stomped his hoof. "But this is no quest!"

Percy's memory was jerked. "That's not true." He remembered a line from his prophecy and the crazy tap dancing Oracle.

"_The horse shall piss off the three." _Percy recited.

Chiron grinned. "So… it's NOT my fault!"

Percy looked at him. "Oh, no, it's still your fault. But come on guys; let's go get my damn sword."

"It was probably because you didn't put it in your pocket first! You didn't know where it'd reappear!" Chiron called.

**They searched for a good hour, along with the rest of the camp (who'd all gotten up at this point.)**

"Got it!" One of the Demeter girls shouted.

Percy ran over. "Thank you! I could kiss you!" He took the pen off her as she fainted and ran back to Chiron.

"Right, so I open it. Uncap it."

Chiron was grumpy now, having had to miss breakfast and freeze his butt off in the cold morning air so he just grunted.

Percy took a deep breath. He uncapped the pen… to reveal a boring ballpoint.

No-one moved.

"Whoops," Chiron grinned. "Looks like it was the wrong pen. Common mistake."

Percy tried to control his breathing. Red hazed, he dived at Chiron before the Ares cabin held him back.

Chiron looked shocked. "I said I was sorry."

"Sorry! You said 'whoops'!"

Chiron smiled sheepishly. "Well…," he brought out another pen. "This is it. Has to be."

Percy snatched it away and threw off the cap. It transformed into a bronze sword, leather grip fitting his hand perfectly, the hilt's end curving up the start of the blade like waves. So, basically, it was pretty cool.

Everyone cheered. Even Chiron looked surprised.

Percy looked at him. "What's wrong Chiron?"

Chiron shook his head. "Oh, it's just that that's the wrong one. I meant to give you the inflatable float. Kinda useless considering you're the son of salty, but still… I can find it if you want!"

Percy shook his head. "No, this is fine."

Chiron shrugged. "If you're sure."

"Very."

"Well, go with my blessing. _Agoman threstus gonnda terrighy_."

"Wow, Chiron. What did you just say?"

"I don't know."

Percy's fake grin at the fact he realised his mentor was mad was enough to scare off any monster.

**They made it too the bus, Argus driving them into the city.**

Percy was looking at his new sword.

Annabeth looked over at him. "Got a plan?"

Percy looked at her. "No."

"Okay… want to know where the Underworld is?"

"No."

"What _do_ you want to know then?"

Percy shook his head. Annabeth loved the way his hair kept falling in his face but she was getting annoyed at how cavalier Percy was being about their quest.

"Say something," she demanded.

"Okay, in a fight, who'd win? My dad or your mom?"

"Well-"

"Looking at the fact my dad can control earthquakes and your mom invented pizza."

"It wasn't pizza! It was an olive tree!"

"Sorry."

"You suck."

"You blow."

"You're blowing so hard you cleaned the lawn."

"Guys!" Grover shouted. "You're already failing in one category. Don't fail the rest."

Annabeth looked over. "What's this?"

Grover sighed. "Look," he held up a magazine. "In _'Teen Pops'_ Kate Moss' BFF quiz, you two have already failed in a load of categories."

Percy held out his hand. "Give it to me."

Grover handed it over. Annabeth and Percy looked at it.

_Question 1: Are your friend's hotties? Percy: Yes. Annabeth: No._

"Hey!" Annabeth shouted. "I'm a hottie!" Then she realised what she'd said.

Percy coughed. "So, moving on." They both looked back down at the magazine.

_Question 2: Are your friend's trend setters? Percy: Yes. Annabeth: Yes._

_Question 3: Are your friend's hitched with a hottie? Percy: Yes Annabeth: No._

"Grover," Annabeth cried again. "You're giving Percy a 'yes' for everything!"

Percy grimaced. "True. Who am I going out with?"

It went on.

_Question 567: Are your friends yoga teachers?_

_Question 568: Are your friends fashion estrangers?_

_Question 1076: Are your friends as yummy as a low fat calorie yogurt. Percy: YES, YES! Annabeth: N/A_

**Grover cleared his throat.**

"Final score. Percy, you got 5687 of the 5698 with a 'Yes'. Annabeth, you got a 34 out of 5698 with a 'Yes'."

Annabeth groaned before sinking back in her seat. Percy honestly didn't know how he got some of those ticks. He was pretty sure he wasn't a fashion model or a cookie dough and he sure as hell knew he wasn't going out with 15 guys.

Then the bus pulled up. They were there.

Grover took off his face mask and rolled up his magazine. "Let's go girlfriends."

Annabeth grumbled a bit, which Percy quite liked. She was cute when she grumbled and even cuter when she accidently whacked him with her blonde hair.

Sorry," she muttered, turning red.

Percy got up from his seat. "No, it's cool. I like being hit by hair."

She laughed before making her way off.

**Bad news: It rained.**

**Good news: The rain avoided Percy.**

The rain didn't seem to want to hit Percy and for that Annabeth was glad again for the 'Perseus Attraction' being strong enough to affect rain into not wanting to offend Percy, as the water was avoiding Percy and anyone near him.

"It should be called the 'Jackson Attraction'," Grover muttered as he huddled next to Percy to avoid the rain.

Annabeth looked around Percy to look at Grover. "No, that's confusing. It's already been documented now."

"Not to mention the 'Perseus Attraction' sounds like a disease," Percy piped in.

"Yeah, suppose," Grover said. "Hey, have you guys seen 'Definitely, Maybe'?

Percy shook his head. "That name means nothing to me."

Annabeth shook her head. "We don't get TV at Camp."

Grover sighed. "Then you haven't lived. That film rocks. Will and April are so good together. Love the cast."

Percy nodded. He hoped he meant the female side.

"Ryan is so hot in it."

Scrap that, Percy thought.

The bus pulled up. The door opened to and they clambered on.

"Tickets." A voice said. Lucky for them, Argus had already brought and given them their tickets.

Percy held out his before he saw who was taking the tickets.

"Mrs Dodds!" Percy yelped, jumping back into Grover who fell out of the bus.

She nodded. "Hello Percy."

Annabeth pulled her knife out. "What are you doing Alecto?"

She looked at her before sighing. "Taking tickets."

Grover came back in. "Why?"

She looked at him as if wondering if he'd be worth the trouble to eat. "I was fired."

Percy frowned. "Fired?"

"Yeah. Now I'm ticket collector."

Annabeth shook her head. "No, Hades can't fire you. You're one of the Furies!"

"Tell _him_ that, little blonde girl."

"Why?" Annabeth asked.

"Because I allowed myself to be killed by Percy."

Grover laughed. "Ha! That must blow! Now you're stuck collecting out tickets and aiding us!"

She glared at him. "I still have enough power to kill little gay satyrs."

Grover glared back. "Bring it sister!"

They moved towards each other and started slapping each other.

Percy tried to get in between them but was slapped by Grover so hard he felt like half of him had migrated to Africa.

"Bitch!" Grover cried.

"Badly dressed faun! Everyone knows Converses are out of fashion!"

The quest was going great, Percy thought.

**Hope you liked it. Noticed that they have show the favourites on stories now. But I hope you enjoyed this! If you have any ideas or any wants for the story, please PM me. Tell me and I'll make sure it goes in! Also, please take the quiz. It'll improve the story! Hope you enjoyed this! Please favourite and follow and most importantly, Review!**

**VVVVVV Review please. I love your support and reading your reviews. VVVVVVVVV**


	6. Zeus Is Vexed By The SquareBox

**Here are the Gods and I hope they live up to expectations. And yes, I know the Gods are all brothers/daughters etc. but it's been modified for story purposes. Any suggestions? And again, thank you for all the reviews. Please continue to review; the support keeps this Fan Fiction alive.**

"**So, who's he?"**

Artemis rolled her eyes. "Gods, daddy, he's the demigod. And he has to get your lightning bolt."

Zeus turned to look at his daughter. "My lightning bolt? I don't get anything from these square boxes."

Artemis rolled her eyes. "Daddy, it's called a television. Not a square box and it's very simple."

"I know you're hip and digging with it, but we old dogs don't get half of this new groovy techno."

Artemis decided to ignore her dad and focus on the film, _'Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief'_. 'Percy Jackson' was drowning 'Luke' in water.

Artemis sighed. 3000 years of being a virgin and you started to wonder what you were missing. She looked at daddy, clearing her throat as she did so.

"Daddy?"

"Yes, Artemis? I'm trying to understand this pad."

"What?"

Zeus looked at her. "What?"

"What's a pad?"

"A story, come on get with the lingo."

"Daddy, that's, like, 60s slang."

Zeus grunted. "It was groove enough for the 60s, its groove enough for now."

Zeus got bored with the movie and looked around his house. Hera was out at a 'Wife's committee' or some sort of thing. Artemis was here with him on the sofa. Athena had moved out by now, having become a teacher at the Olympus High School (and she still swore she was a virgin but the amount of kids she had at the summer camp made Zeus' eye twitch), Ares was probably being kicked out of wherever he was trying to find work, Aphrodite was on holiday with Hephaestus (and she should be phoning later), Hercules was conducting himself as a lolly pop man, and he couldn't remember where the rest of his kids were. Oh, and Apollo, working out in the corner for the 'Mr. Olympus' contest.

Zeus looked round. Finally the movie finished.

"So… why was that guy in it again? I thought he was in the other movie?" Zeus asked.

Artemis rolled her eyes. "Yes daddy, but he's an actor. He's in multiple stuff."

Zeus grunted. "I didn't like it."

Apollo came up and sat on the couch next to them.

"Ih likhed iht daddhy." Apollo said. He had a lisp, by the way.

Zeus looked over at him. Apollo was squat and too muscled by half due to all the working out and steroids he took.

Apollo fiddled with his string vest.

"Get a real shirt son." Zeus grumbled.

"Thihs ihs a weal shirht daddhy."

Zeus just grumbled. He was good at that.

"So," Artemis asked, looking at Apollo. "You all ready for the contest?"

"Yeah, chehck ouht mhy pehcs?"

Apollo started flexing his muscles. Zeus stood up.

"Gods, put it away." He said before walking into the kitchen. He grumbled as he looked through the cupboards. He moved aside a load of Apollo's 'Protein Shakes' (steroids) before the phone went.

He went to the phone holder but it wasn't there.

"Artemis! Apollo! Where's the phone!"

Apollo came running in.

"Ih ushed iht fohr mhy buhtt flehxehs daddhy." He handed over the phone.

Zeus held his hand away. "You're been sticking that in-between your buttocks?"

"Yehs daddhy."

Zeus shook his head as he took the phone and pressed green.

"Hello?"

"Daddy?" Aphrodite's perfect voice floated across from the other line.

"Yeah, princess, how are you?"

"I'm like, totally great. Heppy and I are going scuba diving. I think-"

"Wait." Zeus interrupted. "Who's 'Heppy'?"

Aphrodite looked confused as if it was something everyone should know before laughing.

"Oh, totally sorry daddy, that's my pet name for Hephaestus. My Heppy."

Zeus nodded. He was still sore that he had to give away his daughter to that stupid TV tycoon. But Aphrodite really seemed to love him, surprising considering he looked like a piece of shi-

"Anyway daddy, we're going scuba diving, though I think that's only because Heppy wants to see me in my bikini, but like, who can blame him. Who'd think he'd have had enough after last night."

"I've got it." Zeus interrupted. He certainly didn't want to hear about his daughter's sex life.

"We're also going to- Heppy, stop it! Okay, need to go. Say 'hi' to Artemis and mom and tell Apollo good luck from me for the 'Mr Olympus' contest. Love you all!" She hung up on Zeus. 15 seconds of talking.

Zeus grumbled a bit more before making his way to the door to get the post. Hermes should be arriving soon.

"Daddy?" Artemis called from across the living room.

"Its fine, pumpkin, I'm just off to get the post."

He opened the door and stepped outside.

**Artemis looked at the television in shock. **

"Who's that?" She murmured.

She was watching the 'Demigods File', a TV show which followed demigods on their quests as they fought monsters, found love etc. Right now she was shipping two Demigods called Jason and Reyna, but that wasn't on at the moment. Instead she was watching a new demigod.

If demigod is the right word.

Broad shouldered, though he couldn't be more than 12, jet black hair, falling down a little less than his shoulders, hair in his face, but he brushed it away. His intense sea green eyes burned into the screen, exposing Artemis as she'd never been exposed before. His face was perfect, cheekbones on full display, his chin dimpling as he frowned. He was… perfect.

A blonde girl and a satyr with brown curly hair were talking to him.

"Turn it up!" She ordered Apollo.

Apollo, who was working on his work out ball, tried to reach for the controller, but his shoulders were too big.

"Ih can'ht geht iht!"

Artemis pushed him over and reached for it herself.

"_Perseus Jackson, gods he looks good, has just defeated Medusa and is having a heart to heart talk with his friends, and look at his hair flick, okay, let's see him gut her-"_

It showed him swinging his sword through her head again. Artemis saw her first teenage heartthrob.

It any guy was going to take her virginity, he was going to do it.

Apollo came to sit next to her.

"He's beautiful, isn't he?" Artemis gushed.

Apollo frowned, picking at his string vest. "Ih dohn'ht knhow. Heh lhoohks lhike ah pihmp tho mhe."

Artemis looked at him. "You wouldn't understand."

"Dohn't lhet this ghuy brheak yhou. Ih wonh't lhet him." Apollo promised.

"Yeah, he'd be real scared of you."

Apollo nodded. He adjusted his cap, so it turned backwards.

**Zeus made his way out of the house.**

He looked along Olympus Lane, spotting the tower where he worked as CEO, but next to that was that damn 'Hephaestus TV' tower, the thing he was ashamed to admit he had brought from, their 'Olympus Package', with no fixed rates and discounts on account of him being ruler of the Universe. He shook his head before craning it along the road.

He moved out of the way as a picture of the model Hebe _'Goddess of Youth'_, (as she was being known as), was driven past on the side of a bus filled with minor gods. Only Hera could name all of them.

He looked back down the street, spotting Hermes riding down the lane.

Zeus hailed him. "Hermes! How are you, lad?"

Hermes stopped his bike next to him. A teenage lad, still working on his studies, was doing a post job for pocket money.

"I'm fine, Mr. Zeus." He said, grinning up at him from under a mop of brown hair, freckles prominent on his face. He was gangly, even if he wasn't too tall, but he was growing so he'd fill out later.

"Got anything for me, lad?" Zeus asked, thumbs hooking in his belt.

He nodded. "Just the one thing, sir; a package." He passed over a ratty box, with a quick address scrawled on it.

Zeus took it. "Thanks."

Apollo came out and stood next to Zeus.

"Daddhy, wee hahve ah prohlem."

Zeus looked over at him. "What is it?"

Hermes laughed. "What are you wearing Apollo?"

Apollo looked over at him. "Whaht?"

"What's that?" Hermes laughed, pointing at his shirt.

Apollo frowned. "This ihs ah stwring vhest." He pulled at it to make his point clear.

Hermes shook his head. "That's not a real shirt."

Apollo scowled. "Yhes, iht ihs. Iht's ah weal shihrt."

"No, it's not." Hermes shook his head.

Zeus smiled. "Get on lad, you other stuff to do that tease my son."

Hermes laughed before getting on his bike.

Apollo looked at him. "Wahtch yourhself, Hermhes," he said apprehensively.

He laughed again before cycling off.

Apollo looked at Zeus. "Ih'm fihne daddhy."

Zeus grunted. "I hope so. Hate to think you got upset by a 2098 year old."

Apollo shook his head. "Ahnywhay daddhy, weh haveh ah prwoblem."

Zeus grunted. "Let me look at this package."

It was addressed to him, signed by some guy called Percy Jackson.

"Who the fuck is Percy Jackson?"

Apollo started jumping up and down. "Ih knohw hihm daddhy! He'hs theh pwolblem!"

Zeus backed off. "Whoa, don't wet yourself Apollo._" _

He started opening it up, tearing off the wrapping.

Apollo looked over his shoulder. "Whell, youh dhon't ghet thaht ewerydhay."

"**Who sends us a Medusa head!"**

Zeus looked at the head. Apollo had been stupid enough to look it in the eye and would be frozen in stone for a while until he got up enough energy to break out. Bet he wished he had one of his 'Protein Shakes' now.

Hera was dishing up dinner on the other side of the counter.

"I don't know, dear. Maybe he has a grudge against us?"

"No, this kids Poseidon's. That hobo probably told his son that _I _faked a stolen master bolt, as if I would do that."

Hera shook her head. "I don't know. It's fine though. Poseidon picked it up and it's gone. No harm done."

Zeus pointed into the living room. "Apollo's a statue in their, frozen half squat."

**5 minutes ago…**

Artemis gushed. "He's handsome and brave and terrific and fantastic…"

Apollo did bicep curls in the corner. "Yheah, Ih knhow, he'hs thhe bhest thwing shince wed mheat," he muttered.

"Oh, Apollo, he looks stronger than you!"

Apollo scowled. "Nho-ohnes stwonger than mhe."

Artemis continued to gush.

"Whaht ahre yhou ghoing toh dho, Arhty? Gho afhter hihm?"

She looked around. "Maybe."

Apollo's vision went on full alert. "Bhut, youhre ah vhigen?"

Artemis sighed. Apollo looked around, intending to call for daddy. But the stupid Medusa head, propped on a table, caught his eye.

"Whaht ahre yhou lhookhing aht?" He asked the head.

It didn't answer.

Apollo went into squats, but kept staring at the eyes.

Artemis looked around to see Apollo turn into stone. Gods take longer to change but it can happen if you try to wolf stare Medusa, exactly what Apollo had done, trapped in a squat, wolf staring the head.

**Zeus grumbled again as he slid into bed.**

"Stupid Percy Jackson."

Hera looked from around her book. "Come now, dear, do you have to keep going on about him? Artemis mentioned him enough at dinner."

"I know she did, honey. And _that's _what worries me."

Hera smiled. "She'd been through phases like this before. She always latches onto one guy every millennium or so. Remember Alex?"

Zeus grumbled. "Stupid _Alexander. _Put that stupid rope out, undoable knot on it to make him look stupid and it turns out he has a brain. Cuts right through it."

"Then you poisoned him." Hera reminded him.

"No, Dionysus poisoned him."

"On your orders." Hera stated calmly.

"Bah, I told you I didn't do that."

Hera put her book down. "Zeus, honey, I've known you for over 5 millennia. I know when you're lying."

Zeus grumbled a bit more. "Yeah, and you claim my grumbling is _cute. _It's not cute, it's terrifying."

"Of course, dear." Hera put her book down and turned off the light. She moved closer to Zeus.

"This Percy Jackson phase will pass. It's not like he has an attraction field or something around him."

**Hope you thought that was bearable. Oh, I'm going to be a little slower (probably) with chapters for the next five days as I'll be suffering from a serious disease called work. Yes, indeed. Wish me luck with the Heritage Centre! But please review. Medusa is next chapter, I'm not skipping it if you're wondering from the package. Anyway, hope this was okay, and please review as it fuels this story! VVVVVVVVVVV Below!**


	7. I Take Medusa Out For Dinner

**I've been gone for ages! Work went well, though, so that's all good. Offered a part time job! Score! Okay, hope you'll all review (I got a load later than usual. Maybe I should just keep back chapters.) Seems to get me more reviews. Hmmm… It's okay, I'll still go fast. Please review and the Poll, please do the poll. You get 3 choices! Funny thing: Percy's winning, which I didn't suspect. Thought Luke would lead or Apollo (who I got some great feedback for, which is great. Worked a long time on Apollo. And yes, that lisp buggered my computer. Happy you understood it though. Please review and its Medusa time! Oh, and due to popular demand, a whole more of Percabeth!**

"**My hair is, like, totally soaked!"**

Grover whined. "Do you guys know how long it took to get it straightened?"

Percy shook his head. He didn't know. "No, how long Grover?"

"Like, hours."

Annabeth grinned, before catching Percy's eye and blushing. Percy wondered about that, but he was having trouble trying to stop his hair falling in his eyes. _Stupid hair, _Percy thought as he brushed it away again.

The bus had just got hit by a lightning bolt for no real reason, so they had to walk through the rain. Percy had a note in his pocket, (it had just appeared there), but it said very little. Just: "_Call me."_

Annabeth was still trying to figure out what it meant.

Annabeth stopped, crashing into Grover, who fell over, getting mud all over his jeans.

"Noooo! These were Gucci!"

Percy hauled a screaming Grover off the floor. "What is it Annabeth?"

Annabeth started sniffing, but she didn't need to. Percy could smell it, clear enough.

"Are those hamburgers?" Percy asked, walking away from Grover and looking heroically awesome as the camera panned out.

Grover noticed this too and got into a tritagonist pose, slightly behind Annabeth, but very visible.

Heroic music started playing.

"What's that music?" Annabeth asked, looking behind her.

Grover turned off his IPod and put it away. "Sorry, felt like we needed music."

"At least it wasn't 'Katy Perry'," Percy muttered.

Grover heard him, or at least part of it, because suddenly 'Teenage Dream' was blaring.

Annabeth gritted her teeth and tried to ignore it. "So, Percy, what do you think we should do?" She looked at him expectantly.

Percy looked to see if she meant another Percy, but he was the only one there.

"Err, let's go check it out."

"**Auntie Em's Garden Gnome Emporium?" **Grover read out. 

"Sounds tacky," Percy muttered.

"Sounds fucked up," Grover agreed.

Annabeth made her way up to the door.

"Guys!" Grover hissed.

Both Percy and Annabeth turned around. "What?"

Grover shrugged, his hair fast becoming an afro. "It sounds like a trap."

Annabeth nodded. "Yeah, yeah it does, but they have cheeseburgers, so who cares?"

She went up and knocked on the door.

Percy pushed his hair out of his face again, before squaring his shoulders and trying to act poor and helpless.

The door opened, and a tall woman dressed in a veil that came down to her feet (Middle Eastern?) looked down at them.

Percy barely had time to register the elegant hands, before she let out a scream of excitement.

"Poseidon? Is that you?" She asked happily.

Percy was weirded out again, even more so than discovering his friend was gay (Grover had told him on the bus, as if he didn't know that already), his teacher turning into a horse, and discovering he could control water and stuff. Ergh, and Luke sharing a blanket with him. He'd never forget that.

"Err, I'm Per-"

"-seidon," Auntie Em (it had to be her) finished. "Don't you remember me?"

Percy groaned. His dad really had been a bit of a man slut; first his mom, now some random Gnome lady.

She looked at him. "It's me, Medusa."

Percy blanched.

Annabeth started to choke.

Grover fainted.

Medusa looked at Grover. "Is that… Pan! I though you were dead!"

Percy looked at Grover, pointing over his shoulder. "Who? Grover?"

Annabeth hit Percy's arm. Percy looked at her, but so too did Medusa.

Her eyes narrowed (or Percy was guessing they did). "Athena." She stated.

Annabeth looked like she was going to be visibly sick.

"No, she's not Athena!" Percy pleaded, not quite sure why he was saying this.

Medusa didn't seem to be able to understand either. "What do you mean Possy?"

Percy cringed at the pet name, but knew he had to buy time. "Can I talk to my… family, Meddy?"

She smiled through her veil. "Of course, Possy. Oh, and I know why you don't want to use that other pet name." She meowed like a cat, before winking.

Percy wasn't sure what was going on, but he sure as hell was going to find out.

He dragged Annabeth and Grover aside. He looked at Annabeth.

"Okay, what is this all about? And is that, _the _Medusa, like turn you to stone, one?"

Annabeth was more pale than he'd ever seen her. "Yes."

Grover came round. "She thinks I'm Pan!"

Percy looked around. "Who the Hades is Pam?"

Annabeth shook her head. "Just some loser satyr god who no-one cares about. He tried to get his old fame back by being lost, but no-one really cares about looking for him. Sort of like 'I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here.'"

Grover piped in. "It's true. To be given a searcher's license is a punishment. To spend your whole life looking for some dead guy. I mean, who cares?"

Percy nodded. "Great, one down. Now why the hell am I calling her Meddy?"

Annabeth scowled as if she was jealous. "Your dad used to go out with that slut. My mom found them in her temple, turned her into a monster, exactly why she was so angry to see," she did air quotations, "'Athena', i.e., me."

Percy nodded. "But if we just tell her we're demigods…"

"Then she'll turn us to stone." Annabeth supplied. "Our protection is the fact she thinks we're immortal otherwise she would have killed _me_ there and then. No, I'm thinking we get in, win her trust, then kill her. But how…?" Annabeth looked at Percy slyly. "Hey, Percy? How'd you like to _really _meet Medusa?..."

**Percy was clean and groomed by Grover and his handy Ken/Barbie make up kit and sent off.**

Sure, Annabeth was so jealous that Medusa was stealing _her _Percy (she could get her own), but she was willing to overlook it because she'd be dead soon. And it really was no surprise that Percy was being mistaken for a God. He looked like one, and he reeked of even more power than before. You almost vibrated in his presence, but in a very willing way. Annabeth thought back to the Sex Ed classes the Nymphs had taught her and wondered if she was old enough to apply it into context yet.

They made their way up to the door, plan formulated.

Percy was now Poseidon. He'd flirt and get Medusa to go to dinner with him, then kill her.

Athena (Annabeth) and Pan (Grover) would be his crew and watch his back for him.

Percy made his way back up to Medusa.

Medusa looked at him, before inviting him in, taking his hand.

"So, Possy, why are you so young? You must be eleven?"

Percy smiled an eye shattering smile (which Annabeth's heart rate seemed to hit astronomical levels from) which stopped Medusa and everyone else in their tracks.

"Well," he began, his voice coming out deep (for a twelve year old), soothing and rich, so persuasive, he could have asked everyone in the room to eat each other and Annabeth wouldn't have even got a fork out. _Then _she could have that little Sex Ed moment with Percy…

She snapped herself out of it.

"I was fully grown, but you, Medusa, you turned me back to what I am in your presence; a child, not worthy of your love or beauty."

Medusa melted as he took her hand. Funny thing was, she could see Percy's face, disbelieving, not quite sure how he was doing any of this. He didn't know how powerful he was, and not just in his water abilities.

"Should I take my veil off, my love?" Medusa asked. "So you can see me properly?"

The rooms tension levels heated up. But Percy deflected it once again.

"No, my love. I'd rather wait until tonight."

Annabeth nearly drew her knife. She wished Percy would promise her sex!

She could just imagine it:

_Percy and Annabeth were all grown up, no Medusa, no Grover, just them. Percy was looking fantastic in his tux, towering over her, no, not that much, yes, little bit less, perfect, he was taller than her by quite a bit but not to the extent he'd sit on her accidently. She was, no shorter, yes, perfect. _

_Okay, he kissed her hand. And led them over to a table._

"_You're looking beautiful tonight, Annabeth." He told her, his voice a deep purr, suggesting greater things in a few hours._

_But Annabeth was all dressed up, a knock out, and confident. No flustering for her._

"_I'm glad you think so Perseus. I could say the same for you."_

_She picked up her glass of diet coke, watching as Perseus looked down, his black hair falling in his eye. She reached over and brushed it out of his face, feeling the silky texture before trying to withdraw her hand. Perseus grabbed it, before kissing her hand, starting to move up her arm._

_Things were moving much faster than Annabeth thought they might. Perseus got up from the table, taking her with him, moving his kisses up her neck (and they felt like miniature explosions, by the way) before reaching her lips. Annabeth's hands went for his shirt-_

"So, Possy, we shall go into the other room. Pan and bitch face can wait here."

_ARRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH! FUCK YOU MEDUSA!_ Annabeth almost screamed. She'd just gotten to the good part of her sex dream and she'd been interrupted! She fumed as Percy went walking into the dining area with Medusa.

**Percy didn't know how it was working… but it was.**

Medusa was eating up the flattery, completely forgetting Percy couldn't see anything behind her veil (thankfully).

Another problem: Percy thought he'd just promised her sex. Now, besides the fact he considered himself too young, he didn't want to do anything with this monster. Let alone if she looked at him and turned him into stone. That would be the last straw. Stuck, eternally, naked, in gods know what pose. That would really suck.

She led him to a table, plastic, with hamburgers and fries on the table. Percy sat down as she went and brought out a dinner table delicacy: Milkshake.

She poured it in like a fine wine, and Percy just had to smile like this was all normal.

Finally Medusa sat down and started eating, with a knife and fork, and Percy was obliged to do the same.

"So," Percy began, remembering he was Poseidon, "how have you been?"

"Oh, just killing this guy and that guy."

Percy tried to smile. _Great… _"Yeah, you're still fiery." Percy thought is sounded lame, but Medusa sucked it up.

"My question to you…" Medusa said. "Why are you travelling with that bitch and the tree hugger?"

"What? Annab- Athena? Oh, well-"

"I thought you hated her? She ruined me and you're 'chillin' with her?"

"Well, A.) No-one uses 'Chillin' and B.) Yeah, I suppose."

Medusa looked angry, and Percy knew what he'd just said.

"Look, love, it's not because-"

"Love? You promised never to call ME THAT AGAIN!"

Hades, Percy's dad had really woven himself a relationship net. Little wonder he didn't return into it.

"Yeah, sorry. It's been over 3000 years, right?"

"3000? Try 4000 you disrespectful creep!"

Percy's date was going very, very wrong. He scanned for Grover and Annabeth.

_Where are you guys?_

**Pan (Grover) and Athena (Annabeth) looked at a milkshake machine.**

"So…" Grover began, "Athena, do you like vanilla?"

"Sure Pan," Annabeth agreed. "It's quite good."

**Percy's date was in the 'do not call' category. **

"Wow, you're nothing like I thought you were. I mean, the pictures I took of you from the tree behind your house say nothing about your personality!" Percy tried.

"You've been stalking me!" Medusa shrieked.

"What's your name again?" Percy lost stuff when he was scared.

"Medusa!" Medusa shouted.

"Okay, calm down!" Percy shouted. "I was joking!"

Medusa calmed down and they both sat down again. Then Percy had the brilliant idea to keep the date running smoothly.

"So, my friends. Can they come watch to prove I finally scored?"

"What! That's disgusting!"

Percy was getting angry at this dominant monster lady.

"Y'know, I've had a streak of dating frigid, ugly, evil women, and judging by you, my streak is still goin'..." Percy muttered.

Medusa stood up and stared hurling stuff at Percy.

Percy was hit in the face by a burger. He hit the ground heavily, Riptide (in Pen form) skidding over the floor, out of reach.

Medusa came over Percy.

"You bastard!"

"Whoah, like, did everything just taste purple for a second?"

"ARGHH!"

Medusa tried to stamp on Percy's face, but he dodged, getting up and sprinting for his sword.

He slid over a counter as Medusa slashed at his back.

Percy hit the ground heavily, feeling his back bleeding. Percy groaned. Since when did she have talons?

Medusa gripped Percy by the throat and lifted him up.

"You can't be Poseidon! Too weak!" Medusa shrieked at him.

Percy nodded (or tried to). "You're right. I'm his son, Perseus."

She turned purple. "Then why are you here?"

"OK, I gotta be honest with you. I'm dating you because we, Annabeth , Grover and I, have this bet about who would date the ugliest chick around. I promise to give you 25% of the money if we can skip the making out and the sex."

Medusa was so stunned she dropped Percy. He rolled, scooped up Riptide, uncapped it, and jumped, swinging it around and taking her head off in one clean slice.

She started evaporating as Percy breathed heavily, dropping Riptide and leaning on his knees.

And this was all the Gods fault. Athena had created her and Dad had been bonkers enough to go out with her. Percy spied some parcel equipment and a Hermes voucher.

He wondered…

Annabeth and Grover came running in, weapons drawn.

Annabeth came closer. "Percy, what happened? Is she… dead?"

Percy looked up at her, ignoring the hair that fell in his eye.

"I need to send a package."

**Please do the poll and most importantly review, please. I tried to make Percy cooler, since he's winning the poll, and I hope you enjoyed it. Please review. **

**VVVVVVVVVVVVVVV Link below! Please. VVVVVVVVVVVVVV**


	8. I'm Living A Gay RomCom

**Thanks again guys. Those who reviewed are super great, but I'd love if some of those who favourited this thing would review! Begging. Do I have to beg? I will. Please, please. I'm not allowed to eat unless I get to a higher number of reviews.**

**P.S: Percy's winning the poll at 17 votes to Annabeth's 9. Keep going guys! And this one is more Percabeth, a bit less humour and more emotion. Hope it's still good. **

**Oh, and I really want to eat again so please quickly tap in some letters and post! Please? Pretty please?**

**The next couple of events were weird, even for Percy.**

First, Grover met up with an… oh, I'll just show you.

Percy and the goonies had just killed Medusa, pissed off the gods and decided to sleep outside. Come morning, Grover had a friend.

Percy woke up, rolling into Annabeth who'd been sleeping near him… or right next to him.

Annabeth shot up. "Whoa! What's going on!"

Percy rubbed his eyes. "I woke up and rolled into you. That's weird, considering you were across the primitive fire Grover had created last night. How did you roll that distance?"

Percy seriously had to think about this. Annabeth started pulling at her hair.

"Err, I don't know Percake, I mean, Perseus, I mean, Percy."

Annabeth looked flustered, but that was just Percy's view and Percy was a stupid guy, as Luke had told him a few times. You'd think that Luke saying this would be weird, since he's a guy, but it really sounds very normal.

"Yeah, okay, whatever Annabeth."

Grover came jumping out of the tree, magic shoes working perfectly.

"Hey guys! Did you know that you can go and see Dora at Nickelodeon land?"

Percy shook his head. "Why is he is so irrelevant?"

Annabeth didn't answer, but started to find great interest in a piece of shrub.

"Annabeth? Hey Grover, what do you think?"

Percy turned to look at Grover, who was pale, looking at something in the distance.

Percy frowned. "What is it Grover?"

Grover swallowed before answering. "It's… it's… I think it's my old girlfriend."

Percy looked at him, before standing up and whooping. "Yes! Ha! I knew you were straight at some point! I was fucking right! Yes!" Percy started doing an improvised piece of break dancing, which really wasn't too bad, before body popping and spinning on his feet to face Grover's old girlfriend.

Percy froze. "Errr, Grover, have your eyes been tested recently?"

**Turns out the old flame had been a… well, it had been a poodle. Who knew?**

Or at least this was what Percy was thinking as he drunk Necter, enough to help him forget these crappy weeks. First his mom dies (maybe), then he gets told he's a son of man slut (sadly), then his teacher admits he is a horse (painfully true), Annabeth acts all weird last night, coming close to 'snuggle' him (Definitely.) Now, after having been cooped up in that Hermes man-rubbing cabin, he was well aware of what deemed as 'sharing heat' and 'sexy snuggling'.

_**Sharing Heat**_ was getting kinda close, maybe hugging and doing mild hand rubs on the back, all the while looking awkward (unless you were Luke).

_**Sexy Snuggling OR JUST Snuggling **_was getting as close as allowed by the body or any external parts, hugging happily, and rubbing your bodies up against each other vigorously and maybe even grabbing a hand and putting it on some breast or other intimate item, all while muttering about the snugglee you were with.

_**Percy's condition **_was__as follows. Annabeth had, (accidently or not), got right up to him, rubbed her body against him happily, and Percy had even found his hand in where he thought an inexperienced twelve year old would put a guys hand when they thought it was sexy, when it really wasn't.

Not that it was _bad, _with a capital 'B'. But it was… nah, Annabeth had just rolled over. They were friends as Annabeth forced when Percy brung this up. A simple accident. Hades, he didn't even know what a Percake was!

Suddenly he felt his hand grabbed, the Necter, being taken, and Grover standing over him.

"Perce, you do know this can kill you?"

Percy nodded glumly.

Grover looked at it. "Yeah, want to go to Hades the hard way. Anyway, Gloria and I-"

"Gloria?" Percy asked, teasingly.

Grover smiled before sitting down. "Look, Percy. I'm a changed goat now. Gloria and I, we used to have something-"

"She's a dog." Percy pointed out.

"Well, yes, but still… we had something." He looked at Percy seriously. "Then I met you…"

Percy smiled, before looking away. _Help._

"Perce? Look at me." Grover said.

Percy looked around. "Yeah man," he forced out.

"I dumped her for you. You were all I ever wanted. All I ever needed." Grover reached out a hand.

Percy pushed it away. "No, Grover. Its over, it never happened. I won't be with you."

"Never?" Grover asked.

Percy nodded. "I'm sorry, I wanted to tell you-"

Grover got up before storming off.

Annabeth came walking up. "Hey. You okay?"

Percy nodded glumly. "I just had to tell Grover it is never going to happen. Ever."

Percy wasn't sure, but he swore that Annabeth seemed to get a little happier.

Percy sighed. "Yeah, so… Only problem is the fact that I bet I'm going to have to do this a lot more now."

Annabeth nodded. "Yeah, but hopefully not to the right person, eh?"

Percy smiled at her. "Well, tell me when you see her."

"Not him?" Annabeth grinned.

Percy shrugged. "Well… if he's really nice."

Annabeth laughed and Percy laughed too. They were still laughing when Grover approached them.

"Hey guys, I got us a way to the Underworld. Or… at least some of the distance."

**Selling Gloria off to those drug dealers and using the drugs to buy a ticket was the best thing yet.**

Grover assured them that Gloria would be fine. Percy wasn't too sure, and he had a sneaking suspicion that he wasn't quite the reason Grover broke up with Gloria.

Anyway, Percy was seated next to Annabeth, Grover asleep opposite them.

Annabeth kept sneaking glances at Percy, but Percy didn't notice.

"What are we going to do when we reach the Underworld?" Percy asked, mostly to himself.

Annabeth shrugged. "You're leader."

Percy looked at her. "Leader would like a little help."

Annabeth smiled at him. "You only had to ask." She cleared her throat. "Get to Hades and get the Master Bolt back."

Percy snorted. "He's just going to give it to us."

"No… but we'll find a way to defeat or talk to the God of the Dead. I hear he likes twizzlers, so we could get some…"

Annabeth vowed to get some twizzlers when they got to the Arch. Speaking of which…

"Hey, Percy… I need to ask. Could-"

"You ask me about my mother?" Percy guessed.

"Well, not re-"

"I'm going to get her back. I don't care about my slutty dad or Zeus' tinfoil bolt. Just my mother."

"Actually Percy, I wanted to-"

"So that's what I'll do. I'm sure anyone would in my position. And I won't fail. I won't. I don't care what I have to do… I'll get her back. Even if I have to sacrifice myself."

Annabeth hadn't meant to stumble on this. She just wanted to ask about visiting the Arch. But gods, Percy was hot. Not only was he beautiful, he was so brave and determined. The Perseus Attraction was so indulging…

"Sorry." Percy's voice, like waves lapping tenderly on a shore, brung Annabeth back.

"No… I'm glad you told me," _because now I have a connection with you! _"And we'll get her back. But, erm, that's not what I wanted to ask. I wanted to ask if we could go to the Gateway Arch when we hit Denver."

Percy blushed (looking extremely cute as he did so). "Right, of course."

"Yeah…" They sat awkwardly for a moment, before Annabeth swallowed." Percy… you shouldn't be afraid of these emotions."

Percy looked at her sceptically. "What do you mean?"

Annabeth fixed her grey eyes on him. "You know."

Percy grunted before turning away.

Annabeth put a hand gently on his shoulder, but for once it wasn't desperation or lust, merely companionship.

"These emotions, fear, hate, love most importantly, are the main things which helped the old heroes to survive. You think Heracles could have completed all his labours if he hadn't been angry with the gods? Do you think Perseus, the original, could have defeated Medusa if he hadn't been scared enough for the gods to grant him help?"

"At least he didn't have to date her." Percy muttered.

Annabeth smiled. "No… but do you honestly think we're not scared?"

"I'm the leader. I'm supposed to be different."

"Jason was the leader. Doesn't mean he didn't wet his pants now and then. Do you think he could have done all he did if he was an emotionless robot? Do you really think that Michael Bay could have released all those sequels to Transformers if he hadn't been worried about losing cash?"

Percy turned. "Yeah, but didn't those extra films suck? Like, really badly?"

"Well, admittedly they weren't the pride of blockbuster, but he made a shitload of cash."

Percy nodded. "Money…"

"Love… just try to keep hold of it."

Percy looked at her. "You're right. Obviously. You'd do the same."

Annabeth shook her head. "No, I wouldn't."

"What?" Percy asked, disbelieving.

"Well, considering _my _dad tried to cut me up for 'demigod' sample and stuff… I'd help Hades take him down if it came to it."

Percy shook his head. "What a sick bastard. Gabe tried to sell me for poker chips."

Annabeth nodded. "I don't know why people think we're so valuable. Well, at least, not me…"

Annabeth looked at Percy who was now falling asleep. She'd have brought Percy for Poker chips, and she would bet those very same Poker chips that a load of other people would have too.

She sighed, before looking out of the window, watching as the Arch drew closer.

**To subscribers; great! But please review! They keep this thing on its feet and I love hearing from you guys! It'll take two seconds. I promise. Please, please, click the link below. Write in it and submit it off! Please. VVVVVVVVVVVVVVV**


	9. Monsters Falls To Jelly Beans

**It's a shame. I'm getting lots of followings and favourites, but less reviews. Damn, that sucks. Please, guys, could you just quickly tap in a quick review below. You can even do it as you favourite it (if you want too, of course). Just a quick 'crap' or 'sucky' would do. It helps with my momentum and it is the 'money' which funds this story. So, I can only say 'please' and hope you guys review. But yeah, besides that, Percy's still winning the poll, and even Riptide has a vote. (Noah). But yeah, please take two seconds to review. Oh yeah, werewolf has asked that I write more Artemis POV. I noticed that she's the third loved character. I hope its okay and please review? Remember, reviews helped get this bit up, and they're like my reward for writing! You know, at least for not cocking up too badly. **

**Artemis watched the television.**

"No, you stupid, self loving, blonde little bimbo!" Artemis screamed at the screen as Annabeth put her hand on Percy's shoulder in the train to Denver.

"_Awww," _the presenter, Aelos, cooed. _"Percy has just opened his heart to his, I think it's safe to assume, his true love, and she is comforting him. Oh, I think we all can't wait until they hit those later years. This rating might have to go up, people!"_

"No!" Artemis threw her noodles at the TV. "Noo! Stupid, little piece of mortal."

Artemis continued to mutter to herself. She was confined to her bed, since she was sick, suffering from lack of worship. Everyone got this now and then, as mortals stopped doing what that god was representing. Hera was sick often from all the divorces, and Ares had never felt as good as he had in the 1940s. Apollo of course, her stupid brother, had managed to get away with it. Everyone healed and listened to music and of course the sun. No-one forgot the sun.

But Artemis, she had taken another toll as fox hunting was banned.

_Argh! Stupid mortals, _she fumed. So, she was sick of the common, _Lackus Worshippus, _which is the equivalent of the common cold for mortals.

Hera came through the door. "You okay Arty? Do you need some more noodles?"

Artemis took a deep breath. "No thanks mum. It's okay, but could I have some tea?"

Hera smiled. "Of course," before she waved her hand, making the tea appear and putting it on the dresser.

Hera left and Artemis turned back to the TV.

She was, officially, becoming obsessed with this demigod, her Percy. She'd brought posters of him they were selling in Hephaestus' store 'Demigods', big ones with Percy looking heroic, one of him asleep, (she hadn't shown mum and dad that yet), along with many others. She even heard they were making a doll! And Aphrodite had been awesome in buying her the 'Percy Jackson' hair conditioner. Speaking of which, Aphrodite had been awesome, full stop. Ever since she found out about her crush, she'd been sending little messages with tips on how to get him once she met him. But Artemis was still trying to get the confidence up for that.

"Hey, Arty, you okay?"

Artemis looked around to see dad by the door.

"Yeah, I'm okay."

He grunted. "Just making sure it was ice here."

"What?"

"Y'know, ice, keeping it low, being purple?"

"What?"

Zeus shook his head. "You kids these days don't understand any of the great slang."

"Err, dad, that slang sucks."

"Now that's being square, dear."

Artemis shook her head. "Okay dad, whatever."

Zeus looked down. "You mind if I watch with you Arty?"

She nodded and Zeus sat next to her on the bed.

"Biscuits, it's that kid again."

Artemis looked at dad. "Hey, he's very… er, purple."

Zeus grunted. "Sure."

They watched as Percy walked with that blonde bimbo and that sexy satyr, through Denver towards the Gateway Arch.

Zeus gritted his teeth, but Artemis ignored him.

Apollo came bounding in.

"Hehy ghuys, hahve yhou sheehn mhy cwunhchers?"

Zeus looked at him. "No, we haven't seen your weird man nipple things."

"Vherwy fhunny," Apollo sighed.

Artemis turned round. "I think I saw them on the stairs."

Apollo nodded. "Chool. Oh, hohw ahre yhou fheelhing?"

"A little better, thanks."

Apollo nodded. "Yhou whant tho shee mhy twicehps?"

Zeus was about to say no, but Artemis stopped him. "You know he'll cry otherwise."

Zeus grunted. Artemis smiled. "Yeah, go ahead."

Apollo grinned before he started to make his chest dance.

Zeus turned away disgusted, before getting off the bed.

Artemis laughed at Apollo's face. Zeus waited before he couldn't take anymore.

"Alright, enough with the titty dance. Let your sister get some sleep."

He grabbed Apollo's arm and started to drag him out.

"Bhut dhaddhy, Ih'm nhot fhinished!"

Zeus threw him out of the room, before turning back to Artemis. "You going to be okay?"

Artemis nodded before looking back at Percy on television, who was eating some jelly beans from that satyr while talking to the bimbo.

Zeus followed her line of sight before scowling (which he did very well) and starting to make it rain in Denver.

**Percy had no idea why it started raining. **

But hey, Zeus just seemed to hate him because, so he'd best just put up with it.

"I suggest we go up, then leave on the next train." Annabeth reasoned.

Grover sat up. "Wait, so we have to do what you want, but we can't do anything we want to?"

"Correct."

Grover sat back down meekly. "Just checking."

Percy stood up. "If we're going to do this, let's do it now."

Annabeth stood up. "Yeah, let's go."

They started walking and Grover handed Percy some more jelly beans. Percy was sick of them. They tasted like little pellets of shit, but Percy couldn't deny Grover, so he forced another one down, gagging as it hit his throat.

Grover watched him for a reaction. Percy grinned, brown jelly bean in his teeth.

"Yeah, Grover, they're great."

Grover smiled. "Cool Perce. You want the rest of them?"

Percy went pale. "Err, no, I think we should share them."

Annabeth looked back at him with something close to pity, before saying:

"Nah, it's okay."

"I really must insist." Percy said.

Grover shoved another one in his mouth.

Percy was still trying to get this down when they got to the lift. They all stepped in, (or rather, Percy was pushed in), with a family and some fat woman and her grungy little dog.

Now, Percy wasn't sure, but maybe that dog was pissed off with everyone making fun of it's size, but it looked eyes with Percy like he'd just called it 'short stuff'. Percy tried to look back, before Grover shoved another jelly shit in his mouth.

They rode up in silence.

The fat woman looked at Percy. "So… who are we?"

_No-one you need to know, _Percy thought, but that was rude.

"Percy. And you?"

"Don't care." She turned away. Percy wasn't sure if that was her name, or just an attitude problem.

They got to the top and Annabeth jumped out before picking apart the monument.

Grover let off wind, scaring away the little girl before forcing the jelly beans onto Percy.

Percy was forced to eat 10 more of them. He wasn't sure how much more his body could take.

"Right, I know you just got up here, but it's time to go down, so fuck off screwbrains!" The guide called.

Annabeth and Grover got into the lift. Percy went to join them.

"Oh Percy!"

Percy turned around to see the fat woman looking at him.

"Yes?"

"You want to stay up here with me?"

Percy thought about it. "Nope." He made his way to the lift, before the guide stopped him.

"Hey kid, I know you all managed to get on first time, but the lift shrinks when it gets to the top, so stay up here." The guide got into the lift before taking them down.

Annabeth and Grover tried to protest but the guy didn't give them a choice.

Percy sighed. This was a bit weird, annoying, but nothing to worry about.

He picked a jelly bean out and ate it, before remembering what he was eating.

He gagged it out again.

"Trouble?" The fat woman was next to him.

Percy shook his head, trying to rid his tongue of the taste. "No, I'm fine."

She nodded. "You're a demigod, aren't you?"

Percy nearly gagged again. "What!"

"I'm so sorry for not being more evil. It's just, I lost my sense of smell ages ago. So much harder to detect demigods now. Isn't that right Son?"

The little dog wasn't so small to Percy now, and he growled angrily.

The fat woman shook her head. "Oh, don't worry Perseus, we know about you. You've been on TV a lot recently."

"What?"

She nodded sadly. "Indeed. Your fight with Medusa was very impressive by the way. Or, at last I'm told."

Percy pulled out Riptide as the dog grew, and kept growing.

"Yes, Perseus, I'm very sorry about this. But hey, at least you can say you were killed by enchilada!"

Percy looked at her. "Isn't that some sort of Mexican food?"

"Argh! Damn Rick and any other people for not being able to spell my name!"

Percy looked back at the dog which wasn't a dog anymore. More like a goat with a lions head, and… oh, goody, a snake for a tail.

"What is that?" Percy asked, horrified.

Enchilada looked at him. "I don't know what he is again, but he's totally deadly!"

Percy didn't need to be told that. The monster looked at him.

Percy uncapped his pen, transforming it into a full bronze sword.

Enchilada shouted happily. "Kill him Sonny!"

Sonny charged, but Percy reflexes took over. Her rolled as it came barrelling forward, swinging his sword as he came up, slashing its leg.

Percy was feeling good until the snake head came round.

It tried to bite Percy, but he blocked it with his sword, just hearing the sound of gas.

He frowned, before leaping away as fire blew from Sonny's mouth.

_Great! It blows frickin' fire! _

A paw came down, but Percy dodged, slashing the foot, before retreating.

Percy swore as he saw people were still here. He had to protect them.

He turned back to the monster. It looked at him. Percy charged, ducking under the tail that came whipping round, sidestepping the claws that came down, rolling under a fire blast, and jumping to one side as the head snapped, bringing his sword down on the head.

But that's where it went wrong. His sword hit the dog collar, spinning out of his grip.

Another blast of fire burnt a hole in the floor as Percy ran to the wall, jumping off it and over the monsters back, rolling as he hit the ground.

He heard Enchilada clapping. "Oh, you are good aren't you? Poseidon's son?"

Percy turned to her. That was it. Kill the mother and…

He charged her, picking up a piece of splintered metal, and driving it into her chest. Or, at least he meant too. She hit it aside too quickly to be possible, before grabbing his neck.

Percy needed to play his last card.

"But, you won't kill me. I'll go out with you. Surely you think I'm good looking?" It was low, but he needed to not die.

Enchilada scowled. "What? I'm mostly blind demigod. I'll admit you're voice is beautiful, but if you think that's going to stop me killing you."

"You can't see me?"

"Not the details."

Percy's heart sank. His last card… useless.

She tightened her grip around his neck.

"You are powerful… or you would have been, but I'm afraid you're not going to live that long."

Percy needed to learn to get out of these strangle holds. He was always being strangled.

Luke would know how to get out… wait…

"_It's all in the hips Percy. Just easing the tension baby!"_

It was a slim hope but…

Percy swung his hips, putting Enchilada off balance, yanking himself out, and pulling his sword out again.

Sony came for him, but he swung his hips, directing the sword with it, slashing Sonny's nose, before swinging his hips again to disengage.

Enchilada pounced but Percy did a hula hoop motion, his sword swinging in a deadly 360.

Enchilada lost a hand and Sonny lost his ears.

"What are you?" Hissed Enchilada, cradling her hand.

"L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N, bitch." Percy said, before jumping, and swinging his hips, flipping himself over, his sword cutting both Sonny and the Enchilada.

Sonny roared, putting Percy's beat off, before his serpent tail came, biting deep into Percy's calf, making him cry out, before smacking him in the chest.

Riptide went flying (again) and through the hole in the floor.

Percy groaned, the poison, fire throughout his leg. He really needed to stop losing his sword.

He groaned as he got to his feet, or tried to, looking up to see Enchilada, furious, but satisfied. Percy got to his feet, shaking, his vision going dark.

Enchilada looked impressed. "Yes, son of Poseidon, you're impressive. But obviously, not enough, no."

Percy only had one hope left.

"Of course," Enchilada continued, "you could leap into the water. It would protect you, considering your heritage."

Percy shook his head. That would kill him, or… would it…

"Of course, you won't get there." Enchilada finished.

"Chimera? Right?" Percy asked, looking at Sonny. Annabeth's teaching went through his head.

Enchilada looked delighted. "Oh, yes! Very good."

Percy reached into his pocket. He pulled out the jelly beans.

Enchilada went on alert.

"What's that?"

"Jelly beans," Percy stated, his voice coming out weakly. He offered them. "You want one?"

Both monsters looked delighted. "Yeah, we would."

Enchilada reached in. "Awfully kind of you, considering we're going to kill you."

She threw a handful to Sonny before eating hers.

They started choking on the taste immediately.

Percy took his chance. He limped to the edge, and jumped as Enchilada and her brood started to turn to dust.

Percy's vision was almost black, but the jelly beans had pulled through. They'd destroyed the monsters, but, Percy mused, he wasn't in a much better shape as the water rose to meet him.

**Annabeth tapped her foot impatiently. **

She and Grover waited for Percy, as camera crews and reporters came out of nowhere to watch the Arch explode. Or a bit of it.

Grover gasped. "What about Percy?"

Annabeth realised who was up there again. "Wait, do you think he's okay?"

Grover shrugged. "He's probably dead. Shame that the last thing we did was give him those bird droppings to eat. He really thought they were jelly beans… I feel like shit."

Annabeth wiped away tears. She turned to see a camera rolling footage of Percy from earlier, from the bus, coming into Denver.

Unless she was mistaken… was that a wanted caption.

Grover and Annabeth watched as the TV crew talked about Percy and his mom; their disappearance, the lost mother, Percy blowing up buses, attacking people, the mist masking it all into one very real story. Gabe giving statements on Percy vicious nature (which made Annabeth want to hit him), but in the end it led to one thing: Percy seemed to be a fugitive.

Grover sighed. "Perce would have loved this."

Annabeth wasn't so sure about that, but still…

Then they heard footsteps.

They turned around as Percy came up to them, his shirt singed, hair ashy, a few cuts and bruises on his face and ripped hoody.

He made his way up, unsteadily, to Grover and Annabeth.

They went to intercept him. Percy stopped before clearing his throat.

"I jumped off the Arch."

Annabeth covered her mouth. "But that's over-"

Percy stopped her with a hand. "We have to go to Santa Monica beach."

He pushed past them before stopping, and turning back to Grover.

He reached into his pocket and took out the stupid fake jelly beans.

He put them in Grover's hand. "Thanks, but I think these are yours."

**Please review. Badass Percy. But yeah, sorry if I can't get this out sooner. Boris Johnson on his bike was stopping me. The Olympics crapped my internet.**

**Please review. Just below, if you can. **


	10. Ares Tries To Rape My Dog

**Okay, you guys sure showed me. I got a load of reviews. Still *Becomes power obsessed* I want more! Okay, don't worry, forget that. Yes, so please review, as I love reading them. In other news, I have made a forum! 'The Perseus Attraction: The Forum'. I don't know how to get to it, but if you guys do, go ahead! I've already got one topic, just on stuff you want to see. I suggest going on Google and typing the above forum title. Good luck. Keep voting on the poll! My profile! And please continue to review!**

"**So, we like totally need some help."**

Percy face-palmed himself. "Yes, Grover, we need some help/"

Grover shrugged. "I mean, I can't afford these burgers."

They were sitting in a diner with chrome tables and counters. And they were trying to work out how to order with no money.

The waitress came up. "You kiddies know what you want now?"

Annabeth looked around. "Yeah, we'd love whatever doesn't cost anything!"

The waitress laughed at her. "Well, that would be the hit-the-street-Sunday."

Grover perked up. "We'll have that!"

Percy hit him. "No, idiot. That's not something we can eat."

Grover pouted. "It could have been."

The waitress just seemed to notice Percy. "Well, hello there."

Percy let his face hit the table before looking up. "Yes?"

The waitress pushed her chest out. "So… what do we want?"

Percy looked around. "Food would be good."

The waitress pouted. "Are you sure you wouldn't like some milk?"

Percy looked at her confused. "What type of milk?"

"Breas-"

"Okay!" Annabeth got up and pushed away the waitress, her knife against her throat. "Fuck off bitch and get us Percy's food!"

The waitress ran for it as Annabeth sat down. She looked at them, putting her knife away.

"So… good work Percy. You got us food and properly used the Perseus Attraction to do it!"

Percy was still shocked from the knife to the throat thing. "Yeah… bully for me."

Grover grinned. "Yes Perce! WE are eating. Sure the waitress got a bit flirty-"

"Did she offer her breasts to me?" Percy asked.

"- but in the end we got what we needed." Grover continued.

Annabeth narrowed her eyes. "Great… I think we'll need some money for this."

Percy raised his eyebrows. "Why? I just got the food free?"

Annabeth shook her head. "Nope. We're going to be paying for this. The other staff won't let her give this to us free."

Grover sat up. "Well, I can get us that."

Annabeth and Percy looked around. "Yeah?"

Grover winked before bringing out his pink blackberry.

"I just use my blueberry-"

"Blackberry," Annabeth corrected.

"And go to my 'Talk Talk' page, oh look! I have a new tweet from Juniper." He read it out to them. "'I got a new leaf!' Oh, that's sweet. Okay, I'll just reply. 'Go the distance. Get a new branch. You'll look beautiful. Let's get together at your tree later.'"

Percy whistled. "Grover you dirty goat."

Grover looked at him. "What?"

"Beautiful, go to her tree. Nice."

Grover shrugged. "She's a friend."

But then, right there, Percy knew that if Grover was to have any chance of being straight, it would be from this Juniper.

"Ah ha!" Grover exclaimed as he moved his phone through. "Now, I just go to the… yup, just to my vault… pin number… pin number?"

"1234," Percy supplied. "Now we have to change it again."

Grover nodded. "Right, and done."

Annabeth grinned. "Grover. I didn't know you had an entire bank vault of money."

Grover handed the phone over. "Take a look at that."

Annabeth looked at it. "WHAT!? These are Neopet points!"

Grover's smiled dropped. "What? Why? What's wrong?"

Annabeth threw his phone at him. "I meant money for the food, not for your stupid Neopet's upkeep!"

"Hey, I'm guarding heroes all the time. I don't always have the time to look after him myself. I have to hire a nanny, and it's not my fault she wants all the money on Easter Island."

Annabeth scowled, but Percy grinned. "How do you know about Neopets, Annabeth?"

She shook her head. "I'm a child of Athena. I have to know everything."

Percy nodded, but sunk back in his seat, disappointed. It would have been fun to call Annabeth 'Neobeth'.

Annabeth looked up. "Do you hear that?"

Percy craned his head. "What?"

"That." Annabeth replied.

"Thanks for narrowing it down," Grover grumbled.

Percy looked where Annabeth was looking to see a herd of monsters approaching.

"Down!" Percy called.

They hid under the table as the waitress came up quickly and dumped the food down on the table.

"Why are they here?" Percy hissed.

"I'm thinking!" Annabeth replied. Her mind went through possibilities before settling on the simplest.

"Grover, give me your phone."

Grover handed it over. "Be careful."

Annabeth nodded, before smashing the phone on the ground.

Grover gagged. "Annabeth, that cost over $200!"

"Look! You used it and sent off a flare for the monsters!"

Grover shook his head. "But the salesmen said that it had no frequency disturbance!"

"Yeah, well he lied," Percy put in.

"Ssh!" Annabeth said.

They listened as the monsters passed past the window.

"Yeah, what stupid demigods would call some monsters? And they were only playing Neopets!" One mocked.

"I love Neopets!" Another said.

"Yeah," another put in. "It's so worth getting killed for."

"Whatever. The fact remains that they were idiots."

Annabeth put her face in her hands. "We were."

Percy reached into his pocket to pull out Riptide. "Think we'll have to fight?"

"Hey, what's that!?" One of the monsters cried.

Percy looked around to see if they had been spotted before he noticed Grover, tapping away at his phone.

"Yes, I would like some new heels. Add to cart."

Percy snatched the phone away. "Grover!"

"Sorry Perce! This is the indestructible model."

Percy uncapped Riptide before driving it through the phone. "Not now it's not!"

Grover wailed and the monsters turned. "Yep, definitely a satyr. Gods, they're stupid."

Grover clamped his mouth shut, while Annabeth cursed in Greek.

Percy tightened his grip on Riptide, but suddenly the monsters started moving off, with no warning, no provocation. They just started running.

They got out from under the table, carefully, but no monster was left. They were all gone.

"Maybe they got another signal," Annabeth guessed.

Percy capped Riptide. "Yeah, maybe."

Grover sat down before starting to eat his burger.

Percy looked at him. "Come on man! We just nearly got eaten, and you only care about your food?"

Grover looked at him. "Yeah, I know this is full of carbs, but I'm hungry. Oh, what Juniper would say?"

Percy sat down with Annabeth. "Who is Juniper?"

Grover stopped eating. "She's my yoga coach. She's very flexible."

Percy raised his eyebrows. "Oh, I bet she is."

Annabeth hit him. "Percy, stop-"

"-being a disgusting teenager?" Percy supplied.

Annabeth shook her head. "No, well, yes, but I was going to say, stop being a guy."

Percy smiled, before looking back at Grover as Annabeth collapsed in her seat. Percy didn't notice, but Grover did.

In fact, Grover had noticed quite a lot. Annabeth fainting when Percy did full out god smile. She laughed, she couldn't stay angry with him, and she let him give leadership, despite being dominant. She always looked angry with herself when she did something, like touch Percy arm. If Grover had been a smarter goat, he might even think she had a little crush, true love, attraction to Percy.

Grover digested all this as he chewed into his food.

Suddenly an engine blared out. Everyone in the diner looked round to identify the noise.

A huge man was riding up on a motorbike, a Harley.

Percy shook his head at the worst description of events ever seen in text.

The man jumped of his bike, slipped, ran into a lamp post, pushed himself off, brushing his black leather-duster, before walking in. He touched the knife at his belt, restlessly, his eyes hidden behind red sunglasses, locking on Percy and his gang.

He strode over, spitting as he did so.

Grover was hit by it, but no-one noticed, not even Grover.

The guy sat down in their booth, crushing Grover against the wall.

"Stop that!" Percy called, pointing at Grover who was losing waist size as they spoke.

The man grunted, pulling away.

"Who are you?" Percy demanded.

The guy grinned. "You don't need to know."

Percy shrugged. "Okay, fine, well could you leave our booth?"

The man scowled. "I'm Ares, you little dick licker."

Percy tilted his head to the side in a sympathetic expression. "At least I get some action."

Ares sneered. "Shut up or I'll rape your dog." He sat back, satisfied.

"I don't have a dog." Percy said.

"You're Mom's a dog." Ares countered.

Percy thought about it, before shaking his head. "Nope, I'm pretty sure she's a woman."

"A woman dog," Ares insisted.

"Okay, we'll go with the only thing you've fucked."

"I've been with woman."

Percy nodded. "Me too. I was with twelve once. In a room."

"I meant sex wise."

Percy put a hand to his mouth. "I'm so sorry. I've insulted you. It's just… I didn't figure you to understand what a naughty word like that means."

Ares smiled. "I know lots of words which would blow you're mind."

"Do they begin with 'Mummy!'?"

Ares sat back. "You're mom says that."

Percy made to respond, before Annabeth put an arm in front of him.

"Okay, Percy, this is Ares, God of War, let's try not to offend him."

Percy sat forward. "I hope you're better at war than comebacks, otherwise we're all screwed."

Ares scowled. "I'm the master of comebacks."

Percy nodded innocently. "Sure."

Annabeth pushed Percy back. "What do you want, Lord Ares?"

Ares sat forward. "Finally… respect."

Percy snorted. Ares aura was making him angry. "Oh, yeah… you've finally met someone of the same gender. It must be exciting."

Ares looked at him. "Yeah, same gender? She doesn't have any balls.

"What's your point?" Percy asked.

"GUYS!" Annabeth shouted.

Ares ignored Percy, the best comeback he was ever going to get on him.

"Look, you little demigods. I've got a quest for…" He looked down at the table. "How'd you get the food?"

Percy smiled. "Charisma; something you lack."

Ares looked shocked. "I was going to buy it."

Percy grinned. "Sorry Ares, they don't take your pocket money here."

Ares scowled. "I'm a grown woman- arghh, man! And I've got a quest, which you're going to do."

"Yes?" Annabeth said.

Ares looked over at Grover. "Are you Pan?"

Grover sighed. "No, I'm Grover."

"Sorry, all you satyrs look alike. Anyway, I left my scar- my lady left her scarf at the place we were dating. I need it back. So you're going to get it."

"Why?" Grover asked.

"Well, Pan, I'll tell you. You'll get my thanks, a ride to Vegas, i.e, the Underworld, and I'll even throw in some info about your mother." He pointed at Percy.

He looked out of the window, before snapping his fingers.

The back door of a truck, waiting in the car park, flew open. "She'll be waiting when you get back. There are even new backpacks for you."

"Do they have Nintendo's in?" Grover asked.

Ares looked offended. "Of course! With 'Puppy Raiser'!"

Grover pumped his fist. "Score."

Percy studied him with his intense green eyes. Annabeth loved him when he got all serious.

"What's the information on my mother?"

Ares waved a hand. "Oh, she's alive. Trapped by Hades in the Underworld." He raised a hand. "But, you only get that if you do what I say."

Percy bowed his head. "Yes, Lord Ares."

Ares grinned. "Cool. The place is 'Kyle's Glitter Palace'. See ya back here once it's done!"

He got out of the booth, before walking out of the diner, getting onto his bike and driving away.

Percy stood up, motioning for the others to join him.

"What is it?" Grover asked.

Percy stopped at the door, one hand on it. "Annabeth?" The teasing twinkle in his eye told her everything.

Annabeth started to smile. "Ares left this stuff for us… can't we take it now?"

"Damn straight!" Percy grinned.

He walked out of the diner, and off to the back of the truck.

"He told me about my mother, so that's done." Percy mounted the ramp. "He left the truck for us to get inside, which I bet my drachma's will start… Annabeth?"

"When we get inside. They'll get a subconscious message from Ares to go."

Percy pointed at her. "Exactly. Ares had it all planned, but he should have left it out when we got back… not before we started, the lazy dumbass."

Grover grinned. "So… all reward, no work?"

Percy looked around at him. "It's about bloody time."

**Please those who favourite, please review. I can only thanks those who review constantly, percyjacksonfan16 , WisestOwl, Taffeh. and CaptainNoah1. Oh, I also have a Forum, mentioned at the top, so try to find it. Tell me what you want! Don't be afraid to PM me, and do the poll and review! Quick text below can make this story hit new bounds! Please take two seconds to review. **


	11. I Defend The Biscuits

**Thanks for all the reviews guys! It means a lot to me! Brilliant! I can't really put it in words, but if I could you would be blown away! I added Ares to the poll and you guys really liked him, seeing from reviews and a load of PMs I got. I've got stuff planned for Ares, so… but yeah, it was really great and I'm happy you reviewed. Try to find the forum if you can, do the poll and please continue to review. Requests are welcome! Just PM me!**

"**Are these… animals?"**

Grover came up behind him. "Oh, no shit, Percy."

Percy looked around at him. "Sorry… it's just not everyday I walk into a truck and find a load of animals."

Grover snorted. Percy looked at him. "Speaking of which, shouldn't you already be in here?"

"Only if you join me, you comeback 'beast'!" Grover raised his hand for a high five.

Percy laughed before slapping it and moving further into the truck. He rubbed his hands together. "So… what now?"

The door of the truck slammed shut behind them.

Grover looked around, while Annabeth picked up the backpacks. She grimaced as she looked inside.

"Guys, I have bad news."

Percy looked over. "What…? Are they empty?"

"Worse." Annabeth reached into the bag, pulling out a bag… of Double Stuff Oreos.

Grover went pale. "But… but, that's Double Stuff!"

Percy looked between them. "Why? What's wrong? Are they bad for demigods or something?"

Annabeth started at him. "Are they bad? You know what these can do?! Do you know the fat content?!"

Grover nodded vigorously. "Yeah, yeah. Annabeth's curves would just… go!"

Percy tried to intervene. "She's twelve. She-"

Annabeth shook her head. "No Percy! Grover's slim build would become… chubby!"

"Years of hero training GONE, in a matter of bites!"

Percy held up his hands. "Wait! We can just-"

Annabeth moved closer to Percy, brandishing the Oreos. "What about you?!" She shrieked.

Percy straightened up, noticing he was level with Annabeth now. "What about me?"

Grover went even paler. "Percy… who'd…"

Percy looked at him. "What?"

Annabeth yanked his face around. Percy stared at her, his eyes burning into her. She let go of his face and backed off.

"Gods…" She muttered.

Grover picked up her thread. "You've had so little hero training Percy! You have some weight! You'd never survive."

Percy raised his hands to the air in exasperation. "We're getting chased by monsters, on a hunt for some stupid cable connecter, and all you care about are some fucking biscuits!"

Percy reached over for the biscuits, yanking them out of Annabeth's hands.

"No!" She screamed. She dove for Percy, grabbing his arm. Percy used all his strength to throw her off as Grover moved in. With a flourish, Percy pulled Riptide out, brandishing it at them.

"Get back."

Grover sighed before pulling out his club. "I didn't want this to happen."

Percy glared at him. "What? Get gutted by your best friend."

Grover shook his head.

Annabeth pulled Grover back. "No Grover! You have, like, 23% chance of defeating Percy."

"Oh, thanks."

Annabeth turned back to Percy, drawing her knife. "But, both of us, close quarters, would give us at least 86%."

Percy backed closer, looking at the lion in the cage. "Gonna help me?"

It growled. "No then." Percy decided. He turned back to his 'friends'.

"Look, the Oreos are controlling you! Let them go!"

"We're trying!" Grover wailed.

Annabeth's grey eyes burned. "We won't let you kill yourself Seaweed Brain."

"Seaweed Brain, huh?" Percy asked. "I'm not the one who's going to kill my friends for some biscuits."

Percy knew he couldn't eat one _and_ hold them off. He locked eyes with Annabeth.

"Lower your knife."

She let it drop, before realising herself and trying to raise it but it was too late. Percy reached into the pack, pulling out an Oreo and stuffing it in his mouth.

Annabeth cried as she fell to her knees, Grover looking like one of the dead.

Percy swallowed, wiping chocolate from his mouth. Nothing happened, besides Percy feeling a little fuller.

Annabeth blinked in shock. "Wow, they must have been…" she looked at the packet in Percy's hand. "Yeah… normal Oreos."

Grover laughed, "Thank Zeus!"

"Wait, what's the difference?" Percy asked, as he put Riptide away.

Grover smiled at him. "Oh, 'Double Stuff'", Annabeth shuddered, "will blow you up until your heart gives out. 'Normal' ones just taste good!"

Annabeth took one from Percy. Percy leaned in as she ate it. "What about your 'curves'?"

Annabeth looked at him, almost pityingly. "Oh Percy… I'm twelve. I'm not built like that yet."

Percy blinked. "I know, I tried-"

"You need to stop hitting on me." Annabeth told him, before eating her biscuit and walking to get a spot in the corner.

Grover sidled up. "Burned."

Percy whipped around. "I wasn't burned."

Grover shrugged. "I don't know Percy. You were playing with fire."

"Fire?"

"Get it? Because Annabeth's hot." He laughed, clapping Percy's shoulder before walking off.

"Wait!" Percy held out his hand. "Aren't you gay?" He sighed as Grover kept moving on.

He made his way over to a spot, sitting down and trying to think about how long it would take to get to get to Vegas from here.

Annabeth moved up. "I was joking, Seaweed Brain."

Percy kept looking at the wall. "I know."

Annabeth nodded. "Your face was good though."

"Yeah, you'd be an expert on facial expressions, right?"

Annabeth looked at him steadily. "Yeah, yeah I would. But it really depends on my area of study."

Percy looked around at her. "What do you mean?"

Annabeth smiled at him. "I don't want to become a face reader or something."

Percy shrugged. "How can you become anything as a demigod?"

Annabeth bit her lip and tilted her head. "Well… I want to become an architect."

Percy looked at her. "You?"

Annabeth looked back. "Yeah? What's wrong? Maths, angles, creativity! You get it all!"

Percy moved away a bit. "Yeah, sound smashing."

Annabeth shrugged. "I don't delude myself, Percy. I know not everyone would want to do it, but I do, so… that's enough."

Percy swallowed. "Well, from the way this is going, it looks like I'm going to be the main course of some monsters dinner when I grow up."

Annabeth laughed as Percy looked at her. "No, seriously! I could be a scapegoat too! I'm good at that too! I mean, I'm going to be the cause of a war between the Gods. Who else can claim that?"

Annabeth leant back and laughed. "Looks like you have it figured out!" She told him, between gasps.

Percy smiled, before pulling Riptide out again. Annabeth calmed down and looked at it.

"That's a good sword."

Percy made a face. "I'm not sure. It's only saved my life a _few _times."

Annabeth smiled as Percy pointed with his sword. "What's up with the animals?"

Grover spoke up. "We're in some kind of… animal truck. The animals are going to Vegas for show, I bet."

Percy sat up. "Shouldn't you care?"

"Why?"

"You're a Satyr. Don't you care for animals?"

Grover snorted. "So they can pick on us?" His face turned sad. "Yeah, yeah, we do like animals. I'm kinda pissed, but I'm saving my energy for later."

"For the guys driving the truck?"

Grover nodded. "We'll beat them up."

"_Like he could."_

Percy jerked around. "Who said that?"

"_Oh, no-one, m'lord."_

"Did you hear that?" Percy asked his friends.

They shook their heads.

"_I'm the Zebra m'lord. Get it right."_

Percy looked at the Zebra, who looked back. "Guys, I think the Zebra's talking to me."

Annabeth looked between them. "Your father created horses from sea foam. I could… maybe you have a connection."

"But it's-"

"_He."_

"Fine, he, is a Zebra."

Annabeth nodded. "Close breed, Close enough it would seem for you to converse. That's pretty cool."

Percy wasn't sure. He didn't want to be known as 'Percy the Horse Guy'.

"This is so weird."

Annabeth nodded. "Yeah… what's he saying?"

"_He's saying you need to free me!"_

"_How?" _Percy responded in his mind.

"_I don't know. Oh, BTW tell Pan he's wearing Converses. Those are sooo out of season."_

Percy nodded, before looking over at Grover. "The Zebra told me your Converses are out of style."

Grover groaned. "OMG, even a Zebra knows!"

Percy nodded sympathetically before turning back to the Zebra. _"I'll free you later."_

"_Promise?"_

"_Sure."_

"_Pinkey swear?"_

"_Errr, you don't have pinkeys?"_

"_What? So that makes it void?"_

"_Kinda?"_

"_Screw you. I mean, whatever you say m'lord."_

Percy nodded.

Annabeth looked at him. "So…"

"Well, he wants us to save him. Might as well do it for the rest of them."

Annabeth nodded. "But they can wait until morning."

Percy sighed before turning in for the night.

**He had a dream. A weird one.**

**He was standing in a cave, with Luke, who was playing Zumba on a Wii.**

"**Keep those hips in shape!" The Wii told him.**

**Luke was sweaty. "I'm trying!"**

"**Whoa, slow down! We can't keep up!" The machine cried. **

**Luke spun his hips faster, and the trainer tried to do the same. He hips flew off, and he fell down in a heap.**

**Luke turned to the pit. "Thank Kronos! The game was great."**

**Then a voice, like a knife across a stone, replied. "What the Hades Luke? You broke the Wii? That was supposed to be a punishment!"**

"**It was fun m'lord!"**

"**Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course it was."**

**Luke moved into a handstand, before doing air press ups.**

"**Stop it Luke! Listen to me!"**

**Like flipped up. "Yeah Kronos?"**

"**Godsdammit, stop working out."**

"**But I need to stay as thin as a sausage."**

"**Fuck your sausage Luke."**

"**You're only saying that because you can't eat one." Luke wagged his finger.**

"**Shut up! Is the bolt close?"**

"**How would I know? I'm surprised Hades doesn't know I've been chilling in the Underworld for the last week. And no-one at Camp Half Blood cares that I'm gone."**

"**I care," Kronos stated gently.**

"**Yeah, I know. You're a rockin' buddy."**

"**I know. So, the bolt?"**

**Luke started stretching his arms. "I told you, I don't know. I suppose Percy's close. What's the plan again?"**

"**Jackson will bring himself and the bolt here and I'll suck him into the pit."**

"**What will you do with the bolt?"**

"**Use it. It gets boring down here. Meanwhile, you can raise me."**

"**We tried. Ropes don't work!"**

"**I know! I'm in Tartarus! You can't just 'send a rope down'."**

"**It was worth a shot."**

"**No! I looked like a right idiot, this little 10 foot rope hanging above us. I was mocked for weeks!"**

"**Sorry. I thought it would work."**

"**You can be an idiot Luke."**

**Luke sighed before hula hooping his hips. "I know."**

Percy jerked awake.

He looked around, seeing Annabeth and Grover, already awake, talking.

"What's wrong?" Percy asked, wiping sleep from his eyes.

Grover looked over. "You were muttering 'Noah lover' in your sleep. We were worried."

Percy pointed. "Yes! I had a dream."

Annabeth moved closer. "What was it about?"

"It had Luke in. He was talking to… Kronos, in a pit! Some place called Tartarus. Yeah, that's it! They were talking about the bolt and me getting it! Kronos wants it."

Annabeth frowned. "Are you sure it was Luke?"

Percy nodded. "Yeah. I'm really sure."

Grover shrugged. "Thanks for ruining the story Percy."

Percy looked at him. "What?"

Annabeth grimaced. "Yeah. Now we know Luke's a traitor, where and why they want the bolt, who the main bad guy is. All of it. The story's ruined."

Percy shook his head. "No! No, we need to stop this! Forget the story, what are we going to do?"

**Rickriordan, God of Stories, held his golden pen over his golden book.**

"I'll tell you what you're going to do Percy. You're going to…" he started writing under the manuscript of the conservation. "Forget all you saw."

_Percy shook his head. "No! No, we need to stop this! What are we going to do?"_

Rick rubbed it out. "No, you're going to… yes." He looked down at the edited story.

_Percy shook his head. "I can't remember. He sounded… like someone I knew, but he called the weird voice, 'The Crooked One'. He completely failed to mention his name at all. Also, something about an exchange."_

_Annabeth nodded. "We'll figure it out later."_

_Grover sighed. "We have more important stuff to worry about. When the truck stops, where the hell is the Underworld?"_

Rick nodded, happy with his work, before closing the book and reaching for the Harry Potter manuscripts.

**Percy staggered, clutching his head.**

"What's wrong?" Annabeth asked.

Percy shook his head. "Nothing, I just felt like I forgot something." He straightened. "You know, it doesn't matter."

Annabeth nodded. "I think we're almost there."

Percy nodded. "We should probably save the animals."

Grover came up with a knife. "Let's get them."

"Whoa Grover! Save, not eat."

Grover sighed. "It's really the same thing, y'know, depending on how you look at it."

Annabeth shook her head. "Okay, let's _not _eat them. Just get them out."

Percy nodded, drawing Riptide. He made to cut off the lion's lock, before he really looked at him.

"Guys, the lion looks hungry. Maybe it'll… does celestial bronze work on animals?"

Annabeth seemed to spot the problem. "Grover, go talk to him. Get him to be nice."

Grover nodded before making his way up and starting to communicate with the animal.

They got them free in the end. The Zebra (who still believed Grover's shoes were a fashion reject), an antelope (who didn't say much) and the lion, who still looked like he wanted them for breakfast.

Percy stopped thinking when he felt the truck stop and guys come round.

"Hide!" He hissed, before throwing himself against the side.

The door opened, a guy saying: "It's not like a load of kids got in when the door was opened and freed all the animals so they can escape or eat us!"

Then the guy, unshaven, looked inside.

"Move!" Percy cried, jumping out of the truck.

Annabeth and Grover hared after him as the guys cried about Percy being the 'Jackson kid on the TV'.

Once they had gotten away they remembered where they were.

"So," Grover clapped his hands. "Underworld time!" He turned to Annabeth.

Annabeth looked back. "Yeah… right, Percy, what does that slip say?"

"Pardon?" Percy asked.

Annabeth rolled her eyes. "The one from Medusa's place?"

"Oh." Percy pulled it out of his pocket, before reading from it. "DOA Recording Studios."

Annabeth smiled. "There we go."

Grover pushed in. "Not to be Johnny Raincloud but where is that?"

Annabeth's smile turned forced.

**I know where I'm going with this, really. Please review and sorry if the end was a bit quick. Review below please! Take two seconds! :D**


	12. Groovy Grover Faces Disco Darren

**Thank you for all the reviews! They're great! Please continue to review and take part in the quiz if you want right at my profile. Thanks to _ilGyhs _(who this chapter is being dedicated to) you can now find the forum by visiting my profile! Just click on it at the top of the story and you can then follow the link on my profile. Tell me what you want on the forum and I'll make topics on it! Percy is still winning the quiz, but keep going! More characters are getting votes which is just great! And please take two seconds, or three, to review!**

**They walked through Vegas, not quite sure where they were going. **

"Not to be the raincloud, but where are we going?" Grover asked.

Percy looked around. "Look, we find DOA studios and then we do whatever."

Annabeth smiled. "Oh goody! I love doing 'whatever'!"

Percy made a face. "Funny."

"I like to think I am." Annabeth responded.

"Yeah, well you're the only one."

"I'm sure people would disagree."

"Do you want to bet on that?"

"How much?"

"Guys!" Grover whined. "I thought we discussed this? Remember, Kate's BFF quiz?"

Percy grimaced. "How could I forget. Apparently, I'm made of cookie dough, according to that."

"Don't forget you're dating 15 girls." Annabeth smiled.

Percy snorted. "Yeah, and that."

Grover yawned. "I'm tired. Hey, look, a hotel."

Percy looked over to see a very expensive looking hotel, with a neon lotus, folding and unfolding, under the name 'The Lotus Hotel and Casino'.

Percy shrugged. "We'd have to sell our sword arms for that."

Grover looked at Percy. "No… only you."

"What?"

Grover looked away. "Nothing Perce."

Percy grunted. "Right… worth a kick out." He started walking towards it before Annabeth grabbed his arm.

"Percy!"

Percy turned around, putting his hands on his hips. "Yes, Annabeth?"

"I don't like that look of this."

Grover pushed forward. "What's not to like? Look, they have a neon sign!"

Annabeth rolled her eyes. "Yeah, well, it's not all about neon signs, is it?"

"Well, that's not exactly true, is it?" Percy pointed out.

Annabeth almost growled. "Why do you think it's called the 'Lotus' hotel?"

"And casino." Percy added.

"Yeah, okay-"

"With free bingo and 50% discounts to satyrs." Grover added. "Wait, did it say saty-"

Annabeth cut him off. "I read-"

"-A book?" Percy put in. "Great, but come on, worse case, we can't pay and we leg it."

Annabeth glared at him. "No, no not worse case. Worse case we die!"

Percy rose his eyebrows. "Come on, I know Bingo's boring, but it's not going to kill us. At least, I don't think so."

Annabeth forged on. "No, why is it called 'Lotus'?"

"Because they're fuck ugly!" Grover shouted.

Percy looked at him. "Err, maybe they just like Lotus'. Wait, what is a lotus?"

"A lotus Percy, more accurately named as _Nelumbo nucifera_, also known by a number of names including Chinese Lotus, Sacred Chinese Lotus, Bean of China, or simply Lotus, is a plant in the monotypic family Nelumbonaceae. The Linnaean binomial _Nelumbo nucifera_ is the currently recognized name for this species, which has been classified under the former names, _Nelumbium speciosum_ and _Nymphaea nelumbo_, among others. Names other than _Nelumbo nucifera_ are obsolete synonyms and should not be used in current works. This plant is an aquatic perennial. Under favorable circumstances its seeds may remain viable for many years, with the oldest recorded lotus germination being from that of seeds 1,300 years old recovered from a dry lakebed in northeastern China. A common misconception is referring to the lotus as a waterlily, an entirely different plant as can be seen from the center of the flower, which clearly lacks the structure that goes on to form the distinctive circular seed pod in the _Nelumbo nucifera_. Native to Tropical Asian nations and Queensland, Australia, it is commonly cultivated in water gardens. It is also used by India and Vietnam as the national flower of India and Vietnam."

Percy choked. "Gods, Annabeth, you just swallowed Wikipedia."

Grover was obviously used to this though. "Just don't ask her about celebrated pop songs of the 60s. We'll be here for years as she lists the arguments for the Beatles to the Rolling Stones."

Percy nodded. "Yeah, so, what does Wiki have to do with this hotel?"

Annabeth nodded, finally on the subject. "Look at this. Back with Odysseus, y'know, the guy who had to sail back home from Troy, the λωτοφάγοι, were a race of people living on an island near North Africa, maybe Djerba, Odysseus never really got to confirm it, were dominated by lotus plants. The lotus fruits and flowers were the primary food of the island and were narcotic, causing the people to sleep in peaceful apathy. So, essentially, they were trapped, just" she pointed at the hotel, "Like this place will probably be. So we shouldn't go in."

Percy nodded. "Well, when you say it like that…"

Grover walked in.

"Grover!" Annabeth hissed, hurrying after him. They ran into the hotel, and were instantly greeted by a guy in a white shirt and shorts.

"Yo, yo dudes! How are you cracking?"

Percy stopped, looking at Grover and Annabeth, before taking the lead.

"Err, we're… cracking, just fine."

"Cool, cool. Have fun." He walked off, not before giving them credit cards, with a lotus symbol on.

Percy looked at his. "Looks like plastic crap."

Grover started walking off before Percy grabbed his arm.

"Grover! We have to get out."

Grover looked at him. "Please Percy! Can we just sleep in a bed for once?"

Annabeth strode forward. "No, no we cannot! If we get stuck here, we'll die and- Oh, look, they have 3-D Architecture."

She wandered off to a flat table, before starting to play with controls.

Percy gritted his teeth, before turning back to Grover, who'd walked off to the elevator.

**Now, Annabeth was all good with not staying in this hotel, and she was about to say so, until she saw what she needed to see.**

She walked up to the sign, completely entranced by what it was offering her, she couldn't tear her eyes away.

**DO YOU WANT HIM? IS HE NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO YOUR OBVIOUS CHARMS? WELL, THAT WILL BE A THING OF THE PAST. JUST STEP INSIDE!**

Annabeth almost ran towards the workshop. If this told her how to get Percy, it was well worth staying here for this.

**Percy walked down the main room.**

Okay, so the room had been really cool, and it had looked awesome, and yeah, Percy was glad to be able to dump on some new clothes, but that wasn't the point. This place was weird, no matter what else was to be said.

He looked at his card, before snapping it in half. "Crappy tack."

Grover came down next to Percy. "Want to go check out the games?"

"Sure," Percy shrugged.

They walked over to the games, to find a shooting one. It looked fun.

Percy picked up a gun. "Hey Grover, I snapped my card, you want to pay for this?"

Grover shrugged. "Sure." He swiped his card and the game started.

The game was shit. The bad guys ran away more than attacking, there was no ammo or levels, and Grover complained about the guns.

"This is a M9 assault rifle, used by American Forces in conflicts such as Afghanistan and Texas religion. But it's lacking the ball point balance, and I can't even get point blank shots. Maybe if I added weights to each bullet to help them catch the air they wouldn't fly over the heads of the guys we want to kill."

Percy looked at him. "Or you just suck."

Grover looked at him. "Or the game sucks."

Percy looked at the machine, asking them if they wanted to continue murdering helpless zombies with unbalanced M9 rifles.

"Yeah, let's go."

They walked to another game. It was crap too.

"Okay, let's get Annabeth and go. This place sucks." Percy decided.

Grover nodded. "And the bingo was a scam."

They walked over to Annabeth, who was talking to some guy in flip flops, a leaflet in her hand.

"So I ambush him when?" Annabeth asked.

The guy made to explain, before Grover came up.

"Okay," he clapped his hands, "let's push on Annabeth. Wait… why are you at a 'Get a Guy' workshop?"

Annabeth blushed. "No reason."

Grover squinted. "Who… you wouldn't have…" he gasped as he realised.

He pointed at her. "You're doing this to get P-"

Annabeth hit Grover with her leaflet.

Percy didn't really get any of this. "Come on Annabeth."

Annabeth stood up, thanked the guy, and started following them.

Percy fell in beside her. "So… who were you doing it for? Was it Luke?"

Annabeth blushed some more. "No, no, just forget it."

Percy felt like he was getting his heart squeezed. "So… it is Luke?"

"I don't want to talk about it Percy." Annabeth snapped, angrily. She started walking faster, Percy trailing in her wake.

Grover skipped back to Percy. "I know who she's after… or, at least, I'm pretty sure."

Percy turned to him. "Who?"

Grover smiled, looked forward, paled, and changed the subject.

Percy looked where Grover was looking. He just saw Annabeth. "Who Grover? What? Come on, tell me?"

"Corrupter!" Grover cried, running forward.

Percy made to catch him, before he was stopped by a bellhop.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Percy looked up at him. "Checking out."

The bellhop shook his head. "You can't do that."

The doors closed, Annabeth and Grover backed off, drawing their weapons.

"There is only one way of escaping the Lotus Hotel…"

Percy nodded. "What is it?"

"A dance off. Choose your champion."

"A what? Seriously?"

A guy with flares and an Elvis haircut jumped forward. "See if you can beat Disco Darren!" He started dancing.

Percy looked at him. "Seriously?"

Grover put a hand on Percy's shoulder. "Don't worry. I've got this."

He walked forward. Annabeth hissed in his ear. "You know how to dance?"

Grover smiled back at her. "They didn't call me Groovy Grover for no reason. I used to dance all the time to pick up the nymphs…" Grover's gaze turned misty. "Yeah… back when I was straight…" His vision cleared. "Yeah, let's," he body popped, "beat this sucker."

**Annabeth had to give it to Grover. He was a good dancer.**

He shuffled, popped, he even did and leg swing into a back flip, before break dancing.

It got so close, Groovy Grover and Disco Darren were face to face on the floor, dancing as hard as they could.

Grover finally pulled back for a break.

Percy came up to him, looking perfect by the way.

"Gods Grover, that was incredible."

"It's not over yet Perce." Grover told him. Grover raised the water, getting it all over his face, before standing up.

He leant into Percy, all guy to guy like. "Percy… I can't beat him. He's… he's too good. We need a distraction."

"How?"

Grover whispered in his ear, and from Percy's steeling face, it can't have been good.

Grover nodded, clapped hands with Percy, before making his way to the dance floor.

Grover started dancing again, before Percy stood up.

"I'm going to take my shirt off!" He called in his most commanding voice.

Annabeth looked around, half because Percy's voice was so… powerfully sexy, she had to see the cause, and second because he was go ing to take his shirt off. Annabeth could already imagine, running up and rubbing chest, running her tongue over-

"Annabeth, RUN!" Percy cried.

She jerked out of it and followed Percy and Grover. Everyone was distracted from the disappointment of not seeing Percy's shirt come off, and in this time, Grover and Percy struck.

They charged Darren, picking him up, and charging through the people with him. They threw him at the doors, breaking them open and jumping out, Annabeth right on their heels.

Grover jumped in front of a taxi, stopping it by crashing into the bonnet, while Percy ripped the doors open.

Grover dove through the window, as Percy told the guy to step on it.

They shot off, and Grover started giving instructions for the Santa Monica beach.

Percy looked around, making sure they were all there, before slumping back in the seat and Grover tried to work out how to pay the guy.

Annabeth gave over her Lotus card, which did the trick, and before long they were speeding towards the Underworld (with a detour).

Percy grinned at Grover. "Good work G-Man."

Grover shrugged. "Well, I did have some good back up."

They high fived, congratulating each other on their escape prowess, before slumping back in their seats.

Annabeth smiled, before looking at the date and time setting on the driver's sideboard.

Then she had a near heart attack. They only had one day left to finish their quest.

**Finally, I know I've been getting a hell of a lot of messages to get this released sooner, but its here now. Check out the forum, do the poll and please review, just below! Just type in a quick bit, please! Thanks for reading! **


	13. My Sword Becomes Retarded LED Light

**Thanks for all the reviews and you're great! Give yourself a pat on the shoulder. We've almost broken the 200 reviews mark! Jesus Jackson, we are flying! **

**Reason I've taken so long to update is that I've been getting another story, _'Percabeth, Actually'_ off the ground. Please read it, it's new and it needs help. It's a Rom Com type thing with loads of different stories all connected and if you guys want romance (I've been getting a lot of emails) then read it! I made it for those who want a funny, but more serious story (not that this is bad). You might like it. Maybe… if you squint at it in the dark. Please check it out. Link:  s/8431883/1/Percabeth_Actually**

**Copy that in the address or click it if it's working and please review!**

**Percy wanted to know how they had got into this mess. **

They had got dad's man slut pearls, and had been chilling in Vegas for a bit, looking for the Underworld, before they had been attacked. And, hardest to admit, Grover had been right.

Percy looked at the guy's face.

The guy who wanted to mug Percy had just been commenting on how nice he looked etc. and Percy had been using the 'Perseus Attraction' to drive him away before he spotted them.

_The Converses._

"What are they?" The guy asked, pointing at Grover's shoes.

Grover looked down. "Nothing."

The guy moved closer. "Are they… _converses?"_

Grover went green. "No! _Move off_ you silly fucker."

The guy's face contorted. "I hate Converses! Kill him!"

"Run!" Percy shouted.

They ran around the corner, the thug's right behind them.

"Ditch the fucking shoes, Grover!" Annabeth shouted.

Grover was crying. "Not only are they bad fashion sense, but they can kill you!"

They ran around a corner and hid from sight.

Grover doubled over. "Shit, these are like the One Ring. In reverse!"

Percy scrunched his eyebrows. "What's that?"

Annabeth took a deep breath before looking at Percy. "_**The Lord of the Rings**_ is an epic high fantasy novel written by English philologist and University of Oxford professor J. R. R. Tolkien. The story began as a sequel to Tolkien's earlier, less complex children's fantasy novel _The Hobbit_ (1937), but eventually developed into a much larger work. It was written in stages between 1937 and 1949, much of it during World War II. It is the third best-selling novel ever written, with over 150 million copies sold. The title of the novel refers to the story's main antagonist, the Dark Lord Sauron, who had in an earlier age created the One Ring to rule the other Rings of Power as the ultimate weapon in his campaign to conquer and rule all of Middle-earth. From quiet beginnings in the Shire, a Hobbit land not unlike the English countryside, the story ranges across north-west Middle-earth, following the course of the War of the Ring through the eyes of its characters, notably the hobbits Frodo Baggins, Samwise "Sam" Gamgee, Meriadoc "Merry" Brandybuck and Peregrin "Pippin" Took, but also the hobbits' chief allies and travelling companions: Aragorn, a Human Ranger; Boromir, a man from Gondor; Gimli, a Dwarf warrior; Legolas, an Elven prince; and Gandalf, a Wizard. So, basically, Frodo and his friend badass Sam (who kills a frickin' huge spider in single combat)-"

"Cut to the chase." Percy asked.

Annabeth nodded. "Yeah, well everyone wants the ring. Grover is saying that the One Converses are the opposite. Everyone hates them to the point of murder."

Percy nodded. "Great, good to kn-"

He cut himself off as the thugs came near the alley.

"Where did they go?" One asked.

"I don't know," another replied.

Grover smiled at Percy and Annabeth. "We'll be fine." He muttered.

But the Gods didn't want them to be fine.

_RING! RING! RING!_

"Grover! Your phone!" Annabeth shrieked.

"I thought I destroyed that shit with Retard. I mean, Riptide."

"_Hellooo!" _Luke's voice came out of answer phone. _"Guuuuys! Can you hear! I just called to say that we really miss youuuu and we want you guys back! Mr. D and Chiron want me to tell you Percy has a sexy ass… Burned, I really think that! Lol lol lol lol lol lol! Tell Peeerrcy I said that! You're fit Grover and Annabeth will be later too! Lololololololololololololo-"_

Percy cried silently as Luke 'lol'ed.

"_Lolololololololololololololo -"_

Annabeth brought out her knife to stab herself.

"_Lololololololololololol-"_

Grover wondered if he looked fat in his skinny jeans.

"_Lololololololololo-"_

The thugs entered the alley and saw them.

"_Lolololololololololol! Ha ha! Hope you liked that! BYYYYYEEE!"_

The phone clicked off.

Annabeth smiled weakly at the thugs. "Give us a break?"

Percy stepped forward. "Can I just…" he turned away from the thugs. He held out his hand for the phone. Grover gave it over.

Percy nodded, before drawing Riptide (to the shock of the thugs) and stabbing it through the phone again and again until it was just scraps flying everywhere.

Percy then took a deep breath and capped Riptide, putting it back in his pocket.

"Guys… do you want us to send that guy over to your houses?" Percy asked.

The thugs shrugged.

Percy nodded. "Well, if you think like that…"

Percy redrew Riptide and started spinning it around, making the thugs back off. He twisted it in his hand until it was just a bronze blur.

"This is _Anaklusmous, _Riptide, and it cuts off heads!" Percy spun it. "But I don't think it's working properly. Let's test it."

He raised it above his head and charged.

The thugs screamed before scrambling away.

Percy chased them away, through the streets, Annabeth and Grover on his heels.

The thugs hit a wall and screamed as they blade travelled into their heads.

It passed through.

Annabeth came up behind Percy. "It won't harm mortals."

Percy looked down at Retard.

"Damn, what's the fucking point of a sword that doesn't kill people?!" Percy complained.

He swung it at the guys again, but it didn't do any damage.

"Argh!" Percy snarled. "This sword was not aptly named." He looked at Riptide. "You're a sword! Do you fucking job for once you retarded bastard! You Retard!"

Percy looked up at the thugs. "Give me a sec."

He started whacking Retard against the wall until it made a sound like a spaceship taking off.

_Whoooo!_

Percy smiled. "I think it's working again!" He raised it. "Now… prepare to die."

But the thugs had gotten bored. They drew knives and started closing in.

"On second thought, screw it! We'll just leave you." Percy said, backing off.

The thugs kept coming.

Percy swallowed, before shouting "RUN!" and haring off with Annabeth and Grover in tow.

Percy ran into a dead end. He looked around. "This is getting really old now."

He raised Retard, which had died on him again.

"Argh, you retarded sword. You never used to do this!"

Percy whacked it against the wall.

_Whooo!_

Percy didn't know how long the sword was going to last, but he thought he might as well take down a few guys first with it.

Then a huge man stepped in front of them, stopping the thugs.

He had crusty skin, and looked a bit like a raptor, really.

"Stop right there!" he told the thugs. He had a salesmen's voice.

The thugs stopped.

"Look here, you have to leave these guys alone-" he put out a hand the thugs grabbed it, swinging him around and into the wall.

He put his hands up.

"ARGHHH!"

**Percy and Grover carried Crusty into his store.**

Percy had tried to chuck Retard (he'd had enough of its crap) but it reappeared. Great, he'd fed it and it would never leave him alone now.

They put Crusty on a bed in his bed store.

"Thanks for getting beaten up," Annabeth told him.

He nodded.

"How can we repay you?" Annabeth asked.

Crusty looked up at her. "I have an idea!"

Percy moved forward. "Tell us and we'll be on our way!"

Crusty looked at him. "Try a bed."

Percy frowned. "Why?"

"Don't ask motherfucking questions you little shit!" Crusty shouted. "Choose a bed and get your chubby ass on it!"

Percy backed off but Annabeth stepped forward, lying on a bed.

"Let's get it over with," she told Percy.

Crusty looked at her. "Almost…"

Grover piped up. "Almost what?"

Crusty pointed at Percy. "You. How tall are you?"

Percy shrugged. "I don't know. 5'4 or so."

Crusty nodded. "Your friend is close, but not close enough."

Grover stepped forward. "What about me?" He jumped on a bed.

"_Daft wankers!" _Crusty said, snapping his fingers.

Ropes appeared, holding them on the bed.

Percy drew Retard. "Let them go!"

Crust shook his head. "Or what?"

Percy raised his sword. "Or I'll gut you."

He tried to stab Crusty, but Retard passed right through him.

"Damn! Not now Retard, not now!"

Crusty hit the sword from his hands and grabbed his neck.

"That's one retarded sword you have there," Crusty informed Percy.

Percy sighed. "Yeah, I know."

"Why don't you get a new one? Or get rid of it?"

Percy shrugged. "I tried, but it keeps coming back into my pocket. I'm stuck with it."

Crusty shrugged. "I heard Celestial Bronze casts a golden light in the dark. That's cool."

"Sure, but Retard is too much of a plank to do that. It's 'glow' which Rick created in the book, is actually a stupid little LED light on the end of the hilt. I click it on and off."

Crusty smiled. "Really?"

Percy took Retard out of his pocket. "See?"

He clicked the end, from which a little torch light turned on. Percy held Retard up like a torch, lighting up the darker parts of the shops.

"And even that needs battery power," Percy sighed.

Crusty made a sympathetic noise. "Ah well, get a new one later. Until then…," he steered him over to the trapped Annabeth and Grover.

"See, you my lad, are the perfect height-"

"I'm 5'4," Percy stated. "Is that good for a guy?"

"Look, you're the image of perfection. So, they have to be too. It used to be 6'0 and all that, but I gave that up, for you Percy!"

"Gee, thanks."

Crusty nodded. "So, want to take a seat?"

Percy shook his head. "No, I'm cool. You?"

Crusty smiled. "It doesn't work like that."

Percy gave a fake groan. "Come on, what do I need to do?"

Then Grover's phone rang.

Percy looked around, tearing at his hair. "I swore I destroyed the bugger!"

Grover looked over at it. "Could you guys hold off your epic confrontation and Perce, could you read me the text. I think it's Twitter."

Crusty sighed, as Percy stomped over to the phone.

He picked it up and read:

"Cher Lloyd was booed of a stage and people even threw bottles of piss at her. Great, can we get back to-"

"Noooo!" Grover cried. "I totally loved her on X Factor. I can't believe it!"

Crusty looked up. "What's this about Cher Lloyd?"

Grover was crying. "Ask him," motioning his head at Percy.

Crusty looked at him. "What is it?"

Percy shrugged. "I don't know. Just something about some person called Cher."

"You mean Cher Lloyd? X Factor contestant. Sung a duet with Will. I. Am?"

"Whoever they are," Percy shrugged. "Sure, with William."

"No! Will. !"

"Whichever."

Come on," Crusty begged. "Please."

Percy sighed. "Okay, lie on a bed, this will be a shock."

Crusty lay down.

"_Stupid Wanker!" _Percy clicked his fingers.

Crusty got caught. "What?"

Percy laughed. pulling out Retard. "You stupid dick. You seriously fell for that. Okay, let's kill you. Excuse me."

He hit Retard against the bed post to get it working, before hefting it.

_Whooo!_

"Right, ready to go."

"WAIT!" Crusty screamed. "Tell me about Cher first!"

"You'll die sad." Percy warned him.

Crusty nodded. "So be it."

"She got booed off a stage. Sorry."

Crusty broke down into tears.

"Gods, you're a sensitive soul," Percy remarked.

Crusty locked eyes with him. "Kill me, put me out of my misery."

"Are you-"

"Kill me, you have to!"

"I don't have to do anythi-"

"KILL MEEEEE!"

"ARGHH!" Percy brung Retard down, slicing through Crusty's head.

**Percy, Annabeth and Grover walked through the doors of DOA Recording Studios.**

Grover was still crying, Annabeth didn't have a clue who Cher was, and neither did Percy, so they just ignored the whole encounter.

They made their way up to the counter, making for the dark skinned guy with blonde hair.

They got in line with a load of dead people, and listened to the guy in action.

He looked down on at the dead guy. "Death?"

"Yeah, I suppose."

"Jolly good! Take the door on the right, 50 to a boat, enjoy your stay."

The guy walked off, another taking his place.

"Death?" The guy asked again.

The dead man nodded.

"Jolly good! Take the door on the right, 50 to a boat, enjoy your stay."

Another came up.

"Death?"

"Yes."

"Jolly good! Take the door on the right, 50 to a boat, enjoy your stay."

Another guy, short, squat, made his way up.

The guy in the suit smiled. "Death?"

The guy shook his head. "Nope, Life, actually."

The guy frowned, as if unsure what to say. "Oh… well, you're free, door on the left." He smiled again. "Have a good life."

The guy laughed. "Nah, I was just joking. I'm Death too."

The suit guy laughed. "Oh, very good! You had me! Okay, well just-"

"Take the door to on the left."

"Yes!" the guy said delighted. "And 50-"

"To a boat, I know." He clapped the guy happily. "I've already escaped a few times."

The suited guy looked at him. "I thought I recognised you! Sisyphus?"

"The same!"

"Good to see you!"

"Good to see you too! I'll just head down then?"

"If you would."

They laughed one more time before the guy walked off to the door, the suited guy looking at him proudly.

Percy made his way up. "Err-"

"Death?" The guy, Charon, Percy could read, after a befuddling dyslexic episode.

"Yeah, but-"

"Jolly good! Take the door on the right, 50 to a boat, enjoy your stay."

"No, ,wait-"

Charon looked at him sympathetically. "First time?"

"First, what?"

"First time you died?"

Percy was flabbergasted. "Well I'm not likely to die twice, am I?"

"You'd be surprised." He leant forward. "You are very handsome, aren't you? Shame to see _you _die. How did you die?"

"What do you think?" Percy said, pulling Retard out.

"Faulty sword, eh? I had one hero, yes, Perseus, yes, he died of a faulty sword… what was it's name…?"

"Riptide?" Percy guessed.

"Yes!" Charon agreed, his eyes lightning up. "But Perseus called it 'Retard', yes. It went off every 5 minutes or so, wouldn't kill, he had to hit it. But it did have a drachma fuelled fire torch on the end!"

Percy looked down at Retard with a sick feeling. How many other people had died? This had been a gift from his dad? How many more had died from this sword's… uselessness?

Percy walked past numbly, Grover taking his place.

"How'd you die?" Charon asked.

"I stabbed myself out of hate for Cher Lloyd getting kicked-"

"Suicide. Sorry. Left door, 50 to a boat."

Grover was pushed along by Annabeth.

"Death?"

"Yes, and very excited about it," Annabeth replied promptly.

"Oh, that is refreshing. Good on you. Door on the left, 50 to a boat."

Annabeth nodded. "Sure thing."

She skipped off, Charon looking after her proudly.

He stepped out from behind his counter. "Right, let's get going to Hades!"

**Grover's whole Cher thing is from Yahoo. I just grabbed it. Riptide is getting a major revamp. I have some good jokes, but I needed to really put it in the light so you'd all get it. It'll ease off. They're not always going to be talking about the sword. **

**Please review, and tell me your thoughts on Riptide or Charon (spot the reference!) Please review!**


	14. Hades Depresses Us All

**Thanks guys for the reviews. I can't believe Retard was so well received, besides those who are rage quitting right now, but hey! Yeah, so thanks for the reviews, OVER 200!, and please continue to try and put this story in Percy Jackson Fan Fiction legend! *Snorts* Like that'll happen…**

**Annabeth was on a boat, and no, not like in that song 'I'm on a Boat'. **

There were dead people all around her and frankly, they were creepy. She looked at Percy, pale in the darkness, his hair- No!

Annabeth just wanted to reach out and take his hand. Maybe…

She looked around, before reaching out her hand for Percy's.

That's where it all went wrong.

Percy moved his hand up to scratch his nose at exactly the point she reached out her hand. Her hand went right past his and took another's.

Grover looked around stupidly, looking down at Annabeth's hand, up to her mortified face.

He frowned, before looking at where her hand would have travelled to, Percy, staring into the distance, quite unaware of this awkward moment, a mere 2 inches away.

Grover looked at their hands (held together) and back to Percy, before putting his hand to his mouth and pointing at Percy.

"No!" He whispered. He grabbed Percy's arm. "Percy! Annabeth's in l-"

Annabeth kicked him in the balls. Hard.

_You might be gay, but you still have them. _Annabeth thought happily.

Percy held up the unconscious Grover. "What happened!?"

Annabeth came up to him. "I think he fainted."

Percy looked at Grover. "No… I think he was-"

"I'm scared Percy! Hug me!" Annabeth wrapped her arms around Percy.

She snuggled up to his chest, and Grover slid to the floor of the boat and into the Styx, completely forgotten.

Percy was torn. He was sweating really badly, because Annabeth was pretty, but he was also happy for the company and he took pride in the fact he wasn't _too _scared, that he could lead them.

He was also wondering where Grover was.

The boat hit the shore, and Annabeth let go of Percy to look at it.

It was like an airport terminal in a cave, but I don't need to tell you that because you've all read the books, but that's all there really is.

One led to a judge's panel, one with 'Ez Death' over it, and the other had no-one entering.

Percy pointed at it. "Why is that one empty?"

Annabeth looked at him strangely. "You'd be the first to walk willingly into the Fields of Punishment."

"Oh," Percy muttered, feeling stupid. "Wait, isn't there supposed to be a dog? Cerberus?"

Annabeth pointed. "There he is."

Percy looked forward to see a huge Rottweiler, with three heads, the size, no twice the size, of a woolly mammoth. He had no clue how he'd missed it.

Cerberus looked up at them, before baring his teeth and growling.

Annabeth pulled out her knife.

Percy looked over. "I'd do the same, but Retard would probably blow up, so…"

Annabeth went pale as Cerberus approached them.

"Can we just go past?" Annabeth asked.

Cerberus seemed to think about it, shrugged, before moving out of the way.

Annabeth put her knife away, grinning with relief.

"That's brilliant…"

Then Grover burst out of the Styx.

"Gods!" Percy ran over, pulling him out.

Grover was breathing heavily, and he looked daggers at Annabeth.

He shrugged Percy off.

"Yeah, yeah! Ha, ha, the gay goat fell in the Styx, just great! Oh, you found Cerberus then? Stupid dog," Grover stomped right up to him.

"Let us past!" He shouted, before he started hitting him with his reed pipes.

"No, Grover!" Percy shouted as Cerberus started growling. "He's already let us-"

Cerberus lashed out. Grover never stood a chance.

He was trapped between his jaws and bitten and chewed, before being thrown past the gates.

Annabeth screamed as Percy dragged her through the gates, Cerberus hot on their heels.

They got past, setting off all the alarms, Cerberus trapped on the other side, before sprinting over to Grover's limp body in the distance.

As they got close, they saw Grover, propped up against a tree, waiting for them.

Percy dove next to him. "Grover!"

Grover waved a hand. "I'm fine."

"How?"

"I know." Annabeth said behind them.

Percy groaned. "Can you just direct me to the Wiki first?"

She ignored him. "Grover fell in the Styx and _survived. _He's invincible, besides his Achilles spot." Annabeth's face turned to desperate curiosity. "How did you survive?"

Grover looked at her with a look that said plainly 'We'll talk about this later'.

He said; "No help from you for one. I just thought about the Gucci sale Aphrodite Cabin is having soon. I couldn't just die without going to that!"

Percy stood up. "So… you're invincible. Assuming Retard worked, it couldn't cut you? Or hurt you?"

Grover stood up, brushing off his jeans. "Nope. Let's go then."

He started walking forward, leaving Percy and Annabeth to tail in shock behind him.

Percy sped up to reach Grover's pace, before they heard wings.

They all looked up to see the Furies swirling above them. They landed in the poplar trees and looked down on them like vultures. Then Mrs. Dodds broke into song:

_Death, glorious death,_

_Right from your last breath!_

_Dug down in the earth,_

_All you've been worth now!_

_Tombstones, and rotting graves,_

_Bad, fit for a slave!_

_So, death, glorious death,_

_Glorious death, _

_Glorious deathhh!_

Percy, Annabeth and Grover ran as the Furies broke into the next verse.

_Death, glorious death,_

_We're anxious to try it!_

_3,100,786,346 a day,_

_Our daily diet!_

They ran straight to Hades palace, running through the bronze gates and into the entrance. They stopped as the doors shut with a deafening sound.

Grover wiped the sweat of his face. "Whew, and there was me thinking that we were for it."

Percy nodded. "Yeah, but I think we're safe- scratch that, we've escaped the music. Come on, let's go."

They followed Percy through the room.

"By the way," Percy looked back at Annabeth, "didn't you have a plan to get past Cerberus, besides Grover getting eaten?"

Annabeth looked at him. "Sorry, I don't just randomly grab red rubber balls from theme parks for evil dogs."

"I bet in another world you would have."

Annabeth snorted. "Yeah, the one where I'm guided by a guy called Rick!"

They both laughed, because it was pretty stupid that they would be controlled by some guy and made into a best selling series.

Percy stopped laughing the moment they got to the doors though. Two skeletons stood on either side, each a soldier from a different time period.

Percy turned to Grover who was talking to one.

"So, you get off when Hades freezes over?"

The skeleton nodded.

Grover smiled. "Awesome, well, give me your number then."

The skeleton handed him a piece of paper.

Grover winked at him. "See you later darling."

Percy swore the skeleton blushed. "Grover!"

Grover looked at him. "What Percy?"

"What was that?"

"NTK, Perce. Let's keep going."

"What?" Percy looked at Annabeth. "What was that?"

Annabeth shook her head. "I don't know."

"You're Athena's daughter. Come on!"

Annabeth nodded. "Yeah, we know stuff, proper stuff, not cheerleader slang."

Percy saw the point in this. "Fair enough."

"Guys! Are we going to go in?" Grover asked.

Percy nodded, before slipping into the throne room, the others following.

They were in a long bronze hall, with black walls, and two thrones at the end. One was black, shaped like a flower, with gold trimming it, and the other was big and black and occupied.

Percy walked closer to Hades. Hades had shoulder length black hair, mad eyes and-

"Is he slitting his wrists?" Grover asked.

Hades looked up. "Hullo?" He had the most depressing voice on the planet. It literally made Percy want to kill himself. Every word he said was in a monotone and gloomy.

"Hey," Percy raised a hand.

"Hey," Hades repeated glumly. "Did the Furies sing that infernal song to you?"

Percy nodded. "Kinda?" He was too distracted by the golden ichor coming from Hades wrists.

"Kinda?" Hades repeated glumly. "Why can't people just say 'kind of'? Not worth the effort I suppose." He sighed.

"Yeah," Percy said, "Uncle-"

"I'm an Uncle?" Hades asked, mildly surprised. "Whose are you then?"

"I'm, wait, you don't know?"

"No… they don't tell me anything. They throw me down here and my subscription for _'Olympus Weekly' _got cancelled. I don't know why. Suppose it was my fault."

"Well, erm, I'm Perseus Jackson. I'm Poseidon's son."

Hades sighed. "I thought you were Aphrodite's son. You're very good looking." He didn't say that in a flirty way. Just as a fact.

Annabeth spoke up. "But, he called you 'Uncle'. He could only be Zeus' or Poseidon's."

Hades looked at her. "Don't start telling me how dumb I am." Tears were in his eyes. "All the spirits have already told me."

The doors suddenly opened and a ghost with cruel eyes, a pointed beard and a thin circlet of gold on his head walked in.

"Lord Hades?"

Hades looked at him. "Yes," he sighed.

"Sir, we have this for you to look over." He came and put a scroll in Hades hand. "Sir, are you crying again?"

"No," Hades tried to look away.

"Hades, you need to talk to me."

"You never listen!" Hades wailed. "Now get out of my room!"

The ghost ran for it.

Hades sobbed for a bit, before looking at the scroll and sighing again.

"Oh… look, this Fan Fic has 300 reviews in 5 chapters. How?"

Annabeth came up. "Oh, it asks the reviewers to vote and stuff."

Hades looked at her. "No! It's just that this story sucks!" He threw the scroll away.

"No! This story doesn't suck," Annabeth said soothingly.

Hades looked up. "Really?"

Grover stepped up. "Did you know this story is getting over 1.5 K of viewers on release of a new chapter."

Percy looked the camera. "Come now, Grover, let's not reveal all the behind the scenes about this story to the readers. Oh, review guys! Let's get to 700 reviews."

Hades sniffed. "Likely fucking chance with 'There She Goes And She's Comin' at the helm. He sucks. I heard he steals all his ideas from other Fan Fictions. I'm a by product from 'Nico's Flower', by 'PedoChiron345' myself."

"Really?" Percy asked.

Hades nodded. "Yeah, he's the Gilderory Lockhart of Fan Fiction."

"What, he casts memory charms on other authors?"

"No, he just leaves threatening messages, warning them not to tell."

_Percy was- wait two seconds, this isn't true!_

"So he doesn't even look at the story before it gets published?"

_Hades shook his head. Okay, seriously, this is not-_

"Why don't we just break off our chain?"

_You can't! We don't even know who's speaking now!_

"Well, that's easy enough to fix. See:"

"Annabeth: Let's dump him."

"Percy says-"

Annabeth: No! Say 'Percy:' then speak."

"I hate my life."

"Shut up Hades! I mean, Annabeth: Shut up Hades!"

"Stop yelling at me!"

"Say your fucking name first you dickface!"

"Fine! Hades: Hades is crying!"

"This is ter-"

"Name?!"

"PERCY: I'm taking the old author back!"

_Thanks Percy._

"Shut up you Fan Fiction stealing idiot."

_Come on, I swear, it was only from 57 different stories! Come on, everyone does it!"_

"Not me!"

"Yeah, but Grover, you're stories suck. No-one would want to steal them."

"I'll wring you Percy!"

_Okay! Back to the story!_

Hades sighed. "What do you want? Do you want more reviews? Zeus always bullies me into giving him more reviews for his stories. I have over 100 accounts, all for him. I hate my brothers."

Annabeth looked at him. "But you have Persephone, right? She's really beautiful."

Hades started crying. "Not anymore. She divorced me for some minor God of Rock Stars."

"Oh?" Annabeth muttered. "That's sad."

"Isn't it? I'll never get her back."

"Why don't you grow some balls and get her back?" Percy suggested.

Hades looked at him. "I'd have to. Persephone always said they were small and weedy." He started crying again.

"What happened to the fire you had?" Percy asked. "You stole her! You're the freakin' God of the Dead! That's cool! Any girl would be lucky to be with someone as powerful as you!"

"What do you want?" Hades sighed, changing the topic.

Percy shrugged, before bowing. "We need the Master Bolt. You have it. Please give it to me so I may carry it to Olympus."

Hades looked at him. "You do know how badass you look, and sound, right?"

"Yeah, I know."

Hades sighed. "Well… I don't have that overhyped connecting cable."

Percy looked up. "Then who does?"

Hades sighed. "I don't know. No-one tells me anything."

Percy was baffled. He pulled at his backpack, before realising how heavy it was. It felt like he was carrying a bowling ball.

He shrugged it off his shoulders, opening it up. He pulled out a 60cm long cylinder, crackling with power.

"Oh," Percy said. "Look at that."

Grover looked at it. "Gods, I walked 6000 miles for shit?"

"Actually," interjected Annabeth, "the distance between Los Angeles and Long Island in a straight line is 2460 miles or 3958.14 Kilometers."

Percy looked round. "Wiki?"

"No… .uk"

Percy grinned. "But we have the Master Bolt. We just-"

"I have an idea how to fix the story's reviews." Hades muttered.

"What?" Percy said, caught of guard.

"People love Percabeth, or at least I'm told from all the ghosts who claim they 'died' after reading that 'sweet story', so why don't we just dump in a sex scene and be done?"

"Yes," Grover muttered with a death or glory light in his eyes. "Sex sells. Look at '50 Shades of Filth', Percabeth sells. Why not combine both?"

Percy backed off. "No, you sick goat."

Grover looked at him. "It would work."

Hades sighed. "3 reviews, 300 reviews, who cares? We're all going to die in the end, for die we must."

Percy turned to look at him, pointing the Master bolt at him. "You know, this is why Persephone dumped you. You're a little-feel-sorry-for-yourself-bit-of-shit!"

Hades looked at him. "You think so, eh? You just told me I'm God of the Dead. You think you can face me?"

He stood and Percy realised just how tall he was.

Hades sighed, before calling to the roof. "You can come in now."

Ghosts poured in, all wearing One Direction T-Shirts.

Hades pointed at Percy. "He's Harry Styles! He'll give you a kiss if you grab him!"

They charged with only the force that a mob of screaming One Direction fans could.

Percy went pale with the impending horror. He threw pearls from his pockets to Grover and Annabeth.

"Crush them!" He shouted, throwing his down and crushing it under his foot.

Bubbles appeared around them, encasing them as the girls struck.

The magic was powerful but it was straining under the power of 15,000 Harry Style fans.

But before Percy's was shattered, the pearl started rushing up to the ceiling.

Percy closed his eyes and the pearl hit the roof.

**Hope you liked that. BTW, I'm really grateful for you guys taking the time to review unlike the other hundreds who didn't seem to care. Or just hated it, but whatever. I went a little crazy on this one, listening to my favourite music as I did so (no, not One Direction), which I bet you can't guess. Please vote in the Poll and go to my Forum while you're on my profile. Some stories do reach 700 reviews, and I'd like to be one. Please review anyway if you appreciate what I'm doing (sitting, locked in a room, writing) and don't be a Hades. Get out there and enjoy life! Review. Kudos to all who do! Oh and cheer Hades up. Vote for him in the poll! Go on, he's so sad. **


	15. Van Morrison PWNs Ares

***Falls off chair onto floor and dies* Okay! I'm back! You guys rock so much! I mean, I saw your reviews and thanks to the guy you did 6 or so! Wow! Thanks for helping to reach our goal of 700 reviews! I thought you guys would hate me for that, but I shouldn't have though that of a bunch of awesome people I've never met! Thanks, I can't really say more besides Poll it up, check the Forum and please review! Thanks. A word from the characters.**

**Percy and his friends would like to thank you for making this successful.**

**Percy: Yeah, thanks for reading this crappy-**

**Annabeth: Okay Percy! That's good. We'd like to thank the people for reviewing and would inform them with these notices. Yes, More Percabeth will be coming soon, but our age at this point IS against us, so… that's why we're doing the entire series! YES! The Lost Hero, Son of Neptune and all! Grover, would like to say anything?**

**Grover: Nope.**

**Annabeth: Okay, just read the story and review!**

**Yeah, what she said. Oh, and listen to 'Brown Eyed Girl' by Van Morrison, when it comes in. You'll get the picture so much better. Trust me!**

"**What was your plan?"**

They had encountered Ares on the beach, just after they had escaped the Underworld. They had accused him off the whole Lightning Thief thing, and he hadn't denied it. That didn't seem good to Percy.

Ares shrugged. "Sure you can understand it."

"If you can, I certainly will," Percy retorted.

Ares bared his teeth. "Yeah, well your face won't understand it."

"Ouch, rush me to the hospital. I'll drop in by the stupid department to see you while I'm there."

"Yeah, well your mom will be there-"

"Hey, Perce," Grover put in. "You completely forgot about getting your mom back from the Underworld."

Percy face palmed himself. "Damn. I knew I forgot something."

"How could you forget your mother?" Ares asked.

Percy shook his head. "I don't know. Shoddy writing."

Ares seemed to sit up, almost like he'd just remembered something. "Hey, did you get my shield? You know, Chapter 10?"

Percy looked up, distracted. "What? No."

"You little twat."

"What are you even doing here?"

Ares frowned. "Oh yeah! I had a plan."

Percy waved him on to continue. "Yes?"

"Well, it went like this. Okay, you have that backpack, which had the Master Bolt in all the time really, just timed to appear at Hades gates. So then he would have the Master Bolt after you died, Poseidon would hate him, declare war, death, all that, Zeus would hate him because he had the Bolt and attack, and then Hera would attack due to that trick of the Bolt Zeus put up, rigged for Hades name, so he would die, Athena has lost her TV network due to Hades, so she would attack, and followed suit due to cards that the rest of the Gods would too. Then Hermes would swoop in and steal the Bolt, give it to me, who would then become the target, but then I would talk to Hades who would deny all knowledge and pretty soon we have a nice 3 way going on. Also, I have that sucker's helmet!"

He pulled a ski cap out of his pocket, which turned into an elaborate bronze war helmet as he set it down o n his bike.

Percy raised his hand. "Problem."

Ares looked at him. "Feel free to piss yourself then."

Percy smiled at him. "Can't you see it?"

Ares grinned at him. "Sorry, I don't look at other guys junk."

Percy nodded, grinning back. "Cool, sure. At least I have some, but I wasn't talking about 'us', I was talking about your plan."

"What?" Ares looked worried.

Percy raised his hands. "Now, it's not really your fault you're stupid, so it's not really your fault your plan sucks, but you should have got Athena to look over it."

Percy walked forward. "You have the Master Bolt, the Helmet of Darkness and unless you let me get away, my death on your hands, right?"

"Yeah…"

"So, Zeus attacks you because you have his Bolt, Poseidon attacks you because you killed me, and Hades attacks you because you have his Helmet. So, you get killed. See?"

Ares went pale. "Shit…," he walked towards Percy. "Give me the bag, I need to sort this."

Percy stood his ground. "No."

Ares looked at him. "Fuck off Jackson, before I have to do serious harm to you."

Percy pulled out Retard. "Single combat. You kill me, you get to go, I defeat you, and I get the helmet."

Ares looked down, his eyes starting to glow. "Why don't I just kill you now?"

Percy snorted. "That would save your ass from getting whipped, wouldn't it?"

Ares looked up. "Fine. Weapons?"

Percy drew Retard and held it up.

Ares looked at it before grinning. "Is that what I think it is?"

Percy frowned. "What?"

"Is that Riptide?"

"What if it is?"

Ares laughed. "Kid, you are so screwed with that blade. You don't know how many people it's killed?"

Percy shifted uneasily. "What do you mean?"

"That sword has killed more of its owners than monsters. Jason, Theseus, Hercules-"

"He died from a poisoned toga." Annabeth pointed out.

Ares looked at her. "Is that what Chiron told you? No, he died from that sword fucking up and getting him killed. Orpheus fell to it too."

"But he had a lyre. He was a musician." Percy stated.

"Another lie. He died to that sword. Just about every hero in Greek History has died to Riptide. You think Achilles was a better fighter than Hector. No! Hector's sword retarded up and he got killed, it's cursed. And you can never get rid of it."

Percy looked at Retard. He could believe it. "Why did Chiron give it to me?"

Ares grinned again. "Prophecy kid, prophecy."

Percy looked up. "What prophecy?"

Ares pulled a huge two handed word out of the air. "I've said enough."

He raised his sword. "Ready to die?"

Percy was about to respond about the prophecy, before he heard Grover and Annabeth run up.

Annabeth pulled off her necklace with its beads and gave it to Percy.

"Here," it had a good many beads and what looked suspiciously like a gold ring on it.

"What's the ring?" Percy asked.

Annabeth looked at it. "That? Oh, I stole it from my Dad. Thought I could hock it or something."

"Nice," Percy said, putting it on.

Grover came up. "Yeah, this is a tin can I took from some Hobo."

Percy backed off. "Where did you find it?"

"On this beach a second ago."

"Aurgh, I don't want your Hobo can."

Grover shoved it n him. "Take it Perce and be lucky it's not his shit."

Percy took it. "Fine, dick. I've got it. Maybe I'll use it."

"Hello? Are we going to fight?" Ares asked.

Percy turned around. "Yeah, let's do it."

They circled each other for a long time, before Ares approached, swinging his sword down. His speed was immense.

Percy ducked to one side, cutting down with Retard.

Ares parried it to one side, before spinning and thrusting with his sword.

Percy dodged to one side, swinging his blade to Ares' head.

Ares ducked, swung his sword low, Percy jumping up, before bringing it around. Percy parried and dodged, but he was wearing out, while Ares was just getting started.

Percy blocked a cut, stabbed at Ares' head which was deflected, before blocking, spinning and pushing Ares' sword up into the air. Percy went to stab at the now unprotected stomach, but Ares used his hand to push Retard down by the flat of the blade, and kick Percy in the stomach.

Percy went flying into a sand dune. He barely rolled away as Ares stabbed down, swinging his sword at his legs, which Ares blocked, before kicking Percy in the face.

They continued to fight down the beach, towards the sea. Once Percy stepped into the surf, he felt new strength and drove Ares back, dodging a wild swing and cutting his leg.

Ares growled as they continued to fight.

Percy felt himself get pushed out of the sea and onto ground, Ares driving him back again.

Percy tried to use Luke's advice and feint with his hips, but Ares blocked easily and kept pushing.

Grover looked at Annabeth. "Percy's losing."

Annabeth was biting her nails. "I know." Then she looked up. "I know what he needs!"

"Music!" Grover agreed.

Percy felt Retard finally go, as Ares blade went right through Retard. He ducked, to be kneed by Ares in the stomach.

He fell to the ground, Ares sword at his throat.

"Last words?" Ares asked him.

Then he heard it. Music, the starting tune of 'Brown Eyed Girl'.

He felt strength come back. He brought Retard crashing into Ares sword.

_Whoooo!_

Percy pushed Ares sword away, springing to his feet.

Annabeth and Grover started clapping to the beat of the music.

Percy drove Ares back.

_Slipping and sliding _

Percy slipped Ares blade along his._  
All along the water fall, with you._

Percy swung his hips, dodging and kicking Ares._  
Do you remember when we used to sing,_

Percy pushed Ares away._  
Sha la la la la la la la la la la te da_

Percy started dancing; free style with Annabeth, Grover and the beach Hobo's.

_Just like that,_

_Sha la la la la la la la la la la te da_

Ares tried to thrust, but Percy caught it with his sword and twisted around, disarming Ares.

_Do you remember when we used to sing,_

_Sha la la la la la la la la la la te da_

Ares punched, Percy caught his arm and twisted it around, dropping low, and driving his sword through Ares' thigh.

Ares' cry of pain blew Percy and the hobos away, including half the ocean.

Percy hit the ground heavily. He shook his head, trying to get back onto his feet, as Ares looked at him.

Ares face was furious, angrier than Percy had ever seen anyone's.

"You are dead Jackson! I will not forget this!"

He started limping towards Percy, raising his sword above his head.

Darkness descended over the beach, Ares stopping in his tracks.

The Furies were circling above, singing that dreadful 'Death, Glorious Death' song.

Ares looked back at Percy. "Your mom is dead!"

Percy got to his feet unsteadily. "Yeah, well your mom is dead."

Ares snarled before he started to glow.

Annabeth tackled Percy around the middle, bringing him down.

Percy saw the sand light up, hurting his eyes, before silence.

He rolled over slowly to see Annabeth lying next to him, her eyes closed tightly shut.

Percy made to brush a bit of hair out of her face, before thinking better of it.

"Annabeth, he's gone."

She opened her grey eyes to look at Percy, relieved.

"Why did you tackle me?" Percy asked.

Annabeth looked at him steadily. "If you look at him, you burn up. You can't look at… you know," she trailed off.

Percy smiled. "Thanks. It would have sucked to die straight after I defeated him."

Annabeth grinned. "He didn't like Van Morrison."

"Yeah… well."

"Look," Annabeth said, her tongue pressed against her cheek. "I-, "she seemed to choke on the word. "I… I'm- I'm really happy you're not dead, Percy."

Percy nodded. "You too."

"I'm… I, well, I'm glad to be your friend."

"Right," Percy nodded. "Because we weren't before."

Annabeth looked at him, before pointing awkwardly at his neck. "Could I- Erm, I'd like my-"

Percy looked down at her necklace, on his neck. "Oh," he blushed. "Yeah, sorry-"

"You'll get one of your own-" Annabeth tried to explain.

"No, it's yours so, I wouldn't take it-"

"It's got lots of stuff you-"

"Yeah, I wasn't there, it would be, you know-"

"Not right."

"Yeah, I guess."

"Not that it's wrong, I mean I know-"

Percy handed it over. "I'll get my own."

"Yeah," Annabeth nodded.

"Well that was fucking fantastic!" Grover cried.

Percy sighed before getting up. "Yeah Grover, it was."

Grover looked at the two of them. "Yeah, well, if you two lovebirds are ready to get off we have a Master Bolt to return."

Percy brushed off his jeans, before seeing the Furies waiting nearby.

"I'll deal with them," he said, trudging off to them, taking the Helmet from where it lay in the sand.

Grover looked at Annabeth.

"'I'm really glad to be your friend'? Seriously, that's the best you could come up with?"

Annabeth sat up. "How much do you know Grover?"

"Enough," he answered, looking at his nails.

Annabeth got up. "And what's that?"

Grover looked at Annabeth. "I _know _you fancy Percy."

Annabeth shook her head. "You're deluded, you old goat."

She walked past him, over to where Percy was talking to the Furies.

"So," Percy was saying. "You won't sing that song again if we give you the helmet?"

Alecto looked at her sisters, before nodding. "Deal."

Percy shook hands with them, before giving the helmet over.

Annabeth came up behind. "So… done?"

Percy looked around at her. "Not yet, I'm afraid. We still have to get that Master Bolt back."

Percy looked over at where the reporters and police were looking at them.

Annabeth followed his gaze. "I think I have an idea."

**Please review. Let's get to that stupid goal of 700 reviews and make this thing go down in 'The Writer Has Too Much Time On His Hands' history! Please review. Thanks. Below!**

**Gods meet Perseus Jackson next time!**


	16. Gods Meet Me, I Meet Gods

**Review please. I'm not going to say much and annoy you, but remember; you make this story come alive. Lame, but true. Please take time to review, unlike ChironPedo980; writes me a message saying he won't review. It's less work to just review, but anyway. So, please do.**

**Percy's finally meeting his daddy!**

**Percy walked up to the counter.**

The guy was bald with weird blue eyes, absorbed by a little book he was reading. Percy wasn't sure how he'd gotten to the Empire State building, considering how no-one had told him about it, but he put it down to bad writing, just like that other plot point he couldn't remember now.

"I need to see Zeus." Percy stated.

The guy looked up. "What?"

"You heard me?"

"What?"

Percy frowned. "I need to see Zeus, counter guy."

"What?"

"Ermm, the God of Thunder and stuff."

The guy looked blank. "What?"

Percy looked around, before leaning in close. "It's okay, I'm a demigod and I have Zeus' lightning bolt. It's cool, we're tight."

"What?"

Percy was very confused now. Maybe the guy was faking (probably) or he was just stupid.

"Where are the toilets?" Percy asked.

"What?"

Yep, just stupid.

Percy shrugged before walking past the guy who started to stare at the wall.

He made his way to the lift, figuring they'd be a sign.

He got in, and looked at the buttons. Nothing special. Suddenly, a guy came out of a door and approached Percy.

"Hello young man, what do you want?"

Percy looked at him before asking: "Can I see Zeus. I have his stupid Bolt and the guy over there is being almost as much a retard as my sword."

The guy looked over. "Oh, him? Forget it." He pointed at a new button. "600th floor."

Percy looked at it. "Thanks. Hey," he leaned in. "Are you a demigod?"

"No."

"Oh, okay. Can you see through the mist?"

"No."

"Oh… do you know about the whole Greek thing?"

"What Greek thing?"

Percy pointed at the button. "What about that? And Zeus?"

Just then a guy in a suit came through the doors and got in Percy's lift, before hitting the 6ooth button.

Percy looked over at him. "Hey? You know about Zeus, huh?"

The guy nodded. "Yeah, dick gave me extra work."

Percy nodded. "Oh? Demigod?"

"A what?" The guy looked at him like he was mad.

Percy blushed. "Sorry."

The guy stared at him. "You're young. What are you doing here?"

"Delivering the most powerful weapon in the universe to the King of the Gods, Zeus, Lord of the Sky."

The guy nodded. "Ah, a home call then."

Percy agreed. "Pretty much."

When they got to the top, Percy nearly said "What?"

Sure, the floating stone bit was weird, and the flying mountain, but other than that it looked like a suburban town, with a huge building rising in the background.

The guy ran off, and Percy walked out alone onto the pavement.

A couple of guys on bikes shot past, some kids played in the back gardens but other than that all was quite quiet. Just… everyone looked weird. Like… minor gods, or demigods at the least.

Percy reckoned the guy in the lift must have been a minor god. Makes sense why he's working under Zeus then.

Percy was lost though. Where did Zeus live? The tower? Hephaestus Inc. Somehow Percy didn't think so.

He caught an old lady as she walked past.

"Excuse me, where does Zeus live?"

She looked at him. "Zeus? You mean Hera's husband; with little Artemis and Apollo?"

Sounded right. "Sure," Percy answered.

She thought. "Oh, Number 13, Olympus Lane."

"Thanks," Percy muttered as she walked off. He had expected streets with temples, like an old Greek city, not a simple American Suburb. It was nice, don't get that wrong, but it didn't scream 'Most Powerful Things Live Here.'

Percy walked over to the side of the road, wondering where Number 13 was before a bus pulled up.

"Get in," said the bored looking demigod.

Percy climbed in. "I'd like Number 13, Olympus Lane. Zeus' place."

"Never heard of it. Got Olympus Lane, though you'll have to find the house yourself." He looked Percy over. "Got your ticket?"

"No," Percy said surprised. "But I can get off. Just give me directions."

The guy looked over at him. "Got a drachma for a ticket?"

"No, sorry."

The guy's face softened. "Forget it. Just get in."

"Thanks," Percy said.

He got driven up to a lane near the end of the mountain, unto a lane with nice gardens on the edge of the cliff. Dangerous, but Percy reckoned if you were immortal you didn't have to worry about death.

Percy got off the bus and started walking down the lane. Each house had its own, very big area, so Percy just looked at the first house, deciding it was No. 1, instead of walking all the way to the porch of it through its garden.

He passed houses until he got to the one he judged to be 13, very weirded out, before opening the gate and walking inside.

He made his way up the little foot path, just imagining Zeus grumbling as he made it. It was all so _normal. _He's expected a big palace.

He approached the door, and saw a man, in a deckchair, enjoying the sun. A 12 year old girl was sitting cross legged on the grass, reading, while a woman sat next to the man, reading a magazine. A small table held some sandwiches, and some lemonades. It was set for four. Percy wondered where the fourth was.

The man spotted him first. "Is that the Perseus Jackson?" He nudged the girl. "Arty, is it him? You've talked about him enough."

The girl looked up, before blushing furiously. She mumbled something in her dad's ear, before taking off into the house.

Percy looked after her, before looking at the dad.

He was tall and well built, but in a subtle way. He was wearing a simple button shirt and some shorts. He was handsome, with a proud look, but he also had that bumble look of a father with teenage kids. He had black hair with grey steaks and a stubbly chin.

"What happened to your beard?" Percy asked. It was the first thing he could think of.

The woman got up. "Hello Percy, we're very happy to see you. Would you like some biscuits?"

She was quite beautiful, with chocolate brown hair, warm eyes, and a slim figure. Percy guessed you didn't need to worry about 'losing your figure' thing when you're a god.

Percy looked over. "No, sorry, what's-"

"We understand it can be confusing." The woman, Hera, said. "Zeus' beard is gone because it was getting too wild. Wasn't it dear?" She looked over at Zeus.

"Well," Zeus mumbled, "Maybe a little. I thought you liked it wild?"

Hera smiled at him. "We're not in the Roman times anymore, honey. We've grown up."

Percy just watched the two gods talk about their 'teen years'. The sex must have been explosive.

Hera looked over at him again. "Zeus gets a little grumpy sometimes. Don't mind him." He laid her head against his chest. "He's a big softie."

Percy wasn't sure about that, but just nodded.

Zeus looked at him. "Do you have the bolt?"

Percy was glad to get back on normal terms.

"Yes," he shrugged off his backpack. "Right here."

He gave it over to Zeus, who took it.

"I have some stuff you might need to hear though," Percy said.

Zeus nodded. "Yeah… we'll talk in the living room. You can meet Artemis and Apollo. Oh, here he comes now!"

A guy walked round the corner of the house. He was short and squat, dressed in sunglasses, shorts, a backwards baseball cap, and a string vest which was too short. Despite his clothes he was very muscled and looked formidable. He was carrying a garbage bag.

"The _Ahnhemhoi thuellhai _ghot ihn theh twash aghain Dhad." He said.

Then he saw Percy. He stopped, dropping the trash and taking off his sunglasses.

He looked at Zeus. "Ihs thihs theh ghuy?"

Zeus nodded. Apollo looked back at Percy before charging him. "AHRGHHGG!"

Percy stepped back and grabbed Apollo's outstretched arms, twisting them, and throwing Apollo over. He planted his knees on Apollo to hold him down.

"Lhet mhe uhp!" Apollo shouted, trying to wiggle free.

"Calm down!" Percy said, holding him.

Zeus came over as Apollo calmed down. Percy got off him, before rising to his feet.

"Sorry," Zeus told Percy. "I have stuff to tell you too."

Apollo looked at Percy. "Dhon't thouch herh."

"What?" Percy asked.

Zeus nodded. "I'll need to explain. Inside." He looked at Apollo. "Calm down. Percy doesn't have a clue." He turned on Percy. "Right?"

Percy nodded. "Right."

Hera came over, apologising and brushing his shirt down, before leading him in.

Apollo looked at Zeus. "Sowwy dhaddhy. Ih whoulhd hahve hahd hihm, bhut thihs gwavhel mhade mhe shlip."

Zeus shook his head. "Why don't you do some more butt flexes," he said, before walking into the house.

**Percy was sitting in the living room, on a nice sofa, as Hera bustled about.**

Percy had refused sandwiches, but he given them anyway, so he started eating. He hadn't realised how hungry he was.

Zeus and Apollo came in, the former sitting in a chair next to Percy, thanking Hera for the drink, before looking at him. The latter sat on the other chair on Percy's left, picking up some weights and starting to work out. There was no sign of Artemis.

Zeus made to say something but Percy got their first.

"Sorry sir, but I have a request."

Zeus looked at him, but Hera answered. "Of course. What is it?"

"My mother is still stuck in the Underworld. Could you-"

Hera got up at once and went over to the phone, putting a number. They all watched as she was connected.

"Hello? Yes, this is Hera. I need to speak to Hades. No, I don't care if he's- not again. Put me over."

Zeus got Percy's attention again by holding up the Master Bolt.

"Okay, you answer my questions, and I'll answer yours." Zeus said.

Percy nodded. "But me first."

Zeus sighed. "Fine."

Percy launched into an account of Ares' betrayal, and the weird dream with the voice.

Zeus and Apollo gave each other meaningful looks.

"What?" Percy asked.

Apollo looked at him. "Lhook Phercy, thish ihs vhery clhassifhied inforhmahtion."

"What?" Percy asked.

Zeus broke in. "The voice was something you don't need to worry about. Our problem. Trust us, we'll deal with it."

Percy wasn't satisfied, but they were gods, even if their house was smaller than his.

"Fine," Percy agreed, "but you need to tell me why Weights over here was trying to attack me."

Apollo stood up. "'Wheights'? dho yhou whant yhour ahss khicked?"

Zeus looked at him. "You're going to kick his ass?"

Apollo sat down, before mumbling. "Nho dhaddhy, Ih thought yhou werhe ghoing tho dho iht."

Zeus shook his head before looking at Percy. He jerked a thumb at Apollo. "He crawled off Olympus when he was little. You saw that the back garden was on the edge of a cliff. Sure, you can look down on the city, but it's dangerous."

Percy could totally see the damage falling off a cliff could do to Apollo's brain.

Zeus shrugged. "That, or it's his Steroids."

"Theyh're pwotien shakhes!" Apollo protested angrily.

Percy looked at them. "So that's why he attacked me?"

Zeus shook his head. "No, that's my question. Best finish your stuff first."

Just then, Hera came back and sat on Zeus chair, just managing to squeeze in.

"Your Mom's safe Percy." She smiled.

"Thanks," Percy said. He pointed at the Master Bolt. "So… the voice wanted that as a weapon?"

Zeus looked at it, confused. "Weapon?"

Percy looked at all their faces. They were all confused.

"Isn't it a weapon?" Percy asked.

Zeus shook his head, before walking over to his television. He worked on it a bit, but when he sat down again, the television now had the Master Bolt attached to it.

Zeus grunted. "That is the most expensive 'H+Elysium package you can get."

Hera nodded. "Yup. We get over 30 channels, and 100MB free download a month. We also get Elysium Sport! And all for 40 drachmas a month!"

It sounded like a crappy deal to Percy. He remembered everyone calling the Bolt a '_Glorified Cable Connector'. _Now it made sense. It was a like a Sky Box.

"So that's it?" Percy asked.

Apollo looked at him strangely. "Whaht? Yhou thought iht whas ah wheaphon?"

The Zeus family laughed.

Percy was really confused now. He's risked his life to get a stupid Sky Box.

Zeus looked at it. "Yeah, it's not the best deal, but it's all we can afford. I wish Hephaestus would fall off a cliff."

Percy stared at him. "But… isn't he your son?"

Hera leant forward. "No, _Son-In-Law, _easy enough to mess up. He's Dite's Husband."

"Who?" Percy asked.

"Sorry, Aphrodite. Yes, and she fell right into it. A very successful man, Hephaestus. You saw that big building? That's his. He also owns 'Elysium TV' among other things. It's why we got such a good deal on the 'Master Bolt' package. It was very romantic. They met in college, and fell in love. They've been married for… oh, how long honey?" She looked at Zeus.

"3500ish years now." He grunted. Percy got the feeling Zeus didn't like Hephaestus.

"Yes," Hera agreed. "They got married very young, but it turned out okay."

Percy nodded. "Oh… does Aphrodite do anything for a living?"

"Well, they go on a load of holidays with their son, Cupid, he's just hit 1678 years old and he's a cutie."

Percy could just imagine the 1678 year old baby.

"And Aphrodite got her degree and became a fashion designer. She also does part time modelling, which Zeus and I aren't completely happy about, what with those beach shots, but she's very popular, and we are not going to interfere."

Zeus grunted. Another thing he didn't like. Percy bet she was popular. Goddess of beauty in her underwear on a beach? He was sure even Luke's head would turn.

"She always was very beautiful," Hera continued.

Just then an advert appeared on the TV.

A seriously beautiful woman with honey coloured hair, tanned skin and the delicate features of a teenage girl, just entering womanhood, came on.

"_Hey there. I'm Hebe, Goddess of Youth, and you want to know my secret."_

"Nho, bhut yhou'll thell uhs anhywhay." Apollo muttered.

They laughed like a little family, before continuing to watch.

Just then, a little caramel blur came down the stairs and sat on Percy's sofa, as far from as she could get.

"Is the Hebe advert on again?" She asked.

Hera nodded.

_I use 'Venus Desire-"_

"Aphrodite's brand," Hera told Percy.

"_-and it keeps me looking like a Goddess. Go down to any good beauty store and try it now. Instant results guaranteed." _She winked, which made Apollo blush, before it went onto ad advert for Tacos.

Zeus sighed. "Athena became a teacher at Uni, but Ares is the only slacker who didn't get anywhere. He's an 'Adventurer', which means he lives off our money."

Percy just nodded, before looking at the girl, who was trying to avoid his gaze.

She had chocolate brown hair, light skin, and she was a splitting image of her mother, Hera, just younger and she had the look of being more beautiful when she got older.

Zeus saw him looking. "That's Artemis, our daughter. Born under the Goddess of Hunt star, which is a powerful one," he smiled at her. It was clear he loved her.

"Hey, Arty," Zeus began, "why don't you go look at your big Percy Jackson poster again, while Percy and I talk?" He said kindly, oblivious to his daughter's embarrassment.

She blushed, before running as quick as she could.

Hera gave Zeus a burning look before following her.

Percy pretended not to hear that Artemis had a poster of him, or that they were even making merchandise. He cursed his beauty.

Zeus looked at him. Apollo did too. They looked quite similar too, both black haired with the proud look.

"So," Zeus began, "I'll be out with it. Artemis has had a crush on you ever since she saw you on TV. She has posters, the whole gig. Now… are you playing with her?"

Boxes checked in Percy's head. Her blushing, running away, all of it.

"No," Percy said firmly. "I'm… I'm very good looking, and I have this attraction around me. Annabeth calls it the Perseus Attraction."

"Whoh's Ahnnabheth?" Apollo asked.

It was Percy turn to blush. "No-one," he said quickly. "Anyway, I think it'll pass. Trust me, I'm sorry if I got your daughter to like me. I didn't mean too. It happens to everyone around me."

Zeus nodded. "You're not going to take her virginity?"

"Gods no, sir!"

Zeus nodded. "Okay, I believe you."

Apollo nodded, before holding out his hand which Percy took. "Ih'm sowwy Ih bheat yhou uhp."

_Yeah, remember who beat up who, Apollo_, but Percy didn't say anything.

The phone went, startling them all, and Hera came down to pick it up.

"Hello? Aphrodite! Good to hear from you. Yes, very well. You? You want to talk to Arty? Okay, I'll take you right up."

They heard her go up and hand the phone over.

Then they heard Artemis shouting.

"_You will not guess what dad did! Yes! He's HERE! I know! Then Dad just tells him all about my crush! Yes, right in front of him! Is he as good looking as on TV? Yes, yes he is. In fact, he's better. He smells like the sea! Better than the aftershave they're selling!"_

Percy got up. "Okay, I'd better go." He said quickly.

"Don't just leave because my son's a psycho." Zeus said.

Apollo looked at him. "Vhewy fhunny."

Percy got to the door, the Zeus household, (besides Arty upstairs), all thanking him, and telling him to come round anytime.

Percy nodded, said thanks a load of times etc. before he got to the door.

He opened it, and standing there was his dad. The father of Perseus 'The Attraction' Jackson, as he was being called by teenage heartthrob magazines, front page on all of them by the way.

Poseidon, God of the Sea.


	17. My Dad Stinks Fact

**Thanks for reviewing! You guys rock! One guy asked if I already had 700. Nope, I don't. Shame, but hey, we're near 300! YES! Okay, next chapter will finish the Lightning Thief, but I have a special treat for you guys, coming in 'Titan's Curse'. Just need to get past 'Sea of Monsters'. Honestly, 'SOM' probably won't be as long as this one, but Titan's Curse and Labyrinth have lots of ideas going for them, so… please review and tell me what you think of Poseidon and Percy.**

"**Excuse me mate, need to get through."**

Percy was shocked. His DAD, yes, daddy, pushed past him and made his way into the house. Percy was shocked by how alike they looked. He finally realised how he looked to others, incomparable. Poseidon looked like a 25 year old version of him, and Percy wasn't surprised that his mother went for him. Any woman who was asked would happily leap into his arms, and sometimes without even being asked.

Percy was again grateful to Annabeth for being so normal, and not falling for his inherited… whatever the Perseus Attraction was.

They were splitting images, besides the fact Poseidon smelt, had a beard, was wearing dirty shorts and a really disgusting shirt that might have been green once upon a time.

Zeus raised his eyebrows at Poseidon. "What is it this time, _Poseidon?"_

He emphasised the name, to really dig it into Percy that this was his dad.

Poseidon smiled, pointing back with his thumb. "Hey, yeah, my cardboard box was rained on again, so can I camp here for a while. I'll be out of your hair at 6pm or so, I've got this hot date, you would not believe-"

Hera cleared her throat, indicating the kids.

Poseidon stopped, before grinning again. "Hey kids, Hera, you're looking as beautiful as always."

He kissed her on the cheek, before exchanging a high five with Apollo.

"Hey kid, how's it hanging?"

"Whe habhe ah ghuest!"

"Didn't catch that Apollo. I'll assume you're good."

He straighten up, pointing at the Master Bolt.

"Wow, that's cool, you get new channels?"

"No," Hera answered. "That's the one that was stolen."

Poseidon nodded. "Uh huh, right, how'd you get it back?"

Zeus smiled. "Glad you asked."

Poseidon looked at all of them, grinning. "Is it just me, or are we all happy today?"

"I don't know. Is it?" Percy asked.

Poseidon turned around, and saw Percy. "Hey, you cool."

Percy shrugged. "Just returned a Master Bolt at great risk, nearly died, but I hear they have fireworks at Camp Half Blood, so…"

"You're good." Poseidon finished. He turned back to Zeus.

"Yo, big bro, who's the kid?" He pointed over his shoulder. He looked between Hera and Zeus. "Wait a sec… you two got _busy!"_

Zeus crossed his arms. "That's your son, Perseus Jackson."

"What, like the aftershave?" Poseidon asked.

"No, like your demigod son, by Sally Jackson."

Poseidon whipped around. "Sally?" He looked over Percy's shoulder, pushing back his black hair, just like Percy's. "Is she here?"

Percy scowled. "What do you think?"

Poseidon scratched his neck. "I think that if Sally was here, I'd know… who are you again?" He asked Percy.

"Your son."

Poseidon looked just like Percy when he got nervous. He licked his lips and coughed.

Percy nodded, before looking at Zeus. "Are you telling me my dad's a hobo?"

"Ah, ah," Poseidon cut in. "You can't just call me one. Define 'hobo'."

Percy shrugged. "Someone without a house. Someone who lives on the street."

Poseidon grimaced. "Fair enough."

Percy looked at him. "You _live on the street! _You're a fucking god!"

Poseidon raised a finger. "Perseus, stop swearing."

Percy blanched. "You leave me for 12 years and then you tell me off for _swearing _you hypocrite."

"Just because you've got my good looks Perseus, doesn't mean you can be a dick!"

"No, otherwise I'd be just like you." Percy replied scathingly.

Poseidon put his hands on his hips and turned away.

Percy looked out of the window, taking his hands off his hips, to cross his arms.

"You're impossible," he muttered. He flushed as he realised he's said it the same time as Poseidon.

"Look at me, Perseus." Poseidon asked.

Percy turned around and Poseidon uncrossed his arms. Percy flushed again, stuffing his hands in his pockets quickly.

"Look," Poseidon began. "Sorry. But deal with it."

Percy couldn't take anymore. He ripped out Retard and pushed Poseidon against the wall, his sword pointing at his chest.

"YOU JUST COME AND-," he spotted shouting as Poseidon laughed.

"You make me crack up kid. I can't believe you were threatening me with that sword." He cocked an eyebrow. "You know about its history?"

Percy nearly spit as he sheathed Retard and put it back in his pocket.

"I hate you."

Poseidon pushed himself off the wall casually. "Yeah… well. Can't choose your daddy. You're the talk of the land, Perseus. You certainly picked up my looks. Yeah… I can get so many girls with this."

Percy glared at him. "You're the reason I've been chased by monsters all over America."

Poseidon shrugged. "Sorry. Our Attraction aura with your big three aura will get you fucked. Sorry."

"At least I don't live in a cardboard box," Percy muttered.

Poseidon scowled. "Yeah? Well I'd take the cardboard box to that gay pussyless camp you go to."

Percy tried to stand taller which was hard considering Poseidon had to be topping 6'2.

"It has girls, thank you. We have the whole Aphrodite cabin! They're hot."

Poseidon laughed. "Yeah, well… if you can pull any."

"If you can, I will certainly be able to."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, just it must go stale when you take your dates to your cardboard box after dinner."

Poseidon grinned at him. "That's my boy."

Percy turned away. "I'm not your 'boy'."

Poseidon shrugged. "Yeah, sorry about the lame sword I gave you. Hey! How about next Christmas I get you a brother!"

Percy looked around. "Err, no, I know how you would get me a brother." Percy looked down at Poseidon's 'stuff'.

Poseidon leaned down. "What? Don't think I could do it?"

Percy snorted. "My mum's married now. Good luck."

Poseidon winked. "Want a bet?"

"You're on."

Percy shook Poseidon's hand.

"Like crap is she going to have sex with a stinky tramp like you." Percy laughed.

Poseidon clapped his shoulder. "You old enough to drive?"

"I'm twelve."

"Oh… You take shotgun." He turned to the Zeus' "Bye guys. Come on kid." He put a hand on Percy's head and steered him out of the door.

Percy tried to push his hand off, but Poseidon ruffled his hair before running to the car parked outside.

Percy was grumpy from Poseidon acting like a dad… and he was liking it. Sue him, he hadn't had a dad for twelve years. And secretly a part of him wanted his hobo dad to get back together with his mum. It'd be nice. Like a real family.

But Percy laughed when he saw the car. "Ha, ha, I am not getting in the Wankmobile."

"Come on Perseus. It's a 1985 Yugo GV. It's a classic."

"Yeah, down the tip." Percy commented. "I mean, I'd rather ride shotgun on a Harpy's shoulder than get in this!"

Poseidon looked around. "Yeah, so I don't have much money."

Percy walked to the door, opening it. "Oh my god, it has a tape deck."

"Get in." Poseidon scowled.

Percy got in and closed the door. "And look," he struggled with the window rollers. "It has manual windows."

Poseidon scowled as he started the car up and drove off, Percy happily commenting on all the cars shit features.

**Percy wasn't sure how but the drove to his mum's. Weird, since they'd been on a mountain.**

Poseidon brushed his hair out of his face just like Percy and knocked on the door.

Gabe opened the door.

"Yeah?"

Poseidon grinned. "Hey, I'm Perseus' dad, and I'd like to talk to Sally Jackson."

Gabe looked him up and down. "I don't think so tough guy."

Poseidon frowned. "Who the fuck are you? Her door man?"

Gabe caught sight of the car. "Oh my god! Is that your car?"

Poseidon looked at the Yugo. "Nope, someone else's."

"Really? How'd you get here?"

"Walked," Poseidon replied.

Gabe looked at him.

"Don't look so surprised," Poseidon said, "just because you've lost the ability, doesn't mean everyone else has. Now, I'm seeing Sally."

He tried to push past Gabe, but Gabe pushed him back.

"I don't think so."

Poseidon grinned. "No, pizza boy. Okay then…" he cracked his knuckles.

"**Better luck next time dad."**

Poseidon held his split lip.

They were hiding at the side of the house after Poseidon had been beaten up by Gabe.

Poseidon shook his head. "No, no, this isn't over yet." He looked up, before springing up and making his way over to the gutter pipe.

"What are you doing?" Percy asked.

Poseidon gripped it and started to climb. "Be back in a second Percy."

Percy watched him climb all the way to the window, pull himself in, and close it behind him.

Percy sat down and waited. He could have sat in the Yugo, but that would have been embarrassing.

He waited for what seemed like hours until the front door burst open and Poseidon came flying out, pulling on his shirt.

Percy chased after him, as he yelled:

"Run Percy! Come on!"

Percy jumped in the Yugo, rolling up his window as Gabe came running.

Poseidon tried to start the engine.

"Come on you little bitch!" Poseidon shouted at the car.

The engine whined to life and Poseidon stepped on it. They whizzed up the drive, slamming into Gabe and sending him up and over, before driving off.

Percy swore he could see his mother shouting goodbye through the window.

He turned back to Poseidon. "What'd you do, Dad?"

Poseidon grinned at him. "Gave you a brother."

**Okay, please take the time to review!**

**One more 'Episode' and we move onto 'Season 2' of 'The Perseus Attraction'. I have some really good stuff planned, and 'Season 3' will be packed with Percabeth, I can assure you! Please tell me what you thought of Poseidon and the Yugo. Anyone who watches 'The Inbetweeners' will see where it came from. **

**Please review! **


	18. The Season One Finale

**Season Finale of 'The Perseus Attraction'**

"**How about I drop you off at the gates?"**

Percy groaned. "I don't think so Dad. You got me here; now just leave me alone before anyone sees the car."

Poseidon looked at the dashboard. "This car isn't too bad."

Percy tried to open the door, but it was wedged shut.

"Yeah, it is," Percy grunted. He pushed against it with all his weight, and the door flew open, ejecting Percy into the mud.

Poseidon laughed. "Go on! Pick up a girl with _that_ over your face." He drove off, leaving Percy to climb out of the mud alone.

"Hey! Percy's back!"

Percy looked up to see the entire camp watching him.

"**Mud is totally in now!"**

Percy watched the Aphrodite cabin rush past, off to find mud to cover themselves in. Obviously, since he had worn mud for an hour, everyone else felt they needed to.

Percy reclined against the drinks table, watching everyone rush around the campfire, shouting, laughing etc.

Chiron rolled up in his wheelchair.

"Can't be bothered to walk?" Percy asked casually.

Chiron shrugged. "Learn anything from the quest?"

Percy nodded. "A few things."

Chiron grinned at him. "Learn about your water powers?"

"No, I was thinking more about friendship and stuff."

"Screw that. Who gives a shit about friends?"

Percy nudged him with his drink. "Oh, yeah, the Underworld is coming for you."

Chiron shrugged. "CBA."

"What?"

"Can't be asked to care."

"Right…" Percy looked at the huge party before him. "Do you always do one of the these for returning heroes?"

"Nope." Chiron was staring at him. "Just for you."

Percy nodded uneasily. "I'm going to find Grover and Annabeth."

Chiron slapped his ass, making Percy drop his drink.

"Take Annabeth to Cabin 1. I won't tell anyone."

Percy fake smiled, before walking swiftly away, swearing not to get anywhere near Cabin 1.

He pushed through the crowd, before being stopped by a group of Athena and Aphrodite girls.

"Excuse me," Percy asked, trying to get past.

They smiled at him. "You're Percy, aren't you?"

One of the girls hit the one who'd spoken. "Of course he is. Who else is that hot?"

Percy tried to get past. "Okay, I need to find my friends."

"You don't need them. We can show you a good time."

Percy looked at them. "Undoubtedly, but I don't have time."

They pouted. "We swear we won't take long. We just need a corner, some water, and this-"

She reached for Percy's cock, but he pushed her hand away, and nearly ran past.

"Leave you cabin open!" They shouted wickedly.

Percy needed to make a list of all the things he'd need to remember. In this case: lock the cabin door.

He ran through the crowd, until he found Grover, talking to a petite dryad.

"Grover, where's Annabeth?"

Grover looked around at him. "Hey Perce, have you met-"

"Oh no…" Percy looked into the crowd and saw Mr D striding towards him.

"Hide me," he asked Grover.

But it was too late. Mr D came up to him, holding out a drink for him.

"Don't worry," he sniffed, "it's a sophisticated drink, unlike the childish stuff these kids are drinking."

Percy looked around to see that Grover and his company had disappeared.

"Drink," Mr D pressed.

Percy took a sip.

"Wait, is this Ribena?"

Mr D laughed gaily. "No, it's Zimto, so much more mature."

"Isn't that the one with the advert of fruit killing themselves and stuff?"

Mr D looked offended. "It most certainly is not!"

"Yeah, it is." Percy said.

Mr D changed the subject.

"So, Percy, do you like the music?"

"Since its Katy Perry, the only music the camp seems to like… no."

"Oh? Do you like Punk?"

"Not really."

"How about Classic?"

"I think not."

"How about pop?"

Percy had just seen Annabeth.

"Yeah, I need to go."

He didn't wait for an answer before walking away.

Then his arm was grabbed again.

"What the fuck is it this time?!" He spun around to see a little girl from the Demeter cabin, who ran off in tears.

Percy made to apologise before he was stopped again, this time by some girl whose cabin he couldn't place.

"Hey there Percy! You want to have it?" She clung to Percy, clearly drunk. On what, Percy didn't know, considering there was no alcohol, but whatever.

"Erm, no," he tried to push her off. Percy realised that it was not in the wilderness where the Perseus Attraction would get him killed. It was a party full of girls.

"Come on, don't be a wuss. You're too good looking to be frigid."

He tried to slip her hand down, but another grabbed it before she could.

Annabeth was finally there.

She ripped the girl off Percy, and dragged her off to one of the cabins, Percy just watching as she went.

A couple of minutes, Annabeth came out again, and made her way up to Percy.

"Hey Seaweed Brain, where have you been?"

Percy blinked. "What did you do with the girl?"

"Oh, just put her to bed."

Percy never saw the girl again.

They walked through the crowd, trying to find a quiet spot.

Annabeth sat on the table, as Percy leant against it.

"Water?" Percy asked.

Annabeth nodded.

"Watch this," Percy muttered.

He stretched a hand out to the drinks table. He locked onto the water in two cups, solidifying it, and pulling it out. He brought it towards them.

"Gods," Annabeth muttered, her eyes shining.

Percy caught the solid water, and gave it to Annabeth.

Annabeth laughed. "Wow, Percy, what did you do?"

"Drink it quick, I can't hold it." He gasped.

"Percy, how do I drink solid water?"

Percy's concentration slipped and the water splashed all over them. Percy was fine (he didn't get wet) but Annabeth's jeans were soaked.

"Sorry," Percy mumbled.

Annabeth looked at him. "Next time, bring the cups too."

Percy nodded. "Yeah, sorry. I'm getting better though!"

"What? At splashing girls?"

Percy looked down. "Sorry."

Annabeth waved a hand to brush the subject away.

"Forget that. Did you know they're having the fireworks soon?"

Percy nodded again. "Yeah? That should be good."

"After that you get your beads necklace."

Percy smiled. "Great. Be part of the camp."

"You already are."

Percy cleared his throat. "Annabeth, have you ever met your mother?"

"Once."

"Was she a hobo?"

Annabeth looked puzzled. "Should she have been?"

"No, it's just-"

"PARTY!" Chiron came rolling over, carrying two bottles.

"Hey Percy, Annabeth! Look what I got!"

"Is that beer?" Annabeth asked.

At least Percy knew how that girl had gotten drunk.

"Shoot yes!"

Mr D came suddenly through the crowd.

"Those are mine!" He whined.

Chiron looked at him. "Nah."

"You stole them!"

"No, you couldn't hold onto them when I took them!"

"Give it back!"

"That's what she said!"

Percy stood up. "Okay guys, stop being childish. I need to talk to you anyway," Percy told Chiron.

Chiron sat up. "Yeah?"

"About my sword."

Chiron nodded. "Push me away."

Percy took the back of Chiron's wheelchair, saying bye to Annabeth, leave me alone to Mr D, and then he started pushing Chiron out of the crowd.

"I need a new sword. What's in the weapon stores?"

Chiron shrugged. "Nothing."

"What? Surely there's something."

"Well, you see," Chiron began awkwardly. "It got stolen."

Percy stopped them. "What do you mean?"

Chiron looked at him. "We had one, but it was stolen while you were away."

"By who?"

Chiron looked deeply ashamed. "By a mortal."

"But… but they can't get in!"

"I know. It's embarrassing enough, so keep it down."

"So I'm stuck with Retard!"

"Yup. Sorry. Your fates are entwined."

Percy memory was jolted. "Right, the prophecy."

"How did you know about that?"

"Ares told me. What is it about? Me? My sword?"

Chiron shook his head. "Can't tell ya. Annabeth will let it all slip soon though, the little grass."

"Right! So you won't get me a new sword. I'm stuck with this crap thing?"

Chiron nodded. "Yup."

"It has a LED light! Come on!"

Chiron shrugged. "Go bother someone else. Oh, and we need a new weapon shop BTW."

Percy's face contorted. "Fine, whatever." He pushed Chiron's wheelchair down the beach.

"Percy! Wait, we can talk. Wait, I can't swim! I'm a disabled horse! PERCY!"

He screamed like a little girl as Percy let go, watching him roll down, picking up speed until he disappeared under a dip.

Percy walked away as he heard a slash.

**In the end it turned out Chiron had jumped out of his wheelchair onto the sand, breaking all of his legs and wetting himself. He was still in the Big House, hiding.**

Meanwhile, the camp was at bonfire night.

Percy had never seen such spectacular sights. The Hephaestus cabin made fireworks like no other, so tightly linked it looked like they were moving in the sky.

He was sitting next to Annabeth, on a blanket with some drinks, when Grover came up.

"Hey, Grover, take a- wait, why are you dressed like that?"

Grover was all dressed up in mortal clothes, a backpack with a hat, hiding his growing horns.

He breathed heavily. "You know the quest we did?"

"I could hardly forget it."

"Well, apparently I was shit on it, so I have to look for Pan."

Percy stood up. "But you were great."

Annabeth picked her nails. "Sorry, but what did Grover do but moan?"

Percy looked at her. "He did loads! He, erm, he read maga-, no, erm, what about saving us from the Casino?"

Annabeth shrugged. "You took part in that. It was not really his thing."

"Well… I don't know, but Grover was good! Oh, how about the tickets for the train from that poodle!"

Grover grasped his shoulder. "Forget it. I do this for a couple of years otherwise its death. It'll be fine. I can just chill. You don't _really _need to look for Pan."

"But," Percy spluttered.

"Can I talk to Annabeth, Percy?"

Percy nodded. "I'm going to miss you Grover. You'll find Pan."

Grover hugged him, before pushing him away. "You're not gay Percy. Don't be a pussy."

Percy smiled. "Get out of here."

Grover jerked a thumb. "Luke wanted to see you."

Percy nodded. "I'll be two secs," he told Annabeth, before walking off.

Grover sat down leisurely. "So… you okay?"

Annabeth nodded. "I'm fine, Grover; but I'm going to miss you."

"Not… love sick?"

"Grover, what are you talking about?"

Grover leaned in. "I know."

"What?"

"You fancy Percy."

She tried to brush it off. "Who doesn't?"

"You love him!"

Annabeth laughed nervously. "What's your proof?"

Grover smiled. "I was hoping you'd ask…" He pulled off his pack and reached in.

He handed over a notepad, which Annabeth recognised as her own.

Grover opened it. "Look, a new building façade. Nice. Oh, a diagram of supports. Very good."

Annabeth gave a nervous smile. "See? Just architecture."

Grover nodded, turning a page. "Wait… is this a building?"

Annabeth ripped the page out. "Forget it."

Grover smiled as he saw the next one. He cleared his throat before reading:

"Mrs Annabeth Jackson. Huh, that's funny. Mrs Perseus Jackson. Annabeth Jackson."

Annabeth made a grab for it, but Grover pulled it away.

"Look, a picture of your wedding. Awww…"

Annabeth snatched it away. "Shut it!"

"I have copies." Grover stated.

"Don't do anything or I'll-"

"Kill me? I'm Achilles baby! You can't kill me."

Annabeth grabbed his shirt. "Please don't tell! I'll never live it down!"

Grover removed her hands. "Don't worry. It's fine, I just want you to know that I know. I won't tell, I swear."

Annabeth nodded. "Thanks Grover."

"It's cool. But you need to think about telling him."

Annabeth shook her head. "No, I don't think so."

Grover shrugged, before hoisting his pack and standing up. "Suit yourself."

Annabeth stood up too. "Grover, I-"

He put up a hand. "If there's one thing I've learnt from the Perseus Attraction, it's that love is weird, messy, and horrible. Take your time. You might find out Percy feels the same way."

Annabeth shook her head glumly. "I don't think so."

Grover shrugged. "Whatever, I'm off."

Annabeth watched him walk off into the distance, wondering if it would be the last time she'd see him. Because, let's face it, if anyone will die alone, it's Grover. He was so screwed.

**Percy walked over to where Luke was reclining, watching the fireworks.**

"Hey Luke, I haven't seen much of you since I got back."

Luke looked at him, before his face broke into a grin.

"Hey Percy… you want to take a walk into the woods?"

Percy looked back at the party. "Sure we can't talk here?"

Luke stood up. "Look Percy, we need to walk all alone into the scary woods where no-one can hear you scream and according to your prophecy a friend will betray you. So don't fuck with me, and walk."

Percy raised his hands. "Okay Luke, just don't want you to chip a nail."

Luke's face contorted for a second, before it disappeared and Percy wasn't even sure he'd seen it. Of course, that was stupid. Of course he'd seen it. But he pretended not to.

They started walking into the woods all alone, Luke, his hands stuck in his pockets muttering moodily.

They finally came to a stream; the same one Percy had fought off the Ares cabin and proved to be a little badass.

Luke flopped down. "I'm pooped."

Percy sat down slowly, flicking his hair out of his face.

"What's up, Luke?"

Luke cleared his throat before looking over at Percy.

"Percy, remember that time we had when the heating went out and we had to snuggle?"

"Yeah, sadly."

"And the time we had a shower together?"

"Whoa, we didn't!"

Luke looked away. "This is hard for me Percy."

Percy smiled vaguely. "What? Are you dumping me?" He joked.

Luke looked back, sadness filling his face. "Yeah, I am."

"But we weren't- Wait, why?"

Luke brushed his jeans. "I'm leaving."

"Why?"

Luke stood up angrily. "WHY, WHY, WHY! ALWAYS WHY! WHY COULDN'T YOU FINISH THAT QUEST! WHY COULDN'T YOU EAT THAT STRAWBERRY!"

"Luke, stop being a retard, sit down." Percy asked curtly, gesturing for Luke to sit down.

"I'm the traitor!" He ripped his sword from its sheath, pointing it at Percy.

But Percy had already sprung up, ripping Retard out.

Luke lowered his sword. "I'm not fighting you Percy."

"What's going on!?" Percy shouted.

Luke stepped in, sheathing his sword and walking right through Percy's blade, grabbing it, before kicking Percy down.

Luke looked at Retard. "You're sword will be the death of you Percy. It doesn't even work properly." He threw it in the stream.

Luke knelt down next to Percy. "I'm so sorry Percy-"

"What are you doing Luke!?"

"Stop fucking me Percy and take betrayal rape like a man!"

"Why Luke? Wait, did you say 'rape'?"

Luke waved it aside. "I'll get to it. Point is, I hate my milkman of a dad. Why couldn't I have gotten Zeus? Or even Aphrodite? My dad sucks! Also, everyone thinks I'm gay!"

"You are though, aren't you?" Percy asked.

"What?" Luke said irritably.

"Gay."

"Why does everyone assume that?"

"You tried to sleep with me and take a shower with me." Percy reminded him. "You haven't acted like a straight man."

"Details," Luke waved it away.

"Right…," Percy muttered.

"So," Luke continued. "I'm off to join with Kronos, the God of Time."

"You mean 'Titan'?"

Luke's face contorted again. "Right, next bit, we still get one night together before I leave."

Percy backed off. "I am not sleeping with you Luke!"

Luke moved in. "Are you sure? I could give you the time of your life?"

"NO!" Percy screamed. "You're a weirdo! Even if I was gay you'd be the last person I'd sleep with!"

Luke backed off as if he'd been slapped. "Fine."

He suddenly looked very ugly indeed. "I wasn't going to kill you now, but… times change."

He pulled out an IPod from his pocket.

He held it in front of Percy. "The Perseus Attraction won't help you here."

He placed it next to Percy carefully.

Percy looked at it.

"No… please Luke. Don't… It'll kill me."

Luke grimaced, tears tracing his cheeks. "I'm afraid so. I wish I could play Noah and the Whale with you one more time."

With that he ripped through the air with his hand, leaving Percy to wonder how a crappy child of Hermes could do that.

Then he ran. He hadn't made it two paces before the music started.

"_Baby, baby, baby, ohh!"_

Justin Beiber called out, as Percy ran. But the music hit Percy like a train, running him into the ground, clutching his skull.

He watched as trees died, nymphs fleeing from the evil music, Percy trying to crawl away.

But he couldn't do it.

It was going dark.

He crawled some more.

"_Baby, baby, I want you to be mine!"_

Percy felt his legs numb, his skull bursting. He felt blood drip from his ears, before he passed out to dainty footsteps.

**Percy woke up to see Annabeth, smiling down at him.**

He tried to get up, but Annabeth pushed him down.

"Rest," she said firmly. "Get up, and I'll hit you."

Percy blinked to focus, just managing to get 'Fair enough' out, before sinking down again.

Annabeth was biting her lip. "You scared me," she told him.

"What?" Percy croaked, "Me? Thought you hated me? That whole, Athena, Poseidon thing?"

Annabeth smiled, "Glad you see you can still talk stupidly."

"I'm kidding," Percy said.

Annabeth rolled her eyes, before saying sarcastically: "Now you tell me."

Percy chuckled, but that made his head hurt.

"Lie down." Annabeth insisted, pushing him down.

"I'm down," Percy said.

Annabeth smirked, before reaching over and picking something off the table. As she did so, her hair brushed Percy's face.

It was soft, and smelt like lemons. Percy lifted himself up slightly to follow it as she drew back before he realised where he was.

Annabeth looked at him. "Sorry, did I hit you with my hair?"

Percy shook his head. "No, not at all. Don't worry."

Annabeth nodded. "Good," before looking away awkwardly.

"What did you get?" Percy asked.

Annabeth looked down at the bowl. "Nectar."

Percy tried to raise his arms, but that hurt.

"Great, could you give it to me?"

Annabeth grinned, pulling it away. "I don't think so, Seaweed Brain. You'll spill it all over yourself."

Percy smiled weakly. "And you won't?"

Annabeth spoke aloofly. "Percy, I'm a child of Athena, I won't drop food over you."

She scooped up some, and moved it towards Percy's mouth.

Percy ate it off, and Annabeth took it back.

"Careful there Jaws, don't make me drop it." She reprimanded gently.

She got some more off and moved it towards him, but she wobbled a bit and it fell onto the floor.

"Damn," she muttered, before moving to pick it up.

Just then, Chiron came rolling in.

"Hey Percy!"

Then he saw Percy lying awake, Annabeth on the floor cleaning up Nectar, the spoon, and turned around, wheeling out.

"Bye Percy."

Percy looked after him.

"Why'd he just leave?"

Annabeth straightened up, going red.

"He thinks I should be alone with you… for medical reasons." She added quickly.

Percy pursed his lips, not quite sure about that.

"What medical reasons?" He asked.

"You really scared us.

_Okay, just change the subject._

Annabeth sat down again. "Want to know what happened?"

"It was Luke, with Beiber music.

Annabeth nodded. "I know, we pieced it all together. I can't believe you survived it."

"Who helped me?" Percy asked.

Annabeth almost laughed. "Mr D. He was following you and saw it all."

"Great," Percy muttered. "Not only is Mr D stalking me, I also owe him my life. Crap."

Annabeth grinned. "He sent you Champagne, but Chiron thought you were too young, so he drunk it."

Chiron came through the door again.

"Hey Percy. Now, it took all my skills as a healer to save you from that trashy pop music, but he managed to revive you with some Indie, and you're feeling much better I trust? I don't care either way, but I have something for you."

He rolled over and handed Percy a letter.

"I read it, but I won't tell you."

Percy looked at it. "I think it was private."

"What's your point?" Chiron pressed.

"Nothing, I guess." Percy muttered.

Annabeth patted Percy's leg. "I'll leave you then."

Chiron stayed as Annabeth walked out.

"Yes?" Percy asked.

"Sorry," Chiron grinned, before wheeling out."

Percy opened the letter.

_Dear Percy,_

_How are you doing? Good, I hope. It would really suck if you had gotten poisoned by a scorpion, or listened to some music that nearly killed you. Anyways…_

_Gabe's dead. Poseidon and I killed him together. We just got shovels one day and beat the shit out of him. We buried him in the neighbour's garden. _

_Poseidon has decided to live with us. He went out a brought a new house (he is a God I suppose) and now we're living together. We'd love if you came here. We even found you a school, even if the crime rate is quite high, but you're a demigod so we trust you can just take them out if you have to._

_Hope to see you soon,_

_Mummy._

Percy groaned, before putting it aside. The letter was great, but mum had put 'Mummy'.

Chiron came back in.

"Your mother must be fit if Poseidon just hitches it all and lives with her."

Percy nodded, but then again, Poseidon had been living in a cardboard box. Anything would be better.

Chiron cleared his throat. "Right, I was a-thinking, if you stay at camp, you could learn how to fight and stuff. I'd teach you some well good tricks. We could go on a quest for a new sword too!"

Percy thought about it. It seemed good. He looked down at the letter, meaning to reply back with a 'I'll stay at camp', when he saw it.

"_P.S Percy, I have big news. You have a brother. Now, before you see him, he's different. Poseidon says that it can happen sometimes, but he's a bit of a Cyclops. Just a little bit. But Poseidon says the mist will hide him just fine. I know it hasn't been 9 months, but Poseidon also says everything is accelerated with a monster- I mean, with someone like your brother. By the time you get back he'll probably be around 5. Poseidon says its a defence mechanism, to grow quickly. I think he likes the sound of you though, and it'd be great to be a family (andhaveademigodaroundincaseh eneedsputtingdown.)_

_Love you!_

Percy thought about how nice it'd be to play with his little Cyclops brother and be a family. But he still wasn't sure…

Chiron leant in. "Also, Percy, we would have free dibs on all the nice clunge around here!"

"I'm going home," Percy said quickly.

Chiron looked disappointed. "Fine," he said, moodily.

He rolled out of the room, Annabeth squeezing back in after him.

"So," she said softly, "you read it?"

Percy nodded. "I'm going home."

Annabeth nodded. "I'll tell Argus to pack your stuff. We can get your parents to pick you up."

Percy looked at her. "You going to be okay without me?"

Annabeth waved a hand. "Yes, Percy, I'm not dependant on you."

"I know."

"Still… thanks for asking."

Percy pushed himself up. "You going to talk to your father again? Maybe sort things out?"

"He tried to dissect me Percy." She supplied.

"Right! Okay, forget that, take me outside," he said quickly.

Annabeth moved up next to him.

"I'm not sure…"

Percy smiled at her, with full Perseus Attraction power, making her blush.

"I'll be fine."

**That's the end of Series 1. I had glitches with my computer otherwise this would have been out days ago. Thank you everyone for reviewing, it kept this going.**

**I'm still deciding whether I should make a Series 2, if I have the time and this has the popularity…**

**Wait, I hit OVER 300 REVIEWS!**

**In that case, Series 2 has been confirmed.**

**Coming Soon!**


	19. Season Two Pilot: Family Outing, Anyone?

**Moan for the story: I saw a story with over 1,000 reviews. Wow… I'd like that. But hey, we'd all like stuff. Annabeth would like Percy, Percy would like to be ugly, and I'm not sure what Grover wants. A Katy Perry CD?**

**Anyway, Please, anyone who doesn't review, please do. I know more people read than review, and if everyone who read it reviewed, we'd have well over 1,000 reviews a chapter! I know no-one has ever got that, and I never will, but still, please just write in a quick review. Please, just write 'lol' or something, just so I can see how many reviews can come in one go. Call it a project, please take a second to write 'lol' in the' Lol Campaign' and see how many reviews can come at once. **

**Unity? Please, even if you don't like this, it would be mind-blowing if you could. I'll review any of your stories if you want? **

**Okay, please take a second to the 'Lol Campaign' and enjoy the new series, even if you can't be bothered to review. Again, more thanks than individual messages can give, thank you for reviewing. Best thanks I can give is to give you the next season.**

**Series Two: The Sea of Monsters**

**13 Years Old**

**It was sickening.**

Percy had been watching, in his messed up dreams, mind, 'The Perks of Being a Satyr'. And it was disturbing.

_**Monday night: **_

_Grover walked across to his car, carrying shopping to help in his useless quest to find Pan. _

_He got up, and tried to get his keys out of his pocket, dropping his shopping in the process._

_A huge hand came out and grabbed the shopping, bringing it up, and holding it up for Grover._

_Grover looked up at a huge, ugly Cyclops._

"_Hey," he said._

_Grover smiled. "Thanks."_

_**Tuesday night:**_

"_So," Grover said, stirring his coffee, "you got a girlfriend?"_

_Poly winked. "I don't think so. Be horrible for her to be with a gay monster."_

_Grover blushed. "Oh, right."_

_Poly leant in. "But I have got my eye on a certain satyr. A certain sexy one by the name 'Grover'-_

"ARGHH!" Percy jerked out of bed.

He was disgusted by what he'd seen. He started retching, before trying to get out of bed to the window, but he was too late, throwing up over the floor.

He let it all out, breathing heavily.

He heard a knock on the door, and without waiting for an answer, his mother came in.

"Percy? Are you- Oh, gods, Poseidon, Percy's thrown up!"

Poseidon came through the door and knelt next to Percy.

"You okay Percy?"

Percy looked at him. "I just had a bad dream."

"What was it?"

"My gay friend getting off with a Cyclops."

Dad shuddered.

"What was it?" Mum asked.

"His gay friend is having sex with a mon-"

"He wasn't doing it!" Percy protested.

Dad nodded. "Okay, fine. He wasn't doing it. You going to be okay?"

Percy nodded. "Don't worry about me."

Mum came up. "I think we need to clear it up. You okay Percy?"

"Fine," Percy said, waving his hand.

Dad stood. "No worry about the sick." He waved his hand and cleared it up. "It's cool. Percy, we'll be just next door if you need us."

They lingered for a bit, but Percy got into bed resolutely, and sat there, waiting for them to leave. He was a demigod, he didn't need help with puke.

Tyson, his baby Cyclops brother, now at 10 years old due to advanced growth, came to stand by the door.

"Bet you wanked to it." He said.

Percy looked at him. " I didn't wank."

"I bet Annabeth would get wet for a throwing up Percy. Seeing as your so _good looking."_

"I should never have told you about her! Annabeth and I are friends!"

"Whatever jackass, talking up all the girls at camp."

"They chase me."

"Why?"

"Because, unlike you, I have _two_ eyes!" He picked up a Retard off his bedside table, and throwing it at Tyson. "Get out you little shit!"

Tyson laughed as he ran out, the sword spinning into full form and embedding itself in the wall.

Percy hadn't meant to bring into pen form. The sword had Down syndrome. It just worked like that. And it probably wouldn't have worked if it did hit him. It did _that _a lot.

Percy loved Tyson, as any older brother did to his younger, but he also hated him, just as any older did of their younger.

Percy rolled over again, wondering where he'd be in this crazy romance this time.

**It was Friday, and Grover had gotten pretty far in his romance.**

"_Grover, I want to tell you something." Poly asked._

_Grover batted his eyelids. "What is it?"_

"_Marry me?"_

_Grover's face went white. "Err, I'm not sure we're-"_

_Ploy looked at him. "Pretty please?"_

_Grover waved a hand. "Okay, go on then."_

_Percy had to sit through a whole ten minute scene of love and stuff, but finally Grover was alone._

_He looked right at Percy._

"_Help me," he whispered desperately._

_Percy waved his hands. "How? You're screwed."_

"_No shit I'm screwed."_

"_That's what you get for leading on a gay you slut."_

_Grover grabbed him. "You need to help me. Please, I don't know-"_

_They heard footsteps. "I'll contact you again," Grover said._

"_Please don't."_

"_See you soon."_

"_Wait-"_

Percy woke up.

He gritted his teeth and sat up. Somewhere, out there, Grover was in trouble. And it was all that damn satyr's fault.

"_**Come on, get after it! You're losing the muff mobile!"**_

"_I'm not going to drive out and get us killed because you twats can't wait two seconds!"_

Dad shook his head. "He needs to get a better car."

Percy looked at him. "You can't talk, ."

They were watching 'The Inbetweeners', where Simon and Jay were arguing over whether Simon should kill them trying to drive straight past a crossroads to catch a car full of girls, or whether they should survive. As they watched, Simon drove right into the middle of a funeral procession.

Percy's phone (a present from Poseidon, who claimed that, since he lived with a god, he didn't have to worry about monsters,) alerted him to a text.

He picked it up.

_If you're heading to camp, I'm in the area. Pick me up? X_

Percy smiled. He'd been having weird feelings about Annabeth recently.

"Who's that?"

Percy twisted around to see his mum looking over his shoulder.

"Go away mom. It's private."

"It's one of his wank friends," Tyson said as he walked past.

"Fuck off you little shit." Percy shot back.

"Percy," Mom scolded.

"He started it."

But she gave him a look which Percy didn't argue with.

Poseidon leant over. "Look, she gave him a kiss."

"Really?" Sally smiled.

Percy pulled it away. "No, shut up."

"Oh, so you don't want a kiss?" Poseidon asked.

"No-"

"Are you a Grover?" Sally asked.

"A Grover?... Wait, no, I'm not gay!"

"It's okay if you are honey."

Percy stood up. "You're impossible, all of you."

Sally and Poseidon were laughing. "Sit down," Sally said, holding back her laughter.

Percy sat down warily. "What?"

Poseidon smiled at him. "Your mother and I are going on holiday while you're at camp."

Percy nodded. "Great, that's good, but how does it concern me?"

Sally sat down next to Percy. "It's a romantic one."

"Oh… what about Tyson?" Percy asked, already dreading the answer.

Poseidon cleared his throat, brushing his hair out of his face. Percy was reminded of himself when he was nervous.

"Well… we were thinking he could go with you."

"No," Percy said quickly. "I'm going later today, and I will not bring him with me."

"Please Percy, for us?" Sally asked.

"For us." Poseidon repeated.

Percy pointed a finger at him. "No, not you, you lived in a box." He turned to his mum. "But… fine, sure."

"Oh, you'd better answer your text." Poseidon said.

**Percy gave his last bag to his dad, who heaved it into the Yugo, which groaned and sunk to an unhealthy level.**

Tyson came to the door.

"Off to your gay camp?"

Percy heaved a bag into the boot, looking at him. "Yeah, and you're coming with me."

Tyson blanched. "What?"

Percy came up to him. He leant down so he was right over Tyson.

"I asked Mummy and Daddy if you could come to the 'Tramp Camp'."

Tyson backed off. "No, but… mummy!" He ran off into the house.

"Get wanking Tyson!" He called after him. "We love to do it there!"

Percy turned back to look at Poseidon, who was looking at him sternly.

"Sorry," Percy shrugged.

Tyson came out again, looking very grumpy. "I call shotgun."

Percy smiled. "Only works if you're a year within age. I've got 12 years on you. Get in the back, Will."

Tyson frowned. "I don't want to be Will! He gets picked on!"

"We've got your bags in already Briefcase, so just hop in your baby seat."

Tyson complained a bit, but finally they were off to Annabeth's house (who had tried to live with her dad and his new family again) but Percy was thinking more about the kiss she had put on the end of the text. He shook his head quickly.

The Yugo (or Spunkmobile as Tyson dubiously named it) only broke down once, which was a record.

They finally pulled up in a nice little lane, next to a house, which looked very normal.

They creaked to a stop.

"Why are we here?" Tyson asked.

Percy pushed open his door. "To pick up Annabeth."

Tyson snorted. "Okay, Simon. Don't throw up on her younger brother."

"She doesn't have one," Percy stated.

Just then, the door opened and Annabeth came striding out, backpack slung over her shoulder, and a younger brother in tow.

"Oh…," Percy said.

Annabeth shook the brother off, and strode up to Percy, smiling before hugging him.

"Hey handsome, get any crazy girls over the year?"

Percy smiled back. "A few, the Perseus Attraction is getting worse, but I got past them. How about you?"

Annabeth shrugged. "My dad tried to dissect me, but I gave him a fingernail and some blood and he's preoccupied, so I got on okay. Besides the monster attacks."

Percy frowned. "You okay?"

Annabeth nodded. "Yeah, worse bit is auctioning myself to my dad to stay alive."

"Forget it, we're off to camp now."

"Speaking of which, I got a weird message from Chiron."

"More than usual?"

Annabeth nodded. "I'll tell you later."

Percy led her to the car, Annabeth fanning her face. Percy was smelling even better than last time. More masculine. He was skinnier than last time, having grown out of his pudginess over the year, so he was edging over her now height wise.

"You've lost weight," Annabeth commented.

Percy nodded, before saying awkwardly. "Yeah, and you've gained some."

Annabeth stopped. "Pardon?"

Percy turned around. "No, I didn't mean, like fat, I meant, like, you, your," he gestured at her chest, "not loads, just, I, weight was the wrong word, I mean, you look more grow up, you, I really mean-"

Poseidon came up, holding his hand out for Annabeth's bag, and saving Percy from full destruction.

"Hey, I'm Poseidon, Percy's dad."

Annabeth blanched. "What, like God of the Sea?"

"Yeah, kinda."

Annabeth mouthed at Percy 'You didn't tell me your GODLY dad was living with you!"

Percy looked cute when he was embarrassed, but Annabeth put that aside.

Tyson came up. Annabeth smiled down at him.

"Percy told me about you, Tyson." She leant down.

Tyson smiled at her. "Hey Carli."

Annabeth frowned. "No, my name's Annabeth."

Tyson looked at Percy, who was shuffling awkwardly.

"Sorry, got you mistaken for another friend, Simon."

Annabeth looked up. "Who's Simon, Percy?"

Percy waved a hand as they all moved to the car.

"Nothing, he's watching too much 'Inbetweeners'."

Annabeth nodded. "Right, who's Carli then?"

"Same show. Forget it."

Annabeth was a child of Athena and getting into the car, in the back with Percy, she whipped out her phone, went to the internet, and looked up 'Inbetweeners', 'Simon, 'Carli'.

She smiled to herself as she read about a very awkward romance between the two, and grinned as she realised Tyson had applied it to Percy and her.

She looked up the ending, to see if she and Percy got together.

"What?"

Percy looked over. "What?"

"A text message!"

Percy frowned. "You okay?"

Annabeth put her phone away. "No, I think they would have ended it better."

Percy looked confused. "What?"

"Nothing." Annabeth said, looking out of the window.

Percy just nodded, watching her carefully.

Annabeth finally broke the wall to tell her all about her time away, and Percy filled her in fully about his dad, brother and all that weird stuff.

They finally approached camp and made their way up to the lane towards the tree, rolling over rocks and admiring the beautiful hills, and the smell of strawberry's.

"This doesn't look too bad," Tyson muttered.

Percy grinned, clapping him on the shoulder. "Right? It's nice, you'll like it here."

Annabeth was still amazed Poseidon was driving them up the hill, the God of the Sea was doing the Soccer Mom thing.

Poseidon stopped near the camp. "Right, do you want me to go up the hill?"

Annabeth looked around her, suddenly realising what car she was in.

"Is this a-?"

"Yugo," Percy finished. "Yes, yes it is. Dad, drop us right here. I don't want to be seen in this."

"Rude," Poseidon commented.

Percy got out. "Have a good time."

"You too. Got your bag?"

"Getting it. C'mon Tyson, Annabeth."

Percy went and got the bags from the back, heaving them onto his shoulders, and Annabeth admired Percy's thin body, and his bunching shoulders under the strain.

She looked away, before signs became obvious, and when she looked back, Percy was all ready, him and Tyson talking to Poseidon.

Poseidon brung them in for kisses, which each son didn't relish, before driving away.

What sounded like a retarded fart rung out.

"Oh, man, he's using the horn," Tyson muttered.

Percy nodded grimly, putting his hand on Tyson's head to steer him.

"Come on, let's get to camp."

**Thanks to all and any who review. Please do a 'lol', anyone who reads this, just whack it in. I know you're there :D. Anyway, hope you enjoyed it first and foremost and please just whack in a quick two second review. I would love to hit 1,000. At some point, obviously. Thanks.**


	20. Chiron Writes A Book, And We Get Screwed

**I'm not sure what to write that will be good enough for you guys reviewing like that. I'm not going to get soppy, as no-one likes that, and you really just want to read this story. But, thank you. Please, it would be fantastic if you guys again took part in the 'Lol Campaign' because then we'd be up to around 380! Either way, thank you. Oh, and those who didn't last time could perhaps do it this time? I am writing for you. Anyway…**

**Guys, only 40 more reviews and we hit the 400s! Please just take a second to tap in 'Lol' or something longer if you want, and we hit the 400s! Thank you!**

"**Well, what a fantastic way to begin camp."**

Percy looked up at the hill, watching Clarisse and a few other demigods chill on Half-Blood Hill. With a couple of evil bronze automatons, sure, but no-one cared about them.

As they watched, one of the guys was caught by a horn and thrown up, guts spilling out, blood flying, changing the rating of this story from T to M.

Annabeth winced. "Well, he's dead."

Percy looked at her. "You don't say."

Tyson shook his head. "What a dipshit."

Percy started running up the hill, intending to save the campers, before Annabeth grabbed his arm.

"Wait, Percy. I have a plan."

Percy looked round at her. "It doesn't involve me as bait, right?"

**Percy stood in front of Thalia's tree, waving his arms around.**

Annabeth thought that Percy should use the Perseus Attraction, which would attract the bulls, and then they'd charge him while they took them from behind.

"Who's a fat pig?" Percy called.

The bulls looked round at him.

"Excuse me, that's rather rude. Just because you're handsome, doesn't mean you can be mean to us."

Percy was confused. "You just spoke. And you're through the barriers that stop monsters, come to think of it."

"Well, duh! The trees dying," the other bull said.

Percy frowned. "What?"

"I say, look behind you," the first bull said.

Percy looked round to see the tree, but it had a huge green gash in it, and below a horse hoof print.

Percy went white. "Oh my Gods, Chiron did it. The evidence is right there."

"Use your eyes, you jackass," the second bull said.

Percy turned round. "Shut up! Do I have to come over!"

"Ooooh, I'm so scared. Bring it buster!"

"Now, Mitt," the first bull said, "we mustn't-"

Whatever he shouldn't do was cut off as Clarisse drove her spear through the bull. Mitt was being massacred by another pair of demigods, and Annabeth was running up, Tyson on her heels, the latter looking very bored, considering they'd all nearly died.

"What's wrong with the tree?" Annabeth spluttered.

Percy shook his head. "Chiron did it."

"How do you know?"

Percy pointed at the hoof print. "It's damning."

Annabeth frowned. "I'm not sure… let's go talk to Chiron."

Percy nodded. "I'll talk to Clarisse. Look after Tyson."

He walked over to where Clarisse was working out with the dead body of a bronze bull.

"Hey Clarisse. Mind not being a freak for two secs and talking."

She threw the bull off and stood quickly.

"Hey Percy." She got closer. "You've lost weight."

Percy nodded. "I've been told. I need to talk to you about-"

"I've gained weight," Clarisse told him.

Percy blinked. "You're fat now."

"No, silly, I gained muscle. Do you like a muscled chest?"

Percy's mind flipped to Annabeth's chest. "Bigger."

"What?"

Percy jerked out. "What?"

Clarisse frowned. "Muscles. Do you like a muscled female?"

Percy knew this was getting awkward. "Erm, no, athletic," he said, thinking of Annabeth. Was it just him, of had she gotten slimmer?

Clarisse frowned. "Why?"

Percy shuffled. "I don't like the idea of a girl carrying me on my wedding day."

Clarisse got really close. "A wedding? Who with?"

Percy backed off. "Look, Clarisse, you're not my type. I hate your dad, you're not a nice person, and you look like King Kong. Now, can I go?"

Clarisse looked angry. "Fine, run back to Mrs. Padded Bras. I want a real man anyway!"

Percy pointed at her. "That's the ticket."

"Wait, I'll go for you first, right? You know that?"

Percy ignored her and walked away. Sure, it was rude, but he was getting annoyed with this whole thing, and he was thinking.

"Come on, let's go." Annabeth said.

Percy realised he hadn't got any info on Chiron, but Annabeth took Tyson's hand and started leading him down the hill into camp, pointing out stuff as they passed.

Percy had time to think about his feelings.

He wasn't sure he was into Annabeth, but he did like her. But _only _as a friend. But, now and then, he did think, no, that was stupid. His brain hurt from all the feelings.

He looked at Annabeth, pointing something out to Tyson, and thought it was weird, all of it. He had NEVER noticed anything about Annabeth's physical appearance before, and it would be weird, to sleep in the same bed like his Mom and Dad did. I mean, it wasn't bad, just weird.

Percy felt a little better about himself and his feelings, and followed Annabeth as she entered the Big House.

From there they followed the bad music.

Chiron was in centaur form (for once, the lazy bastard), packing up his stuff into a couple of bags, looking very agitated.

Annabeth ran in. "Chiron, are you all right?"

Chiron looked round. "Hey kid." He looked up. "Percy. Monster."

"What's happening," Annabeth asked.

Chiron sighed. "Well, I've finally been caught. The fuzz are on to me. See, you know I'm an escaped soul? Yeah, well they are finally catching up on me. They have my number, my location, my house is being watched! I need to get out of here."

"You live in the big house." Annabeth pointed out.

Chiron ignored this logic.

"How can we help?" Percy asked.

Chiron shrugged. "I was doing okay, not being noticed, until I wrote it."

"Wrote what?" Annabeth asked.

Chiron looked at her steadily, before reaching back and pulling out a book. He handed it to Annabeth.

"The gods called it filth, porn in a book. So the reviews weren't great. And now, they're taking me down because they hated the book. If I could just prove _someone, just one person, _liked it, I'd be off the hook. But… until then."

Tyson, still miffed at having been called a monster, stepped forward. "Your tree is dying."

Chiron nodded. "Yes, little monster, it is." He hoisted his bags. "Annabeth, Percy, you'll have to fix that too."

Percy stopped him before he could walk out. "Wait, what? We have to save Thalia's tree and get you a good review?"

Chiron nodded. "Yup." He trotted out, leaving the three of them standing there.

Percy looked at them. "Shit."

Annabeth wiped tears from her eyes. "We can't do both."

Percy shrugged. "Come on, it can't be that hard. Find a cure to camp, and get Chiron a good review for his book. How hard could that be?"

Annabeth looked up. "I don't know. Pretty hard."

Percy looked round at Tyson. "There you go Tyson. How's camp?"

"Shit," he replied.

"Great…" Percy stood up straight. "Okay, first, let's see what's going on, then we can look at Chiron's book. Hey, we might even be able to give it a good review!"

But Percy wasn't too optimistic.

**They made their way to the dining area, where they hoped to learn more.**

Percy bumped Travis Stoll on his way in.

"Sorry," he said.

Travis looked round at him. "How do you like it if I push you?!" He shoved Percy.

"Back off," Percy said.

Travis started jumping on the spot. "My dad's Zeus and he loves me and we're going to go ride his thunderbolt up to space tonight!"

Percy just nodded, walking to his table. Travis had been driven mad by the fact he was a Hermes son. Percy couldn't blame him.

Percy sat down at his table, taking Tyson with him.

He looked up at the top table, frowning.

Pedo Dionysius was up there, as usual, dressed in a weird assortment of clothes. Tracksuits, chains and a baseball camp. Then again, he always was weird.

Then there was the new guy. He was thin, he looked like he hadn't got any sleep, and just evil looking. He was even in a prison outfit.

It was this man that stood up. "Hello all! Are we all ready to have fun?!"

"YES TANTALUS!" The demigods screamed back.

Tantalus jumped up onto the table and started doing the running dance.

"News!" He shouted. "I decided to re-instate an old camp tradition. We're going to have the old Olympics back!"

Everyone stopped cheering, and looked confused.

"What?," someone asked.

Tantalus put his hands on his hips.

"Okay, basically all the running and stuff, just we do it naked!"

Everyone screamed, and started throwing food.

Tantalus dodged one, slipped and broke his head on a cup.

Pedo D stood up, and grabbed his hot dog. "Now, just sto-"

He was taken out by a 'lazy throw' from the Apollo table.

_**(A 'Lazy Throw' is a flip of the wrist that makes the object curve towards the target before hitting them with pin-point accuracy right in the face.)**_

Tantalus got up, his head all crushed and disgusting.

"Stop! Now!"

Everyone started to calm down. Tantalus stood up on the table again.

"What gives? How come nobody wants to do the Olympics?"

A girl from Demeter said, "Well, we don't want to strip naked, do we?"

"I don't know," Pedo D said, looking at Percy.

Everyone started to look at Percy.

Tantalus licked his lips. "At least one person from each cabin has to take part." He looked at the Aphrodite cabin. "I think we can all enjoy it."

An Aphrodite girl stood up. "So, we, like totally have to strip, like all the way?"

Tantalus nodded. "Yes, my dear. I hope you'll take part."

She nodded, and Percy knew he had to do something before Pedo D got the feast of his life.

He stood up. "No, I won't do it. Screw you."

Tantalus looked at him. "Perseus Jackson," he said appraisingly, "I've heard quite a bit."

"I bet you have."

Tantalus looked at him. "I think we can all agree when we say we want to see you compete."

Percy nearly threw up. "No, that's disgusting." Percy turned around and looked at Annabeth.

"Annabeth, this is stupid, right? I don't want to run around naked? You don't want me to right? How embarrassing."

Annabeth was imagining Percy naked, beating them all, on her team, maybe even having a hug at the end, both of them naked. She was sure, once he got her clothes off, he would fall head over heels for her. She was very proud to say she was blooming into womanhood.

Then Percy spoke to her.

"…_how embarrassing…"_

She shook her head. "Err, yeah, that sucks."

Annabeth was actually relieved to say that. What if Percy thought she was ugly? Or, abnormal, or something bad. Then, she'd be in a really bad place. Probably safer not to take part in the games.

She nodded her head, saying with more conviction.

"We're heroes, demigods, we don't have to be subjected to this."

Percy looked at Tantalus. "I don't think so."

Tantalus smiled. "Well, it's either you, or your brother…"

Percy blinked. "Tyson?"

Tyson got closer. "I don't want to do it Percy," he said nervously. He was finally acting like the little brother Percy had wanted: venerable and insecure, looking at his brother for protection.

"No, you're not going to." He scowled up at the table. "This is blackmail!"

Pedo D stood up. "I'm glad you grasped it so quickly."

Percy knew it was him, or poor 1 year old Tyson.

"Fine, I'll do it." He sat down numbly. Give him a Hydra any day.

Tyson moved closer. "Thanks twatface," he said gently.

Percy nodded.

Tantalus clapped his hands. "And you all have to turn up! Prizes for winning are you never have to do it again!"

Everyone seemed to get a measure of hope from that.

**A couple of days later, their names were called.**

Tantalus stood at the front as he explained the games.

"Right, last night, I read a good book, 'The Hunger Games', has anyone read that? No? It's a good book. Anyway, it got me thinking, why not just kill everyone instead? So, we shall be changing the Olympics. Now, it shall take place in the forest, there will be clothes available, and the goal is to be the last one standing. And yes, you shall still have to do it naked."

"This is sick!" One camper cried.

"Shut it!" Tantalus called.

They all lined up outside their cabins as twenty people were chosen.

Percy was sweating as they called out names, finally getting to the last few.

"Travis Stoll."

Travis came forward, twitching his head madly.

"Katie Gardiner."

"No!" She screamed. She tried to run, but the guards caught her and pulled her back.

"Clarisse DoHickey."

She strode forward happily, winking at Percy and mouthing, 'Watch me.'

Percy thought he'd rather watch road kill being slaughtered.

When Clarisse got to the front she said, "Actually, it LaR-"

"Shut up," Tantalus said. "Next: Jake Mason."

A guy from Hephaestus came up.

"Right, that's all twenty. Games will take place in two days in the stadium. Back to your activity's."

The 'Champions' and the Pedos walked off, leaving the rest of the camp to mutter about their fate.

"That's five Aphrodite's, one Hephaestus, three Apollo, two Hermes, one Athena and eight Ares."

Everyone shook their heads in horror, wondering who'd be next to get caught.

Percy made his way up to Annabeth. "Lucky, right?"

Annabeth nodded. "Too lucky," she said sincerely. "We need a plan to save camp."

"From the monsters?"

Annabeth nodded. "Outside… and inside," she muttered darkly.

"We need Chiron back. And something to heal the tree."

Annabeth nodded. "I have an idea as to the cure, but it was lost ages ago. I'm not sure it even works like that."

"What?" Percy asked.

Annabeth fixed him with her grey eyes. "Trust me. I'll get back to you at the games. I need to go look something up."

She walked off, leaving Percy to deal with a Tyson, who was showing his age, the stress of the games were too trying.

"I hate camp." Tyson stated.

Percy nodded. "Yeah, I'm not fond of it either."

**Not sure this chapter is any good. Love if you review, and I can tell you I have some better ideas coming up. Please review and tell me any of your ideas. I might need them. Thanks. **

**Please take part in the 'Lol Campaign', and it would be so awesome, if you guys all reviewed. Please, because I know at least 1,347 of you are not reviewing! It's okay, I'm not going to have a go, but it would be great if you could take two seconds to say 'lol'. Thank you all who did. It was massive! I've gotten 40 reviews so far! Far abpve average! Please do it again everyone! Please! If we keep up at this rate we could be... pretty good. I don't really know what else to say.**

**I only need 40 reviews and we hit the 400s! Please just tap in 'lol'! Please! Nearly 400! *Falls off chair and dies***


	21. The HalfBlood Games Begin

**First thing. You guys continued with the 'Lol' campaign, and I can only thank you guys enough. If you want I can get soppy, but, yeah, thanks. I hate how 'Thanks' seems so crap. But, yeah. We got this story to 400 reviews. Far more than I could EVER had hoped for. If we do another 40 reviews, or a little more, we could be at 450 reviews. Then, who knows, we could be at 1,000 within 7 chapters or so. That would be so cool, and I can only ask you guys to keep tapping in those 'Lol's, and keep being witty with them. allyalexandra1999 filled up nearly an entire page with them. Thanks. Please continue to take two seconds to type 'lol' or something more, and if everyone keeps being as awesome as they have been the last two chapters (and for my constant reviewers, over 18!) then we could have this in the bag. This isn't really an epic speech, but it's all I can get out. Thanks.**

**Also, I am reading your reviews, and PM's. Annabeth and Percy being in the games? Don't worry, I've got stuff planned!**

***These next two chapters are a bit more serious than the last ones, but I hope you still enjoy them. They will get funnier, don't worry, but I need to build 'The Half-Blood Games' up***

"_**Doing okay Perce?"**_

Percy was back in the crazy dream world with Grover.

"I'm okay, besides the fact we're going to be playing 'The Hunger Games'."

Grover nodded. "Sorry, Perce. But hey, let's talk more about me. Okay, so I've been taken to the Sea of Monsters-"

"Where?"

"Shut up. Anyway, it's here!"

"What?" Percy asked.

"The greatest fashion accessory ever! It's the Gold-"

Suddenly a rumbling sound came out from behind Grover.

Grover jumped up. "Gotta go Percy. Get to me quickly, so you can come to the wedding! I'm at G8&^&^&^%%*78GGG()()789-^%&^6(78&*()&*()7)_."

"What the fuck?" Percy asked, but it was too late. He'd spoken it into the open air. He was awake, and the games were starting later that day.

**Annabeth and Percy sat in the stands, looking at the champions, standing on the edge of the forest.**

Naked.

"I didn't know Travis' dick was so small," someone muttered.

Percy looked over at Mr. Pedo D, who was looking at Percy like he'd physically abused him by not being picked.

"It has to be the Golden Fleece," Annabeth muttered. "That's what I went to look up, and it all matches. It has to be. Grover would go wild for that fashion item. It's probably why he moved into Poly's cave."

"Besides the fact he wants us to go get him," Percy pointed out.

"To watch his wedding," Annabeth countered. "At least we have coordinates."

"Yeah, that weird typo," Percy muttered.

Annabeth looked at him. "They're very easy to remember. I don't know why you're so annoyed with them."

Percy just looked away. Whatever Annabeth said, they were not easy to remember. He looked back at the forest, and then up to the television screens (so they could see the champions after they entered the forest) and then to the backpacks on the ground.

"So, those have clothes in?" Percy said.

Annabeth nodded. "Yeah… we have to get out of camp and to the Fleece."

Percy wasn't paying attention, as the games were starting.

Tantalus let off a cannon shot, which hit one of the Ares kids, killing him instantly, but the rest were off.

Conner, Travis' brother, picked up a pack, and hurtled into the forest.

Travis followed suit, but the rest was a blood bath.

The Ares kids hadn't heard the rules, and had brung their own weaponry to the game.

Within seconds, all the Aphrodite kids were dead.

One of the Athena kids on the stands threw up. Even Mr D looked sick.

They rest made their way into the forest.

Percy looked at the screen, watching as Travis put on clothes, before making his way over to a stream.

He knelt down to get some water, but just then, the Ares gang came through.

Travis was seen by one, and all seven of them pointed at him, drawing their weapons and running to him.

Travis was dead. Percy shook his head in disgust as the Ares closed in.

Travis scooped up the water, throwing it in their faces, before tackling another and running past.

Percy and everyone else were surprised. No-one had expected Travis to survive. He seemed to be more resourceful than he had originally appeared.

Nothing much happened after that, and Percy watched Conner start a fire.

"Bad move," Annabeth muttered.

Sure enough, they all saw an Apollo guy creep out of a bush, pulling back his bow, aiming at Conner.

He fired, but Conner had heard the bow draw, rolling to one side, dodging the arrow, and picking up a flaming stick.

The Apollo guy shot again, but Conner ducked it.

The Apollo guy drew his knife, but Conner kicked him, before bringing his stick down, again and again.

The cannon rung out. Apollo guy was dead.

Percy felt a bit queasy, but he held on. The game continued on, with nothing more happening, besides some kid falling down and hole and dying slowly as his leg snapped.

"Seven dead...," Annabeth muttered. "This is wrong." She shook her head, before reaching into her bag, pulling out a book.

"What's that?" Percy asked.

Annabeth looked at him grimly. "Chiron's book."

Percy took it, looking at the title. '50 Shades of Percy'.

"Erm, it is just me or-"

"Read it," Annabeth commanded.

Percy opened the first page.

_Percy took off his shirt, revealing a rippling six pack, before kneeling down so he could rest his head on Annabeth's breasts-_

"This is us," Percy said stupidly.

Annabeth nodded grimly. "I know."

Percy held it away. "Why is it us, Annabeth?"

Annabeth wasn't listening. She was watching the Demeter girl (Katie had gotten out by injuring herself), sit in a tree.

An Ares kid was climbing, his knife between his teeth.

The Demeter kid rolled over, and looked right at the Ares kid.

The Ares kid, raised his knife, but a branch snapped, sending him flying towards the ground. He hit it and didn't get up. The cannon blasted.

"Eight dead," Annabeth said grimly.

Percy looked back at the book as the cannon went again. He looked up to see Clarisse pushing the Demeter girl off the tree.

"Nine," Percy said.

Annabeth took the book from Percy and held it up.

"The gods banished Chiron because of this book. They said it was too 'sexually oriented' to use the polite term."

"What were the impolite terms?" Percy grinned.

Annabeth shook her head. "Time and place, Percy, time and place."

Percy opened up the book again.

"_Harder Percy, harder."_

Percy closed it again. "Why is about _us _having sex?"

Annabeth shook her head. "Chiron always was weird. And," she leant in, "apparently, people think we have something going on."

Percy laughed with the absurdity. "That's stupid."

Annabeth shrugged. "You know this camp; anything for a romance."

The games continued to drag on, until night started to settle and Tantalus told them all to get to bed.

"Wonder who'll still be alive by tomorrow," Percy wondered.

Annabeth shrugged. "Where's Tyson?"

"In the cabin. I didn't want him watching."

Annabeth looked sadly back at the forest. "I wonder who would like Chiron's book?"

Percy chuckled. "Half the female population?"

**Percy was woken up, suddenly, by Annabeth shaking his shoulder.**

"What?"

Annabeth grimaced. "Thirteen dead, including three Ares. Clarisse went and took out the Apollo kid."

Percy nodded. "Great…"

"But that's not it! Jake Mason is running from Clarisse."

Percy got out of bed and they ran to the screens, followed by half the camp.

They reached the screen and saw Jake Mason, hiding behind a rock, a hammer in one hand, a knife in the other. He had a nasty cut down his face, and some of his hair looked as if it had been torn off.

Clarisse came up from the brush, with armour, a sword and shield, all taken from a pack no doubt.

She stalked near to the tree, and Jake screwed his face up in concentration.

No-one was breathing now.

As Clarisse came round the corner, he jumped out, bringing his hammer down on Clarisse's face.

She brought her shield up, blocking it, and stabbing with her sword.

Jake dodged it, but was thrown away, as he lost his balance.

Clarisse brought the shield down on Jake, (on the ground), but he rolled away, and tore her shield away, bringing his hammer down on her shoulder.

They heard a crack, but Clarisse gritted her teeth, and stabbed with the sword.

Jake parried it with his knife, and tried to stab at Clarisse. She dropped her sword, grabbing Jake's knife and forcing it towards his face.

They struggled, but Jake did work in the forge all day, and was, as a result, even stronger than an Ares child.

He pushed it back at her, but she kicked at his knee cap, breaking it, Jake going down with a scream, before she brung the knife down on his face.

Jake was dead even before the additional stabs.

Percy was shaking with some weird emotion. He didn't get time to identify it before the camera flicked to Travis, who was running with all his might down the slope.

The cannon went, but he didn't stop, jumping over a stream and sliding down the back.

His shoulder was all torn up, from some sort of attack, but Percy was amazed he was still alive.

"I thought Travis would be dead ages ago," Percy muttered.

Annabeth nodded. "I know…"

Travis suddenly fell, crying in pain.

He hit the ground, and looked at his leg, where a throwing knife was buried.

The Athena kid came through, holding a spear. He stopped by Travis.

"You still alive? Thought you'd be dead ages ago Stoll. Being a Hermes and all."

"The monster approaches," Travis whined.

"Yeah, yeah, tell that to someone who gives a fuck."

He was about to bring down his spear when a black shape tackled him down the hill and out of sight. Travis, gritting his teeth in pain, ran off in the other direction.

"Do you think he's-" Annabeth started.

The cannon went. The Athena kid was dead

Annabeth started crying.

**By the end of day three, only five people were left. Two Apollo, Conner, Travis, and Clarisse.**

Conner was a highly skilled survivor and utterly ruthless. He only had a few cuts.

The Apollo kids were both wounded, one with a limp, the other with a busted arm.

Clarisse was unharmed, and easily the best fighter. She was pegged to win.

Travis was near death. His arm was becoming infected, and he couldn't run for long due to his leg wound. Unlike everyone else, he had no weapons. He was lying by a steam, unconscious.

He woke up, startled by the noise as the two Apollo kids came through.

They saw him. He had no escape.

He grinned, revealing a broken tooth, putting his head back, waiting for death.

Annabeth was in her cabin, crying, She couldn't take people she knew killing each other.

Percy was still watching though. He had to learn, because one day soon, he was going in. That was guaranteed.

The Apollo kids open fired on Travis, five arrows hitting him in the chest.

They came up, watching him as he struggled with his last breaths.

Suddenly, Travis sprung up, pulling out throwing knife from his leg and whipping it into one of the camper's necks.

The other dodged his wild blow, swinging his bow around. Travis ducked, tackling the guy into the water.

Travis wrapped his hands around his neck, and held him under the water, licking his lips as the Apollo kid struggled to breath.

The guy reached for an arrow, impaling it in Travis's chest. It didn't do anything, and the guy finally started to slip away.

Travis checked is pulse, before standing and removing the arrows from his chest.

He pulled the shield from under his shirt and everyone gasped as they realised what Travis had done; what he'd intended.

The cannon shots rang out and someone separated from the crowd, running to their cabin.

Katie Gardiner started crying, looking past Travis, who was now limping off into the forest.

Percy clenched his fists.

**Annabeth was lying on her bed, looking at Chiron's book, which Percy was thumbing through.**

"Who could review this?" Percy asked.

Annabeth shook her head. "I can't believe Travis did that."

Percy looked at her. "I think we'd all do it. Clarisse is enjoying the games. It sucks. What Travis did was self defence. He'll be dead soon though… Clarisse won't let him survive. He's too wounded. He can't even use his shoulder properly. It's only a matter of time before disease takes him."

Annabeth started shaking. "I want Chiron back."

Percy nodded. "I know… if only we had Grover here."

Annabeth looked up. "Why?"

Percy snorted. "He'd love this book."

Annabeth smiled for the first time in days. "Yes! We can get Grover!" Don't you see? He'll love the book, which will get Chiron back, and, we can get the Fleece too! It's a double win!"

Percy grinned. "How though?"

Annabeth looked down. "Give me a couple of days. I _will _find a way. We can save camp. From, the outside and the games. Chiron will ban them!"

Percy stood up. "Good. We have a plan."

"Where are you going?"

Percy looked out of the door. "I'm off to go check on Tyson."

He nodded at Annabeth, before walking off to his cabin.

He was just making his way across the lawns, when people started running towards the TV screen.

Percy looked in their direction.

"What's going on?" Percy asked.

The guy grinned. "La Rue found Travis. She's hunting him now."

Percy's heart missed a beat. He started sprinting towards the screen, fixing his eyes on it.

He had to learn how to survive. He knew he'd be soon, and he couldn't leave everyone behind.

He watched as Travis limped away, but Clarisse was right behind him, holding a spear in her hand, and grinning madly.

Travis was holding a broken sword in his right hand. His left shoulder was scabbing badly and pus was leaking out. Travis' face was pale.

Clarisse came up behind him, and knocked him down.

Travis hit the dirt, whimpering feebly.

Percy saw Katie, who was completely shocked. She wasn't speaking. Percy remembered that she'd been close to Travis.

Clarisse brung her foot down, but Travis rolled, getting to his feet, immediately lunging with his sword, but Clarisse blocked easily with her spear. She countered with a thrust, and Travis tried to cut her as she went past. Instead, she caught the sword on her bracer, bringing the butt of her spear around, breaking Travis' nose.

Travis was kicked in the chest, slamming into a tree and onto his knees.

"Right where you belong, Stoll!" Clarisse hissed.

She drove her spear into him, but Travis blocked it up with his wrists in a 'X', before grasping it, and breaking it in half.

Clarisse looked shocked, giving Travis time to punch her leg with his fist. No, not his fist… he still had the throwing knife, and he drove it into her leg.

She roared in pain, kicking at Travis, but he caught it, and ran forward, bringing it up, throwing Clarisse onto her back.

He ripped off her helmet and smashed it into her face.

People cheered; it was well known that people wanted Clarisse the Bloodthirsty to die.

But Clarisse blocked the next attack, and swept Travis' legs from under him.

He hit the ground, and she slammed her fist into his wounded shoulder.

He screamed so loudly they could hear it faintly in the distance.

Travis started to crawl away, grasping with his hands for a weapon he couldn't reach.

Clarisse came up slowly, bending down and reaching for Travis' neck, hauling him into the air.

Travis was nearly unconscious with the pain, tears running down his face.

Clarisse threw Travis down onto the ground, Travis landing badly on his arm and it cracked under him, making him cry out with added pain.

Clarisse scooped him up, laughing. She picked him up again, but Travis drove his fingers into one of her eyes.

She dropped him in pain, and Travis fell heavily to his knees, right on the edge of a slope.

He was so white he looked like a ghost, and he spat blood out as he got to his feet.

Or he tried to… his wounded leg gave way, sending him backwards.

Everyone held their breath as Travis went rolling down the hill, hitting rocks, and other parts, little snaps coming from his body.

He hit the edge of the slope and for a few seconds the child of Hermes flew like a son of Zeus.

Clarisse clutched her eye in agony, blood streaming between her fingers, but she managed to take Travis' ruined sword, and hold it up.

She staggered to the edge, muttering.

Travis was dead, impaled on a branch, the point having been driven right through his chest. His eyes were closed in peace, blood seeping from his ruined body.

Katie screamed and Percy reached over and dragged her away from the demigod crowd.

She collapsed in Percy's arms, and Percy looked numbly into the distance.

He saw Tantalus standing there, grinning at him.

He finally realised another name for a demigod.

Inhuman.

**Grittier, sure, but I hope you still got a laugh, or just enjoyed the brutality of 'The Half Blood Games'. Please continue with the 'Lol Campaign'.**

**Please tell me who you think is going to win 'The Half Blood Games'? Please tell me via review. It's so cool to hear what you guys are thinking!**

**You guys are the reason I smile when I open my email, if you'll forgive me for sounding so gay. Thanks, and I really hope you guys continue to take the second to review. Who'll win? Clarisse or Conner?**

**Thanks.**


	22. Well, That Was Unexpected

**Okay, the story didn't get as many reviews as the last chapters, and I understand why. It's grittier, and all that, but I can promise you that this one is less so and the next chapter is straight back into the comedy, just like it should be. Please, please review. Oh, guys, I'm heading into my A Levels; I'm going to be running out of time for this. Review, as it's the only funding I get for this. Sorry, but it sucks a little that people just take my writing for granted. Of course, I'm not talking about those who write nice reviews, and not at all about those who just take in 'Lol'. I'm easily pleased, and I hope you'll all review, just take a second to tap in any word you want!**

**Also, guys, we only need 49 reviews, and we hit 500! It's a stretch, but please, at the bottom, just type in a quick review. It can get this to 500, half way to 1,000! Please take a second (I swear I don't want much)!**

**Percy was shivering on top of his cabin. **

No-one was sure how he'd gotten on top of his cabin, why, or really what was going on, but he was.

Percy had seen Katie into the care of her fellow siblings, and he'd retreated to the cabin's roof. He was surprised about how mature this story was becoming since Series One. Fleshed out romance (or more fleshed out), gritty violence, and no Luke in sight.

He shivered.

He saw Tantalus walking across the green, and anger took him. He was the reason Travis was dead, why Jake was dead, why many campers were crying themselves to sleep.

He jumped off the roof, pulling out Retard. He had a really simple way to deal with this.

He started walking towards Tantalus, getting close enough so he could make out the veins in his face, before a bell rung.

Percy jerked around. Everyone was running, and that could only mean one thing.

Conner and Clarisse had found each other.

Percy started walking to the screen, coming up behind Annabeth.

"Thought you didn't want to watch the games?"

Annabeth looked at Percy seriously. "That wouldn't be wise."

Percy nodded, crossing his arms. "You think you're going to 'Get a chance to compete'?" he said, mimicking Tantalus.

Annabeth nodded. "I'm not any closer to finding a way to go on the quest. It keeps alluding me."

Percy shrugged. "Take a boat?"

"From?"

"Forget it."

Annabeth shook her head. "I don't think so."

"LOOK!" Someone screamed.

Conner was drinking water, his shirt ripped, a sword in his hand, a shield in his other.

He had a huge gash down his face; he was looking far worse than last time.

The camera switched to Clarisse, crouching down, a bow drawn, pointing straight at Conner.

She was looking terrible, her missing eye awfully visible.

She grinned, drawing the bow back further.

Suddenly, a rope was around her neck, and she was dragged back.

Her arrow went flying, hitting Conner through the shoulder, passing through and out.

But no-one cared about Conner, as Clarisse fought the attacker. She twisted out of the rope, whipping out her knife, and stabbing at the attacker. But the attacker moved to her blind side.

She whipped her arm out, but her eye couldn't see what she was hitting.

The figure had thrown out a clay pot.

She hit it and it exploded, the black figure getting thrown away as her arm being ripped off by the Greek fire.

The black figure went rolling into a rock, but he scrambled up quickly. He picked up Clarisse's bow, drawing it back.

"Mercy," Clarisse croaked.

"Yeah… I'll give you mercy you one-eyed bitch," Travis said, letting the arrow go, the point burying itself in her skull.

The cannon went off. Clarisse was dead.

Travis grimly surveyed the scene.

Someone screamed for Katie to see this; Travis was alive, but he didn't look well.

His shoulder was bleeding badly, and his shoulder wound was completely rotten. He had a huge burn covering his cheek.

The Half Blood games hadn't been good to him.

Suddenly, a sword whipped out of nowhere.

Travis jerked back, his bow being cut in half, before punching at Conner. Conner grabbed his arm, head butted him, before sweeping his leg, putting Travis off balance, and kicking at his stomach.

Travis caught the kick though, and Conner jerked out, catching Travis as he tackled him, and throwing him over.

Travis rolled as he hit the ground, coming back to his feet.

Katie was there now, looking horrified. Who wasn't; the two brothers were going to kill each other.

Travis looked at Conner. "Conner, you won't kill me. I'm your brother!"

Conner blinked. "I don't have a brother… I only have hope… hope to escape these games."

Travis raised his hands. "We can survive this, together. We get to the border of the forest and escape."

Conner shook his head. "They'd kill us. Goodbye Travis."

He ran into him, bringing his sword down, but Travis grasped the hilt. The Stoll's fought for control of the weapon, wrestling each other. Travis was losing, his numerous injuries playing into effect.

Percy swore his arm was broken, but Travis was using it. Maybe it was an adrenaline thing.

Conner pushed Travis away, bringing the sword it around but Travis kicked it away as it came for his leg, and ducked as it swung towards his head.

The sword wedged in the tree, and Travis kicked Conner away.

Conner rolled, picking up arrows, and throwing them at Travis but he dove down, dodging the arrows, and picking up Clarisse's dead body, holding it up, just as Conner threw a spear.

They saw the spear stop an inch from Travis's nose. He threw Clarisse away, running at his brother.

Conner drew a knife, and stabbed at Travis. They collided, rolling down another slope, before pitching off the edge of a miniature cavern.

They fell down, still wrestling and hit the ground with a crack.

Everyone watched the prone figures, lying together.

"You think they're dead?" Percy asked.

Annabeth shook her head. "They can't both die. It's not fair."

One of them finally stirred, reaching down, and pulling a spear head from their leg.

He rolled over the other figure to see the knife buried in his mouth.

"Conner had the knife," Annabeth muttered.

Travis pushed his hair away, standing up, Conner dead at his feet, impaled with his own dagger.

Tantalus made his way up to the podium under the screen.

"May I introduce the 1st Winner of the Half Blood Games… Travis Stoll!"

**Travis was unconscious by the time he was out of the forest, and rushed off straight to the Big House.**

Percy made his way up to Annabeth. "It's over…"

Annabeth shook her head unhappily. "No… no, it's not. That was just the first game. We need to get out of here… but how?"

Percy looked at the beach. "I wish I could create boats."

Annabeth sighed. "Me too."

**Travis had a huge celebration, and Katie even leapt at him when he got out, but Travis seemed removed.**

He didn't smile, even when he was given the Zeus Cabin, Cabin One, to sleep in and being a winner he was now awarded with instant celebrity status, and he never had to compete again.

But Travis was damaged. His final wound count stood at:

**Physical damage: **While his shoulder had been healed, the infection had gotten too deep. He now had trouble lifting his arm. His leg had been speared, and the throwing knife had been there too, so he now walked with a limp. His arms had been healed, but he was missing a finger. He had a serious burn down his face, and a broken tooth. His hair was shot with grey from the obvious stress of the games.

**Psychological damage: **Too soon to tell.

Percy made his way up to Travis.

"At least you get to sleep in the Zeus cabin, like you wanted to."

Travis looked at him, his eyes boring into Percy's.

"Zeus, Hermes, who gives a shit. It's such a small thing. I think living is higher up now."

He slouched off, Katie trailing after him.

She wasn't making progress yet. He was shielded now by walls, walls he claimed would help him in case he needed to kill again. No attachment.

Annabeth came up behind Percy. "They ruined him," she said softly.

Percy looked after Travis. "Was he really a winner?"

"Tantalus would say so."

"Yeah, but what is a new cabin compared to your brother still being alive?"

Annabeth shook her head. "I think we all know Tantalus is not human."

Percy looked over at the head table. "No… he's not.

**Travis wasn't just the first winner. He was soon the only survivor.**

A kid from Athena managed to win, but he soon died of his wounds.

An Ares kid fought, but he killed himself after he got to Cabin One. An escape from the nightmares.

There was no clear winner, both dying of disease next time.

Travis stayed in his new cabin during the games, but he took it upon himself to train the underdogs. He sat for hours with a 10 year old from the Apollo cabin, but he was soon killed by a Dionysus kid as he climbed a tree so Travis stopped training the underdogs, and moved onto drinking instead.

He sat by the side of the cabin, drinking Kool-Aid, and the sickest part was, people worshipped him. He had won the Games, and he was a celebrity, but all Travis wanted to do was help people survive. Failing that, he wanted to forget.

Percy was lying on his bed in his cabin, when he heard a triple cannon shot.

There had been three left, so three shots meant three dead.

Percy sighed. Travis was still the only survivor of the games, and even that had been close.

Tyson sat up from his bed. "None alive?"

"Nope," Percy muttered. He'd been training with new vigour since the 3rd games. He was running out of luck, and he needed to be in top shape.

He knew he was the best fighter in camp now, the most powerful demigod, but Travis had won, so it showed it required another skill, one Percy was sure he didn't possess.

Tyson wasn't faring well. Percy was trying to give off a cool confidence, to show he wasn't afraid, that he was ready. But it wasn't helping Tyson.

"When can we leave?" He asked.

Percy looked at him. "Annabeth's working on it."

Tyson sat up miserably. "Why doesn't your camp have any weapons?"

Percy smiled. "We lost them last year… Chiron let a mortal steal them."

Tyson looked down. "Chiron sounds like a moron."

"He was."

"I want him here."

Percy looked at the ceiling. "I know… Chiron would never let these 'games' go ahead."

Tyson looked like he was about to cry, so Percy sat up and tried to distract him.

"Until we go, because we will, how would you get weapons back to camp?"

Tyson looked at him, but he understood what Percy was trying to do, so he played along.

"Start our own weapon store?" he said uncertainly. "What, so we could charge suckers for a new sword and become rich?" he said bluntly.

Percy nodded. "Yeah… problem, we can't make weapons."

Tyson shrugged. "Dad was teaching me, I could maybe do it…," he smiled, "but I want 70% profits."

Percy sat up. "Yeah… but I'll sell them, and I'm the only one who can do that."

Tyson thought about it. "Fine… 60%"

"50."

Tyson shook his head.

Percy stood up. "I'm oldest, so that makes me boss. 50%."

Tyson looked up at him. "Fine…," Percy lay back down on the bed. "You'll probably be dead soon anyway…," Tyson muttered.

"Thanks," Percy said.

They heard people file back to their cabins, muttering about who was going to go next for the games.

Annabeth entered their cabin. "They'll be calling out for new people soon, so you'd best get ready."

Percy stood up. "You're right… what if it's you?"

Annabeth shrugged. "I'll escape."

Percy walked to the door with her. "Wish Luke was here… he was so weird he'd get rid of the games somehow."

Annabeth grimaced. "Yeah… or Chiron."

"Got a plan?"

Annabeth shook her head. "No, not one we can use! It's so horrible, not knowing what to do…," she looked round at Percy. "Get any Grover dreams?"

"No," Percy said simply.

"How's Tyson?" Annabeth asked timidly.

Percy shrugged. "He's alive… isn't that enough?"

"It shouldn't be."

Percy gritted his teeth. "I know…"

The horn finally rung out and they made their way over to the green, where they assembled in cabins.

Annabeth looked at Percy as he put his hands on Tyson's shoulders, and she mouthed 'good luck'.

Percy nodded, his face set as stone.

Tantalus ran the introduction, before starting to read off names.

"No, I know that no-one has survived since the legendary Travis Stoll, but maybe, this time, you'll be lucky."

Everyone just looked sick.

He started reading off names, and people from various cabins started making their way up, some crying, others simply silent.

Tantalus picked up the next slip, and grinned.

"I think we all take pleasure in seeing, finally, to our utmost pleasure, this particular demigod show off his skills and… other traits." He cleared his throat.

"Perseus Jackson!"

Percy gritted his teeth. It was finally his time.

He started walking up the line, everyone muttering around him.

He looked at Annabeth. She looked white, and she was breathing heavily, wringing her hands.

Percy made his way up to the podium, where Tantalus put a hand on his shoulder.

Percy scowled.

"Good to see you," Tantalus grinned. "I think this one may be interesting."

Percy pushed his hand off. "I'm doing this for Tyson."

"Yes," Tantalus whispered. "Do remember, if you plan to make an escape, he will die. Painfully. I suggest you just try to win the games."

Percy looked out to the sea. He swore he could see a white ship on the horizon.

Tantalus turned to the crowd. "Two days from now, we start the games, and let me say, I think these will be the greatest yet!"

Annabeth started pushing through the crowd.

"I'll take his place!"

Percy moved forward. "No, Annabeth."

She looked at him. "Fuck you Jackson. I'll take his place!"

Tantalus grinned at them. "No, I don't think so. I think you, Miss Chase, must just hope for Mr Jackson to win. I'd hate to see the two lovers _both _dead."

Annabeth blushed, bit still held her head up.

"She's my friend…," Percy muttered.

"Tell it to someone who cares," a Demeter champion said.

Percy looked at him. "You're first then."

The kid paled, much to Percy's pleasure.

Tantalus was still arguing with Annabeth. Percy jumped off the stage and moved towards Annabeth.

He pulled her aside. "Annabeth, give it a rest."

She was furious. "You think I'm just going to let my best friend die?"

Percy's heart stopped. He hadn't known he was her best friend.

"No, listen Annabeth. What if I die?"

"What do you think I'm trying to prevent?!"

"You have to look after Tyson."

"But-"

"We both know I'm the best fighter, even with a retarded sword."

"Percy-"

Percy held her by her shoulders. "Look after Tyson."

He let her go, and walked back into the crowd.

**Percy's off to his interview and that will be pure comedy. He's getting interviewed by Pedo D after all.**

**I read your reviews, clocked up the votes, and Travis was the clear winner. Everyone was sad. Go on guys, vote for him on the poll, found on my profile. I don't think I was going to kill Tratie anyway. I think we need it. But see? The power of reviews, You guys brung Travis back from the dead. Good job, pat yourself on the back. **

**I don't need Clarisse, and I don't really like her, so all deaths are already planned. Please review, as it's the thing that keeps this going. And come on, those who never review. Don't be selfish, just whack in a word. Please take two seconds of your time to review. Again, thanks to all who always review. Just below. Please, take part in the 'Lol Campaign' and get this to 500 reviews. We only need 50 more and we get to the half way act! Please, I'd love to get 1,000 reviews. Please, I know over a thousand read this! I only need 50 reviews, Please, be the guy who taps in 'Lol' and gets me us to 500. 50 reviews, please, tap in one and who've done your part!**


	23. I Trade Banter With A Pedo

**Okay, first, an outstandingly speechless pause…. I hate how useless 'thanks' sounds, but still, thank you for getting this story to 500. I'm not going to force you to write one this time, but please, as you can NEVER review enough. I have taken into accounts the 'it's too serious, make it funny' and I never intended to step away. Things got complicated. But now, I hope we can be back on track. This chapter should be funny, or at leasdt it is not serious and there are no deaths! I still know about people wanting Percy and Annabeth in the games, but next chapter I'm following wishes and getting the story back on 'Sea of Monsters' track. Don't worry though; Percy and Annabeth will enter the games. **

**Also, you've asked how I'm going to do the story without Clarisse? Don't worry, I have loads of ideas, so don't worry! Hope you enjoy this chapter, and keep the 'Lol Campaign' going, easier now, because it's light hearted again! 'aesir21', I understand, and I hope this chapter reaffirms the pint that the story is going back to its roots!**

**Special thanks to 'mosgem' who made tons of reviews. Thanks for caring so much and to 'LizzieTheAwesome' who is reviewing every chapter! She lives up to her name! This chapter is for you, and also to Kirkia-Hime, who always reviews my stories.**

"**And in just a few moments, we have an exclusive interview with Perseus Jackson!"**

"Artemis, come and see this!" Zeus called to his daughter.

'_Moves Like Jagger'_ came on for the theme tune as the logos came up.

Artemis came flying down the stairs.

"Is he on yet?" she asked.

Zeus shook his head. "No, they're interviewing the other champions first, then it's onto Percy."

Artemis jumped onto the sofa with Hera and Zeus, Apollo watching from the armchair.

The screen switched to two men, sitting in comfy chairs, in an indoor amphitheatre, the stands filled, the ceiling glittering with light, torches all along the walls.

The crowd was cheering as a man, Pedo D, dressed in a dark purple suit, complete with the tie and shirt, his hair pushed back.

Tantalus, dressed in black, his greasy hair pulled back in a pony tail was sitting the chair nearest the guest chair.

"And welcome to all the demigods here," Mr D started, "and to all those who are watching at home."

Artemis gave a little shiver.

"I'm your host, Dionysius, with Tantalus, the camp director. Today, we have a very special show." He looked at the crowd. "Because who was pulled from the lists?"

"PERCY JACKSON!" The crowd screamed.

Mr D nodded, smiling like host. "Yes, yes he was! Our special guest, coming on soon!"

The screen changed, so they were now watching Percy get picked. He walked up bravely, looking confident.

"He's very brave, isn't he?" Artemis whispered.

"Yes dear, he is," Hera agreed.

The screen switched to Perseus swinging his sword, then to him raising his fist, then flashing to him standing tall, holding the Master Bolt.

"_Just shoot for the stars!" _

The song started up again, as the screen switched back to Mr D and Tantalus, sitting in their chairs.

Mr D clapped. "Yes, I know we're all looking forward to that!"

Tantalus leant forward. "Yes! But first, we have the other champions to interview!"

Mr D smiled. "Yes, so may I introduce… Phil Lane. From the Apollo cabin!"

Cheers went out (not as loud as for Percy's name) and a short guy, with spiky hair walked on, dressed in a suit, cut in a light grey.

Mr D and Tantalus stood up to greet him, shaking his hand as they got up and sitting down.

After the cheers started to die down, Mr D spoke:

"So, Phil, how are you?"

He looked up. "A bit nervous if I'm honest."

Tantalus grinned, "You have every right to be, going up against Perseus Jackson. He is the greatest swordsman the camp has seen in 300 years."

The guy shrugged. "Actually I think that Luke holds that record."

The audience went icy.

Artemis sat up. "Take that back you stupid cabin whatever loser!"

Apollo looked at her. "Fheishty ohne yhou ahre."

Artemis ignored him, watching the television again.

Mr D was looking at Phil, sceptically. "So you think you can beat, Percy?"

The guy scratched his nose. "Well, no, but, everyone can slip."

Mr D frowned. "Not Perseus."

He stood up. "And that was Phil Lane of the Apollo cabin!"

Phil was forced off stage by a couple of security guards.

Tantalus clapped his hands. "Right, and now I think we move onto out next guest! Maximus Fairman!"

Mr D sat back and muttered. "Why do all the tough ones have Roman names?"

A guy came almost running out, waving, and building up a fair applause.

Mr D clapped lightly, taking the guy by his arm, and leading him to a chair, before sitting down, and crossing his legs.

Mr D pointed at him. "You remind me of someone."

"Yeah?"

Mr D nodded. "Yes… but I can't bring it to light. Oh well, so, Maximus, how are you?"

The guy nodded. "Pretty confident Mr D."

Mr D raised his eyebrows. "Really? But you're up against Jackson? How do you feel about that?"

He smiled. "I think I have Jackson worked out."

The crowd roared as Mr D raised his eyebrows. "Yes? That's interesting."

The guy waved a hand. "Let's just say, it'll be interesting."

Tantalus sat forward. "Maximus, right?"

The guy nodded. "Yes. I would hope you'd remember my name."

People in the crowd laughed.

Mr D clapped happily. "You're an interesting one, you are. How did you feel when your name came out?"

The questions progressed, and in the end, the interview lasted around 10 minutes, quite a good time. Mainly due to the fact that the guy kept it on Percy, and his cocky arrogance was rewarding to watch.

Mr D watched him leave to high applause before standing up and addressing his audience.

"Oooh, we liked him, didn't we? But now, let's get rid of the sword, and lets look instead at the gentler side, with daughter of Aphrodite, Felicia Adams!"

A girl came out, smiling and waving her hand. She looked stunning, dressed in a dark red dress, which hugged her figure.

Mr D waved a hand in front of his face, before speaking to the crowd. "Wow, she is beautiful."

She held her hand out for Mr D to kiss, before sitting down gracefully.

Mr D winked at her. "I'm sure if you looked like that during the games, no-one would dare touch you."

She smiled. "Yes, well, maybe I'm hoping for exactly the opposite."

Mr D leant forward, ignoring Tantalus. "How so? Go on, tell us."

She looked away, grinning. "I don't want to give all my secrets away."

The crowd was loving her, and even the Zeus family was intrigued, though Zeus and Apollo for very different reasons.

Mr D relaxed. "Go on, it's just us," he said gently.

She batted her eyelashes. "Well, us and 10,000 other people watching."

Mr D frowned. "I'm not sure we get that many ratings!"

"You under estimate yourself," she flattered.

Mr D shrugged. "Maybe once."

Felicia sat back. "But enough about me, how about Percy, eh?"

Everyone was happy to talk about him. She'd worked it out; she was talking about herself, but also bringing Percy in; the perfect combination.

Mr D shrugged. "If you wish. How do you feel, going against Percy?"

She looked at her nails carelessly. "Well, I'm not sure I'm going to be 'against' him in that sense."

"What 'sense' do you mean?" Mr D asked.

"Now, Dionysius, one would think you're a bit too into this."

Tantalus laughed, and Mr D sank back again.

"Very good, very good, but I am. I'm just very interested in this."

"Well," Felicia said, "you'll just have to wait."

The interview went on for much longer, nearly clocking in 30 minutes.

Regardless to say, Felicia almost went off to screams, and Mr D was bouncing in his seat.

The interviews continued, until the noise died. Mr D stood up, adjusting his suit.

"Now, for the moment all of you have all been waiting for… may I introduce… the Son of Poseidon, returner of Zeus' Master Bolt, one of the greatest swordsmen that the camp has seen in 300 years… PERSEUS JACKSON!"

**Annabeth adjusted Percy's suit, making sure he looked good.**

She brushed his suit down nervously.

"You're going to be okay," she said.

Percy looked at the screen, showing an interview in progress.

"Disgusting…," he muttered. "But hey, full Perseus Attraction… I need sponsors."

Annabeth nodded. "Charm them, Percy."

Percy looked at her. "I'll try."

Tyson tugged at Percy's jacket.

"Good luck," he whispered.

Percy nodded. "Thanks, Tyson."

Annabeth pushed some of his hair back as his name was announced.

"Go on Percy. Good luck."

Percy nodded at her before he walked to the door.

"**He's on!"**

Artemis cried happily.

Zeus adjusted himself. "Yes, yes, we're all very happy."

"Whaht's sho ghood abhout hihm?" Apollo grumbled.

Artemis looked at him. "Everything," she growled.

Apollo nodded. "Whell, heh's sho herhioc, wight?"

Artemis started throwing peanuts at him from the table.

Apollo yelped. "Ahsshault!"

Zeus rolled his eyes. "Gods, by son is getting beaten by a small girl with peanuts. I'll never live down the shame."

Apollo muttered something in the corner, throwing peanuts off..

Zeus glared at him.

They all turned back to the TV, where Percy was entering.

Artemis' breath hitched as entered, _'Moves Like Jagger'_ hitting the chorus.

Percy was wearing a dark green suit, almost black, made of a material so it shined slightly as the lights hit it. His black shoes glinted, his shirt unbuttoned slightly to show his smooth neck.

His black hair was pushed back, probably with gel, but he just looked sexier because of it.

As she watched his undid a button to open his jacket, before raising his hand to take in the roars he was receiving.

It was insane, the noise, higher than Artemis had ever heard.

Mr D stood up, Tantalus behind him.

Percy smiled as he approached them, shaking their hands, laughing, the crowd going wild.

Percy gestured to Mr D's seat, indicating they should sit.

As Percy did, he leant forward, looking serious.

Mr D made to say something, but Percy raised a hand.

"Sorry," his voice was deep, but it made Artemis shiver, it was so smooth. She'd do anything for that voice. So too, would everyone else.

Percy pointed at himself. "Sorry, but I think I smell weird." He looked at Tantalus. "Do I? What do you think?"

He moved closer, but Tantalus moved back. "No, I ain't smelling your man junk!"

Percy looked around quickly.

"Come on, don't be a weirdo."

"Weirdo? You want me to smell you!"

"Come on, we look like idiots!" Percy hissed.

Tantalus stood up. "No, you're going into the games you little fuck! You should be more scared because I'm sending EVERYONE-"

Mr D kicked Tantalus' chair into him, throwing both of them off stage.

He clapped his hands. "Okay, so Perseus, how are you?"

Percy ignored the departure of Tantalus. "I'm okay. You?"

"I'm fine, thanks."

Percy nodded. "I just have this small problem with my suit. How do you wear these things?"

Mr D smiled. "Is it uncomfortable?"

Percy shook his head. "No, they're just a pain to get on."

Mr D leant back. "How so?"

"Well, the trousers are so tight. Is it just me?" He looked at the crowd.

They cheered.

Mr D adjusted his suit. "How'd you get it on then?"

Percy leant back. "Well, I was backstage for hours trying to get it on… Annabeth helped me," he grinned.

The crowd started to wolf-whistle, and Mr D grinned.

"Oh? I suppose she enjoyed that?"

Percy cocked his head to one side, pushing his lips together. "A bit too much, I think."

Dionysius laughed and both he and Percy sat back, resting the legs on their knees.

Mr D looked around the crowd. "Not only handsome, he's funny too."

Percy laughed with him, and Artemis thought that Percy and Mr D should totally host a show together. They bounced off each other like balls.

Percy gestured at Mr D's suit. "That's a nice one? Suppose you fit into it fine."

Mr D shrugged. "I have been wearing them for… hmm, must be 3,000 years longer."

They laughed again with the audience.

"Still," Mr D said. "You look much better than me."

Percy shrugged. "That's funny. I was scared of coming up."

"And why's that?"

"I had to go against you."

Mr D slapped his leg, smiling. "Seriously though, about the games. You took Tyson's place, I hear?"

Percy smiled. "You heard wrong. I was just unlucky."

Mr D looked at him. "I don't believe it for a second. We know you did it for your brother."

Percy nodded.

"What does he think?" Mr D asked.

Percy thought about it. "Well, Dionysius, I'd hope he was grateful."

"But you don't think so?" Mr D asked, taking a drink from his water.

Percy just noticed the water. "Wow, we get water?"

Everyone laughed, Mr D leaning forward again.

"Do you want a drink?" he laughed.

Percy shook his head. "No, it's fine, I had a drink before I came on."

"Nerves?"

Percy grinned. "It wasn't that type of drink."

Mr D raised his eyebrows. "Miss Chase was involved, I assume?"

Percy pretended to look shocked. "You've got a dirty mind."

"That's what she said!"

They laughed again, before sipping their water.

"So," Mr D started again, "Tyson. Did he talk to you before you came in?"

Percy moved his head. "Kinda; he did help me with my hair."

Mr D looked up at his hair. "I was meaning to ask. What gel did you use?"

Percy looked around, before leaning in, then with a stage whisper:

"That's the problem."

"What?" Mr D replied.

"I'm not sure he used hair gel."

"What did he use then?"

"I think it may have been axle grease."

Mr D leant back laughing.

"Oh, yes? How do you know?"

"I saw him pick it up."

"And you let him put it on your head?"

Percy spread his hands. "I said I was nervous."

Mr D grabbed his ankle with his hands. "Well, well, you risk your life for him, and he uses you as a motorbike."

Percy shrugged. "I think _that_ idea would be better applied to Annabeth."

"Why? Tell us."

Percy shook his head. "I'd love to, but Annabeth would probably kill me."

Mr D laughed again. "Well, well… you mentioned the showers earlier. Was she involved in that at all?"

Percy took at drink, before mimicking Dionysius, grabbing his ankle with his hands.

"Careful now, you'll make it seem as if we have something going on," Percy teased.

Mr D raised his eyebrows. "You don't? Come now Percy, I think we all want to know."

Percy smiled. "It's private."

"Do your parents know? Do they approve?"

"No," Percy stated.

Mr D frowned. "No? And why's that?"

"They don't believe in fictional romances."

Mr D laughed with the crowd.

"Well Percy, I can tell you one thing, by the time you win this, she'll be dying to jump into your arms."

"If they're still attached," Percy countered.

The crowd cheered, and Percy took the moment to push his hair back, and relax.

Mr D frowned, starting the conservation again. "So… you're prepared?"

Percy looked at him. "Does it matter if I am?"

The crowd roared.

"I think the crowd cares!" Mr D stated.

Percy waved them off. "Well, I'm fighting with a retarded sword."

Mr D took a drink. "May I see the legendary Riptide?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Percy said. "I call it Retard."

Mr D smiled. "May I?"

Percy took it out of his pocket.

Mr D looked at it, confused. "It's a pen?"

Percy nodded, looking at it. "Yeah, but it's only deadly when it has ink in it. Then I can write over you face._ Then_… you're in trouble."

"You plan to write over the tributes? Is that the wisest strategy?"

"Was it the wisest strategy to come to camp this year? Probably not, but here I am, and there you go."

Mr D clapped his hands together. "It is more, is it not? It can turn into a sword, I heard."

Percy shrugged. "Well, as I said. I'd like to keep some tricks in the hat."

"Are you scared?"

Percy shook his head. "No, the only thing that scares me is if I can't find some clothes in a pack."

Mr D laughed, and even Zeus chuckled.

Percy looked around the studio, before beckoning Dionysius to move in closer.

"Yes?" Mr D asked.

Percy looked pained. "I have a confession."

"What's that?"

"I think I'm enjoying the sound of my own voice too much."

Mr D smiled. "It happens to us all. But… I don't think the crowd cares!"

They cheered to reinforce this point.

Mr D laced his fingers. "Right, I heard your parents got back together."

Percy looked up, his drink in his hand. "Oh, I'm sorry, did they wake you?"

Mr D laughed.

Percy spread his hands. "No, seriously, I can't get any sleep now! They're at it all night!"

The audience collapsed into laughter, and Percy could see people writing on their notepads. Yup, those sponsors were as good as his.

The interview continued for a lot longer, moving onto Percy's family, and how he felt about the games, until, finally:

"Well, it was fantastic to have you here, Percy."

"Pleasure," he replied.

They stood up, shaking hands, before Percy walked off, moving backstage.

"Right," Hera said, "bed."

She picked a sleepy Artemis up, and carried her off up the stairs.

**Percy made his way through to back stage, Annabeth running to greet him.**

She flung her arms around him. "Oh, Percy! Good work, I saw them, you were racking up sponsors!"

Percy smiled, relieved. "That was hard."

Annabeth grinned at him. "But it's done now!"

Tyson came over. "Good work twat, you didn't send it balls up."

Percy looked at him. "Better than you could have done, you little shit."

They took a moment to reflect in their luck, before Travis came limping past.

He looked at Percy. "Nice work, kid," before limping off to talk to Mr D.

Percy looked after him. "Still… the worst is yet to come."

He looked round at Tyson and Annabeth. Everything seemed a little darker than before.

**Thanks all for reading, and please take the time to write just one word if you want, but please, tell me what you think. I'd love to know if 'Charming' Percy was any good, as I was really worried about that. I even called in my brother 'BoysDoLikeGirls', to help make it smooth, or to try at least, or just continue with the 'Lol Campaign'. **


	24. Quests Turn Out To Be Allegorical

**I'm glad you guys all liked charming Perseus. That's flaptastical to hear! Really, you guys rule! Okay, so people want Percy to go into the games, and he will, in time, no worries. But now, it's into taking the mickey out of Rick's books! Yes, we are heading back to Canon, and I've got some great stuff planned! But… we're at over 570 reviews! If you 30 of you beautiful people reviewed, we'd be at 600! So close to 1,000 and that's only from the strt if Series Two! Wow… so please review. It'd be incredible. Remember, you only need to put a 'lol' in if you want!**

**Also, I'd love it if you guys checked out my other 'Hunger Games' spoof. No angst, just Peeta stalker, a Haymitch who's a bit useless and a load of other stuff.**

** www. fanfiction s / 8569884 / 1 / How – To – Bake – Bread – Maime – People – And – Fall – In – Love**

**(Remove the spaces, or just visit my profile and find it that way, on my stories list!**

**Percy sat on the beach, drinking his coke.**

His interview was over, he'd taken pictures with everyone, and he'd finally been able to escape to the beach.

His jacket was thrown on the ground, and the gel was finally wearing off. His hair was falling in his eyes helplessly.

He was going taking part in the games the next day… and he didn't know how he was going to survive.

He heard footsteps, but he ignored them and kept drinking his coke.

He saw a pair of dirty shoes stop, then the owner collapsed next to him.

Annabeth brushed her hair out of her face.

"You have beautiful hair," Percy remarked.

Annabeth pushed it out of the way. "Pardon?"

Percy shrugged. "I'm going to die tomorrow so-"

Annabeth put a hand on his shoulder. "No. You under estimate your fighting skill."

Percy laughed, before looking at her. "Don't you get it Annabeth? I'm going to die! Maybe not by the sword, but maybe I'll starve, or trip over something."

Annabeth didn't laugh. "You should have let me take your place."

Percy looked her angrily. "No. Never. I'd die before they took you."

Annabeth bristled. "I'm capable of defending myself, thank you."

Percy didn't answer.

Annabeth surveyed him angrily. "You stupid little Seaweed Brain, you-"

"What did you tell Tyson." Percy cut in.

Annabeth stopped abruptly. "I… I didn't. I thought you should tell him."

Percy nodded. "Could you bring him here… then, make sure he doesn't see me until… until it's over."

"Percy, you won't die."

Percy nodded. "Yeah… sure."

Annabeth bit her lip. "Okay, fine."

Percy drunk more of his coke, sighing. The entire Ares cabin wanted his blood for humiliating their dad. Perseus Attraction or no, they would be coming for him. He wasn't sure he could take them all down. As much as Percy made fun of him, the Maximus guy posed a serious threat.

He took Retard out of his pocket. "Bet you'll fail me."

The pen seemed to quiver, almost like it was agreeing.

"Great," Percy muttered.

He heard footsteps. He turned around to see Tyson coming up.

"What's up Percy?"

Percy patted the sand next to him. "Sit down."

Tyson sat down next to him. "You okay?"

Percy shook his head. "Tyson, I'm going into the forest tomorrow. I doubt I'll survive." Tyson started shaking his head. "No, listen, I need you to tell Mom and Dad what happened. They will take you, and Annabeth will protect you, okay?"

Tyson started crying. Percy hugged him. "Stay strong for me, eh?"

Tyson looked at him. "I hate this camp."

Percy gestured to the sea. "Then leave."

Tyson shook his head. "Not without you or Annabeth."

Percy turned away. "I'm dead Tyson, just get used to it."

He heard Tyson's feet as he ran off crying, then he watched as Annabeth sat down again.

"Percy… I'm going to miss you."

Percy nodded. "Ditto."

She seemed to struggle with herself, before wrapping her arms around Percy. He got that weird feeling again. What was it… it felt painful, good, yet so horrible. He felt like shit, and he mused, at least the games would put a stop to that.

He looked at Annabeth. "I'm happy you like for me, unlike everyone else, not just after me for my looks."

Annabeth reached out and pushed Percy's hair back. "I like you better like this. With your hair untamed"

Percy didn't speak. He was loving the feeling of Annabeth's fingers in his hair. He could feel them brushing his head, and he closed his eyes to take it in.

Annabeth sat down, before resting her head against his shoulder. "I'm sorry this had to happen."

Still Percy didn't answer. Annabeth's fingers were tangled in his hair.

Annabeth sighed sadly, before stiffening.

"What's that?"

Percy opened his eyes. "I don't…"

"Something hard…" Annabeth muttered.

Percy knew what it was. He'd gotten an erection.

Annabeth started to look for the source, but Percy knew it was just a show. _She knew._

Percy disengaged, crossing his legs like he did it all the time.

Annabeth jumped up, before running one way, then the other. "Erm, er, bye Percy. Have a good cock- I mean, night!"

Then she was walking swiftly away up to her cabin.

Percy watched her go, realising that Annabeth had a very attractive backside.

"Shit…," he muttered.

His trousers were getting wet. As if it couldn't get worse. He, Perseus Jackson, was going into a forest of death, to face against some of the greatest fighters on the planet, had just… ejected.

Percy wished his Dad was here. He was so confused. He wanted to ask about his weird feelings and if Poseidon felt the same for Mom.

He sat there for what seemed like hours, but was probably a lot less, before he heard running.

He turned around, to see a man with a stubbly beard, in a tracksuit, running up.

He shifted around to look at him, and the guy drew closer, finally reaching Percy and sitting down.

"Hey," the guy grunted.

Percy looked at him, unimpressed. "Hi."

The guy looked confused. "Don't you recognise me?"

Percy shook his head. "Not a clue, mate."

He spread his arms. "Hermes, God of Messengers!"

"A what?"

"A wha- a messenger... Y'know, I give people post, and deliver letters. For a drachma, I can deliver anything from a letter to a parcel across the Atlantic. You've probably seen my ads. "

Percy shook his head. "No, sorry."

Hermes shrugged. "Well, it was allegorical."

Percy raised a hand. "Well, I won't hold that against you, that's for each man to decide for himself." Percy shrugged. "I still don't know who you are."

Hermes sat down. "Seriously? I'm the gangly kid, with spots. Delivers post for Olympus Lane?"

"Nope."

"Luke's father?"

Percy's face lit up. "Oh yeah, Hermes, God of Travellers, messengers and downright shit!"

Hermes waved a hand. "That's one way of describing it."

Percy nodded. "So… are you gonna give me something, or is that it?"

Hermes sighed. "I get that a lot. No-one cares about _me_."

"So?" Percy prompted.

Hermes looked at him. "I was going to give you something, but now I'm thinking that I don't want to."

"Come on Hermes, don't be such a dick."

Hermes looked as if he was going to argue, before sighing. "What's your favourite star?"

Percy looked up. "Don't have one."

"Stop being fucking difficult kid and choose a star!"

"Okay, fine! Err... Hercules!"

Hermes scowled. "Fine, why?"

Percy looked at him. "Because you told me to."

Hermes waved his hands. "Oooh, look who's just so smart!"

Percy shrugged. "Don't ask for it if you don't want to hear it."

"What?"

Percy turned around, angrily. "Look! I'm getting fucked in two places! One: from the camp. Two: from-"

"A girl?" Hermes suggested.

Percy shook his head. "Nah, that's your territory."

Hermes groaned. "Oh, I wish! I've never had sex."

Percy raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

Hermes nodded.

Percy hit his arm. "It's okay… I mean, you must be… in thousands, you're, what? 25 years old?"

"40."

"Shit! You need to get going!"

Hermes clenched his teeth. "I had this kid with this girl when I was 18 for your information!"

"What did you call the kid? Bullshit?"

Hermes looked at him. "Why do you figure that?"

Percy made a face. "Seriously? You just told me you haven't had sex! How'd you even have kids anyway?"

Hermes shrugged. "IVF."

"No, I meant, how did any girl want to carry your child?"

"Fuck off…," Hermes said, ending the conversation.

They relaxed in quiet silence.

"So," Percy started. "Why aren't you a kid?"

Hermes shrugged. "I didn't think you'd listen to a kid."

"Ah," Percy said. "But… I'm not listening to you now."

Hermes ignored him. "I'm off for a piss, Percy."

Percy watched as he stood up and walked down the beach. Percy was pretty sure he was doing it in the sea. He could 'feel' it and he didn't like it.

Suddenly he heard footsteps, running, and he looked around to see Annabeth and Tyson coming up to him.

"Percy," Annabeth panted, "what's wrong?"

Percy frowned. "Well… a guy's pissing in the sea, but besides that, I'm cool."

Tyson wrinkled his nose. "That stinks."

Percy stood up, looking at them. "How'd you get here?"

Annabeth was looking around the beach, but she quickly stopped.

"We," he rubbed her forehead, "we heard you shout."

"I didn't shout." Percy said.

Annabeth blushed. "Well, that was why."

Tyson looked at Annabeth. "But… I thought you said you wanted to see Percy taking his shirt off and jumping in the-"

Annabeth clamped his mouth shut. "Very funny!" she said, with a laugh that was too forced for Percy to believe. She looked at him. "Your brother's got one hell of an imagination!"

Percy nodded. "Yeah…"

But he was saved from replying by Annabeth and Tyson spotting Hermes walking towards them, his fly undone, smiling happily.

He stopped. "Oh… hello." He raised his hand, which was dripping with some liquid. "I'm Hermes, God of Messengers."

Tyson looked at it. "I ain't touching that."

Annabeth looked at his hand, then his face. "Okay… a what?"

Hermes frowned. "A Messenger. I do TV adverts. I'm sure you saw ?"

"It's allegorical," Percy put in.

Annabeth looked at Percy. "It's symbolic?"

Hermes let out his breath. "Is that want that means?! I thought it meant shit!"

Percy looked at him. "You called your advert shi-"

"Who are you?" Tyson asked.

Hermes scowled. "I'm Luke's fucking father."

Annabeth let out an 'oh'. "That's why I recognise you!"

Hermes looked at her. "Yeah, hello, you've met me before!"

Annabeth out up her hands, "Whoa! Just reveal plot points, eh Hermes?"

Hermes looked out to sea. "Do you guys want to escape camp?"

Percy nodded, "Yeah."

Hermes nodded. "Call your Dad… he'll help you."

With that, he started to walk off, but Percy was already walking towards the ocean. He stepped into it, feeling a slight buzz.

"Hey," Percy started. "Dad, I need help… wait," he turned around and shouted at Hermes who was halfway down the beach. "Hey! Where am I going?"

Hermes looked back. "What?"

"WHERE AM I GOING?"

"OH! GO TO THE CRUISE SHIP!"

"He's lost his marbles," Tyson muttered.

But he hadn't. Percy looked around to see a white cruise ship on the horizon.

"Right," Percy breathed. "Dad, I need help." He stood there, waiting, but something was in his ears. It sounded… weird. He listened closer, and he could make out some groans-

"Fuck!" Percy started running out of the sea, diving onto the shore.

"What's wrong," Hermes asked, running up. "What did your Dad say?"

Percy looked up. "He was busy."

"What do you mean wanker?" Tyson asked.

Percy looked at him. "Mom and Dad are having sex in the sea."

Tyson gagged, while Percy got to his feet.

Hermes scratched his cheek, before he suddenly remembered something. "Oh yeah, I have a postcard for you!"

He reached into his bag, pulling out a postcard, with some beach on it, before handing it over.

Percy took it, but it was blank, with a quick 'Percy and Tyson' on it.

"Kiss my white ass, Mom!" Percy shouted, lobbing it into the ocean.

Hermes bounced up. "That was rude."

Percy glared at him.

Annabeth stepped forward. "Hey… how about we rent a Pegasus?"

Tyson looked at her. "What? Steal it?"

Annabeth nodded. "Yeah… but I don't know how to jack one."

Hermes smiled. "I do." They all looked at him. "I'll do it for you, but for a quest, you need a prophecy. Stricter requirements now, a quest demands a prophecy."

They all looked blank. They'd forgotten.

"Look," Hermes started, "pray to me, smile at me, for Gods sake, talk to me, and you'll have your prophecy."

Percy, Annabeth and Tyson huddled together.

"What do you think?" Percy asked.

"We need him," Annabeth shrugged.

Percy nodded. "Okay," he turned to Hermes. "Quick, yeah?"

Hermes winked, before running off.

Tyson tugged at Annabeth and Percy's trousers. "He's not coming?"

"No," Annabeth and Percy said together.

"Good," he said happily.

Hermes finally came back, holding a slip of paper, and a Pegasus.

Percy took the paper and pocketed it while Annabeth helped Tyson onto the Pegasus.

Percy waved at Hermes. "Bye then."

Hermes nodded, watching as Percy grabbed his jacket from the sand, throwing it over, and mounting the mythical creature before taking off into the air.

Annabeth leaned forward to whisper in Percy's ear. "Y'know, we could just fly to Grover."

Percy decided to ignore this logic, and instead dove towards the ship, landing on the wooden floor, besides a swimming pool.

Percy got of, taking Annabeth's hand and helping her dismount, before reaching Tyson and lifting him off.

"Nice," Annabeth commended, looking around the ship.

"I have a problem," Percy said.

"Yeah," Annabeth asked, looking at him.

"The arrows."

She looked around to see arrows, bows drawn, locked onto them, hundreds of monsters surrounding them.

A pair of bear men came up to them.

"Take them to the captain," he grunted. He looked at Percy. "You're in for the pain of your life, pretty boy."

**Hope you liked that chapter! Please, please review and get this story to 30 reviews. Please, just take part in the 'Lol Campaign' and get this to 600!**


	25. A Lord Of The Titans Lives In An Icebox

**Thanks guys for getting this story over 600! Sorry for the later update, but I'm balancing between two stories, my 'Hunger Games' parody will finish much sooner, I promise, but speed it along it's way by reviewing! 'Unicorn', who never reviews as far as I know, has told me to hurry up with this story, but I will if you review Unicorn. Anyway, hope you enjoy this and please, please, review. 'Lol Campaign' FTW.**

**Percy and his friends walked through a door, into a lush, Admiral's Suite.**

Percy's gaze was instantly drawn to the guy, who was dancing energetically to music, shaking his hips like nothing else.

There was also a coffin, a golden one, but that wasn't half as disturbing as the man.

"Luke?" Annabeth asked.

Luke stopped, turning around, before grinning.

"Hey! You caught me getting into shifty shape, but I'll be with you guys in a mo."

"Why did you call Captain Robert, 'Luke'?" One of the bear guys asked.

"It's an alias," Luke called quickly from the corner. "Give me a mo, guys!"

He cartwheeled into a handstand, before flipping back onto his feet, brushing his hands off.

"Okay, sit down guys."

He led them to chairs at a mahogany table, before sitting down.

"What music's that?" Percy asked, cocking his ear to it.

"North By North by Faded Paper Figures. They're fucking awesome."

Percy nodded. "It's sweet. I… I like it."

Annabeth and Tyson gaped. "But…," Tyson spluttered. "You don't like any music! I know! I live with you, you don't listen to anything!"

Luke propped his legs up. "Our Percy's an Indie fellow!"

Percy nodded. "Yeah…"

Luke spread his arms. "Yeah, well now I know what you're like, I'm showing you 'White Sky'. That song will blow your balls to pieces, repair them, and make you eat them!"

Percy made a face. "Okay… sounds great."

Luke nodded. "Yeah, it does… anyways!"

One of the bear guys stepped forward. "Captain, what are we doing with them?"

Luke looked at him. "Making them guests."

"But-"

"Calm down, Smoky, they're cool."

Tyson snorted. "Smoky?"

Luke nodded. "Yeah, I can't remember their names, so I just make them up." Luke looked at the bear guys. "Go on, get out of here."

Once they had filed out of the door, Percy leant forward. "Er, hello? You tried to kill me?"

Luke waved a hand. "I hope you're not still angry about that Percy."

"Err, a bit, yeah." Percy thought about the earlier conversation. "They called you 'Robert'."

Luke pursed his lips. "Yeah, these guys think I'm a captain; y'know a pirate captain. That's how I'm controlling them."

"Robert?" Annabeth asked.

Luke moved forward, putting his arms on the table. "Yeah, Robert."

"Why?"

Luke shrugged. "I don't know. But, look, the only reason I made them believe me is because they think I'm the dread pirate Roberts."

"But you're not," Percy said.

Luke was whispering now. "I know! But if they find out otherwise, I'm dead, and you're all dead too!"

They all nodded. "We've got you… Roberts," Annabeth said.

Luke waved a hand. "Call me Luke. These pirates are too stupid to know the difference."

Percy put a hand down on the table. "Wait! You betrayed us! You ran away! How the hell did you get here!"

Luke laced his fingers. "It's a long story."

"Try us," Tyson said.

Luke looked at him. "You look a bit like Percy, you do… besides the-," he waved a hand over his eyes.

"Yeah," Tyson said.

"The eyes…," Luke whispered. He looked around them all happily. "Fine, I'll tell you my story, and you tell me yours!"

"Fair enough," Annabeth said, before Percy could answer

Luke spread his hands. "Once upon a time…"

_Luke climbed up onto the ship, pulling the sack of Kronos' body bits with him as he went. _

"_Whew, I'm pooped," Luke said. "Lucky there was this convenient ship waiting for us!"_

"_Yeah, yeah," Kronos' voice said. "How great."_

"_Shush, you," Luke told the bag._

"_Okay, Lord Luke, greatest demigod of all."_

"_Let's go explore the ship, m'lord."_

"_Of course, anything you want to do, Luke."_

"Okay, this is so biased," Percy exclaimed. "Kronos is kissing up to you."

Luke seemed to struggle with himself. "Yeah, fine."

_Luke and Kronos looked around._

"_This is nice," Kronos commented._

"_Do they have Wii's. I want a Wii."_

"_Yes, yes, I'm sure they have a fucking Wii for you Luke."_

"_Stop swearing, or I'm totally throwing you over the ship."_

_He heard Kronos grumble to himself._

_Luke started to strut around the ship, taking in the sun, when a load of monsters came out of the doors, the hatches, in different shapes and sizes, all piling towards him._

"_Shit! What do we do?!" Kronos asked._

"_Err," Luke said._

"_Let them use me for hotdog pieces, just don't kill me!" Kronos whined, losing his cool completely._

_Luke squared himself as the lead pirate, a vicious looking demigod strode up. _

"_Who are you?"_

_Luke set his jaw. "Who are you?"_

_The monster looked taken aback. "I'm… I'm the captain."_

"_Well, I'm a captain too."_

"_Oj yeah," he leered. "Of what ship?"_

"_Every ship."_

_The guy grunted. "What are you doing here?"_

_Luke walked up to the side. "Erm… inspecting your ship!"_

"_It don't need inspecting."_

"_I beg to differ," Luke countered, holding up a piece of rubbish._

"_So some of the men litter-"_

"_So they litter now! But soon they'll be at your throat, with rubbish, demanding they throw it into the swimming pool."_

"_Okay, maybe we have a problem."_

_Luke nodded. "Damn right you have a problem!" Luke agreed, pulling a can out of his pocket and dropping it on the ship floor._

"And from there," Luke finished, "I steadily took control."

"What about the 'Roberts' part," Annabeth asked.

Luke shrugged. "Well…"

_Luke had been called into the Captain's cabin, and Roberts was sitting at the table, sharpening a knife._

"_I'm not the dread pirate Roberts," he started._

_Luke looked confused. "What? Yes, you are. You, I mean, all the crew listen to you and-"_

"_No," he shook his head. "My name is Ryan. I took over from the last Roberts."_

_Luke sat down. "What are you talking about?"_

_So Roberts, or Ryan, started to explain, detailing how the real Roberts was retired, and he'd passed on the name, changing crews each time, and giving another guy time to find riches._

"_And it's your turn…," Ryan stated._

_And from there, a new crew was taken on, and Luke became Roberts, Ryan continually calling him that, until the crew believed, before dropping himself at port, and taking off a rich man. _

"So," Luke sighed. "That's my tale. And now… it's time for yours."

Percy cleared his throat, preparing for a long, lengthy story, of Travis, of death, of the games and Percy's own choosing.

Instead he said: "Read the last three chapters. That'll fill you in."

And so Luke did. After he'd read, and reviewed under 'Luke Castellan', he sat back, and observed his friends.

"So… that's where your suit comes from," Luke said.

Percy looked down at himself, still wearing the suit he'd run away with from his interview, besides the fact it was looking in decidedly worse shape.

"Yeah," he replied.

"Well," Luke grinned. "No time to waste."

"What?" Annabeth asked, confused.

Luke looked at her like it should be obvious. "We're going after Grover."

Tyson sprung up. "But… what about you being a bad guy?"

Luke looked at him steadily. "We have a satyr to save." He whisked out of the room, racing along the corridors, the rest of them trailing in his wake.

He made it to the main control deck and placed a hand on the monsters shoulder.

"Set a new course!" Luke cried.

The monster sighed. "Why don't you fuck off, you little-" he turned around to see Luke.

"Captain! Oh, of course! Where too?"

"The Sea of Monsters!" Luke informed him.

The guy went pale, but he set the course and turned the wheel, and Percy felt… well, he knew they were going the right direction.

Luke pointed at Percy. "Skipper, where are we?"

"Fifty-six degrees, thirty-three minutes north, seventy-six degrees, ten minutes west," Percy said instantly.

Annabeth looked at Percy keenly. "Percy, how did you-"

But Luke got in the way. "Coordinates, moving navigation," he waved, "comes from his sea-blood. Yes, very good." Luke said restlessly, like he was trying to get it out of the way. "Good… very good," he took Percy's arm, "we'll be talking, yes we will. You say you have to fight to the death in this forest," he asked, changing the subject, and leading Percy through a few corridors, and out into the sunshine.

Percy blinked. "Yes."

Luke squinted at the sun. "Yes, better to talk about these things in the sun… so-"

"But," Percy overrode, "when we get Chiron back, I won't have to do it, so it doesn't matter."

Luke looked at him. "No, it's always good to be prepared. I'm going to train you."

Percy blanched. "What?"

"I'm going to teach you more sword techniques. You're good, but you're not that good."

Percy just nodded.

Then Luke put a hand to his ear. "What?"

Percy looked at Luke like he was mad. "What?"

Luke waved a hand at him. "Yes, yes, sure, well that sounds a bit harsh… yeah, call it what you like."

Luke took his hand away, before grinning at Percy madly.

"Kronos says I'm training the enemy! Saw the coffin, did you?"

Percy nodded.

Luke licked his lips, nodding. "Yeah, bet you did. That, that, that! It's an icebox, stops Kronos from getting in here-" he drove a finger into his temple, "but sometimes, the old bastard _still_ gets in! And they say old Luke's mad!"

Percy had to agree with 'them', so he just nodded.

Luke let go of Percy and paced around the ship.

"I'm going to train you! We're going to save Grover, you're going to get the Fleece, I'm going to use it to heal Kronos, and you'll heal the camp!"

"Wait," Percy said. "'Heal Kronos?' No way!"

Luke looked at him, his jaw going slack. "What?"

Percy stood up straight. "No! We're off to save camp, not find another way to destroy it."

Luke licked his lips again. "Just take the deal."

Percy shook his head.

Luke giggled. "I'm under _so_ much s_tress_! Enough to make a man mad!" he said, moving his fingers like a screwdriver. "I've got the united armada after me, I have the furies coming, I even had to kill the 'Argonauts' greatest warrior! So no jumped up Son of Poseidon is stopping me!"

He ripped out his sword, a new blade, glinting both bronze and Iron, swinging it at Percy.

Percy jerked his neck back, pulling Riptide, and engaging with Luke.

Luke parried, thrusting at Percy's head, but the latter ducked, deflected a blow, and pressed home.

They parried and ducked, dodged and weaved, but Percy didn't know what to do, even if he did defeat Luke.

He jabbed at Luke, but the Son of Hermes pushed it aside, driving his shoulder into Percy, knocking him into the rail, before bringing his blade down.

Percy ducked away, but Luke tripped him as he ran past, before placing his sword into Percy's back.

Percy saw Annabeth and Tyson running towards him, but Luke flipped Retard up from the crowd with his foot, and pointed at them.

"One more step and the compass get's it!"

"I'll do the deal!" Percy shouted.

Luke grinned, sheathing his sword, before throwing Retard into the deck.

"Good, that was your first lesson."

Annabeth ripped her knife out. "No, what deal? What's going on?"

Percy stood up. "Annabeth, we were just talking about me taking lessons from him; you know, sword lessons. I refused, and Luke decked me."

Annabeth looked suspicious, but dropped it, sheathing her knife. "If you're plotting against us…," she warned, pointing a finger at Luke.

Luke clapped his hands. "No worries… now, to get your sleeping arrangements sorted. We've got a long trip!"

As his monster crew started to lead Annabeth and Tyson away, Percy moved up to Luke.

"I don't want Kronos coming back," he hissed.

Luke looked at him sadly. "Please, I don't want a fight. I just want us to both get our way. Please?"

Percy looked at Luke. "Fine," he said, though he was already plotting how to get the Fleece out of Luke's hands.

Luke nodded. "Thank you," he made to walk off, before looking back. "Hey, Percy, you're looking really good." He winked. "Enough for Annabeth, eh? I saw the interview."

Percy let his arms drop. "We're… just… _**friends**_!"

Luke winked again. "Okay Percy, don't worry." He nodded at him, before walking off, leaving Percy with his twisted feeling with Annabeth (they were friends!) and what he needed to do about a certain Titan Lord in an icebox.

**Hope you enjoyed it, and please, please review! Take part in the 'Lol Campaign' and I'll love you eternally. Please review below! Just dump in a 'Lol'! Please tell me what you thought of Luke's running of the ship and how the story is going! Please review with the 'Lol Campaign'.**


	26. Hades Tells You To Read: HTBB,MP,AFIL

**Okay guys, sorry for this being so late. Right, I'll explain; I've been working on my 'Hunger Games' parody:**

'_**How To Bake Bread, Maime People And Fall In Love'**_

**I've been trying to get it off its feet, and it's not going too badly. Hunger Games Fan Fiction is not the hotspot for reviews, unlike PJO. But it's still doing okay. But, I'm going to ask you guys a favour, with a deal attached.**

_**If you guys read and review 'How To Bake Bread, Maime People And Fall In Love' (found easily on my profile under stories), then I'll get the next chapter out tomorrow. Yes, you heard, tomorrow. Like, the next day. That's a promise! You guys will probably like the Hunger Games parody, as it's just like this one. I have a Stalking Peeta, a very dubious Haymitch and a poetry loving Cato. I also have better romance with Glato than I do in this one, IMO. But that's just me! Check it out, review, hell, even favourite it, and I WILL have the next chapter out tomorrow.**_

**In other news, check out the forum, and please review below, even if it's just a 'Lol', for the Lol Campaign. We have over 300 lols now! Please, let's get this story past the 700 mark and into the 1,000s!**

**Hades drove up to gate, getting out and pulling it open, before climbing back into his car.**

He drove up the path, rumbling along the dirt path, driving through fields, wishing that Demeter would just live in the bloody suburbs. He ran over a chicken that was strutting across the yard, and parked next to Demeter's SUV.

He turned off his car and got out, slamming the door.

Hades, being lord of all the riches under the ground was rich, so he'd brought a very expensive sports car (in black), but standing his black executive suit, he was wishing he'd been a bit more cavalier with his appearance.

He brushed back his shoulder length black hair and thought about why he was here…

"_Hades, you need to take back your life," Zeus stated._

_Hades looked at him glumly, before throwing some bread to the birds. They ignored it, which wasn't new. That meant he'd just wasted his bread. Hades sighed._

_Zeus looked at the bread sadly. "Bad luck."_

"_They only ignore my bread…," Hades sighed._

_Zeus raised an eyebrow. "Gods, stop feeling sorry for yourself."_

_Hades looked at him._

"_Yeah," Zeus said. "You heard me! I said you need to get your shit together!"_

"_It's together."_

"_No! It's all over the place Hades!"_

"_It's not my fault," Hades protested feebly._

_Zeus stood up. "No, look I have a family, a life, and you have nothing! Why?"_

_Hades shrugged. "Because no-one likes me?"_

"_No, let me be the first to tell you, you're not exactly a hard act to follow!"_

_Hades stood up too, looking down at Zeus. He'd always been the tallest._

"_She has someone new."_

_Zeus pushed him. "Just take Percy's advice! He was right, as usual! I mean, Poseidon has gone back to Sally! Talk about a success story!"_

"_Yes, but Perseus is charming… I'm not."_

_Zeus shook his head. "I'm done with you…," he made to walk away, before turning back. "Look, you might not need Persephone but I think those kids need a father!"_

_Hades stood there as Zeus strode off._

Hades reached into his car, pulling out roses, before walking up to the door of the farmhouse.

He muttered in disgust as a chicken shat on his shoe, but he accepted it. It was probably his fault.

He knocked, and he heard movement, before Persephone came to the door. She'd been living with her mother since the divorce, along with Nico and Bianca and he could already tell she was annoyed, from the way she was holding the door.

She looked at Hades, before shouting over her shoulder. "Nico, Bianca, you're father's here!"

Hades looked over her head into the hallway, hoping to catch a glimpse, but he missed them. They, like him, were almost invisible in shadows.

He looked down to see Persephone on a stool to give herself an extra foot of height, to little success.

He smiled, because that was typical of her.

She frowned. "I haven't seen one of those since our wedding day," she commented, pushing her dark hair out of the way as she spoke.

"What? A smile?" Hades asked.

"Sadly," she replied.

Hades brought the flowers up. "I brought you roses." He looked at them. "I know you like black. I created them myself."

Persephone looked at them. "I don't think I can accept them."

Hades lowered them. "No, of course not," he realised glumly.

"Brick will be here soon."

Hades frowned. "What sort of name is 'Brick'?"

"It's his name."

Hades looked down. "Silly name…"

"You're called 'Hades'," she pointed out.

Hades shrugged. "You have 'phone' at the end of your name… I still think Brick is silly," Hades reaffirmed.

Persephone rolled her eyes, watching as the kids raced up the corridor.

Hades knelt down, watching them as they came up.

They hugged him, but Hades just sighed. "You don't have to hug me," he said.

"Ma vogliamo, padre," Nico stated.

Hades looked at him. "What?"

Persephone knelt down, looking at Nico. "What did I say about the language. The? Err...?"

"Vuoi dire la mia lingua bastardo, mamma?"

She nodded. "Yes, that?"

Hades stood with her. "That was Italian, Persephone," Hades informed her.

"Yes, thank you Hades." She looked back down at the kids. "Okay, Bianca, have you got everything?"

"Yes, Mum!"

"Nico?"

He nodded. " I have ogni cosa, mamma."

She nodded unknowingly. "Well, that's good to know." She looked back at Hades. "You do know where you're going, right?"

Hades nodded. "Yes, credit me with some intelligence. No-one else does...," he reflected glumly.

Persephone nodded. "Okay, good." She looked up. "Oh, here comes Brick."

"What? Il costruttore?" Nico asked.

Persephone looked puzzled, but Hades leaned down to her. "The builder."

She looked angry, but she let it pass. Hades gave Nico a thin smile.

A car was pulling up into the drive, but Hades didn't notice it as a chicken was attacking his leg.

Persephone looked down at the disturbance. "You have shit on your shoe," she informed him.

Hades nodded. "Yes, I'm aware," he said glumly.

The car stopped, and a guy got out. He kinda tubby, red, like a Brick, with very, very white teeth.

Hades looked away as he smiled. Everyone else did too.

The guy spotted Hades. "Hey there? You must be Hades?" He stuck out a red hand, speaking with a Texas drawl.

Hades smiled thinly again, taking his hand, white against red.

"Jesus, you're cold!" Brick stated.

Hades nodded. "My apoligies."

Brick looked up at him. "What was that?"

Hades frowned. "My apoligies?"

"What accent is that?" he asked, pointing at Hades like he could extract it.

"English," Persephone stated.

"Eh?" Brick was confused. "But you live in the US of A!"

Persephone moved in before Hades could speak. "Yes, but we're all Greek, right? Hades' underworld goes under the whole world, and he prefers England. Hence his accent."

Hades sighed. Persephone had liked his accent. It had been 'sexy'. He rarely was called that in any way.

Brick decided to drop it and look down at his feet instead. "You're tall? Are you wearing stilts?"

Hades shook his head.

Brick scratched his head like the idea of such a tall man should be impossible. He pointed at Persephone's stool instead.

"Why are you on a stoll?"

Persephone jumped off, making some flowers grow as she hit the ground, so her head now came up as high as Hades midriff.

Hades looked own at her flowers, as Brick and Persephone said their goodbyes and drove off into the distance.

He knelt down to pick the flowers, before crying. He missed her flowers.

"Not crying again are you?" A rough voice said.

Hades looked around. "No, I'm fine."

Demeter came forward. "Yeah, well..."

The kids ran towards Hades car, as Hades brushed off his hands.

"Well, I'd better be going," he said. "Excuse me for invading."

"Did you get the dictionary shoved up your ass?"

Hades shook his head. "No, I don't believe so. If you'll excuse me."

But Demeter blocked his way. "Are you sure you want to be leaving now?"

Hades nodded. "I'm certain, but thank you for your concern."

Demeter pushed Hades against the wall. "Are you sure? Are you hungry?"

Hades shook his head. "I'm afraid not, but thank you."

"Come on Hades, just join me upstairs. You aren't married."

Hades breathed deeply. "No, but what you speak of is incest."

"Never stopped the Lannisters!"

Hades didn't know who these 'Lannisters' were but he thougt they were the kind he didn't want his family mixing with.

He pushed Demeter back gently, before striding out of ther door.

Of course it happened to him. It always happened to him. He just accepted it as a chicken stole one of his shoelaces, before he climbed in his car.

"Where are we going dad?" Bianca asked.

Hades sighed. "Anywhere but here."

'**I Don't Want To Miss A Thing' was playing lightly in the background.**

Poseidon smiled at Sally from his side of the bed.

"I have something to ask you... but I want to do it later."

Sally frowned. "Then why did you tell me now?"

Poseidon frowned. "I don't know."

Sally smiled at him. "You look a bit too much like Percy. He has your... attraction."

Poseidon let out a sigh. "He doesn't seem to be liking it so far."

Sally shrugged. "Well, he hasn't really got to see the good parts of it yet."

Poseidon looked at the ceiling. "Why is it called 'The Perseus Attraction'? It came from me."

"I don't know. It was just-"

The door knocked; Poseidon sat up. "I'll get it," he said.

He threw on some quick clothes, and walked to the door, looking out at the Caribbean beach they were on, before opening the door.

Amphitrite was standing in the door, her black hair tied back in a ponytail.

Poseidon's jaw fell open, but he recovered quickly, flashing a winning smile.

"Hey love, how are you doing?"

She scowled at him, before whipping out a hand to slap him.

Poseidon dodged it easily. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"You! What are you doing here?"

Poseidon shifted. "I'm sleeping on a beach."

She continued to scowl. "I know you're with that woman. Jackson's mother."

Poseidon smiled. "Who?"

Amphitrite pulled out a magazine, holding it up. Poseidon took it, looking at the cover.

**Perseus Jackson Is Hungry!**

_**Heart throb Perseus 'Percy' Jackson has recently been chosen for the Olympic Games at Camp Half-Blood, and in this magazine we get an exclusive interview with him: All revealed. His favourite colour, his favourite animal, his favourite jam, all in today's issue! **_

On it was a big picture of Percy leaning on Riptide, which was dug into the ground, an orange Camp Half-Blood T-shirt on, a teasing smile on his face. Poseidon wasn't sure where the picture had come from, as he was sure Percy had never posed or said:

"_I love all my fans, and I'll yes, I'm single. I'm looking for love, but I want someone to care for me."_

Poseidon nodded. "Yeah, my son."

Amphitrite nodded. "Him. Just read the article."

Poseidon gestured for her to come in, walking to the sofa, before sitting down.

He opend the magazine and looked at the interview. Most of it was taken from 'Late Night With Dioynisus', where Percy had definetly down an interview, because Poseidon and Sally had watched it on the TV.

Poseidon opened it and started to read:

"_**Do you have twitter, Percy?"**_

"_Yeah, I do. But people write to me and say, 'I'm giving up, you're not talking to me.' I just write them a simple message, like, 'Never give up,' you know? And it changes their life."_

"_**So you'd say you were popular?"**_

"_Popular? Scooby Doo is popular, I'm freakin' massive. I get tons of fan mail, but I do try to read all of it. A lot of them send me candy, which I'm not allowed to eat 'cause my mom says it might be poisonous. But I'd love to eat it. I want my world to be fun. No parents, no rules, no nothing. Like, no one can stop me. No one can stop me. "_

"_**Okay, fair enough. Percy, a few of our fans want to know… what do you think of Germans?"**_

"_Oh, we don't use that word in my country."_

"_**Your country? What's that?"**_

"_America? Obviously."_

"_**Oh, of course Percy!"**_

"_Look, I'm just a normal 13 year old. I make great grilled cheese and I love girls."_

"_**But with all this fame, what about your education?"**_

_"It's kind of hard to balance school and fame sometimes. But sometimes, like, if I'm going to the White House and I'm in there doing a tour and stuff, that's like school."_

"_**Oh, of course Percy! What do you want to be when you grow up?"**_

_"I'd like to be an architect. That would be cool. I like drawing."_

"_**Where do you want to be when you're 17?"**_

"_I would like to have an album out by then, because I'm a great singer, and be touring, and hopefully have my own charity by then."_

"_**What do you think about having a girlfriend? How would you treat them?"**_

_I haven't been able to be as romantic as probably I will be able to be, but I think that being a gentleman is what matters; taking them out to a nice dinner, open the doors, stuff like that. Flowers are great, but love is better? You know what I mean?_

"_**What are your best talk up lines?"**_

"_Okay, I've got tons. How about; Baby when you're with me, it's like an angel came by, and took me to heaven. Or, Baby know for sho', I'll never let you go. _

_When I met you girl my heart went knock, knock. Now them butterflies in my stomach won't stop stop. _

_You know you love me, I know you care, and I would never not be there. For you, I would have done whatever. And no, I can't believe we're not together. Or, my best ones, and this is an exclusive, mind: Can't make up your mind, please don't waste my time; Not trying to rewin', and catch a bad chick by her toe."_

"_**What about the game? Are you scared?"**_

"_No, I have a swagger coach that helps me and teaches me different swaggerific things to do… He has helped me with my style and just putting different pieces together and being able to layer and stuff like that."_

"_**Who is your swagger coach?"**_

"_That's Chiron."_

"Jesus," Poseidon muttered.

Amphitrite sat down, nodding. "See? He's a self absorbed twat."

Poseidon threw the magazine aside. "That's shit; Percy would never have said that. It's all made up, and that's a fact, besides the bit stolen from 'Late Night With Dionysus'".

"How can you be sure?"

Poseidon laughed. "Look at the quality of speech! Look at the personality shift. You can tell from a mile!"

"All the girls on Olympus, actually, any girl who knows Percy, and woman for that matter, are becoming Perlievers."

"What's that?"

"Some stupid name for people who like him, but-"

"Poseidon?" Sally called from the bedroom.

Amphitrite whipped around. "She's here?"

Poseidon stood up. "Look, it's not what you think!"

"You've been sleeping with her!"

Poseidon dropped his hands. "Is that it? In which case, yeah."

Amphitrite picked up a piece of pottery and threw it at Poseidon who ducked, his long dark hair flying through the air.

"Look, love, just calm-"

"SHUT UP!"

Poseidon dove over a sofa to avoid a kitchen knife.

"Dear, just calm down!"

"Don't call me that!" Amphitrite cried.

Poseidon ran at her, grabbing her by the waist and throwing her through the door, before slamming it shut.

Sally came rushing out, covered with the sheets. "What's wrong?"

Poseidon grinned, while struggling to keep the door shut. "Just talking to my ex."

Amphitrite screamed, before giving up. "I might not be able to get you, but I'm sending Triton to take Jackson! Then we'll see who's the better warrior!"

They heard her footsteps, receding into the distance.

"Who's Triton?" Sally asked.

Poseidon grimaced. "My other son; and he's off to kill Percy."

"Is that bad?"

Poseidon didn't answer.

**All of that fake Percy interview was quotes taken from ONE popstar. Guess who it is? He's all very close to our hearts.**

**Please go onto _'How_ _To Bake Bread, Maime People And Fall In Love'_ on my Profile under 'Stories' or go and type it in Google. Review and if enough of you guys do it, I WILL get the next chapter out by Tomorrow, I swear on Grover's life!**

**Please review too and get us to 1,000!**


	27. Luke Teaches Me To Fight

**Okay, thank you all to who reviewed _'How To Bake Bread, Maime People And Fall In Love'. _Please guys, continue to look at it and give me your thoughts, and since you did that, I'm holding up my end! Please review and get us up to 750! Just write a 'Lol' if you don't want to write, but I love feedback! Lol Campaign. Also, The Perseus Attraction is now in German! RoseNiffler has translated it!**

**Link: www . fanfiktion . de / s /505f238100025b9d067109a0**

**Remove spaces if you want to not be able to read it. Also, I'm not a 'She'. I'm a guy, as loads of people don't seem to know.**

**Percy's room was nice, very nice actually, and it had a wonderful bed. But it was this wonderful bed that Annabeth was shaking him from now.**

"Wake up Seaweed Brain!"

Percy jerked awake, to see Annabeth, dressed in a new collection of clothes, her hair tied up, looking at him.

"Luke wants to see you, up on deck," Annabeth said.

Percy wiped his eyes, trying to rub the sleep out, nodding.

Annabeth withdrew, smiling as she looked back.

"They've cleaned your suit for you, so you can wear that."

Percy groaned. "How come you got new clothes, then?"

"I think they just like you in a suit, so get used to it."

Percy nodded. "Tell Luke I'll be up there soon…"

Annabeth smiled, before skipping out happily.

While Percy was forced to ponder if Annabeth had 'skipped', Tyson came into his room, holding up some aftershave.

"This boat-"

"Cruise ship," Percy corrected.

"-is great, much better than camp."

Percy nodded. "Is that all?"

Tyson shook his head. "No, I just wanted to say, seeing as how you love Annabeth-"

"What?"

"-then you'd be happy to take my advice, because there's no way she'll go out with a dicksucker like you."

"Go away, you little shitbag."

"I brought you aftershave, to make you smell nice, because you stink!"

Percy leaned in closer. "You can take you aftershave and shove it up you asshole!"

"Mom and Dad won't like you saying that," Tyson warned.

"Yeah, well Mom and Dad are not here!" Percy grabbed his pillow and threw it at Tyson.

**Percy made his way up to the main deck. His shirt was untucked, with the top buttons undone, and he had completely discarded his jacket, rolling up his sleeves due to the heat of the day.**

A couple of days had passed since they had got on 'Pucky', the boat (Luke's choice of name), and Percy, Annabeth and Tyson had sunk into life on board. Percy was having the most vigorous time, forced to train with Luke up on deck every day, until he was bruised and sweating.

Percy mounted the steps and got to the top, onto the deck, which was a part of the ship that was risen above the rest, so they had a clear view of ship life as it stood. Percy could see the monster crew at work.

Luke was sitting in a chair, reading a magazine. He put it down and smiled at Percy when he approached, wearing a white button shirt and khakis, a pair of sunglasses on his face, his hair trimmed, and generally not looking like a bad guy.

"Morning," Luke said.

Percy nodded warily. Luke's last lessons had taught him to be on his guard.

He walked up to Percy, holding the magazine out.

"You might want to read this," he said, putting a hand on Percy's shoulder.

Percy started, expecting attack, and grabbed Luke's arm, bending and pulling it around, flipping Luke over.

Luke went over, but he landed on his feet, and kept hold of Percy's arm, so he was bent over as far as his spine would take him.

"Tut, tut," Luke admonished, letting go of Percy's arm, who collapsed on deck.

Luke whipped the magazine flat, and sighed.

"There's being defensive, then there's paranoid, and if you become that, you might as well slit your own throat."

"Right," Percy gasped from the floor.

"Get up, I have something to show you," Luke said.

Percy scrambled to his feet, taking the magazine Luke offered him.

"What the fuck? I never said this!" Percy shouted after reading the interview.

Annabeth came running up to deck with Tyson, both looking at Percy.

"What's wrong?" Tyson asked.

Percy brandished the magazine. "This."

Annabeth looked at it. "Oh? You didn't say that stuff?"

Percy frowned. "You seriously thought I said this?"

Annabeth blushed. "No, of course not. Not for one second!"

Luke smiled from the railing he was leaning against, his eyes darting between Annabeth and Percy.

Percy ripped up the magazine. "Of course not! Why would I say: 'Never say never'? I love the word never."

"You need to sue them," Annabeth nodded.

Tyson sighed. "It sounds like you and your gay friends on Twatter."

"It's Twitter," Percy informed him.

"Same difference," Tyson yawned.

Percy ignored him, handing the magazine back to Luke, who threw it swiftly over board.

"Luke!" Annabeth cried. "You just polluted!"

Luke grabbed Percy's arm. "Forget that, let's talk about you, Percy." He walked Percy over to the far side. "Ready for your next lesson."

Percy nodded, pushing Luke away, and pulling Retard out.

He whacked it against the railing (_Whooo!") _to get it working before holding it up to face Luke.

"Relax Percy! It is perfectly understandable to tense up in combat, but you must make every effort to stay calm, keep the muscles loose, and regulate your breathing. If you're tight, you cannot act with speed, which can be fatal."

He leapt in, bringing Backbiter up, making Percy try to block up, before driving the hilt into Percy's stomach.

Percy hit the deck, winded, trying to grasp air.

Annabeth ran to him, crouching down and brushing his hair away.

"Percy, are you okay?" She asked desperately.

Percy nodded, getting to his feet with her help.

"Leave him, woman! Jackson needs to learn more than his petty party tricks with a sword."

"They seem to do well enough," Percy muttered.

Luke grinned. "Oh yeah?" He swung his sword at Percy, the latter blocking, but he moved in, sweeping Percy's leg and making him fall to his knees.

Luke spun his sword around lazily as he walked around Percy.

"Balance, keep your body balanced so you can strike or parry without being hit. Always have your feet shoulder wide and when you move, move so your legs spread apart. Never have your feet close to each other. Hold your sword so you can handle it with ease. Watch your opponent's movements and learn when he moves in to attack and launch a pre-emptive strike," Luke commanded.

Percy watched Luke move around him, watching his muscles tense.

He sprang up, diving for Luke, who parried the thrust, bringing his sword down, but Percy rolled, whipping his sword around for Luke's leg.

Luke blocked it, before kicking Percy in the face.

"Better," Luke praised, as Annabeth rushed to Percy's side again.

Percy got to his feet, Annabeth pushing him back in.

Luke nodded. "When you parry you keep the blade close to you so you don't stretch out to block and always try to counter your opponents attack. Your footing and proper foot placement is key for balance. The more of the sole of your foot touches the ground-"

"-the more grounded you are giving you greater strength in your attacks," Percy finished.

Luke grinned. "Very good… but can you apply it?"

The exchanged a couple of blows, Percy staying relaxed and watching for not only Luke's sword, but especially his arms and legs, expecting a sweep, or a grab.

Percy lifted his foot, and Luke moved his sword in, using it to sweep Percy's foot, pushing him off balance, before he drove his foot into Jackson's stomach, throwing him to the ground.

Percy tried to grasp air as Annabeth leant in, whispering in his ear:

"Percy, keep your balance by sliding your feet rather than lifting them up and stepping. Leaning forward while lifting up your heel also reduces your grounding so be cautious with how your feet are placed and used during each strike because you give great opportunity for your opponent to knock you over. Keep your posture straight and your chest and torso forward which will keep you from losing your balance during your swings."

Percy nodded. "Little hard at the moment, Annabeth."

"Just try, okay?"

Percy looked into her grey eyes, seeing beauty, light and intelligence-

"Annabeth, you have a bit of sleep in your eye," Percy pointed out helpfully. "Just there," he put a finger to the spot on his own eye.

Annabeth blushed, backing off and nodding furiously.

Percy, happy to have helped, got to his feet, sliding this time, and twisting his body. Luke, for one, noticed.

"Nice Percy, very nice. I'm liking it," Luke commended, "but try to make it less stiff, more flowing. We'll get there," he added, as he pushed Percy's blade into the floor.

"Crafty fighters always strive to be aware of their surroundings, their assets and liabilities, and those of their opponent. Ideally, you should take note of the terrain and environment beforehand, in this case, a smooth deck, such as where the sun will be in your eyes and try to turn your opponent around to blind them, and if you can, try to get an idea of how your opponent fights. Is he brave, or cautious? Skilled, or a novice? Everyone has a weakness, for instance, small opponents can frequently be overpowered, tall people have longer reach but often leave their legs exposed, etc. That being said, it may be that you won't have time to come up with a plan, so try to do this as fast as possible," Luke called.

Percy hit Retard into a railing to get it working again (he was starting to feel less resistance, which means Retard would have given soon.)

Luke looked at Retard. "Know your sword and its style, and what its really designed for and capable of-"

"Just shit then," Percy answered, making Tyson and Annabeth laugh.

Luke went scarlet. "A sword is a tool and is designed to do a certain task. They are not _magical_ and will _not_ exceed their design. Plan ahead based on this knowledge. Is your sword light and nimble, designed for stabbing? Or a heavy one capable of a single body-severing, but potentially slower stroke? Or a razor blade made to cut? Each has weaknesses and strengths, as do the styles accompanying them. Knowing the limits and abilities of yours and your enemy's sword and style is the key to winning. You'd best remember that Perseus."

Percy raised his hands. "I've got it Luke. Don't-"

But what Percy was about to say was cut off as a monster ran up the steps and made his way up to Luke.

"Captain, we've spotted land.

Luke pointed at Percy. "Guide us to the stars!"

"Thirty-six degrees, forty-four minutes north, seventy-six degrees, two minutes west," Percy recited. Then he frowned. "Wait, how did I get that from-?"

Annabeth gave a little squeak. "Luke, that's-"

"I know lassie, I know," Luke nodded.

"Hello?" Tyson butted in. "Anyone want to fill me in?"

"No," Percy answered.

Tyson scowled at him. "Funny."

The ship turned, pulling itself into a stop as it hit the shore, Luke looking over the edge gleefully.

"Let's go!" Luke cried.

Before anyone could stop him, he jumped over the edge, right off the 50 foot high cruise ship.

_I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing  
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing  
Be my mirror, my sword and shield  
My missionaries in a foreign field_

Luke Castellan hit the ground with a soft thump, a little shower of blood erupting from his head.

"LUKE!" Annabeth screamed.

"Shit!" Tyson exclaimed.

Percy was stunned. Luke was lying on the sand, looking very, very dead.

"Luke?" Percy called, but Annabeth was already running down to ship to disembark, and Percy hared after her.

They reached Luke, who was lying, dead, in the sand.

"What a sorry fucker…," Tyson muttered.

Percy looked around. "Tyson! Where did you learn that word!?" he snapped.

The crew assembled in silence.

All the monsters bowed their heads in pain at Luke's death.

They were just about to bury him when Luke opened his eyes.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Luke cried. "I'm out for two seconds and you decide I'm fucking _dead?"_

"Sorry Luke," Annabeth sighed, relieved. "We thought you'd popped it."

"Popped it…?" Luke repeated.

Percy nodded. "Enough protagonists have died so far, so you see our reasoning. Here, give me that shovel."

Luke climbed out of the hole they'd made, brushing dirt off him. "What's that doing here?" He pointed at Kronos' icebox.

"We thought you'd want him to be present," Tyson said.

Luke scowled. "Put him back! Get back to your duties. Forget the hole you idiot!" He wiped a bit of brain off his head.

"What's that?" Annabeth paled.

Luke gestured impatiently at the sand. "I landed on a bird. Follow me, Tyson, Percy and Annabeth."

He strode off, the three demigods, sorry, did I say three, I meant two demigods and one monster.

Percy glared at the narrator. "He's sensitive."

Yes, yes, sorry. Anyways, they walked along until the got to that little tramp camp Thalia, Luke and Annabeth had to sleep in.

Luke went in and sat, cross legged on the floor. "Ah… nostalgia."

Percy looked around, a little weird feeling building in him.

Annabeth smiled sadly. Percy looked at her, one of her arms grasped by her hand, her hair falling into her face, smiling sadly at the camp. She looked at him, and he looked away quickly, pretending to be looking at the walls.

Luke held out some water. "Want some?"

It was green.

"No thanks," Tyson said.

Percy reached out a hand, frowning.

"Retard," Tyson muttered.

But Percy concentrated on separating the water, molecule by molecule.

Luke grinned as the water was separated from the green, rising from the bowl, until it was hovering, clean, in the air. Luke caught it as it fell (Percy losing strength) while Annabeth looked impressed.

"Good work, Seaweed Brain."

Percy nodded, tired.

Luke pulled out a flask and started drinking from it.

Percy looked at him. "If you had fucking water all that time, then why did I just do that!"

Luke shrugged. "I didn't ask you."

Percy sat down.

Luke smiled at him. "You remind me of Thalia."

"Arrogant bitch," Annabeth added.

Luke nodded. "Yeah… she was a bit up herself."

"_I'm Zeus' daughter! _You'd think she wanted a frickin' medal."

Luke nodded. "Yup… then it all went to pot."

Annabeth looked away. "She thought she could take on all those monsters. She was mutilated."

Percy coughed. "Yeah?"

"Then she got turned into a tree," Annabeth muttered.

"I spat on that," Luke admitted happily.

Annabeth grinned at him. "Me too!"

They fist bumped, before relaxing in silence.

"So… she wasn't universally liked," Percy asked.

Annabeth scoffed, while Luke leant forward.

"Ronald McDonald isn't universally liked, stupid twat of a clown. Thalia was hated."

"Despised," Annabeth agreed.

Percy nodded. "Uh, huh."

Tyson came back into the tent, which was a feat, as Percy hadn't known he'd even left.

"Guys… there's a doughnut shop over the hill."

Annabeth went pale, yanking her knife out, but Luke came forward, taking her knife.

"Chillax Annie… let's got meet out neighbours."

He walked out, but Annabeth continued to look worried.

Percy sidled forward. "It's okay… he's Luke! Have you seen the guy in action! He's a beast! He toasts me! _Like he could be killed!_ I want to see him fight a monster. It'd be incredible."

Annabeth nodded.

"I mean," Percy went on. "He's a legend. He can't be beaten. Give him any quest and he'll complete it! He's the greatest fighter in the fucking Olympian Series! I mean, those guys, Frank and Hazel think I'm godlike later, but Luke _beat me_! He's invincible."

Annabeth looked at Percy. "He failed his quest."

"Oh…"

"That's why he has that scar."

"Oh… shit."

They scrambled out of the tent.

**Review please! Just dump down a 'Lol' and get us to 750 reviews!**


	28. We Steal Some Doughnuts

**Okay guys, thanks for taking part in reviewing for _'How To Bake Bread, Maime People And Fall In Love'_ (which has been updated, so please stop by and review) and I hope you guys continue to! Please review for this one, and if 50 of you guys review (a tall order at 50) then I swear I'll get the next chapter out much faster! We'll also hit 800 reviews, only 200 from the mark, then I can tell you why I've wanted these 1,000 reviews so much. But please, just take part in the 'Lol Campaign' and put down a quick 'lol'. That's all I ask.**

"**Let's go get some doughnuts!"**

Luke led the way up to the store.

Annabeth grabbed his arm. "Luke! What about the whole breeding monster franchise thing!"

Luke frowned. "What? Like, 'Toy Story'?"

Percy moved forwards. "Yeah, Annabeth, what are you talking about?"

Annabeth pointed to a spot behind some bushes. "Get out of sight and I'll tell you."

Percy looked at it good-naturally.

"I am not sitting in _that!" _Luke told her.

She was pointing at a big disgusting puddle full of sticky, gloopy mud, which was bubbling slightly.

Percy looked over at a spot next to it, covered in soft grass, hidden behind a nice bush.

"How about we hide there?" Percy asked.

Annabeth shook her head, before striding over and lying flat in the mud, soaking herself.

Luke hit his head. "Oh no! I just realised I don't give a fuck about what you were about to say!"

Annabeth scowled. "So I just sat in this mud for no reason?"

Percy walked over to the nice hiding place. "No, it's cool. I'll camp here. Hey Tyson, sit here."

Luke strode up, his hands in his pockets. "I'm Luke 'Badass' Castellan. I can defeat anything-," he went pale, seeing something.

"Move up!" He dove into Annabeth's hiding spot, swallowing lots of mud.

"_It's in my mouth!"_ He moaned.

Tyson kicked him as footsteps came up.

Percy held his breath as a Hydra appeared, sniffing around, before walking to the hatch that gave you doughnuts for the road.

All they heard was Luke moaning as he tried to get the mud out of his mouth, until the Hydra walked off.

Annabeth coughed, shifting in the mud, pushing more into Luke's mouth.

"Right, now we're all hidden-"

"Sorry Luke," Percy said.

"-we can talk about my theory. Basically, it's really weird and I didn't understand it, but as you kill a monster, these shops pop up."

"What?" Tyson asked.

Annabeth rolled her eyes. "It's a chain, like a nest. Basically, stuff pops up so fast, because they are linked to a monsters life force. You kill it, and boom, a new shop of Doughnuts opens."

Percy shook his head. "So… but wait, what's the point? Do they eat mortals? Are the monsters just in it for the profit?"

Luke, covered in mud, sat up. "No, look Annabeth, you're not making any fucking sense. Percy, Tyson, it's called the 'Padidimus Theory'. It consists of the idea that these chains of shops etc. are actually linked to a deferential interpretation of America's society as it stand in the present conflugation of the ethical situations of which we stand in. It's a parody of fast food and other chains devised by Rick in an attempt to provide a more adult theme to the otherwise over-expansive barrenial context of the books, and it dictates these chains like Costa etc. as monsters and it hopes that someone will understand it and be able to relate to how it affects our psychodynamic persona's."

Annabeth nodded. "What he said."

"Who devised this?" Asked a very confused Percy.

"Some child of Hermes."

"Yeah, so that's all bullshit then."

Luke nodded. "Oh yeah… yeah, children of Hermes are useless. They wouldn't be good enough to work that out."

Everyone looked around awkwardly. No-one reminded Luke he _was _a child of Hermes.

Luke clapped his hands. "Right-o, let's go in the store!"

Before anyone could object, Luke strode forward, pushing open the stores doors.

Percy, Annabeth and Tyson followed, looking around to see a doughnut-McDonalds style place, with monsters in all the booths.

Annabeth pressed close to Percy. "Help," she squeaked.

Percy glanced at her, before moving up to Luke.

"There are monsters everywhere! Luke, we're going to die."

Luke held up a hand. "I've had worse in the summer of 2003. Just let me deal with this."

He strode up to the counter.

"Monster!" He shouted.

The huge lizard looking thing, which Percy couldn't place, and Annabeth was too pale to try, looked down at Luke.

"What, scum?"

"We need supplies."

"I sell doughnuts."

"We'll take those then," Luke agreed.

The monster grunted. "You're a demigod, right?" He leant in close.

Luke waved a hand in front of his face. "By Zeus, stay away. Your breath stinks."

The monster grunted. "Tell me your business in coming to a nest of monsters."

Luke put a finger on the monsters nose. "Keep that _out," _he pushed him away with his finger, "of our business."

Percy swallowed, seeing the mood go sour, and sidled up to a monster with laptop.

"What you doing?"

In an act of shameless advertisement, he said:

"Reading, **'How To Bake Bread, Maime People, And Fall In Love'. **The author has updated with the scores Peeta and Katniss got and it's hilarious. Haymitch- well, you should read it and follow it too."

Percy signed in with his account and signed up.

"Percy!" Annabeth hissed. "What are you doing?!"

Percy looked around. "Following a story."

Tyson came up. "Stop reading that shit, and help us."

Luke was reaching blows.

"Yeah? Well, your Mom must have got you mixed up with her shit and the baby, because let me be the first to tell you, you look like a turd!"

"Oh yeah!" The monster replied. "Well, you're a son of Hermes!"

Luke scowled and turned around. "You have me there…" he put hand on his sword. "You have me…" he whipped around, drawing Backbiter across the monsters throat.

He disintegrated, and Luke jumped up on the counter, brandishing his sword.

"Come and get some me hearties! I'm the Dread Pirate Roberts!"

The monsters looked at each other.

"Call in Salty," one said.

Luke frowned. "Who's Salty?"

Footsteps were heard, the counter rocking, throwing Luke down onto his knees.

"Get the doughnuts!" Luke shouted at Percy, Annabeth and Tyson, jumping down from the counter.

Percy drew Retard, and moved up to Luke.

"I can fight!"

"No! Swords are no more use here!"

Percy looked at Luke's sword. "But… you're using a sword!"

Luke pushed him back. "Get the food!"

He pushed past Percy as the Hydra broke through the doors.

"Shit!" Tyson cried.

Luke waved them back. "I'll hold it! Get the food!"

The monsters were jeering, and Luke ran to confront the Hydra.

Percy watched Luke dodge a claw, rolling and vaulting a neck, cutting the torso as he went.

Annabeth grabbed him. "Percy! if anyone can fight it, Luke can! Now let's get the food and get out of here!"

They ran past the counter and to the back, picking up bags and loading doughnuts in them.

"Don't we have food on the boat?!" Tyson shouted.

Percy and Annabeth stopped.

"Keep going!" Annabeth decided, loading up her bag.

Luke came flying through the air, hitting the wall and falling onto his hands and knees.

He saw them looking. "It's under control!" He breathed, leaping up and running back in.

Annabeth picked up a chocolate doughnut.

"No," Percy hit it from his hand. "Tyson doesn't like those ones."

She picked up a custard filled one. Tyson shook his head. "Those make Percy sick."

Annabeth threw her bag down. "Sorry if I can't get fucking doughnuts for you two whining little s- oh crap!" She ducked as a Hydra head hit the wall.

Luke appeared cutting off its head, and grimacing.

"Look what you made me do Annabeth! I was trying to keep from doing that!"

"Why?" Tyson cried.

They watched as an extra head grew out.

"That's why," Luke panted, cutting at the growing head. "Bad head, bad head! Down!"

The tail came around, whipping Luke's face, stunning him, before another head came and lunged at his torso.

Luke reacted with godlike speed, pulling up a doughnut waiting tray and wedging it in the open mouth, kicking the flat of the tray, and the head, away.

Percy and Tyson were now having a heated debate on the merits of Frosties Doughnut selection, and how each one contained a horrible amount of calories.

Annabeth ran up, panting. "Look guys! Leave the stupid argument-"

"Stupid?" Percy asked. "is it stupid to care what goes in your body?"

"Well, no, but-"

"Is it stupid to care about the sugar level?" Tyson asked.

Percy pointed at him. "Shut up, yeah?"

Tyson held up a calorie sheet. "Sugar contains FAT and stuff that rots your teeth! It's worse!"

"No!" Percy argued. "If Annabeth lost all her teeth, I'd still rather go out with her rather than if she was the size of this store!"

Annabeth blushed. "You'd got out with me-"

"Yeah, but dickshit, you missed something, as _ALWAYS! _She'd have no teeth and be fat too!2

Annabeth tried to interject. "It's not about weight guys! It's the personality-"

"You don't know anything!" Percy told her. He turned to Tyson. "Like I said; who cares about her weight! I go for personality!"

"I said that-, "Annabeth put in.

"I'd rather fuck Annabeth for her-"

"Oh, Percy," Annabeth blushed. "So forward."

Tyson laughed. "Like she's let you bone her!"

Percy fought back. "I HAVE A RIGHT-"

"YOU STUPID PRICK, SHE'D NEVER-"

"PERCY! You can fuck me whenever you want!" Annabeth screamed with them.

They both turned to face her.

Luke slammed into the wall. "Guys, quit bitching! Let's go!"

Annabeth looked around at the Hydra. It had so many heads, it couldn't even see now.

"What are you fighting?" Tyson asked.

"I don't know," Luke panted. "I'm trying to give it so many heads it can't walk anymore."

He ran in, cutting off five heads, but a claw reached out.

"LUKE!" Percy shouted.

Luke looked around as the claw grabbed him, his sword spinning away.

"NO!" Annabeth cried.

Luke looked around, fighting to stop the claw from crushing him.

He saw a sign: _Get Hot Inserts From The Jelly Injector In Your Doughnut Now!"_

He reached out for the jelly injector, grabbing it. The claw squeezed again, but Luke drove the Jelly Injector into the Hydra's hand and kicked the switch.

Jelly started pumping into the Hydra, filling it.

Luke limped over to his sword, wiping blood from his eye. He picked it up, spinning it, before walking over to the Hydra.

It was now so full of Jelly it looked like a big balloon. Luke gritted his teeth, and looked at Percy.

"Give me Riptide."

"Why?"

"So I can throw it at the Hydra, we can escape as it explodes and you get your sword back.

Percy nodded. "Give me a sec." He hit Riptide against the wall, starting it up again, and handing it to Luke.

"Run," Luke said, moving to the door, Percy, Annabeth and Tyson picking up there packs of doughnuts, the monsters looking at them.

Luke threw Retard, the sword going right through the monster.

"Yeah, that happens." Percy stated.

Luke grunted, and they waited for Retard to reappear.

Luke took the sword and this time it buried itself in the Hydra.

They ran out as the store exploded in jelly, throwing them off their feet.

Percy got up, brushing himself down. "Wow, Luke. I think only Heracles killed that."

"With help," Annabeth added.

Luke shrugged. "He didn't have a jelly injector."

**Please, 49 reviews and we hit 800! I'l release a chapter sooner as well, I swear. Also, continue to review '_How To Bake Bread, Maime People And Fall In Love' _which has had some chapter updates, and follow it and stuff, but remember that the main thing is to try to get this to 800! Just tap in a 'lol' if you want to be quick! Thanks!**


	29. I Get 'Slammed' (Whatever That Means)

**Sorry for the late update. I am really busy with my Hunger Games Parody (which you can still check out on my profile) but here you guys go! If 40 or so of you wonderful people review, we get to 900. Only 1,000 from the goal, then I can finally tell you why I'm doing this! Please review and enjoy! **

**Oh, ages ago, I got a review, asking me if I could make a 'Harry Potter' parody? Answer: I can, and I have some of the best ideas I've had in writing, BUT it would be the biggest project I've ever undertaken. I have spoofs for EVERY PAGE! I'll only start it when all other stories are done. Sorry. **

**Also, to all those who had Hurricane Sandy their way, I can't connect, as I was miles away on a rock called England, but I hope it's all good now, and if it's not, I hope you can maybe laugh a bit at this. Sorry for the late whatever this is, but… yeah.**

**Annabeth smiled as Percy crawled up the bed towards her.**

"We shouldn't," Annabeth muttered as Percy looked down at her.

"But I want to," he replied, moving his lips to her ear.

"Percy," Annabeth sighed as fire started to spread-

**Percy made his way towards Annabeth's room, making to wake her up.**

"Anna-," he stopped, his hand about to knock before he heard it.

"Percy, oh Gods, yes," Annabeth's voice came from the other side.

Percy blinked stupidly. "Yes, well, bre-"

"Harder, please, just- louder!"

Percy frowned. "Okay… _Breakfast is ready!"_

"Be a man and take me!"

Percy got the feeling they weren't talking about breakfast anymore.

"Annabeth! Are you all right?"

He heard a scream, and didn't waste time. He leapt at the door, throwing his shoulder against it with all his force.

He bounced off it and slammed into the wall, crumpling into a heap on the floor.

"Oww," he muttered, holding his back.

"Hello?" Annabeth's voice came out, awake now.

Tyson walked past at the wrong time. He saw Percy on the floor and Annabeth's voice on the other side of the door. He grinned, piecing it together.

"It's not what you think!" Percy started.

Tyson continued to grin. "Did you just get slammed?!"

"What's that," Percy asked, getting to his feet.

"It's where you try to get into a girls bedroom to wank and she sees you and you get kicked out."

Percy moved up to him. "That didn't happen you little shit."

Tyson held up his hands. "Whatever Wanklord!"

Percy threw Retard in pen form as Tyson ran off.

"Yeah, well if I'm Wanklord, you're my little brother! Get it! You're small!"

"Percy?"

"Shit," Percy moved away from the door.

"Percy, is that you?"

"No."

"Percy, I can hear you."

"Yes."

"How long have you been out there?"

Percy brushed his hair back with stress. "Depends on how long you've been listening."

"I… erm, I just started to hear when you said 'shit'."

Percy nodded. "I only started hearing at 'Percy'."

"Who slammed at my door?"

"I tripped," Percy said lamely.

"Tripped," Annabeth repeated sceptically.

"Yeah, that's right. Anyway, breakfast is ready, so, bye."

Percy started walking quickly along the corridor, wanting to forget the whole sordid affair.

He walked into the dining area, where Tyson was talking to a couple of monsters. He laughed as Percy came round the corner.

"Look, it's the guy who got slammed!"

**After Percy had noogied Tyson into insanity, he sat down with Luke.**

"Morning," Luke greeted, looking at an Olympus Weekly.

Percy grunted, throwing down his bowl.

Luke dropped his paper and leant forward. "Percy, I wanted a word."

"Terrible. There you go," Percy muttered, focusing on his cereal.

Luke frowned. "I heard you were 'slammed'."

Percy threw down his spoon. "It's didn't happen like that!"

"How did it happen?"

Percy shook his head. "This is fucking ridiculous."

"Don't swear, there are kids present," he pointed at a monster family on holiday, where their baby whining at his chocolate-less food.

"Sorry."

"It's okay, they're cunts anyway."

"Luke-"

"Annabeth would let you in if you asked."

Percy frowned. "What are you talking about?"

Luke smiled, leaning back. "By Hades, you don't know. Shut up!"

"Pardon?"

"Kronos," he pointed at his ear.

"Yeah-"

"Mind if I join you," Annabeth asked, holding a tray.

Percy sprung up. "Yeah, sure, whenever. You look nice today," Percy commented, before sitting back down, flushing.

Annabeth sat next to him, looking at him.

He looked at her slowly. "What?" he asked aggressively.

"Thank you," Annabeth told him.

Luke leant in. "Right ladies, Percy's got a big day of training ahead, so finish up."

"I feel like I've been on this ship for years," Percy commented.

Annabeth thought about it. "Must be three chapters now. When are we going to reach Grover?"

Luke shrugged. "Grover? No idea. Sea of Monsters? Next chapter."

"You're sure?"

Luke nodded. "The author decided it ages ago. But then our funding got cut, because he decided to write a 'Hunger Games' parody. God knows what will happen if he writes that 'Harry Potter' one he's been planning for ages."

"No," Annabeth used her spoon to force her point. "He said he'd only do that once he's finished us."

"Sure he said the same about HG too," Percy muttered darkly.

Tyson came running up, pointing at the door to the main deck.

"Guys, you need to see this."

"Nah," Percy decided.

Tyson glared at him, but Annabeth beat him to the punch.

"Percy, you'll ruin the story!"

Percy pushed himself up. "Fine, fine.

They all made their way up to the top deck, looking around absently.

"Overboard," a monster shouted.

Percy and the rest went to the edge and looked over. A green mermaid was there, brandishing his trident at Percy.

"Who are you?" Percy called.

The mermaid scowled. "I'm Triton-"

"What?" Percy called.

"I'm Triton!"

"I can't hear you!"

"I'M TRITON!"

Percy laughed. "Nah, I heard you the first time. What do you want?"

"I've come here to declare battle with you!"

"Who are you?"

"Triton!"

Percy waved a hand. "Yes, we got that. Anything else?"

"I'm a son of Poseidon!"

Percy sat up. "Wait, we're-"

"We're?"

"Yeah, we're, i.e Tyson and I, are sons of Poseidon and Sally Jackson. Have you heard of them?"

"Well, I'm Poseidon's heir."

"How?" Percy frowned.

Triton looked smug. "I was born first."

Percy shook his head. "No, I mean, how can you be his heir? He's never going to die, is he?"

"Well, no," Triton admitted.

"It's just an empty title, really," Percy observed.

Triton nodded. "A bit, but it's the fact that I'm heir and you're not!"

Tyson came up, looking at Triton. "Hey green dude," he turned to Percy. "Message from Dad." He held up said message.

Percy took it, gesturing for Triton to wait. He read the letter and looked at Triton sadly.

"Sorry."

"Why?" Triton smiled.

"Dad just mentioned he might make me heir."

Triton scowled. "No way!"

Percy dropped the postcard to him. "Way."

Triton looked at the postcard. "That's from Mum and Dad's honeymoon," Tyson added.

"Honeymoon?" Triton asked.

Percy frowned. "Yeah, Mum and Dad got married when I was 12. Why, didn't you know?"

Triton gaped.

"We would have invited you," Tyson added.

"But we didn't know you existed," Percy continued.

Triton dropped the card. "But- but- but-"

"That makes your claim as heir invalid," Annabeth piped in. She put her hands on Percy's shoulders. "Perseus is the true heir to the sea."

Percy shifted uncomfortably. "Annabeth," he muttered. "He already lost his Dad, don't make it worse."

"Sorry," Annabeth said, but she wasn't. As Percy explained about his Mum and the wedding, Gabe, all that, she looked at him; he was funny, smart when he wasn't being dumb, sweet, hot to the max and now he was Prince of the Sea. If she pulled Percy she was going to be one lucky girl…

Triton shouted, bringing her back.

"Fuck you mortal-"

"Not mortal," Annabeth corrected out of habit. "He's half-God-"

"Whereas you're half fish," Tyson put in.

Triton was going purple. "Face me Jackson! I'll kill you!" He was frothing now.

Luke slapped the rail, looking serious. "Looks like you'll have to take him out!"

Percy shook his head. "No, that's stupid."

Annabeth moved in. "You really should."

Percy looked at all their faces, and sighed. "Fine."

"You should probably take off your shirt too," Annabeth said awkwardly. "Just so it doesn't get wet."

"My clothes don't get wet," Percy reminded her.

"You should," Tyson piped in unexpectedly, looking at Annabeth.

Percy frowned. "Are you serious?"

Tyson scoffed. "Just because you're ashamed of your big fat body, chubbers."

Percy scowled. "Fine."

He made his way up to the rail, ripping off his shirt and stepped onto it, looking down at the sea.

Annabeth drank in Percy's torso; wiry and thin, the chubbiness having gone, and looked at the very sparse hairs dotting his chest. She wanted to touch them… but would she be allowed? She was just coming to this conclusion when Percy raised his arms and dove perfectly off the ship, looking more like a creature of the sea as he hit the water.

Percy cut deep into the waves, looking around him for Triton. Even with his underwater vision, he couldn't pick him up.

He spread his mind out, feeling various heat signatures, before alighting upon-

He was slammed into and went spiralling away, looking to see Triton raising his trident.

Percy compressed the water as he charged and Triton hit it face on, bouncing off and dropping his trident. Percy shot towards hit slamming into him, before 180ing and raising his hands, forming manacles out of the sea, which encased Triton's arms and legs.

"Wow, you're really lame," Percy muttered. It came out as 'Woht,tufjfofjgoirojod' in the water.

Triton screamed. "Free meeeeee!"

Percy shrugged. "Go back to the Little Mermaid." It sounded like: "Littfhfodd mdmfjmdnfehd'

Triton fought. "I'm invincible! You haven't beaten me!"

Percy pointed at him. "Look you silly sod, you're all tied up!"

"You're a communist! You would say that!"

Percy frowned. "What?"

"I've never been beatennnnnn!"

"You have this time!"

"Fight on you yellow bellied shit!"

Percy started swimming up, reaching the surface and using the sea to bring him back up to the boat.

Annabeth ran to the rail as Percy jumped over onto deck.

"What did you do?"

Percy waved a hand, putting back on his button shirt (they still hadn't given him new clothes) and rolling up the sleeves.

"Couple of water compressions, jet propellnations, standard underwater melee. Honestly," Percy adjusted his collar, "I thought he'd be harder. He's just a whiny little Mermaid."

Tyson came up. "Can you teach me to do that stuff?"

"Sure kid," Percy answered, looking down at him.

"Score!"

Luke came up. "Good work all. Now, let's wrap up this plot point and get this ship out to see Skipper. We have a story to stick to!"

**Right, hope you liked that and please review and get this story up to 900! reviews! Wow, we're so nearly there!**


	30. Little Talks

**You guys have gotten us all to 900 reviews and have been really patient, so I'm giving you what you all want. Percabeh on a criminal level. I think you're all going to really like it, and I really hope we can get to 950 reviews! Brace yourself! Percabeth SSC is hitting the docks…**

**BTW, to answer messages, Tyson is based 100% on my annoying little shit of a younger brother. I still love him though, but I hate his smug face. Below are all true lines from our talks. Count Percy as me, and Tyson as dickhead (my brother).**

**Also, I'm making a CHRISTMAS SPECIAL! That's why I haven't been able to update often. It'll be coming 16th of December, so look out for it! I'll be giving notices out on my stories, so be sure to look it up and review when it comes!**

"**What is it, Tyson?"**

This is what Percy should have said. Instead he said:

"Give me the fucking message, you little shit!"

Tyson leant in. "Mum and Dad wouldn't like you using that language."

Percy nodded. "Oh yeah? Going to go cry to Mummy and Daddy are you now?"

Tyson scowled. "Luke wants to talk to you."

Percy stood. "Yeah? I could have worked that out." He looked down at himself. "And why can't I have a different change of clothes! This isn't a flipping video game!"

Tyson smirked at him, pulling at his new T-Shirt before walking away.

"You have one eye and nobody likes you!" Percy screamed after him.

Regardless of whether anyone liked Tyson, Percy still went to Luke, who was lounging in a sun bed on top deck.

"Perseus Jackson…," he rolled the words on his tongue.

"Luke," Percy replied.

"Do you want an ice cream?"

Percy blinked. "Can we move on please?"

Luke shrugged. "We're nearing the Sea of Monsters."

He nodded. "I see."

"So… you should probably talk to Annabeth."

Percy nodded again. "Yes, she'll want to know we're near."

Luke slurped from his drink. "We're having a dance on the main deck of the ship, and I'd like you to come. In fact, you have to."

Percy frowned. "Sorry, sir, but what has this got to do with talking to Annabeth?"

"Wear your suit," Luke continued.

Percy growled. "I only HAVE my suit, _sir. _You haven't given me anything else to wear."

Luke waved him off. "Good luck with that."

He moved in. "What has a dance and Annabeth- oh, wait, no, no, not a chance."

Luke sat up. "Why ever not?"

Percy sat down in the chair next to him. "No, I don't- we're friends, and B.) that Hunger Games FF did a ball chapter-"

"And it was the most well received chapter the story had! Our author was rolling in reviews! He even reached out level!"

"Yeah, but I'm no Cato, and Annabeth is certainly not Glimmer!"

Luke sighed. "She can be evil and sexy at the same time. It's so hot…"

Percy put a hand up. "Shut up."

Luke leant back. "Do it soon Perce, or someone else will."

Percy looked around the ship. "Yeah, because there are so many humans here."

Luke shrugged. "Annabeth might like a sexy monster."

Percy stood up. "This is getting uncomfortable."

**Annabeth ate in the food hall, thinking dreamily about the dance.**

Maybe Percy would ask her out! That would be… perfect…

She ate her food, happily bouncing, thinking about how she could say yes when Percy asked her out.

"_Annabeth, my light, my heaven, the reason I wake each morning. Will you go with me?"_

"_Yes!"_

_Or…_

"_I want to go to the dance with you, because you're the first thing I want to see when the music starts, and the last thing I want to kiss when I leave you at your room. But, when you love someone like I love you, there's not much else to do…, so will you go to the dance with me?"_

"_Definitely… maybe… I'll have to think about it."_

Annabeth frowned. That sounded familiar…

Luke sat down, throwing down his tray.

"Hey Annabeth."

"Hey Luke!"

"Yeah, we have a problem. I'm not sure about Percy's resolve."

Annabeth frowned. "But- but you talked to him! You said-"

"What I said, and what I can do are two very different things entirely."

Annabeth held out her butter knife to his throat. "I've been planning how he's going to ask me!" She snarled.

Luke held up his hands. "Whoa little girl! I've got that! Sorry, I'll think something up!"

"You'd better!"

Luke stood up. "Give me a second! Jeez, when you'd become so evil?"

He ran off, leaving Annabeth to spear her roll in anger.

"**So you need my help?"**

Percy nodded. "Yes, please."

Tyson smiled. "I thought I was the-"

"Yeah, moving on. Please, you need to help me! Just give me some good stuff to say? How do I ask her?"

Tyson ate his lunch. "She's right over there," he pointed at Annabeth, eating with a sweating Luke.

Percy didn't look. "I know! I need something!"

"Just go up, and say: You and me are going to go on a date, no question about it!"

He shook his head. "That sounds shit."

Tyson shrugged. "Whatever."

Percy looked over at Annabeth. Come on, he could do this.,,

He stood up, and walked over to where she was sitting with Luke, took a deep breath and sat down next to her.

"Stay," Percy told Luke as he moved up. He looked at Annabeth.

"Hey, I-"

"Yes!" Annabeth said a little bit too quickly.

Percy frowned. He hadn't planned for this! What do you do now?! 'Yes'? What did that mean? Yes, I never want to see you again? Yes, carry on? Yes, you're an ugly bastard?

Percy looked over at Tyson, who was urging him on.

He turned back to her. "There's a dance-"

Luke was staring at him like he was a piece of cheese he wanted to eat. Maybe he was! Percy nodded. That was it! He was a piece of cheese! That's why she didn't want to go out with him! She'd said yes… because… SHE WANTED TO EAT HIM!

Percy sprung up, hitting his chair over and running from the room, sprinting as fast as he could.

"**You thought you were a piece of fucking cheese!" **Tyson looked at him like he was mad. "Are you fucking me?"

Percy wrung his hands, sitting in his room. "No, I really did!"

The door opened and they both looked up in shock.

"Oh, it's you Luke. Okay," Percy sighed in relief.

Luke strode over. "What happened?"

Tyson relayed the cheese story.

Luke frowned. "Yes, I see it…"

"Seriously?" Tyson asked.

"What type of cheese were you?" Luke asked.

Tyson threw his hands up. "What is the-"

"Stilton," Percy answered. "A weak, unlikable stilton."

Luke put a hand on Percy's shoulder. "You need to change that! You are _Cheddar! _A strong, English Cheddar! You can get anyone with your accent, strong taste, clear yellow colour and magic Harry Potter powers!"

Percy nodded. "Really?"

"Say it with me: I am a strong, confident piece of Cheddar!"

"I am a strong, confident piece of Cheddar," Percy repeated.

"Who don't take no shit from no-one!"

"Who don't take no shit from no-one."

"I can't hear you!"

"I'm a strong, confident piece of Cheddar who don't take no shit from no-ne!"

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

"_I'm a strong, confident piece of Cheddar who don't take no shit from no-one!"_

"I am a-"

"Strong piece-"

"Confident!"

"A strong, confident piece of Cheddar!"

"Who?"

"Don't take no shit from no-one!"

"SAY IT AGAIN!"

"I'm a strong-"

"I can't hear you!"

"I'M A STRONG, CONFIDENT PIECE OF CHEDDAR WHO DON'T-"

"PERCY!"

"WHO DON'T TAKE NO SHIT FROM NO-ONE!

"With passion!"

"I'M A STRONG, CONFIDENT PIECE OF CHEDDAR THAT DON'T TAKE NO SHIT FROM NO-ONE!"

"Yeah!"

Percy stood up. "Yeah! I'm going!"

"What the fuck just happened!" Tyson asked.

"You get her! Luke cried.

"Play some music!"

"I have a migraine!"

"I'm, playing 'How Far We've Come, by Matchbox 20!"

"Yeah!"

_Hello, hello, hello_

Percy stormed out as the music flared out through the loudspeakers._  
__I'm wakin' up at the start of the end of the world_

_But it's feeling just like every other morning before_

_Now I wonder what my life is gonna mean if it's gone__  
__The cars are moving like a half a mile an hour and I_

_Started staring at the passengers and waving goodbye_

_Can you tell me what was ever really special about me all this time?_

Percy wondered what was really good about him as Monsters started moving up behind him._  
__But I believe the world is burning to the ground _

The broke into dance, perfectly synched.

_Oh well, I guess we're gonna find out_

_Let's see how far we've come_

_Let's see how far we've come__  
__Well I believe it all is coming to an end_

_Oh well, I guess we're gonna pretend_

The titled their heads, before coming back up.

_Let's see how far we've come_

_Let's see how far we've come_

They broke off and started walking in separate directions, Percy heading for Annabeth's room._  
__I think you turn, turn the clock, but I don't really know_

_And I can't remember caring for an hour or so_

_Started crying and I couldn't stop myself_

_I started running but there's nowhere to run to_

Percy executed a running dance move, before moving on._  
__I sat down on the street, took a look at myself_

_Said-_

In the midst of his dance/walk, he strutted right into Annabeth.

"Hey there," she greeted him with a smile.

Percy opened his mouth, looking seriously mystified. Then he turned and walked away.

"_**That bad, huh?"**_

_Percy was in his dream with Grover, who had popped up the when Percy cried himself to sleep in a store cupboard._

"_What do I do?" Percy asked._

_Grover shrugged. "I just don't know girlfriend. Hey, any closer to rescuing me?"_

"_We've left the camp," he shrugged._

_Grover nodded. "Yeah… anyhow, just dance with her, then spend the rest of the night with her. Then you can basically call it a date."_

"_Why are you even here?" Percy cried. "You don't even have anything to say!"_

_Grover scowled. "Hey, I- well, I need screen time. That's why."_

_Percy shook his head. "This is so useless. I'm off."_

"_Perce! I need the-"_

**That night, they all made their way up, Percy in his clean green suit, the shoes polished to perfection, a dark green tie added to play off his black shirt, walking up with Tyson, in a simple black button shirt and trousers.**

They looked around, seeing the deck alive with activity. Monsters were on a huge stage, playing instruments, playing fun happy music, really well. People, rather, monsters, and some of them really resembled humans, were dancing to the music. There were snack tables and Tyson grinned.

"I see Annabeth."

Percy looked around as she made her way up, thankfully not in heels, or he would have felt himself dwarfed, but in a grey dress, simple, like a summer dress to match the climate. Easy to wear and not flashy like ball gown, her hair braided down her back.

Percy opened his mouth, forgot what he was going to say, before he remembered he was Cheddar.

"Hey Percy, Tyson!" She looked at them happily.

Percy nodded. "Great to see you! You look like the rails!"

Annabeth frowned as Tyson facepalmed. "Pardon?"

"Is that your final answer?" Percy smiled pathetically.

"What? Sorry," Annabeth smiled uncertainly. "I don't get it."

His smile slid. "Erm, well, it's not very funny."

"No, go on!" She encouraged.

"Well," Percy wrung his hands. "You know when you are on a game show?"

"Yeah."

"Well, they ask that, and I'm saying it like, well, like you're going to win lots by… by dancing with me, I don't- it was pretty tragic."

Tyson stared at Percy in shock, before turning back to Annabeth. "I'll leave you two to get drinks!"

Annabeth smiled, but Percy frowned.

"Nah, erm, can't do that. Tyson's only ten, so, can't leave him alone-"

"You can both get drinks with me!" Annabeth put in.

"Nah, you get one, I'll make sure Tyson gets fed, or, erm, something."

Annabeth gave a little twitch of the mouth. "Erm, okay. If you want."

"I don't," Percy tried to assure her.

She frowned. "Okay. I'll, get one… alone…," she walked off, leaving the two Jacksons together.

"What the fuck was that?" Tyson demanded after he'd smiled Annabeth away.

Percy put his head in his hands. "I don't know, I panicked. Then Simon was in my head with his whole 'Got the Builders in' thing, and I adapted it-"

Tyson glared at him. "Simon?! SIMON?! He- he knows that was a terrible line full stop, and so did Carli! Then you adapted it! What the hell! That line was never said to be used again, let alone adapted! What's wrong with you?!"

"I panicked," Percy repeated.

Tyson walked off, muttering under his breath as Percy went to sit down in a seat by the rail.

The party was brilliant, with a live monster music group, and food, lights, generally one of those really awesome parties you never get to go to.

Percy looked across at Annabeth, sitting there with her drink… if only he could get the courage. It was so easy to fight a Hydra with a sword that doesn't work, but not to just walk up and ask to dance.

The music stopped, before moving into a new beat, and Percy recognised 'Little Talks' by Monsters and Men. (Which you should start playing now, to get the mood.)

The music started as Percy stared at Annabeth, the trumpets taking up his hearing.

_Hey! Hey! Hey!  
I don't like walking around this old and empty house._

Annabeth glanced over at Percy.

_So hold my hand, I'll walk with you my dear_

Percy brushed his hair away, looking down._  
The stairs creak as I sleep, it's keeping me awake_

Annabeth tested her shoe against the floor, thinking about going over.

_It's the house telling you to close your eyes_

Percy looked up at her, his eyes burning._  
Some days I can't even dress myself._

Annabeth wrapped her arms around herself at his gaze.

_It's killing me to see you this way._

Percy face was set, angry even, desperately wanting to go over._  
'Cause though the truth may vary, this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore._

Annabeth looked over the railing at the sea, wishing him over as Percy's hands clutched his chair. Their eyes locked from the instrumental. _  
Hey! Hey! Hey!  
_They looked away._  
There's an old voice in my head that's holding me back_

Annabeth wanted to go over._  
Well tell her that I miss our little talks._

Percy put hand to his throat nervously._  
Soon it will all be over, buried with our past_

Annabeth looked at the time, ticking away the night._  
We used to play outside when we were young and full of life and full of love._

Percy glanced at the dancers, remembering their first quest._  
_Luke came out of the crowd and started walking over to Annabeth._  
Some days I feel like I'm wrong when I am right._

Annabeth saw him coming, looking graceful in a grey tuxedo._  
Your mind is playing tricks on you my dear.  
_Percy shook his head… she couldn't dance with him._  
'Cause though the truth may vary_

Luke offered his hand to her._  
This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore_

Annabeth took it. _  
Hey!  
Don't listen to a word I say  
Hey!  
The screams all sound the same.  
Hey!  
_Percy had to watch as Annabeth was swept onto the floor by Luke, the two dancing together with a grace Percy didn't know Annabeth had. _  
Though the truth may vary  
this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore  
_Percy watched as the two danced to the instrumental, the monsters on fire, enjoying the tune, before slowing it down.

_You're gone, gone, gone away, _

Annabeth looked over at Percy sadly._  
I watched you disappear.  
All that's left is a ghost of you.  
Now we're torn, torn, torn apart, _

Percy had to go…_  
there's nothing we can do,  
Just let me go, we'll meet again soon.  
_Percy stood._  
Now wait, wait, wait for me, please hang around_

He walked up as the music built epically to its height, before offering his hand to Annabeth, Luke smiling as he loosened his grip. _  
I'll see you when I fall asleep.  
_She took it, grinning and Percy pulled her away._  
Hey!  
Don't listen to a word I say  
Hey!  
The screams all sound the same.  
Hey!  
_Annabeth was surprised at Percy's skill, but then again, he had the Perseus Attraction. He couldn't fail to win her, in any way possible. She didn't have to do anything… she was gliding in his grip, Percy's face smiling at her, almost as if he didn't know what he was doing._  
Though the truth may vary  
this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore  
_"About fucking time…," Tyson muttered to Luke._  
Hey!  
Don't listen to a word I say  
Hey!  
The screams all sound the same.  
Hey!  
_Percy spun Annabeth around, sweeping her down._  
Though the truth may vary  
this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore (x3)_

The song finished with Annabeth almost horizontal to the ground, before being pulled up. Her face was flushed as the applause for the band spread, but they were in a world of their own.

"Where did you learn to dance?" Annabeth asked.

Percy frowned. "I had some very scary lessons with my Dad."

"You mean, Poseidon, God of the Sea, Dad? That dad?"

Percy looked confused. "Yeah, why?"

"It's just amazing you can do that with your Godly parent."

"Don't get jealous," Percy put in. "He can't clean a toilet to save his life."

Annabeth laughed, as Luke and Tyson fist bumped at the side.

"And that-" Tyson started.

"-Is how we do it," Luke finished.

**Well, tell me what you thought, and put the music to it. Look out for my Christmas Special on the 16****th****! Tell me who you want to have in the story! Percy, Annabeth, Grover, Tyson, Chiron and Luke are all confirmed for the Christmas Special Crossover with my Hunger Games characters, but tell me if you want anyone else in it through a review! Please review, even if it's just a 'lol'!**

**I know I've been slow with my updates, but I'm writing an essay on History, so cut me some slack. I'm very busy. If all those who favourited just put down a 'lol', we could reach the big 1,000 reviews! It'd be a Christmas miracle. But anyway, please review, and you'll have more Percy action soon with the Christmas Special. Just like a TV show!**


	31. White Sky

**Sorry for the crap updates. We've had snow here in England and my internet and stuff has taken a beating. But please review and tell me what you think! We're heading back on track now, you'll be glad to know.**

**Oh, I'd also like to thank everyone for getting this story past 1,000 reviews! Incredible. Those who have asked about my Pen name and know the whole story, I'd like to tell you that Sophie is choking on whatever it is she's eating as I write this. I can't believe it myself, but thank you. Don't reckon we'd be able to get this to 2,000 and go into Fan Fiction history? Either way, thank you.**

***DISCLAIMER: Any allusion to 50 Shades is meant to be there, and it is not my work (Thank the LORDS!). I'd never claim to have written the book of 'Oh My'!)***

**Annabeth was reading '50 Shades of Percy' in her cabin.**

"_Do you like music, Annabeth?" Percy murmured._

_I blushed. "Yeah, of course I do Percy."_

"_I told you to call me Perseus!" He threatened threateningly. _

"_Sorry!" My inner Goddess was telling me to back down._

_He smiled, before walking over to the piano and I could see how his trousers fell in that way. My inner goddess murmured that it was good._

_He started playing. His pants were off now, and his immense length dangled, as he moaned, playing the piano, his eyes closed, as he played that haunting piano tune. He murmured my name and I blushed, my inner goddess telling me to bite my lip. _

"_Oh my!"_

"_Leave me breathless!" Percy moaned._

_I started dancing to Breathless, as Percy played the piano tune._

Annabeth imagined Percy playing the piano and her doing some weird pogo movement in a huge study. It was funnier if he was playing 'Breathless' by the Corrs.

_Percy's immense length waved as he started moving to the beat. _

"_And I cannot lie!"_

_I dance as my inner goddess murmured._

"_You like that baby?" Percy asked._

_I nodded, blushing. "You're so deep because you're hot!"_

_He got off the piano and his trousers were hanging in that way again. I blushed and bit my lip. _

"_Oh my!"_

_He went over to a table of food. "Let's eat," he murmured. _

_I nodded, blushing. "Oh my!2 I cried at the taste of the first low fat biscuit._

_Suddenly, Perseus was there, dragging it away. His face was angry._

"_What are you doing!? I don't want a fat sex toy!"_

_I cowered, biting my lip. "Oh my! My inner goddess told me to dig in! You told me too!"_

_He frowned. "Oh. Yeah, I did actually." He looked at me again, before murmuring. "Would you like to suck my dick?"_

_I nodded. "Oh my! So forward Percy-"_

_He raised his hand. "What did you call me?!"_

"_Sorry, I mean Percy! My inner goddess is telling me to say this stuff! I should just shut up!"_

"_Yes," he murmured. "I only want your body."_

"_But I'm a virgin! Despite being uber hot I've never fucked anyone! Oh my!" I blushed, because the situation deserved it._

"Annabeth sighed. "I'm such a strong, powerful girl. Look at me blush!"

_Percy touched me down there and I blushed. I also bit my lip. Then I had an orgasm._

"_Listen bitch!" Percy cried. "I give money to freaking charity, I'm a billionaire for fuck's sake. And I just turned 17! Shove that up Mr Grey's ass and smoke it! But don't come in here, preaching, that you want to eat something! I need a fit girl, not the rollatron 2000!"_

_I blushed as my inner-_

The book was yanked away from her, and in it's place was the real Percy.

"Annabeth, we need to go! We're approaching the Sea of Monsters and Luke wants us up on deck."

She nodded. "Where's Tyson?"

Percy looked back from the door. "On deck. Come on!"

He darted out, Annabeth stuffing the book down her front. They reached the top of the deck to a stormy sea, dark clouds creating a cathedral above their heads, with flashes of light illuminating the gargoyle heads transfixed there. Annabeth had no time to revel in the beauty before she was confronted by Luke, his sword drawn, and long coat whipping in the wind.

"Look fast skipper! We're approaching the gates to the Sea of Monsters!"

"Great!" Percy cried, hanging onto the rail. "How do we get through!?"

Tyson rolled his eyes. "We go through them, dumbass."

Percy made to move forward, but the wind pushed him back.

"Can't you control this, compass man?" Luke cried.

Percy gave him a look which said 'fuck you', before shaking his head.

"Son of the Sea and you can't control the damn thing!" Luke screamed, his eyes popping. "This is perfect!" He ran forward, jumping up onto the roof of the captain's cabin.

"All crew, make ready and full speed through the gates."

A monster ran up. "What about the guardians?"

"Why do you think I'm holding this?" Luke snarled, brandishing his sword. "I'm not doing it for my fucking health! Now carry out my orders!"

The monster ran off, and Luke turned back to the others.

"Brace yourselves!"

Tyson frowned. "Against what?"

"Against that!" Luke cried, pointing his sword at a huge whirlpool that was building.

"Charybdis," he muttered.

"What about Scylla?" Annabeth asked.

Luke whirled his sword. "Yeah, I know."

Percy shook his head. "Sorry, not to be the stupid one here, but what are you guys talking about?"

Tyson pointed over the deck. "Percy… they're talking about that…"

Percy ran over, and looked where Tyson was pointing. He barely made out what looked like a mouth, before the ship rocked, sending him backwards. He slipped on the wet deck and fell down, hitting his head. His vision started flickering… or was that some sort of… neck?

Monsters were disappearing at random, lifted into the sky.

"Scylla!" Luke cried, but the ship tipped, and he was thrown off his feet, his sword flying out of his hand.

Tyson was trying to pull himself off the railing, but Annabeth was up, running over to Luke.

Suddenly, that blur, Scylla, shot out of nowhere, straight at Luke. He barely had time to raise a dinner platter. Scylla collided with it, throwing Luke back into the wall, but pulling back up to, as Percy saw, the caves somewhere.

Luke tried to get back on his feet, the dinner platter crushed inwards. Percy had to admire Luke's skill, and was glad he wasn't fighting him. He'd never seen anyone with such fast reflexes-

"Could you stop being gay for Luke?!" Tyson cried.

Percy blinked. Fuck, he'd been saying all that out loud.

Luke grinned at him. "Well, that's made my day, sexycakes."

Percy turned around, and looked at the raging sea, wishing he could drown.

Annabeth ran back up, screaming something. Luke nodded, before pushing her back ("Back, screechy bird!"), before shouting out orders. The ship lurched around.

Percy saw what they were heading for.

"But," Percy slipped over to Luke, "do we _want _to head into the death whirlpool?!"

Luke smiled. "We might survive that way."

"Oh, yes," he replied weakly, "as opposed to the other death we can face."

Annabeth ran up. "I've been doing calculations, and by my reckoning, we only have a 5% chance of survival if we head for Scylla!"

Luke laughed. "Yes! But what about Charybdis, little owl?"

"1.6%."

Luke frowned. "Oh, fuck off Gretchen," he turned back around.

"Those aren't good odds!" Percy cried.

Annabeth nodded. becoming sombre. She had trouble meeting Percy's eyes. "I think, as we're about to die, I should say something."

Percy nodded. "Yeah."

She wrapped her arms around Percy's neck as water flew artistically behind them.

**(Play 'White Sky' by Vampire Weekend if you want to understand the fantastic tune)**

"I lo-," she stopped as they heard a little beat starting. It was catchy, and by God, play it now!

"_An ancient business  
A modern piece of glass work  
Down on the corner that you walk each day in passing  
The elderly sales clerk won't eye us with suspicion  
The whole, immortal corporation's given its permission"_

"What is that!?" Percy screamed.

"IT'S WHITE SKY!" Luke screamed, looking demented, but happy. "IF I'M GOING TO DIE, I'M GOING TO DO IT TO MY FAV SONG EVER!""

The ship moved forwards as monsters started clapping to the beat.

"_A little stairway  
A little bit of carpet  
A pair of mirrors that  
Are facing one another  
Out in both directions  
A thousand little Julias  
That come together  
In the middle of Manhattan_

The ship inched closer, the waves assaulting its sides.

You waited since lunch  
It all comes at once

Luke was nodding his head to the beat. _  
Around the corner  
The house that modern art built  
I ask for modern art  
To keep it out the closets  
The people who might own it  
The sins of pride and envy  
And on the second floor  
The Richard Serra Skate Park_

You waited since lunch  
It all comes at once"

They all joined in for the 'heys' that punctured in the background. Luke was up front, leading them all with his sword, looking blissfully mad.

Then they hit Charybdis.

The whole ship rocked sideways. Luke cut off the music.

"Right, that's the cue for the escape boats."

Annabeth moved forward. "What?! You didn't mention those!"

Luke shrugged. "We didn't need 'em. Now, no back-chat sailor. Get a boat."

Everyone surged towards the boats, Percy and Annabeth reaching one, the former reaching back for Tyson and throwing him on.

He was about to get on, when they heard a cry. Looking back, Luke was wrestling with a head as it tried to drag him off the ship.

"LUKE!"

"Leave me!" He cried.

Percy turned back to Annabeth and Tyson. "You stay here. I'll be back."

Tyson grabbed his arm. "No! You're coming with us!"

Percy tore his arm away. "NO! Get to safety! Mom and Dad would never forgive me if I let you die!"

"What will they say when I have to bring back your body?!" Tyson cried.

"I'll be back," Percy snarled. "Now get out of here!"

"How will you get to us!?"

"The sea! I'm the son of the sea God!" He kicked at the boat. "Now get out of here!"

"Don't leave me," Tyson begged.

Percy grasped his hand. "I'll never leave you Tyson. Never. Now go!" He didn't wait for an answer, but raced towards Luke, ripping out Retard as he did so.

He made his way up to Luke and brought Retard down. But the bronze blade went right through the neck.

"Not now!" Percy begged. "Please, not," he hit it against the side, "NOW!"

_Whoooo!_

The blade came back to life, and Percy raised it to the neck. Suddenly his sword was spinning away across the deck. He looked up into the face of a, please don't make me say the name, those things Percy fought in the second book, the dodge ball game things. Lastriysomethings.

"Mutiny!" Luke choked out as a snake lady lifted him off his feet.

Percy dove out of the way as a mace came down, and rolled to his feet. He jumped over a blade, at the same time leaping to grasp the rail to the next deck. His fingers closed around the steel and pulled himself onto another level, the bar slippery underneath his fingers.

He jerked out of the way as an arrow whizzed past, before running forward. A demigod blocked his way, screaming, either about the ship going down, or the fact he was bloodthirsty. Percy ducked under a shield swing, (he was bloodthirsty) and kicked the boy, winding him. Percy grabbed his sword hand and tried to twist it away, but he slipped on the deck. Jackson hit the ground hard, groaning and pushed soaking hair out of his face, before seeing a blade come down. He barely rolled away as it bit into the deck. He jumped to his feet to find himself surrounded by weapons. Without a second glance, he sprinted for the side, enemies racing after him. He dove right over the rail, flying off the ship and down into the sea 50 feet below.

The last thing he saw before he passed out like a was the _Princess Andromeda_ heading down into the whirlpool.

With Luke. Tyson. Annabeth…

**Sorry for the slow updates. Please review this though and tell me what you thought. Even if you just put a simple 3 letter word, that's completely fine! That's all I need to keep writing! I'll get the next chapter out much quicker, as a treat for the 1,000 reviews! Thank you, and please review! Head to the poll on my profile to vote for your favourite character too!**


	32. Crazy Stupid Hercules

**Hey, remember about the awards! The link is on the last chapter, and please vote! As always I love to hear about your opinions on the Percabeth which is coming in this chapter, and all that stuff. I know Mosgem seems to hate me saying this stuff, but, sorry, otherwise people don't review, and I like reviews. Sorry. Anyway, I don't want to offend you Mosgem, not at all, but stuff like the 'LOl Campaign' are really the only way to help reviews, and you can just ignore it. Also, update wise, I'm working on my A Levels. I'm writing an essay on Feminism for English Literature. I don't have all the time to write, so I apologise for the shaky updates, and that goes out to everyone. In short, sorry Mosgen for antagonising you, but thanks to everyone who has said they'll vote, and thank you for the reviews! Right, onto the Spa. (Yes, I know Hercules is Zeus' son, but forget that.)**

**Percy opened his eyes, feeling the hard deck of the ship below him. **

He frowned… when had the ship gotten so small? On closer inspection he appeared to be riding on a… boat. He jerked up, startling Annabeth who dropped her fish into the sea.

"Damn you, Perseus!" She cried. "I spent ages trying to capture that fish!"

Percy looked around. They were out at sea, with nothing anywhere to speak of.

"Fish?" Percy asked sceptically.

"Fish," Annabeth confirmed, pushing her head forward to add meaning to her words.

He frowned. "Where the hell are we? Where's Tyson?"

"They took a little tumble off the cliff," she wheezed in a bad impression of a popular fantasy movie.

Percy sat forward, placing his hands on her arms. "What are you talking about?"

She sighed. "Percy, Luke's dead."

Percy smiled, shaking his head. "He can't be dead, no, he's the most popular character besides us and Artemis, and let's face it, that's only because we all have sex appeal."

"We do have sex appeal," Annabeth agreed gloomily. "Oh," she looked up, "Tyson disappeared." She saw his face. "I'm so sorry, Percy."

Percy stood up, making the boat rock. "And that's it." He scowled. "He was my responsibility," he breathed. "I never should have left him."

"Percy," Annabeth started.

"Be quiet Annabeth! Just, for _once, _shut your mouth!" Percy snapped.

She glared back at him. "It's terrible-"

"TERRIBLE! YOU'RE MAKING IT SOUND LIKE HE JUST LOST-," he faltered, before falling back onto the seat o the boat.

"Look Percy," Annabeth scolded. "You got over your mother pretty quickly. Get over Tyson so we can get going."

"Yeah, but my Mother had, like, two lines. Tyson was a developed character with votes on a poll."

Annabeth sat next to him, ruffling his hair. "Don't worry… we'll give him a funeral he can be proud of back home. I have some good news though."

Percy raised his eyebrows. "Oh yeah?"

"We got nominated for a Phoenix Award in the Humour category."

"What the fuck is a Phoenix award?"

"Some shitty rip-off from an Oscar," she dismissed. "Personally, I'm pissed we didn't get the romance award."

"What for?" Percy scoffed. "My little tantrum with cheese?"

"Well, we did have 'Little Talks'… that was nice."

"Maybe Grover and Hades were right… maybe we do need sex."

Annabeth choked happily. "What? Here?!"

Percy frowned, looking at her. "No, no I was thinking we could just show that footage of my Dad having my Mom, but- wait, what the hell are _you_ talking about?"

Annabeth looked away, blushing. "Nothing, forget it."

Percy moved a finger, gesturing between them. "You are insinuating- not us?"

She laughed nervously. "No, that's silly."

Percy nodded. "Yeah, you're right."

She looked at him, her grey eyes reflecting the sea. "Still," she took his hand. "I think you make a very handsome piece of Cheddar."

Percy looked at her and raised his eyebrows. "Really?"

"Uh-huh," she nodded.

Percy wasn't sure if he should push it forward. His mind was racing with what could go wrong, or if he even _wanted_ to move somewhere with this.

"_Annabeth," Percy imagined. "What if told you I loved you? Or, actually, that I sort of felt a bit attracted to you. Yes, I like you, and I'd love to go get some dinner. How about, once we get off this boat, we go to that old Café on the Roeul and I'll sing you a song?"_

_Annabeth cringed away. "Eww, you disgusting boy!" She slapped him. "I wouldn't go out with you even if you had a ten inch penis!"_

_Percy blanched. "They have those! I didn't know they could get that big!"_

"_Just because yours is the size of a cocktail sausage, doesn't mean real men have tiny ones," she said spitefully._

Percy could just hear Tyson calling him a bender, but the plan and response were pretty solid, so why not, right?

"Hey. Annabeth-," he was cut off as a bird landed, dropping some leaves onto Percy's lap.

Annabeth gaped. "Land! There's land nearby! We're saved!"

"Yeah," Percy grumbled, "we're saved." He glared at the bird which had just ruined his potential talk up line. He stood up, noticing his jacket was gone.

"Where's my jacket gone?"

**They got off their boat, Annabeth in what could be considered a shirt in bad lighting, and a dirty piece of shit in most. Percy was still wearing his interview suit, with the shirt sleeves rolled up, his jacket having been lost when Annabeth dropped it in the sea when she was trying to 'clean' it.**

Percy felt in his pocket to feel… no, Retard wasn't there.

"Where's Riptide?" Annabeth asked when Percy pointed out its disappearance.

He just waved a hand though. "Oh, it does this sometimes. It's pretty retarded. It's probably in someone else's pocket.

They walked up to an attendant, who smiled at them as they approached.

"Hello there! I am not a character who shall appear later to help you," she looked at Percy, "recover some of your memories and add suspense which has no value considering everyone has already read the previous books and I am therefore useless besides to add a little bit of nice nostalgia for any who have read the books."

Percy nodded. "Ah, great, we hate those people. New question, what is this place?"

The girl smiled again. "This is Circe's Spa and Resort, where we turn men into pigs, an amusing pun on the fact they act like pigs, and give woman an eternal life of happiness and beauty."

Annabeth looked up at 'beauty'. "Sign us up!" She said, moving forward.

Percy frowned. "I don't know. It doesn't seem the best deal for me."

The attendant ignored him and took out her pen.

Percy recognised it as Retard, but before he could say something, she uncapped it, and it sprung into sword form, slicing her clipboard in half.

She sighed. "Whose retarded sword is this?"

Percy shuffled forward. "Sorry, but in my defence, it's a bit thick for a magical bronze sword." He took it back, before scowling at it. "Even though, you know, I look nothing like that woman, you stupid piece of celestial shit!"

Annabeth came up to him. "In the speculated Harry Potter Parody for this author, Harry gets the Elder Wand in Olivanders, which does all his work for him, and mocks him relentlessly, calling him Harriet. You really don't have such a bad deal."

Percy scowled. "I wish I had a wand which one all fights for you and does all your tests. At least Harry can get straight O's. Retard just sucks full stop."

"Hello?" The attendant asked in a sarcastic tone. "Can we get down to business?"

**Up on Olympus Lane, Zeus and his family were having a night out; Zeus himself was talking to his best friend, Hercules.**

"Think we'll win?" Hercules asked.

Zeus shrugged. "We're up against 'Percy Jackson: Facebook Style'. That has 7000 reviews… we have no chance, but I hope we'll give it a good go."

Hercules shrugged. "We have original characters."

"Yeah? Name one."

"Luke."

Zeus nodded. "Okay, fair enough. Maybe we will win with him alone…"

Hercules took a sip of his beer. "Maybe… let's not think about it, eh?"

"Sure."

"That's the ticket mate. Besides, I have other things to talk about."

Zeus raised his eyebrows. "Yeah? I can only imagine."

Hercules leant forward. "Look, mate, I love your family, they're great-"

"I don't like where this is going," Zeus pointed out.

"Hera's got the house for some woman's committee thing, right?"

Zeus blinked at the quick topic change, but nodded warily.

Hercules made a little face. "This is what I'm leading to. It's your house, and I think you're letting her get on top of you." He raised his hands. "Just saying."

He frowned. "Actually, I find I prefer talk about the Phoenix Awards."

"You're letting go of your manhood. You need to take it back."

Zeus snorted. "I don't think you're in a position to talk about manhood."

"Saying I'm gay?"

"No, not at all."

Hercules drunk his beer. "My point still stands."

"Maybe," Zeus agreed, "if you had one."

He sighed. "When you figure out how much ground you want to give, tell me. Until then," Hercules looked around, before his eyes fell upon a beautiful woman at the bar, talking to a couple of friends.

"Oh, wow…," he finished his beer, and stood up.

"Where are you going?" Zeus asked.

Hercules turned around, still walking, and spread his arms. "Taking my manhood," he continued to walk towards the woman.

"Look Hebe, you can't just ignore it," he friend was telling her. "Fact is, you need a boyfriend."

"I'll get one when I feel ready," she replied, rolling her eyes.

"It's not like you don't have any choice."

Hercules took that moment to pull up a chair and sit down.

"Hey there. I have a question?"

They looked startled, but Hebe, frowning, decided to humour him.

"What question?"

Hercules examined her. Then he shook his head. "I'm sorry. You're so beautiful you made me forget my pick-up line."

She smiled at him mockingly. "Don't tell me it was the 'Fell from Heaven' one."

"You get that a lot?"

"More times than I can count."

"Not very much then," Hercules conceded.

She frowned. "What did you just say?"

He looked confused. "Did I just say something? You're a good listener."

"Yeah," she nodded. "You just made a crack about my intelligence."

"And you understood it?"

She was openly angry at him now. "What the hell is your problem?"

Hercules wasn't sure how they had got here, but he was pretty sure that insulting girls told you which ones had fire. But he couldn't tell her that.

"I have tourettes. Really bad case," Hercules nodded.

Her friend laughed, but Hebe scowled.

"Do you have a name?" Hercules tried.

"I think I might be too stupid to remember," Hebe snapped.

"Mine's Hercules. But call me Herc."

"And that seals it. Never go out with a guy whos name rhymes with Jerk."

She stood up with her friend and started walking. Hercules stood up and ran after her.

"Wait a moment! I need to tell you I'm so-," he ran straight into a wall.

Hebe looked back long enough to laugh. "You just ran into a wall."

"Your fault," Hercules clutching his face, shrugged.

"How do you figure that one?"

"I was so enchanted by your beauty that I ran into that wall over there. So I am going to need your name and number for insurance purposes."

Hebe shook her head smiling, before walking off.

The camera slowly panned over to Artemis and Aphrodite, sitting on a table by the television.

Aphrodite was staring at the screen. "I don't really see the fuss about him, really?"

They were watching 'Circe's Spa', a reality TV show, where the celebrity stars were Percy Jackson and some girl. But mainly Percy Jackson.

Artemis sighed softly. "He's so fantastically beautiful, and heroic. I love the way he speaks and his slight ruffle of his hair."

Aphrodite sighed. "There are lots of guy out there. Personally, I think he looks like a carrot."

"Who looks like a carrot?" Hercules sat down, holding a bruise on his face.

Aphrodite gestured at the screen. "Percy."

Hercules glanced up. "Why are we talking about him?"

"Arty has a thing for him. I'm trying to convince her that it's nothing. I mean, he is handsome," she conceded, "but there's a lot more to that. Like, intelligence, or sex skills."

"Please," Arty grasped her hand. "You're great with this stuff. You have to help me try to get him."

Aphrodite frowned. "You really like him, don't you?"

Arty nodded vigorously.

"More than One Direction?"

She nodded again.

"I see," Aphrodite said. "Hercules, could you leave us?"

Hercules stood. "Fine, fine. No-one cares about what just happened to me, but whatever," he continued to grumble as he walked off.

"Look," Aphrodite moved closer. "You have to use your strengths."

"Like my drawing?" Artemis asked.

"No, I mean like the fact you have the family beauty."

She frowned. "What about him liking me for whom I am?"

"Yeah, yeah, you can work on that later,' she dismissed. "Do you know how I got Heppy?"

"You whisked him away with your charm, and natural cuteness?"

"No, I whisked him away with tight jeans and DD bras. That's how. We worked on liking each other after we got engaged."

"Yeah, and how well did that work?"

She held up her wedding ring. "I'm still married, right? Trust me, I know what I'm doing."

Artemis nodded. "But I don't have any of that stuff you do."

Aphrodite nodded. "You're too young, but grow up a bit, and you can use the double effects of stuff like your '_drawing_'" she used inverted commas, 'and beauty, and he'll come running for you."

Artemis glanced at the screen. Percy and Annabeth were destroying the spa due to a lack of subscription vouchers.

"He'll come running to me?" Arty asked doubtfully.

"As surely as Hercules goes running from every relationship."

"Okay, you have a deal."

Aphrodite shook her sister's hand. "Good, you won't regret it. We'll get to work tomorrow. It'll be fun!"

"But you have to leave soon," Arty put in. "Aren't you and Hephaestus going to settle a deal in the Underworld?"

"Urgh, Hades…," Aphrodite threw her head back. "Don't worry. I'll teach you enough."

Zeus came over. "Ready to go girls? Apollo and your mother will be expecting us."

Artemis jumped up. "Guess what Daddy?"

"What?"

"Aphrodite is going to help me get Percy!"

Zeus looked up at the screen, where Percy and some girl were fighting over how to 'fly' a ship. Percy was waving ropes randomly, apparently demonstrating something, while the girl seemed to be reciting Wikipedia.

"Gods help us," he muttered.

**Reminder: You guys asked me to remind you about voting! Head onto the site from the last chapter around today )the 10****th**** of Feb) until you get the chance to vote, and please try to vote! I doubt we'll win, but it's enough that guys are actually telling me you'll vote. Thanks, and if you get the time, tell me what you thought of the new Gods section. I've been getting requests for more Artemis and Aphrodite, and I had no real ideas for the Spa, so… thank for reading, and please vote. Your next chapter will be coming soon!**


	33. Goddamit Annabeth, It's Not Real!

**Thank you guys for all your reviews! We lost the Phoenix Award, but I never expected to win it. PJO: Facebook Style had a much bigger fan base than this, so there was little we could do, but thank you all for trying, and maybe next time. Y'know, if we get in next time. Thanks to James Son of Athena for nominating this anyway. Please go to the poll on my profile and vote for your favourite character or head to the forum to tell me what yu want to see. Failing that, PM me. I always love PM's, so don't worry about bothering me. Anyway, please vote, even with a 'Lol' for the Lol Campaign, and, if I can be so demanding, maybe we could get Percy and co. up to 2,000 reviews? Either way, enjoy. Disclaimer: The Princess Bride rocks.**

**Percy held onto the rigging and surveyed the horizon. There it was! That damn ship.**

He glanced over his shoulder to see Annabeth staring at his shirt, the wind blowing is against his body.

Percy raised his eyebrows. "Something on my shirt?"

She blushed, startled. "Nope, it's gone. No worries."

He nodded, before looking back at the horizon as Annabeth moved next to him.

"You know," she began, "this is kinda romantic… us, together on a boat alone… the two main characters of the PJO series."

"What about Grover?" Percy asked.

She nodded earnestly. "Oh, him too. But, you know, not as much."

Percy looked back at the smudge on the horizon as Annabeth rested her hand son the deck, looking in the direction of Poly's island.

"We'll reach the island by dawn," she glanced back at Percy, still hanging from the rigging, looking out at sea. "Why are you doing that?"

"Are you sure nobody's following us?" he asked.

"That would be inconceivable," she snapped. Percy leapt off the rigging, but continued to glance back.

"Stop doing that!" She snapped. "We can all relax, it's almost over."

"You are sure nobody's following us?" Percy clarified.

"As I told you, it would be absolutely, totally, and in all other ways, inconceivable. We destroyed Circe's Spa, and no one at Camp Half Blood could've gotten here so fast." She paused. "Out of curiosity, why do you ask?"

Percy shrugged, sitting down, his hair blowing in the wind. "No reason. Suddenly, I just happened to look behind us and something's there."

Annabeth ran up to the edge of the ship, her grey eyes assessing the situation. "Probably some local fisherman," she decided, "out for a pleasure cruise at night...through Siren-infested waters," she added doubtfully. She shook her head. "Whoever he is, we have the advantage! We'll be approaching the Siren's soon," she remarked before striding along to the main mast.

Percy followed her, glancing back at the man in the boat.

Annabeth noticed and glared at him. "You're making me nervous. Stop it."

**Zeus, Hades and Apollo walked into Asclepius' medical clinic.**

Zeus made his way up to the counter. "Hello there," he started. "I need to see Dr. Asclepius about my daughter, Artemis. I made an appointment earlier."

The receptionist looked down, before typing through her computer. Zeus looked back at Hades, who was glumly looking out off the window.

"Cheer up there, Hades."

Hades looked around at him, glumly. "I'll try," he sighed.

Apollo walked up, rubbing his hands. "Thihs ihs gweat. Ih nheeded tho thalk tho Dhr. Ahschehphius."

Zeus looked confused. "What was that?"

Apollo shrugged. "Vhewy fhunnhy dhad."

The receptionist cleared her throat to get there attention. "Mr. Zeus? The Doctor will see you now."

Zeus nodded his thanks. They all walked in, where Asclepius was just sending out a patient.

"Okay, be careful about Minotaur's. They're inhabiting the entire left side," he said with good humour as his patient walked past Zeus and co.

"Hello, Doctor.," Zeus greeted, holding out his hand.

Asclepius shook his, nodding at the others. "Is this about Hades?"

Zeus shook his head. "No, I don't think so. We've all accepted there's no cure for whatever is flying around his mind, no, we actually came to talk about Artemis."

The Dr. nodded his head. "Yes, how is she?"

Zeus sat down. "That's the thing, you see? She's obsessed with this boy-"

"Ah," Asclepius smiled. "A boy."

"It's unhealthy!" Zeus exclaimed, sitting forward. "We just need to know how we can fix this- this," he struggled for words. "_Obsession!"_

Asclepius spread his hands. "But that's it, if you understand. She has puppy love, and you can't fix that." he leaned forward," who is it anyway?"

"Pwercy Jhackhson," Apollo supplied.

Asclepius blanched. "Do you know how many girls I have in here, their parents asking me the same question? How to get over Percy Jackson? Quite the heartthrob I gather."

Zeus snorted. "Quite. I guessing you didn't give them any answer?"

Asclepius waved a hand. "What can I say? Stop watching his programs?"

He nodded. "I see. Sorry for wasting your time."

The Dr. stood up with him. "Don't worry; I'm sure it will pass in time."

Apollo walked up. "Ih hahve anhnother question."

"Yes Apollo," Asclepius nodded.

"Ohkay, whell, Ih hahve this fwiend whoh's hahving hthese whet dweams. he whanted Tho ahsk hohw he chould shtop thehm?"

Asclepius rolled his eyes. "Look Apollo, you can tell your _'friend'_, that he should stop juicing, take a cold shower and stop wearing string vests."

Apollo fingered his string shirt, wrong footed. "Ih'll thell mhy fwiend yhou shaid thaht."

Zeus took his arm. "Come on Apollo, let's go." The walked out of the door, Apollo trying to say something. The door closed and Asclepius sat down, sighing.

He started as he saw Hades, still sitting in the corner.

"Yes, people often leave me behind," he reflected glumly.

"**Percy, we're coming up the Sirens."**

"Yeah?" Percy confirmed, before throwing a fish back into the sea. "Why do I give a fuck?"

Annabeth stomped her foot. "Because there really deadly, and- argh, you are so stupid Perseus Jackson."

He watched her storm off before turning back to the sea. He glanced back at the sound of rope on wood and jerked up.

"Eh, eh, what are you doing?" he cried, running over to where Annabeth was lashing herself to the mast.

"Learning," she hissed. "Since I'm the only one capable of it."

Percy scowled. "Is that a crack against my grades?! Because I'll let you know, I'm a straight D all throughout my School Career."

Annabeth rolled her eyes. "I want hear the Sirens. I want to confront my desires and beat them!"

He laughed. "Okay blondie, do whatever you want. I'll just be over here," he said, gesturing towards the wheel.

He took out wax from the below decks and stuffed it in.

"Don't untie me!" Annabeth called.

Percy nodded, raising his thumb to confirm he'd heard her. The ship continued to sail onwards, making its way until they reached the Sirens area.

It was just as they reached this area that Percy realised he'd heard what Annabeth had just said. Deciding that, yes, he was not supposed to have heard her, he took out the wax and just didn't bother to replace it. CBA all the way, and the author would protect him. He put his fingers in his ears instead.

They must have entered the territory, because Annabeth started making the weirdest movements, like a baby seal trying to escape a rubber ball. Percy didn't think much of it, until he realised that he hadn't bothered to tie her properly.

He whipped around to find her staring at him. He looked away, because it really was awkward, but jerked around when he felt the deck tremble.

"Fuck," he muttered. Annabeth was swimming towards the island, and she must have been a really good swimmer because she had dodged the landmines, the nets, the sharks, the ship wreckage, the dead bodies, the dirt, debris, books, computers, Sirens (must have gotten bored of the day job), and lots of other crap, all while swimming in a raging ocean.

Percy ran to the edge, fully intending to dive in, before Annabeth hit a sea mine. There was a colossal explosion, with bits of body, flying into the heavens and down onto the ship.

"Annabeth?" Percy asked as her shoe landed next him. "Annabeth," he asked again meekly.

No reply.

Percy was starting to think Annabeth had been blown up, before he caught a glimpse of her swimming onwards. It must have been a retarded fish or something that was blown up. That didn't explain the shoe, Percy thought, as he looked at it.

He thought about it, and decided to save her. With that, Percy leapt over the side and into the water. he didn't bother using his sea powers, because, well if a lousy daughter of Athena could survive it, so could he.

He finally reached Annabeth, covered in nets, a part of his hair blown off from a bomb, his leg bleeding from a shark, basically all the normal stuff that would have happened to anyone without demigod sea powers.

"Annabeth!" he called, his fingers still in ears.

"Fuck off Percy!" She called over her shoulder. Percy decided the finger thing wasn't working, so he abandoned it and grabbed her ankle.

"Look you little bitch-," he began, before seeing wha she saw.

He and Annabeth were on a park bench, with the sun setting behind them, with a tux and a wedding dress lying beneath them. Then Percy processed they were naked.

"Holy fuck!" He cried. "Your most desired thing is to screw me! Holy cr-," Annabeth's foot collided with his face, sending lights through his skull.

He opened his eyes to find himself on the island, his vision blurring as he wiped his hand across his face. Annabeth was a short distance away, jumping up and down.

"Gimme, gimme, GIMME!" She roared, chasing the Sirens.

One tried to reason with her. "I'm sorry Miss Chase, we don't have anymore fantasies to give!"

Another Siren stood his ground too. "We only show you your greatest desire, we don't actually give it!"

Percy stood up, walking towards them. He took Annabeth's arm.

"Look Annabeth, if they say they can't give it to you, then I'm afraid that's final," he said logically.

She huffed but permitted to get taken back to the ship, that had, like everyone else, gotten through the various dangers to get to the island.

Percy turned to the Sirens. "I'm very sorry for this. She's having a rough day."

They cursed darkly, but nodded in acknowledgment.

"Come on rabbit, back to the ship," Percy called.

He followed her onto the ship, and to her cabin, before leaning in front of the door.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She scowled. "Why would I want to talk about it!? You never listen anyway!"

She stormed past him.

"**Yeah, so there's not much more to say," Percy sighed down the phone.**

Poseidon, in the Zeus house with Zeus, Hera, Sally, Apollo and Arty, swung his Wii racket, hitting a tennis ball past Zeus and scoring a point.

"Well… keep… TRYING!" He hit an ace.

"Pardon?"

Poseidon wiped the sweat off his forehead. "I mean, I wouldn't get freaked out from this whole 'wants to fuck your brains'. I mean, if anything, we should be taking this as a good thing, right?"

"Yeah, I suppose," Percy agreed, "they just don't make any sense."

"Yeah, but when women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking. You just can't put a logical spin on it."

"Yeah? Did you tell Mum that?"

"This is between us guys, okay? Got that?"

"Look, are you going to give me advice about Annabeth, or you going to keep losing at Wii Tennis?"

Poseidon frowned. "I'm not playing Wii."

"Yeah, huh. I'll tell you when we're coming back from the islands."

"Okay, but you be good, okay? I'll be watching when-"

"Dad… just fuck off."

"Hey, I'm Lord of the Sea, and you're going-"

Percy hung up, leaving Poseidon to vent his anger by whacking a ball back so hard that his controller went flying through the TV.

Zeus blanched in anger, unable to form words.

"You have insurance for that?" Poseidon asked.

"No!" Zeus cried.

"Bummer," he replied.

"**He's getting closer!" Percy cried.**

Annabeth ran to his side, licking her lips. "Inconceivable. You're the son of the Sea God. He can't match our speed!"

"He's gaining," Percy noticed.

Annabeth wrung her hands. "We're nearly there. Once we reach the cliffs, we can lose him on the climb up."

Percy pushed his hair back. "Usually I'd agree, but in my opinion-"

"Yes!" She flared. "But I don't _pay_ you for your _opinion_, do I? I'm paying you only for your swordsmanship, and nothing more. Don't forget that!" She stomped off, muttering under her breath.

Percy moved his eyes away from the boat as his eye caught a strip of land. Two figures were standing on it.

"Annabeth," he stood up and strode over to her, still staring at the people. "I see people."

Annabeth glanced at them. "Perfect. They're on time. I was thinking the Iris message hadn't worked."

Percy frowned. "What are you talking about?"

She flapped her arms. "I hired some extra help."

"It's not a giant, is it?" He chuckled.

She moved right up to him, standing on her tip toes so she could get in his face.

"It's a Cyclops! Polyphemus, and you'd better get along with him," she shrieked.

Percy frowned. "Aren't we off to defeat one? What's-"

"Get the rope," she ordered.

He dutifully obeyed, pulling the ship to the shore. Annabeth leapt straight off, glancing over her shoulder nervously.

"Are you the Cyclops?" She called.

Polyphemus moved forward, pulling with him a sack. A human sized sack.

Percy clenched Retard but smiled instead. "What's in the sack?"

Annabeth shook her head. "I'll tell you later."

Polyphemus moved up to Percy, holding out a hand. "Are you the New Yorker?"

Percy shook it, his hand engulfed. "I'm a swordsman." he glanced over at Annabeth who was placing something on the sack, pulling and grinding her teeth.

"What are you doing?" Percy asked.

Annabeth spat hair out of her face before replying. "It's fabric from the toga of a Roman demigod."

Polyphemus stepped forward. "Who's Romans?

She looked up at him. "The camp in San Francisco, the sworn enemy of camp Half-Blood," she explained irritably. She ushered them onto the boat, before moving to look at both of them.

"Once the news reaches the castle, the fabric will make Jason Grace suspect the Greeks have abducted his faun. When he finds her body dead next to Thalia's tree, his suspicions will be totally confirmed."

"You never said anything about starting a war," Percy put in.

"I've hired the Cyclops to help me start a war. It's a prestigious line of work, with a long and glorious tradition."

"I just don't think its right, killing an innocent satyr," Polyphemus sighed.

Annabeth glared at him. "Am I going mad, or did the word "THINK" escape your lips? YOU WERE NOT HIRED FOR YOUR BRAINS, YOU HIPPOPOTAMIC LAND MASS!

Percy frowned. "I agree with Polyphemus."

Annabeth wheeled around, raising her arms. "OH! THE IDIOT HAS SPOKEN! WHAT HAPPENS TO HER IS NOT TRULY YOUR CONCERN. I WILL KILL HER, AND REMEMBER THIS, NEVER FORGET THIS: WHEN I FOUND YOU, YOU WERE SO STUPID, YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE HOT!" She turned on Polyphemus next. "AND YOU! FRIENDLESS, BRAINLESS, HELPLESS, HOPELESS! DO YOU WANT ME TO SEND YOU BACK TO WHERE YOU WERE, UNEMPLOYED, ON THE GREEK ISLANDS!"

Percy watched her walk past him, before exchanging a look with Polyphemus. They moved off to get the ship going again.

Annabeth moved next to Percy as he was securing the rigging.

"Have you seen the man again?"

He shook his head before turning to look at her.

"I was reading 'Mark of Athena'-"

"Oh, you can read can you?" She sneered.

Percy ignored her. "Anyway, it SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS!"

Annabeth nodded. "Yes, I don't know how we're going to get out of that. I think Rick's finally lost his mind."

Percy shook his head. "We should have known… ever since he started claiming he was the scribe for the Camp Half-Blood. We knew he was losing it."

Annabeth snorted. "No-one can write Tartarus… it's absolutely, and in all other words, inconceivable."

Percy blinked as he saw the ship reappear. "We have company again."

Annabeth hit the sideboard. "INCONCEIVABLE!" She licked her lips. "Either way, we're near Polyphemus' islands. We'll hang back there and if need be, kill this stranger there." She turned to Percy. "It'll be up to you."

Percy nodded, smiling. "I'll deal with him."

**Short, but I thought it was a natural stopping point. It'd be great if we could get to 2,000 reviews, and the next chapter will be out soon! I'm writing it right now! All those who love the Princess Bride will be getting a treat! Please review, or vote on the poll! Lol Campaign if you don't want to write much!**


	34. The Princess Satyr

**Thank you for all the reviews! They were fantastic! Please continue to review and maybe we can get to 2,000 which would be some sort of record! Lol Campaign is still going strong; I write for you guys so please take the time to just put in a single 'lol'. Anyway, this is a disclaimer. I take full responsibility for the adaption of this, but this is not my original work. Not most of it anyway.**

**Percy pointed out to sea, his black shirt whipping in the wind.**

The ship was still there, closing rapidly. Annabeth came up, hissing.

"He must have seen us with the Satyr, or more likely, he's also after the Golden Fleece."

Percy raised his eyebrows, before saying wryly. "Oh, we're after the Fleece? I thought we were starting a war?"

"Don't mock me," she growled.

He turned back to the ship. "Look!" Percy cried. "He's right on top of us. I wonder if he's using the same wind we are using," he mused.

Annabeth licked her lips. "WHOEVER HE IS, HE'S TOO LATE. SEE?" She pointed at the cliffs of Polyphemus' island. THE CLIFFS OF ODYSSEUS! HURRY UP! MOVE THE THING! AND THAT OTHER THING! MOVE IT!" Percy and Polyphemus steered the ship into the harbour. Annabeth leapt off, Percy following after her, with Polyphemus lifting the satyr with him.

"We're safe," Annabeth breathed. "Only Polyphemus is strong enough to go up our way. He'll have to sail around for hours till he finds a harbour."

They fitted a harness around… oh, come on, we've all seen 'The Princess Bride'? Do I really have to describe this? For those who have a huge ignorant regard for true British literature, go on Youtube. Long story short: They hook up a harness so they can all be carried by Polyphemus.

A man in pink leapt off his boat as it hit the shore and instantly raced towards the rope, leaping up and climbing quickly.

Percy looked down the rope, amazed. "He's climbing the rope. And he's gaining on us."

Annabeth looked down, unable to understand it. "Inconceivable…," she muttered. "FASTER!" She ordered.

"I thought I was going faster," Polyphemus grunted.

Annabeth, sitting right in front of him so he had to look at her, sneered at him. "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THIS COLOSSUS, YOU WERE THIS GREAT LEGENDARY THING, AND YET HE GAINS!"

"Well, I'm carrying three people, and he's got only himself," he reasoned.

She turned away, crossing her arms. "I DO NOT ACCEPT EXCUSES! I'M JUST GOING TO HAVE TO FIND MYSELF A NEW CYCLOPS, THAT'S ALL.

"Don't say that, Annabeth. Please?"

She looked back down to see the man in pink only 30 feet below them and gaining.

"DID I MAKE IT CLEAR THAT YOUR JOB IS AT STAKE?" She cried.

Polyphemus reached the top; Percy leapt straight off him and up, grabbing the Satyr and putting him at the side. Annabeth raced up and ran to the rope, going on one knee and ripping out her knife. Percy helped Polyphemus up as Annabeth cut through the first layer of the rope.

Percy looked over the edge to see the man in pink approaching, merely 15 feet below.

Annabeth cut through the rope as Percy jumped back, the material flying past and off the edge. They exchanged a look before moving to the cliff edge.

"He's got very good arms," Polyphemus remarked as they looked over the edge to see the man in pink hanging onto the cliff face.

"HE DIDN'T FALL?" Annabeth gasped. "INCONCEIVABLE!"

Percy turned to her, frowning. "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means," he glanced down. "My God! He's climbing!"

Annabeth thought about it, red faced, before deciding on something. "Whoever he is, he's obviously seen us with the satyr and must therefore die." She sheathed her knife before pointing at Polyphemus. "You, carry her." She turned back to Percy. "We'll head straight for the Golden Fleece. Catch up when he's dead. If he falls, fine. If not, the sword."

Percy drew Retard, swinging it a complicated motion Luke had taught him, before something came into his mind. He straightened up, calling to Annabeth.

"I'm going to do him left-handed," he informed her.

She glared at him. "PERCY! YOU KNOW WHAT A HURRY WE'RE IN!"

"It's the only way I can be satisfied. If I use my right," he shrugged. "Over too quickly."

Annabeth huffed. "Oh, have it your way," before walking off.

Polyphemus walked over, clasping his shoulder. "You be careful. People in masks cannot be trusted."

Percy nodded, before Annabeth's voice reached them. "I'M WAITING!"

Annabeth, Polyphemus and the Satyr walked off to the Golden Fleece in the distance, as Percy swung his sword. He frowned before going over to the edge.

"Hello there!" he called down. "Slow going?"

"Look," the man in pink said, in a resigned voice. "I don't mean to be rude, but this is not as easy as it looks, so I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't distract me."

"Sorry," Percy shrugged.

"Thank you."

He made to walk off but doubled back instantly. "I don't suppose you could a-speed things up?"

"If you're in such a hurry, you could lower a rope or a tree branch or find something useful to do," the man in pink suggested.

"I could do that," Percy shrugged. "I have still got some rope up here, but I do not think you would accept my help, since I am only waiting around to kill you."

The man in pink nodded. "That does put a damper on our relationship."

"But," Percy started. "I promise I will not kill you until you reach the top."

"That's very comforting, but I'm afraid you'll just have to wait," he decided.

"I hate to wait," Percy grumbled. He tried a new tack. "I could give you my word as a demigod?"

"No good," he man in pink growled, trying to reach a new hold. "I've known too many demigods."

"Is there not any way you'll trust me?"

"Nothing comes to mind."

Percy thought, before saying. "I swear, on the soul of my sword, Retard, you will reach the top alive."

The man in pink shrugged. "Throw me the rope," he uttered seriously.

Percy gathered the rope and threw it down. the man in pink grabbed it, Percy helping him up. He took his arm and pulled him onto the grass of the cliff.

"Thank you," the man in pink nodded, looking around. "It really is quite marvellous up here."

Percy shrugged. "We are on an island with a magic Fleece." He saw the man in pink drawing his sword wearily. "W-w-w-we'll wait until you are ready," he suggested.

"Again, thank you," he said genuinely.

Percy looked at him keenly. "I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have seen a small Cyclops on your journey?

"Do you always begin conversations this way?"

He shrugged. "I lost my brother a couple of days ago in the Sea of Monsters."

"No, I'm afraid not," the man in pink said heavily.

Percy nodded sadly, sitting down on a rock. "He was a brilliant, my brother. Obnoxious at times, but still…," he held up Retard, glowing gold in the sunlight. "This was going to be his when I found a new one… but now, I don't think I'll be abandoning it. It used to be my father's," he added. "I don't know how he stole it from Hercules, seeing as he was a Son of Zeus and surely the sword would have passed down to a child of the thunder god, but I wish it had."

The man in pink admired the sword. "I've never seen one so retarded."

Percy nodded. "When Zeus returned and demanded it, but without even an IOU, my father refused. Without a word, Zeus took a bite from his pasty." Percy looked up at him solemnly. "I loved my pasties, so naturally I challenged Zeus to a duel. I failed. Zeus left me alive, but he gave me this." He held up a small bag of sugar.

The man in pink stared at him. "How old were you?"

Percy shook his head. "This is all bullshit. Still, when I was a-strong enough, I dedicated my life to the study of swordsmanship, so the next time we meet, I will not fail. I will go up to Zeus and say, "Hello. My name is Perseus Jackson. You ate my pasty. Prepare to die."

"How on earth does this relate to your brother?"

Percy raised a finger. "When I meet Zeus again, I shall demand my brother back."

"But, until there… You've done nothing but study swordplay?" The man in pink supplied.

Percy hit him gently on the shoulder before sitting down heavily next to him.

"More a pursuit than a study, lately," he admitted. "You see, I cannot find him. It has been a couple of days now and I am starting to lose confidence. I just went on this quest with Annabeth to pay the bills. It's not a lot of money in searching for your lost brother."

"Well, I certainly hope you find him someday."

"You are ready, then?"

The man in pink got to his feet, pulling out his sword. "Whether I am or not, you've been more than fair."

Percy spun Retard in a quick circle, squaring him off. "You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you."

The man in pink shrugged in an 'Its okay' way. "You seem a decent fellow. I hate to die."

"Begin," Percy nodded.

The man in pink moved forward swinging his sword. Percy caught and repulsed it, sending the man back, before jabbing at him quickly. The man in pink moved back out of reach, before swinging his sword at Percy head.

Percy almost smiled; the blow was wild and he easily ducked it. But the man's knee came up and hit him squarely in the face, sending him back onto the dirt.

Percy caught his breath, scrambling back. It was almost as if the man had predicted what he was going to do, and like a fool, he'd ducked right into it.

With renewed vigour, Percy leapt to his feet, before launching a series of attacks but the man caught ever one. The man parried a blow and swung at Percy's head. He ducked, pushed the kick aside with his open hand, and caught the blade sent to his chest. They wrestled with the two interlocked swords, but Retard was working for once. Percy gave a shove and it disengaged, before swinging Retard at the man's head. It was parried but the man in pink retreated onto the rockier terrain.

Percy was surprised to see the Greek style with which the man fought.

"You're a Greek?" he panted as they exchanged blows.

The man smiled through his mask, pushing Percy's blade up, before moving in on the gap and spinning around to his unprotected back.

Percy was forced to block behind him, before spinning around in a clumsy move.

"You fight like a Greek!" Percy shouted , scared he was outclassed.

"Fighting style is no guarantee of origin," the man remarked, dropping into a crouch and jabbing forward. "I'm a Roman now, according to your hunches."

Percy gave ground, cursing the man and his mastery of both Greek and Roman.

"Fun fact," the man added as he drove Percy back. "The Persians were considered the greatest threat to the Roman Empire… do you know why that is?"

Percy caught a strike and threw his fist at his attackers head. The man in pink caught it before sweeping his sword at Percy's leg, sending him over.

He swept his blade over the ground and Percy was forced to push his body off the ground to dodge it. He immediately kicked at the man's guard, breaking it, before surging to his feet and tackling him.

The man in pink threw him over, before getting to his feet.

"Persians?" he asked again.

Percy wiped blood from his mouth and spat: "I don't know."

"Because they adapted," the man in pink told him.

Percy defended against an entirely different style, which could only be Persian.

He finally recognised a single style overriding the others: Greek. The attacker had to be a demigod.

"You are using Theseus' defence against me, uh?" Percy commented at the distinctive sword strikes.

"I thought it fitting, considering your strength."

"Naturally, you must expect me to attack with Odysseus Feint?" (An intelligent style, the only move to get past a Hercules counter).

"Naturally, but I find that Achilles cancels Odysseus Feint, don't you?" Achilles was the most advanced style, the only thing capable of deflecting Odysseus Feint.

Percy shrugged, pushing the man back to the edge of the rocks. "Unless the enemy hasn't studied his Agrippa," the man leapt off and Percy executed a move he'd never be able to do again, a flip right over his head, spinning to face him as he landed.

"Which I have!" he remarked triumphantly. The exchanged a few more blows as Percy was driven to the edge of the Cliffs. "You are wonderful!" He praised.

The man in pink nodded. "Thank you. I've worked hard to become so," he said graciously.

"I admit it, you are better than I am."

"Then why are you smiling?"

Percy grinned. "Because I know something you don't know."

"And what is that?" he asked.

"I am not left-handed," he spun there swords up, grasping it with his right and pushing forward with a variety of techniques.

"You're amazing!" The man in pink cried. Percy drove him back, deflecting his blows, smiling as the fight shifted into his favour.

"I ought to be after I training with Luke."

"Luke?"

"My sword instructor; a true master. He's dead too."

"Charming."

Percy led him to the top of a small outcrop, parrying his blade and pushing it down against the rocks.

"There is something I ought to tell you," the man in pink panted.

Percy pushed him farther, nearly over the rocks he was pinned against. "Tell me."

"I'm not left-handed either," he pushed off, spinning his sword around into his right hand.

Percy was disarmed quickly after that. "Who are you?"

"No one of consequence," he man replied.

"I must know."

"Get used to disappointment."

Percy shrugged. "Okay." He ducked a slash, pushing the man back, before rolling back to his blade. His vision soon narrowed as he tried to fight his attacker. The only person he'd fought with this skill was Luke, and even he hadn't been on this level.

They moved back to the centre, and it was here Percy knew he was done. He defended every blow, but it was relentless, the skill unmatched. The easy flow of fighting skills soon had him panting. He roared and swung wildly, but each blow was caught. A flash of black and gold and Retard went spinning away from his hand.

Percy fell to his knees, his mind numb. He was going to die; there were no other words for it. He'd see Tyson again, but he was leaving his mother, his father. What about Annabeth? She'd be expecting him, wouldn't she?

"Kill me quickly," he breathed, feeling braver than he felt.

"Who else is in your company?"

Percy shut his mouth. He wouldn't betray Annabeth.

"I saw a girl, a sack and a Cyclops. Is that all?"

"Don't kill Annabeth," Percy said.

The man raised his eyebrows. "You were her last defence, I assume?"

"Not quite."

The man nodded before swinging his sword into the back of Percy's head.

**Annabeth and Polyphemus watched from the hill as the man in pink ran towards them.**

"INCONCEIVABLE! Give her to me," she took the sack. "Catch up with us quickly."

Polyphemus blinked. "What do I do?"

Annabeth turned to him, almost spitting. "FINISH HIM, FINISH HIM! YOUR WAY!"

Polyphemus nodded happily. "Oh good, my way. Thank you, Annabeth." He paused. "Which way's my way?"

Annabeth pointed at the ground, red faced. "Pick up one of those rocks, get behind the boulder. In a few minutes the man in pink will come running around the bend. The minute his head is in view, HIT IT WITH THE ROCK!" She ran off with the sack as Polyphemus took a rock and moved to a corner.

"My way's not very sportsmanlike," he sighed moving away.

**The man in pink** raced around the corner, jerking as a rock disintegrated next to him. He ripped the sword from its sheath.

Polyphemus came out from his corner. "I did that on purpose. I didn't have to miss."

"I believe you," he said cautiously. "So what happens now?"

Polyphemus moved forward. "We face each other as God intended...sportsmanlike. No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone."

The man sighed. "Look, I appreciate we're trying to act out the entire Princess Bride script, but it's getting tiring."

Polyphemus frowned. "I could kill you now."

"Oh, pack it in, you fat bastard. You're out of this story once we're done here. You have no place."

Polyphemus blinked back tears. "No, that's not true- oh FUCK!"

The man in pink had thrown his sword like a throwing knife right into Polyphemus eye. With a cry he disintegrated as the man in pink moved forward, picking his sword up from the dust.

"Fuck being sportsmanlike." he sighed, before moving back up the hill.

**Annabeth sat on the other side of a table, hastily erected, draped with a cloth to hide the poor workmanship. She held her knife to the throat of the person, the sack still securely fastened to her head. The man in pink could see the manicured nails, but his gaze fell further, to the Fleece, hovering over Annabeth's shoulder in the huge oak tree.**

"Quite a beautiful spot," the man remarked, moving forward.

Annabeth didn't reply, but merely put out a hand in a final way. "So it is down to you, and it is down to me." She pressed her knife harder at the person's throat as the man in pink continued to advance "If you wish her dead, by all means, keep moving forward."

The man in pink held up his hands in a placating gesture. "Let me explain—"

"There's nothing to explain. You're trying to steal what I have rightfully quested for."

"The Fleece?"

"Of course you fool! The Satyr is only insurance against people like YOU!" She pointed her knife at him, before pushing back to the Satyr's throat.

"Perhaps an arrangement can be reached?" The man suggested.

"There will be no arrangement, and you're killing her," she snarled, forcing her knife onto down.

"Percy's not dead," the man put in. "Just unconscious. I can't say the same for the Cyclops, but he'll reform… at some point."

She didn't even blink, but he could see her relax slightly. "How did you do it?"

"It appears you're swordsman needs a better teacher," he said simply. He clasped his hands. "Well if there can be no arrangement, then we are at an impasse."

Annabeth nodded. "I'm afraid so. I can't compete with you physically, and you're no match for my brains."

The man in pink raised his eyebrows. "You're that smart?"

"Let me put it this way: have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?"

"Yes," he replied cautiously.

"Morons," she stated arrogantly.

"Really," he mulled it over. "In that case," he decided. "I challenge you to a battle of wits."

Annabeth leapt forward, intrigued. "For the Satyr?"

The man nodded.

"To the death?"

The man nodded.

"I accept," she said happily, sheathing her knife and offering him a seat.

"Good," he said, sitting down. "Then pour the juice."

Annabeth pulled out some grape juice and poured it into two plastic cups.

"Eurgh, it might be better to be dead before I drink that," the man in pink grimaced. He took a breath before pulling out a small vial and uncorking it.

"Inhale this, but do not touch."

Annabeth leapt in, sniffed before pulling back, shaking her head. "I smell nothing."

"Have you ever heard the story of Agdistis, the Greek deity born with both a male and female sexual features?"

She shrugged. "What of it?"

"This is the very same pounded moonsbeam Liber used to put her to sleep. It's odorless, tasteless, dissolves instantly in liquid, and is among the more sleepier draughts known to man.

With that, he turned away and filled both goblets with juice, before turning his back. He turned and set the cups on the table.

He spread his arms. "All right. Where is the moonsbeam? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink, and find out who is right...and who is dead."

Annabeth smiled, scoffing. "But it's so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you: are you the sort of man who would put the drought into his own cup or his enemy's? Now, a clever man would put the drought into his own cup, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the juice in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the juice in front of me."

"You've made your decision then?" The man in pink asked.

She shook her head, smiling at him condescendingly. "Not remotely. Because everyone knows that Dionysus is thought to have put the moonsbeam in Agdistis' cup. And Dionysus is the God of Wine. The God of Wine is therefore a drunk. And everyone knows not to trust a drunk, so I can clearly not choose the cup in front of me."

"Truly, you have a dizzying intellect."

"WAIT TILL I GET GOING!" She shouted happily. "Where was I?" She asked.

"Dionysus," he supplied.

"Yes, Dionysius. And you must have suspected I would have known alternative version, so I can clearly not choose the juice in front of me.

"You're just stalling now," the man decided.

"You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? You've beaten my Cyclops, which means you're exceptionally strong, so you could've put the draught in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the juice in front of you. But, you've also bested my Demigod, which means you must have studied, and in studying you must have learned that demigod is mortal, so you would have put the draught as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the juice in front of me.

The man in pink narrowed his eyes. "You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't work," he decided.

"IT HAS WORKED! YOU'VE GIVEN EVERYTHING AWAY! I KNOW WHERE THE MOONSBEAM IS!

"Then make your choice."

"I will, and I choose- What in the world can that be?" She pointed over his shoulder.

He turned around. "What? Where? I don't see anything." As he did so Annabeth slipped the draught into his cup. That way, they'd both go down if she was wrong!

He turned, looking at her quizzically. She shrugged. "Well, I- I could have sworn I saw something. No matter."

"What's so funny?" He asked.

"I'll tell you in a minute," she waved a dismissive hand. First, let's drink," she raised her cup. "Me from my cup, and you from yours."

They both drunk, before setting their cups down heavily.

"You guessed wrong," the man in pink informed her.

Annabeth burst out laughing. "You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I put the draught in both glasses! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never go questing in San Francisco, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against an Athenian when death is on the line! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha-"

"What did you do that for?!" The man in pink stood. "Now we're both screwed!"

Annabeth rolled off her chair laughing, before collapsing, senseless. The man in pink slumped over seconds later.

**Percy came tearing up the hill.**

He spotted Annabeth, the man in pink and the captive and bee lined towards them. He'd found the remains of Polyphemus, and he feared for what the man in pink could do. He slid to a stop, breathing heavily. The Satyr was struggling, and Percy made his way forward.

He drew Retard, whacking it against the table (_Whoooo!) _before cutting through the ropes. He pulled off the sack to be faced with…

"Grover!" Percy cried.

Grover wiped his face. "You'll never imagine what I went through Perce. I was attracted to the Fleece-"

"Because it smelt like Pan," Percy supplied, giving the Golden Fleece an excited look.

Grover shook his head. "Err, no. I don't care about Pan. I just wanted the Fleece for money."

Percy blinked. "Oh, well, we need it. I'll explain later," he added at Grover's face. He looked down at the unconscious figures. "What happened?"

Grover shrugged. "I think they- nah, I don't know."

"You were here though!" Percy insisted.

Grover shrugged. "Yeah, but, I had more important things to think about, like my nails and stuff."

Percy shook his head, resigned to the fact his best friend was as bent as you could hope to wish for and knelt next to Annabeth, felling her pulse. He sighed with relief as he felt it.

Grover rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, so what happened to you?"

Percy stood up, hefting Retard and pointing it at the man in pink. "He managed to get past me. At least I can find out who he is." he offered Retard to Grover, who held it gingerly.

"Jeez Grover, it's not going to hurt you," Percy sighed.

"It might ruin my nails," Grover said, throwing the sword aside.

"Grover!" Percy cried. He shook his head and took the mask off the man in pink.

"Oh, no way. What's next? Tyson's alive?"

Luke opened an eye, pushing himself up.

"Yeah, actually," he admitted, brushing himself down. He got to his feet and stretched. "Yeah… nice swordwork Percy, but we need to work on your styles."

Percy nodded numbly. "Wait a sec! Why did you take us all down, I mean, where's Tyson, no, how did you survive, no, wait, why did you attack us!"

Luke shook his head. "Okay, one at a time. First, Tyson is on my boat. He's waiting down by the cliffs. We'll get the Fleece, Annabeth and Grover and head down there, oh, hey Grover," he nodded at him before turning back to Percy. "We survived because I'm Luke Callestan, and we swum away. From there, we followed your mess and tried to catch you."

Percy grasped Luke's hand. "Thank you for saving Tyson. It's-," Luke cut him off with a hand, smiling.

"It's okay. Then, I needed to get to Grover and free him. I took down the Cyclops, because he's a monster, and decided to round the rest of you up. Annabeth wasn't listening to reason, so I took her down. She tried to outsmart me, but I'm bigger, so the last laugh is on her. She'll be under for another hour or so."

Percy nodded. "Right."

Luke looked at Grover. "Right, head down the path there, and make your way to Percy's ship on the shore. Tyson should be there."

Grover nodded his head. "Got it," before heading off.

"Get the Fleece, Percy."

Percy reached out and took the Fleece, hefting his weight onto his shoulder as Luke bent down and picked up Annabeth.

"I still can't believe any of this," Percy told Luke.

Luke shrugged. "Neither can I."

**Yeah, it'll all be original next time. This Series is nearly through, but you guys are going to love the Percy/Grover Bromance in the next Season, Atlas and Annabeth, and a new Enemy for Percy… you're going to love it! Only a few more chapters of this, including those who wanted to see Percy and Annabeth in the Half Blood Games! Please review as it's all I get for writing this, and all credit to Will Goldman for the original script!**


	35. 50 Shades Of Percy

**Thanks to all those who did review, but please could those other people who just read then leave spend two seconds of their precious time to just type in a 'lol' or a 'bad' or anything. I am writing for you guys, and I'm not like a real author. I don't get paid, and that's okay, as long as you guys take a second to just put down a small one worded review. Anyway, sorry for putting a desperate spin on this, but I would really appreciate it if the lazy people could review after they've read. It helps the story and encourages me to keep writing. **

**Anyway, thanks to those who continue to review; it's fantastic and I really appreciate it more than I can say. I love to hear your opinions and ideas so don't be afraid to share them, even if it is just to tell me the story sucks. Thanks you, and please take literally a second to type in one word. Please help to get this story up to 1,200 reviews! That's all I ask! Enjoy.**

**Luke moved next to Percy as the sun set. **

"Should be there soon… then you get the Fleece, and I get it for Kronos."

Percy scowled at the reminder of their deal, but he held his tongue. He'd be glad to see Tyson run up and hug him when he boarded the ship, but his only goal now was to get him home. Annabeth had woken up, dazed, angry, confused and generally a bit teary. He'd left Grover to deal with all that. He'd claimed she was PMS'ing, which Percy didn't want to know anything more about.

"Get to bed," Luke said softly, jerking him out of his thoughts.

Grover made his way up, grimacing. "Turns out this ship doesn't have all that many rooms."

Luke turned to face him. "How many?"

Grover counted on his fingers. "About… 2?"

Percy frowned at that unlikely figure. "Surely there's more?"

"No hammocks. They were all cut down, by what I think was a knife."

Annabeth came up from deck, smiling happily to herself.

Percy move dup to her happily. "You okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I'm great Percy. How about you?"

He shrugged. "Yeah, glad we got Tyson back, and with the Fleece we can finally end this stupid quest."

Annabeth brushed some hair away. "Well, some of us are going to have to share rooms. There's only two."

Percy shrugged. "I'll take one with Luke and Tyson. Grover's gay-"

"Hey!" Grover protested.

He turned to look at him. "You are though, aren't you?"

Grover shrugged. "See, I don't know. I feel a little weird… Juniper just texted me and…"

Percy took his arm. "So what are you? Camp?"

He shrugged. "I don't know yet… I just don't feel gay, y'know."

"What about your nails and stuff?" Percy inquired.

He looked affronted. "Just because I'm not sure I want to bang guys anymore, doesn't mean I'm going to give up on the important stuff in life!"

Annabeth moved between them. "Well, Luke's 20 or so, and I don't like the idea of sleeping near him, in case he rapes me." She looked at Percy as if she'd just had a great idea. "Hey Percy! Why don't you sleep with me?"

Percy frowned. "I don't know… I should stay with Tyson."

"Fuck off wanklord. I can handle myself," Tyson butted in, moving to Annabeth's side.

Percy frowned. "Well, I'm not sure-"

"You will sleep with me, Percy," Annabeth commanded.

Luke gave a nervous laugh. "Look kids, how about I talk to Annabeth about this quickly," he move dup, pulling her aside.

Once away from the others Annabeth pushed her knife against Luke's stomach.

"I'm sleeping with him," she snarled.

Luke's eyes widened. "Fuck Annabeth, what's wrong with you?"

She glared at him, moving close. "The Attraction controls me… I can't eat, or sleep! I need him."

He swallowed, before hitching a smile. "Sure," he squeaked. "Let's get you kids-," she pushed the knife closer. "Errr, responsible 13 year olds, into a bed, together."

Percy frowned as Luke walked up and took his shoulder. "Don't let her control you. Be on your guard. She'll kill you," he hissed urgently.

Percy glanced at Annabeth, who was rescuing a butterfly from air, and said: "She's harmless."

Luke licked his lips. "If you say so Percy; you'll know one way or the other… soon enough."

**They walked into their rooms, Percy with a little hesitation after Luke's speech.**

Annabeth hummed to herself as she took a bar and fitted it against the door. When she saw Percy's expression, she smiled.

"So the door doesn't swing," she explained.

Percy made his way to the bar as Annabeth busied herself with the bed (they were in the Captain's Cabin) and tested the bar. Solid wood, enough to keep Kampe out. Or someone in…

Percy jerked around as Annabeth watched him with excited eyes.

"I'm going to get dressed," she told him. "You do the same." It wasn't a suggestion… it was an order.

Percy nodded as Annabeth moved into another room. He dressed quickly before looking for escape routes. This was weird! What did she want?!

_Don't let her control you. Be on your guard. She'll kill you…_

Percy tried the windows, but they were barred shut. He checked the trapdoor to lower decks but it was stuck fast by something. He lay on his front to look through the slit and saw something bronze… Annabeth's knife, barring the other side!

"What are you doing?"

Percy jerked up as Annabeth watched him, her pyjamas baggy, her grey eyes staring at him through veils of hair.

"Nothing," Percy choked, recognising how beautiful she was, even if she had seemed to lock him in. Why would do that? Why was he locked here? Why did she want to sleep with him?

She grabbed the Golden Fleece and pulled it onto the bed.

"For warmth," she said happily as she crawled under the covers.

Percy moved over putting weird thoughts out of his head. They were friends. She was just trying to protect him. Satisfied with his explanation, he walked up to the bed, pulling out Retard and placing it on the bedside cabinet.

Annabeth's eyes followed it all the way as it left Percy's hand. He then crawled into the bed, making sure he was as far from her as possible.

She reached into her bag and pulled out a book, placing it on her lap and looking through her locks of honey at him.

"Want to help me read this?"

Percy was dyslexic, so he wasn't fond of reading, but she seemed to sense this.

"We can role play!" she burbled.

"Sure," he shrugged. Sure, it was only a stupid love book.

"**Do I have to read this?" Percy asked.**

"Yes!" Annabeth snapped. "Now keep reading Mr. Jackson."

"This is so weird," Percy sighed, looking down at the book in his hand. Annabeth had memorised it.

_"__I knew you were inexperienced, but a virgin!"__ Percy read out, hating his life._

_"__May God forgive me,"__ Annabeth groaned. "Now straddle me Mr. Jackson!"_

_Percy frowned, looking at the book. "I think its Mr. Grey actually."_

_"__Keep reading!" She commanded. _

_"__How have you avoided…__ oh, no way! I'm not reading this shit!"_

_"__Percy!"_

_"__Gods… __how have you avoided sex?"__ He chuckled. "_Yes, how Ana? Given your lack of balance, I'm surprised you haven't tripped and fallen onto a penis before now."

Annabeth glared at him.

"Sorry, but she's a right klutz."

She shook her head. "Not Ana! It's Annabeth!"

"Wha-"

"Read it!"

_"__You're biting your lip,"__ he got out. _

_Annabeth bit her lip__._ _"Sorry,"__ she said, her face full of wild excitement.__  
__"Don't apologise,"__ Percy read in a monotone__. "It's just that I want…__ okay, what the fuck is this book? Okay, erm__, I want to bite it, too, hard,"__ he grumbled. Trying to ease the tension he tried to move away from Annabeth but she grabbed his arm and pulled him on top of her._

_"__Annabeth?"_

_"__Mr. Jackson?"_

_He coughed to clear his throat before reading on. _

_"__We're going to rectify the situation right now,"__ he lowered the book. "Wait, what situation?"_

_"__I'm a virgin!"_

_"__Yeah, but what's Annie's-"_

_"__Ana!"_

_"__What's her situation?" Percy asked._

_"__She's a virgin," Annabeth said impatiently. _

_"__Oh, sorry, how stupid of me."_

Annabeth made him repeat the line before biting her lip and looking nervous. _"What do you mean? What situation?"_  
_"Your situation. Ana-" _

_"__Annabeth!"_

_"__But it says Ana here," Percy explained._

_"__No, it's role play!"_

_"__With US!"_

_"__Read!"_

_"__But they're going to have sex! Do we have to-"_

_"__READ!"_

_"__No, I refuse to read the next line."_

_Annabeth reached for Retard. "Do I have to threaten you?!"_

_Percy swallowed. "Y'know, you're not quite right at the moment. Maybe it's the Moonsbeam. I'll get Luke-"_

_She grabbed him and smiled sweetly. "Oh, don't do that! Just read and enjoy!"_

_Percy wasn't sure about his chances against her, so he decided to just continue, and if he did a good enough job, it would be over! _

_I have no choice__. __"I'm__going to make love to you, now,__" he said, making his voice seductive._

_Annabeth wriggled with excitement._

_"__The floor has fallen away. I'm a situation,"__ she breathed._

_"__Yes you are, babes," __Percy read, hating himself. __"That's if you want to,"__ he added, making his voice sarcastic, but sexy. __"I mean, I don't want to push my luck,"__ he smiled. If he weirded her out, she'd stop him. At least, that was the logic. _

_But Annabeth's pupils were wide. __"He gives me a wicked grin,"__ she groaned. __"The effects of which travel all the way down __there__."_

_"__Please, Annabeth, let me make love to you."_  
_"Yes, I whisper, because that's why I'm here."_

_"__Do you want the blinds drawn?"_  
_"I thought you didn't let anyone sleep in your bed."_  
_"Who says we're going to sleep?"_  
_"Oh." Holy hell._

"Right!" Percy cried, throwing the book away. "I am DONE! Not only is that the shittest book I've had to try and decipher, but it wasn't even worth the effort! And Gods, that last line was _another_ example of Ana's staggering capacity for being dense. He is standing half-naked in front of her, _holding a condom_, after having said "I'm going to make love to you tonight," and she still thinks they're going to sleep!"

He turned and crossed his arms, fully opposed to 50 Shades of Grey and anything to do with it.

Annabeth sighed, sitting up and hugging the Fleece to her chest. "Yeah… it is a bit shit, isn't it? Chiron's version is better."

Percy looked at her, his face softening. "I have a good idea."

She turned to him, nervously. "What is it?"

"Look Annabeth," he started, locking his eyes onto her. "You don't need to lose yourself in this novel, or aspire to live up to the characters, because, honestly, you are far above any of them."

She stared into his eyes. "Why are you telling me this?"

Percy sighed. "I honestly don't know."

Annabeth watched him with adoration as he rolled over. She lay down and sighed, not bothering to make any move on Percy. He'd had enough for one night, and if she was perfectly honest, so had she.

She watched him though the darkness once he'd fallen asleep, rolling over to face her, his hair covering his face. She reached out and took a bit of it before letting it go gently. She smiled as she pulled the Fleece up closer.

**Percy was jerked awake by the noise.**

He looked up as Luke looked at him through the splintered remains of the door.

"What did you do?" Percy asked, confused.

Luke sat on the bed, his eyes narrowed. "Well, the door was locked."

Annabeth was awake too, looking at the door in anger.

"How did you get in?" She demanded.

Grover crawled off the floor. "They used me as a battering ram," he moaned.

"It was awesome!" Tyson exclaimed, leaping onto the bed.

**They finally saw Camp Half Blood emerging in the distance.**

As they drew closer they spotted Chiron, snorting something into his nose. He saw them and swore, hurriedly shoving the powder into his leg blanket before raising hand in greeting, muttering under his breath.

Percy was the first one off, glad to get away from Annabeth and 50 Shades of Shit. He strode up to Chiron smiling, the Fleece slung over his shoulder.

"Hey there, Percy… quest go okay?"

Percy frowned. "What were you doing?"

Chiron squinted up at him. "Eh? Oh, jelly beans," he muttered aimlessly.

Percy raised his eyebrows but was cut off from voicing his next question by Annabeth who ran past him, knocking him into the sand.

He spat sand out of his mouth, pushing himself up to hear Chiron talking about how he'd 'zipped' back once he'd heard they had the Fleece.

"Yeah, so I was hanging out with my retarded cousins for a bit, but I made it back okay."

Grover looked around the beach, frowning. "Where is the victory party?"

Luke wiped sweat from his brow. "Nowhere little goat. Let's just get this Camp healed up, yeah?"

Just as he finished his sentence, Mr D came striding over the hill. He stopped, pointing at them.

"Look, it's that guy from the burger barn."

Within minutes streams of demigods came over the hill, Tantalus leading them; Chiron's mouth tightened as his eyes fell on him.

Tantalus strode up to Percy and Annabeth. "Lucky thing you're here… you're just in time to join in."

Percy blinked. "We got the Fleece," he started, "but… what are you talking about?"

Tantalus waved the Fleece away, demigods coming forward to take it away to Thalia's tree, before fixing his gaze on them.

"While you were gone, you're names were drawn for the Half Blood Games." he grinned. "Best get you in before all the competitors are dead."

Chiron rolled up. "Who the fuck are you?"

Tantalus looked down at him with disdain. "Why don't you just go away you disabled twat. Leave the Camping to a real leader."

Percy moved forward angrily, but Chiron put a hand in front of him.

"No, let him have his jokes…," he stared at Tantalus. "I may be disabled, but yo mamma can testify to my cock being in perfect condition."

He rolled over Tantalus' feet while he stood stunned. As that wiry prick bent over in pain, he grabbed the back of his neck and connected it with his wheelchair arm.

"YAY!" The demigods cheered.

Annabeth knelt down next to Chiron, looking at him. "So, we don't have to go into the games anymore?"

Chiron grimaced. "It's a binding contract on the Styx… I don't think we can ignore that. I'm sorry," he muttered. "You're going to have to go in."

Luke moved up as Annabeth choked, wrapping his arms around her.

"Hey," Mr D said," moving through the crowed. "Aren't you supposed to be a traitor?" He pointed at Luke.

Luke looked at him. "I'm just helping your camp quickly, then no worries; I'll head right off."

Chiron shrugged. "Ah, who cares. Let him stay for a bit."

Mr D looked outraged. "But he tried to kill Percy! Can this not go unpunished?" He placed a hand on Percy's chest, making the latter squirm uncomfortably.

"Can you take your hand s off my chest?" Percy asked.

Mr D looked at him. "Of course darling," he took his arm instead.

"I 'm not enjoying this," Percy muttered.

"Ow, ow," their attention was diverted as they glanced over at Tantalus, held in an arm lock by Luke.

"Say it!" Luke shouted.

"No!"

He twisted, causing fresh pain from Tantalus. "Say it!"

"Ow, ow, you're a badass," he was let go, falling in the muck.

Tyson cleared his throat, moving forward. "When do Percy and Annabeth have to go in?"

"We'll go in tomorrow," Percy decided. "Just give us a night to… to get ready."

Chiron shrugged. "No worries Percy. They're nearly all dead now, and you guys are pretty good at being demigods."

Luke took Percy by the arm and dragged him away from the crowd.

"Don't you have any tricks to teach me?" Percy asked desperately.

Luke shook his head. "The best trick I can tell you is to embrace the dance."

Percy frowned, throwing his arm away. "That's terrible! I thought you were trying to help me!" He stormed off, as Luke watched him go sadly.

"Go Star Child…," he murmured.

**Next chapter should be the Season Finale, then we're back on Canon! Please take a literal second to review! You don't have to feel obliged to write much, just a SINGLE word will do! That will only take seconds, and you don't even have to sign in! Please review and help to support this story. I know loads don't review who continue to read, so please just take a second to join in with the Lol Campaign. The box is just below! It only takes a short review to get us to 1,200 reviews! VVVVVV**


	36. The Season Two Finale

**I can't thank you guys enough! I was hoping for 1,200 reviews and you guys, with great thanks to Noah (!), got it to over 1,240! Thnaks for reviewing, and please take a second to join in with the Lol Campaign and convince me to make a third Season (one which keeps much closer to the canon). Thanks for the reviews, and enjoy the ending…**

**Percy and Annabeth, along with the five surviving competitors, stood on little bits of plastic as they waited for the chance to get to the weapons, stuck in a big Santa bag.**

Chiron and Mr D watched happily, before turning to the demigods.

"Right, 5000 Drachma on Percy and Annabeth winning the games." Chiron caught Mr D's eye and smirked as the demigods agreed to it, and left them alone to watch from the huge screen mounted over the Big House.

"Those suckers fell right into it," Chiron snorted as Mr D rolled him away.

"I know! Surely they'd have figured we rigged the games!"

The both glanced up at the screen, smiling to themselves as the first act if their 'rigging' began.

Percy had gotten bored so he'd left his plastic bit. His wasn't rigged with explosive, but others were, so when one tried to run as well, they were blown to pieces.

Mr D waved at the group of dumbstruck betters, winking at a particular good looking one, before turning his eye back to their 5000 drachma's.

The bell finally went, Percy and Annabeth taking the pack that was marked 'Percy and Annabeth ONLY' and running into the woods.

The other demigods, including Maximus, winner of his last games, a volunteer to try and take down Jackson, and the favourite to win, were stuck with nothing but a few rubber swords and a big T-shirt with 'LOL' on it.

Chiron held out his hand and Mr D gave him a low five.

**The next day, Grover stood at the screens, far removed from the betters.**

He sighed to himself. The TV was showing Percy and Annabeth, unsurprisingly. In fact, it hadn't shown anything BUT, Percabeth for the entire duration of the games. Even when Maximus killed that tribute it was quickly sped up before closing up on Percy snoring.

Tyson was a little worried, and he'd phoned up his father who would be coming to pick them up as soon as he could. Grover smiled to himself; it was cute to think Tyson thought his mortal father could do anything to stop this. He wouldn't even be able to get in!

He was jerked out of his musings as a petite figure stepped up next to him.

He glanced at her, before looking away quickly, as if he hadn't seen her. He looked around desperately, looking for help. He saw one demigod size them up, before shaking his head sadly.

"Hey Grover," Juniper said, making him look at her.

He smiled at her, because he did really like her, and that was the problem.

"Hey Juniper," he nodded.

She nodded too.

He nodded back.

She stopped nodding.

He thought he should too.

"So," he gestured. "How are you?"

She shrugged. "Okayish; I don't really like these 'games'."

Grover shook his head. "Yeah, I-" just then, as demigod jumped through the crowd, one of the Ares kids.

"Yo Grover!" They exchanged a gay hand greeting. "Yo, loving these games! So gooood! You liking these ones as much as the last ones?"

Juniper frowned. "You like the games?"

The Ares kid jerked around, taking off his cap. "Whoa, girl…," he said quietly, as if regarding her as an unknown object.

Grover backed off a little with his friend. "No, I-," he looked at the Ares kid. "Tell her Toby, I hate them!"

"Yeah, Grover hates these things, yeah, yeah…"

"I cry in my cabin," Grover added.

"He cries in his cabin," the Ares kid agreed.

"I throw up when I think of blood."

"All over my top," Toby added.

Juniper raised her eyebrows. "Why were you watching it then?"

Grover thought about it, made to say something and frowned.

"Why'd you come up to watch it?" Toby asked, with a triumphant expression on his face.

"I came to see Grover," she replied coolly.

Toby gaped, before patting Grover's chest, "you're on your own," and running off.

Grover sighed, before smiling winningly at Juniper. "Yeah, so that's Toby… did you do something with your hair?" he sighed. "Look," he appealed. "I don't want to give you the wrong impression, but I don't know if I'm gay anymore and the games are a form of escapism. They help me to relax, and to look at my life from a parallel perspective."

Juniper touched her hair, looking pleased. "You think I've done something with my hair?"

"Wow, is that what you got from that?"

"I haven't," Juniper smiled shyly, "but you think I have? Does it look nice, or is a bad change?"

Grover leapt on the topic. "No, it's a really good change. You're even more beautiful than I remember," he nodded.

Juniper blushed green. "Well, I am using a new face cream," she admitted.

They looked up at the screen as Annabeth pulled Percy up, muttering about pretty boys, as serpents closed in.

Juniper bit her lip. "Wow, they're so cute together."

Grover nodded absently, glancing down at Juniper to see her staring at him avidly. He shifted as she smiled, before looking behind him.

"Wow," he said, looking at the sundial, "is that the time? Well, I'd better get going."

"Don't you want to get a drink with me at the Aphrodite cabin?" She asked.

Grover gulped at the love cabin; or more importantly, the gay cabin! Who knew what would happen to him if he went back there! All those shoes…

He ran as a crowd separated them, and lagged it towards the Poseidon cabin. If he could just hide there- he doubled back a she saw Juniper looking around, standing by the door. Scared by her immense speed, he pushed through the door of another cabin and shut the door, leaning against it, taking a deep breath.

"Where'd the gay goat go?" He heard a nymph ask.

"I don't know," Juniper replied. "But find him and bring him to me, alive, and unspoilt."

He heard the group separate and walk off, before letting his breath go in a sigh of relief.

He started as he felt a knife against his throat. He looked into the crazed eyes of Travis Stoll, only survivor of the Half Blood Games.

"What are you doing here?" he growled, digging the knife into Grover's neck. It was only then he realised he was in the Zeus Cabin; Travis' new home since he won the games.

Grover gestured at the door. "Escaping from some nymphs."

Travis grunted before flipping his knife and pulling it away, letting Grover go.

"Pathetic, all of them," Travis muttered.

Grover frowned, sitting on a marble bench at the side. "What do you mean?"

He looked at him. "Them; outside. Running after boys, cheering on the good looking ones, not having a fucking clue what it's like…," he turned away. "What do you want?"

Grover frowned. "What do you mean?"

Travis sighed. "The Apollo kids are selling drugs-"

"No surprise there."

"-and the Aphrodite kids are hosting a fucking coffee shop." Travis moved to sit down next to Grover. "I used to be like you, caring about my parent, taking drugs, just trying to deal with my life in my own shitty way…," he smiled to himself. "Gods, I wish I could go back."

Grover was getting scared now. Travis had always been weird before, but he thought the games had finally pushed him over the edge.

Travis suddenly jerked up, whipping his knife up.

Grover frowned. "What is it?"

Travis moved against a pillar, holding his knife against his side. "Were you followed?"

He frowned. "No, but… it's probably just a camper, right?"

Travis smiled at him. "Right, like when Tantalus sent 'Campers' to mop up the surviving victors."

Grover frowned. "We were told they died of their wounds, or suicide, not-"

"Word to the wise," he interrupted. "Don't believe everything people tell you, especially when it comes from an enemy."

Grover nodded, picking a knife up from the side and spinning it, as voices drifted in from the doorway; the footsteps had obviously been interrupted.

"Don't," Travis growled. "Spinning your knife is a waste of time." Grover dropped it as the person walked in with a burst of light, the doors swinging open.

Travis leapt out and threw the person into the wall before putting his knife to their throat.

"Katie," he hissed, "I could have killed you!"

She massaged her throat a she drew away. "Yeah, good morning to you too, Travis." She held up flowers. "I brought you something to brighten the place up."

"Those are exquisite," Grover gasped at the beautiful collection.

Katie smiled at him. "Thanks, I spent all night working-"

"I told you not to come back," Travis glared at her.

She smiled back up at him. "Yeah, but I think you could use the company."

He snorted. "Friends get you killed," with that he walked over to a bunch of pots he had stacked in the corner, filled with dirt. "Dump them here."

Grover smiled at the hidden meaning behind the pots; that Travis had prepared for her visit, and that he'd wanted her to notice this. He looked at Katie to see her smiling at him gently a she brushed some of her black hair behind her ear.

"What?" he looked at her suspiciously.

She shook her head. "Nothing," she said, still smiling, before going over to plant the flowers. "How's your shoulder?"

"Rotten," he replied.

"How are _you_?" She asked.

"Numb," he answered.

She looked up. "With…?"

"Everything."

"So, that's nothing."

He glared at her. "No, that's anyone."

"That's just stating nobody."

"Actually it's anything!"

"It's naught."

"You don't understand!" He clutched at his shaking hands. "Just go away."

She got to her feet, reaching out to touch one of Travis' grey strands, but he turned away. "If that's how you want it."

"It's not my choice."

"No," she agreed, before walking out of the door. Travis didn't even wait to let her footsteps fade before throwing his knife into the marble chest of the Zeus statue.

"Shit Travis!" Grover cried, looking at the knife which was imbedded up to the hilt. "That was solid marble!"

"And the knife was celestial bronze," he replied.

"What's wrong with you, Travis?" Grover asked.

He walked up to him, limping from his old wounds. "You know, back before the Fleece made everything all rainbows and pixie horses, I was going to be the next Haymitch Abernathy."

"What happened?" Grover asked.

Travis scooped up some Kool Aid and drunk from it deeply, his eyes locked on Grover. "Well," he shrugged. "They wouldn't let me train tributes anymore."

"I'm sorry," he said, clapping his shoulder. "Because you're a son of Hermes?"

"Hell no!" Travis cried. "No, because one of my students bit my finger off!"

"Oh my Gods!" Grover cried as Travis held up his left hand to show his stump.

"Cut me down in my prime, he did!" he cried, poking Grover with his damaged hand. "But I got that bastard's heart," he reached for a glass jar and help up the guy's heart.

Grover stared at it, before looking at Travis. "You're pretty sick, Travis."

He walked out of the cabin, Travis following him. "I've been watching you, Grover; you're a team player, a supporter. You could be a trainer of heroes you could." He moved in Grover's path. "Maybe get that Imperial Gold sword like I never got!"

Grover kicked a can idly. "Green sword, gold sword, who gives a shit?" he kicked the can away.

"Yeah, but that's not the-," he stopped as a roar went up. They both glanced at the screens to see Percy and Annabeth centred on.

"**PERCY!" Annabeth screamed, shaking him desperately.**

He cracked an eye open. "I don't think I can go on…," he murmured.

"Please, I can't do this alone! You have to be able to go on!"

She started clutching his chest, as if to bring him back. He suddenly smiled, opening his eyes.

"I think I'm fine," he decided cheerfully.

Her face went from surprised, to shocked, then she turned angry.

She hit him on the arm. "You stupid, little-"

He moved away from her hands. "Annabeth, I'm dying, help me!" he teased as she hit him on the head. "Ow, okay, I'm fine, I'm-"

"You dickhead, Percy, I hate you," she said without conviction.

He laughed, touching the thin cut on his chest he'd received in a struggle with a tribute. "As if this could kill me," he grinned.

"I didn't believe you," Annabeth insisted.

Percy smiled, reaching out hand. "Come on, let's head to the lake. We can get water and I can heal up." She ignored his hand but agreed, pushing the pack into Percy's hands.

"You can carry that, Alaric."

They walked towards the water, but stopped as they heard voices. Putting a finger to his lips, Percy moved slowly towards the bushes, crouching as he got closer.

He peered through the foliage, tensing as she saw two demigods crouched by the edge.

"Who are they-," Percy started, getting cut off by Annabeth as she tried to hear.

"Look," ones voice drifted. "Jackson relies on the water, so if we take the water, how can he use it?"

"Yeah, but we can't drain an entire lake?"

Percy smiled at Annabeth before breaking cover.

They shouted as they saw him and drew their weapons.

"I've got the lake!" One shouted, kneeling down and drinking from the lake quickly. Percy and Annabeth stopped as they watched him, as everyone watched him in bewilderment.

"I feel sick," he groaned, clutching his stomach.

Percy looked at Annabeth, eyebrows raised. She nodded at the guy curtly. "Blow him."

Percy raised his hand, focusing on the water the guy was filled with, willing it to expand.

His friend gestured wildly and ran forward, but Annabeth drew her knife and intercepted him as Percy kept focused on the guy. A few more painful seconds and the guy exploded, blood, body bits and water going everywhere.

Annabeth and the guy disengaged to look at it.

"Shit!" They said in unison.

Percy brushed off his palms, striding forward as Annabeth let the other tribute run into the woods.

"How many left?" Percy asked casually.

Annabeth was staring at him in a new way. "How on earth did you do that?"

"You said to 'blow him'?"

"I meant, like, hit him with water, not blow him into frickin' pieces!"

Percy shrugged. "Whoops."

"Yeah," she nodded, completely white, "whoops."

**Chiron and Mr D exchanged a high five as the day continued, the rest of the tributes getting killed off until only Maximus and Percabeth were left.**

That's when the betters came for them.

"What do you mean you don't have the money?" A demigod demanded.

Mr D spread his arms. "I mean we must have mislaid it." He was shoved against the side, grunting as his back hit the wood. "We can get it!"

Chiron nodded eagerly. "Yup, we can!"

The demigod threw Mr D into Chiron and the both went rolling towards the door.

"Run," Mr D hissed, getting off Chiron and grabbing the back of his wheelchair and moving towards the door. They were blocked by a band of demigods.

Chiron wiped sweat from his brow as Mr D turned back to the leader.

"I don't see why we have to give half the money in advance. I mean, why don't we just give you the full treat once the games are over."

The demigod moved forward. "Look fat boy, we know you're rigging the games."

"Noo-," Mr D tried to deny, but the guy held up a hand.

"It's water under the bridge, right? We have our own balancer put in, so it's all good."

"What is it?" Chiron demanded.

The demigod smiled. "Let's just say that we'll have to fight off copyright insurance." He drew a knife, advancing. "Until then, let's see if the Paedophile bleeds."

Mr D and Chiron moved closer together, getting ready for a beatdown before the door of the Big House swung open.

The demigod looked up. "Who the hell are you- Oh, Travis, we didn't know it was you!"

Travis limped in, scowling. "Team Percabeth and Maximus are drawing close. Thought you'd want to know." He glanced at the demigod's small knife and smirked. "Nice knife," he said sarcastically, before walking out.

The betters, MR D and Chiron glanced at each other, before all taking off to the viewing screens, Chiron gaining ground on the hill, rolling a full 200 metres before skidding to a stop in front of the screen, where all of Camp Half Blood was gathered.

**It was getting darker when Percy and Annabeth heard the howls.**

"What's that?" Percy asked, clenching his fists.

Annabeth surveyed the area, her grey eyes almost reflecting the moon's light. She drew her knife slowly.

"Keep close… we don't want to get separated."

Percy nodded, taking Retard out of his pocket. "Maybe… maybe we should find higher ground?"

"Good idea," Annabeth agreed. "Let's get our stuff and-"

She whipped around at Percy's cry to find him wrestling on the floor with a dark shape.

Cursing the shameless rip off from Hunger Games, she drove her knife into the back of the creature again and again, dust coming off with each thrust. Percy kicked the creature off, Retard wedged deep into his jaw.

"Are you okay?" Annabeth cried, hugging Percy. He nodded, putting his face into her hair, shaking.

They jerked apart as more howls came of the brush.

"HELLHOUNDS!" Annabeth cried, before sprinting away, Percy trailing after her. They tore through the brush, jumping over logs and pits in the forest floor as the monsters weaved behind them.

"ZEUS' FIST!" Percy cried. "WE CAN CLIMB!"

Annabeth steered towards there, putting on extra speed as they burst out of the trees and approached Zeus' fist.

Percy managed to reach the rocks first, leaping up the first one and scrabbling up the first one, pulling Annabeth up with him.

"Where's Maximus?" Percy growled as he pulled himself up the rocks.

_I have a fair idea, _Annabeth thought, glancing at the top of Zeus' fist. She reached the top and drew her knife, looking around, searching for Maximus. She knew he was here; he had to be.

She felt force against the back of her leg, sending her to her knees. She jerked around to see a foot connect with her face. She fell back, clutching her jaw with her hands as the clash of metal resounded above her, sword striving against each other. When she took her hands away from her face, her vision was still rocking, tinged with blood spots. She shook her head, grasping at the rock as she felt the swords tear against each other and the dull thump of flesh meeting flesh.

She jerked back as a sword hit the ground next to her; Maximus' sword.

She looked up to see Percy pushing Retard towards Maximus' face, the latter's face contorted as he tried to stop the blade going into his neck.

It happened too quickly for her to cry out; a jerk of Maximus' body and the flash of steel and Percy fell back, screaming in agony as he tried to comprehend the dagger protruding from his hand.

He fell back, kicked over by Maximus, who spun round Retard and pointed it forward in an execution stab.

Annabeth tried to find her feet, screaming as Retard went plunging into Percy's chest.

"What is wrong with this?" Maximus screamed, sounding almost like one of the Hellhounds below. Percy was laughing at the Retard not working as Maximus threw it aside and grabbed his own sword instead.

Annabeth surged to her feet as Maximus dragged Percy to the edge of Zeus' fist, intending to throw him over, and shouted.

"Maximus!" He turned to look at her, puzzled. "There's two in Percabeth, bitch." He frowned as she drew her knife through the air. He managed to dodge, dropping Percy and shoving her back. She balanced on the edge, before regaining her footing and looking around for Maximus. She only saw Percy, clutching his mangled hand.

"Where's Maximus?" Annabeth asked Percy.

He smiled, showing bloodied teeth. "Took a tumble off the edge," he coughed. "Lucky us."

She looked over the edge, but moved back quickly, recoiling from the sight.

"Is he dead?" She asked.

"If he's alive I'll be impressed," Percy replied weakly. The cannon went off as Percy clutched Annabeth's jacket.

"Got my sword hand," he sighed, holding up his hand.

She smiled as footsteps came from the woods; the rescue party. It was only when Percy was being taken away that she managed to say: "should guard yourself better."

Percy grinned, but she suspected that was more the Necter, and not her humour.

**Days later, in the evening, Percy lay in his bed inside the Big House, surrounded by Annabeth, Grover and Tyson. Luke was long gone, much to Percy surprised dismay. He hadn't taken the Fleece… and Percy was forced to admit, he'd really come to respect Luke Castellan, weird as he was.**

"It was pretty sweet, but I don't think camp's for me," Tyson admitted.

"Scared?" Percy teased.

He shrugged. "Maybe."

Percy softened. "It's not usually like this, you know. It's much quieter, much more enjoyable."

Tyson smiled. "Yeah, but I wouldn't want to be part of this Wank Camp anyway."

Grover stretched, jerking as a group of nymphs walked past.

"Not Juniper," Annabeth checked.

He nodded. "Good, good, well, maybe not, but good." he turned his attention to Tyson. "So, when's your Dad coming?"

"Later tonight," Tyson admitted. "Being God of the Sea, you'd think he'd be able to just materialise on the beach, but… no."

Grover laughed. "Yeah? Who's your dad? Poseidon?" he snorted at his own joke.

Percy smiled. "Yeah, exactly."

He frowned. "Oh shit…"

Annabeth leant forward and touched Percy's arm. "You okay?"

Percy made to respond, but Tyson and Grover pretending to act out Percabeth made him mess up his words.

"Yeah," he said, distracted by Grover and Tyson, "big bacon."

Annabeth frowned, before moving to check the painkillers they were giving Percy and give him a concerned look.

Just then Chiron burst in, breathing heavily, for once in horse form!

"You guys… need… to come! The Fleece… it's spawned… a… new… plot point…," they all looked blank. "It's FUCKING AWESOME!" he cried before galloping out.

Tyson sprinted straight out, Annabeth stopping by the door to command Grover to help Percy, before sprinting away.

"Oh man…," Grover moaned. "Why do I have to drag this piece of shit?"

"Grover," Percy coughed. "I'm right here."

"Oh, sorry," he dragged him up and they made their way out and up the hill towards Thalia tree.

As they approached, they had to fight through a large crowd of, strangely, mainly girls, and to the front.

Percy's eyes fell onto the dark hair that fell over his eye, the rest swept carelessly back in a way he'd never be able to manage. Then the guy locked his eyes on Percy, piercing eyes of the brightest blue. The guy stood, standing taller than Percy, with a lithe figure, his features soft like carved marble. He held a bloody sword in one hand, his clothes decorated by claw marks and burns, the other hand pointing at the figure he was examining.

Annabeth was clutching the figure, pale. "It's Thalia, she's, I don't know, she got out of her tree, but I don't-," she looked at Chiron for an explanation.

"I don't know," Chiron confessed under everyone's gaze.

The newcomer stepped forward. "If that's what I think it is," his voice vibrant and rich, pointing at the Fleece, "then I'd say that the Fleece did more than heal your tree. It purged it of everything… and everyone."

"Who are you?" Percy asked, rather aggressively.

The guy didn't take note of it though, but just stared at him with his startling eyes.

"I'm Mark Sue, son of Mary Sue."

**I desperately want to hear your opinions on this, but if you're busy, a simple lol would still make my day! Just below VVVV Please take a literal second to review! Mark Sue+Percy+Annabeth= the love triangle Percabeth needs. Please review!**


	37. Season Three: Well, I Do Like Castles

**Thanks to all those reviewers! Those who are having trouble reviewing; well that because you've already reviewed all the chapters and it gets complicated, but at Chapter 38 you should be good to review again, if not sooner! Sorry for the any inconvenience I've caused you! Either way, great response to Mark Sue! Now please enjoy this chapter, full of Percabeth and I really hope you like the ending! Please take a second to review (if you can, lol), and tell me what you think of the Fan Club, Nico and etc. Such a packed First chapter to a 3****rd**** season! Hope you enjoy it! Oh, the idea of the 'Three' which shall be expanded upon, is a credited to 'Vampire Diaries' and the 'Five'. **

**Also, if you head to the 'Percy Jackson Fanfiction Wiki' and type in 'The Perseus Attraction' into search, w e have frickin' WIKI PAGES! Thank you 'Harry Flynn' for making them! Christ… it's getting out of control!**

**Series Three: The Titan's Curse**

**14 Years Old**

**Percy and Annabeth sat on Percy's bed, watching 'Tangled'.**

They were covered by a blanket, but since, as Annabeth said, she was cold, she'd insisted on snuggling. Now Percy was covered in a sheen of sweat.

"Hey Annabeth," Percy started, shifting his position, "I'm a little hot."

"Yes, you are," Annabeth agreed, rubbing his chest.

He frowned, not quite sure what she was on about, but cleared his throat and continued.

"Yeah… anyway, how about we stop snuggling, I mean we're quite warm now."

Annabeth wiped sweat from her brow. "Nah, I'm quite cold still."

"How about the cover then?"

She threw it off and curled her legs up onto his lap.

"Better?" She asked, a strand of hair hanging over her eye.

Percy just nodded. "Yeah, better."

She put her head on his chest, causing the smell of bananas (it's usually lemons, but today it was different), to waft up into his nose. Percy tentatively out his face closer to it, marvelling at the beautiful goldish/honey colour of it, and closing his eyes at the softness. Yes, he decided, it would make a fine pillow.

He glanced up at the TV.

"Why's he fighting a horse?"

Flynn seemed to agreed, stating it was the strangest thing he'd ever done, but Annabeth ignored both of them and looked up at Percy's trimmed hair critically.

"You should get your hair like Flynn's," she said, staring at him.

"Yeah?" Percy asked.

She stared at him for a while. "Yeah," she decided. "It'd look sexy."

He looked away, feeling slightly uncomfortable, but Annabeth's attention had been diverted.

"Have you been working out?" she asked.

Percy didn't really know what to say, so he mumbled: "Well, hero camp, and, it all makes sense when, if, well, a suppose its' a matter of-"

"Because I think you have," she said happily, running a hand over his stomach, which felt extremely intimate to Percy, and now he was really nervous.

"Annabeth…," he started, but she gave a little squel, and moved closer, burying her face in his arm.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"I don't like singing," she stated.

Percy laughed, causing Annabeth to stare at him haughtily. "What?" she asked.

"Don't like singing? Is that all singing, or just the animated kind?" he asked.

She turned away from him. "It's times like this that I don't like you, Perseus."

"I'm not trying to be mean, but-"

"Forget it," she turned back to him.

"Are you scared of horses beating thieves at swordplay?"

She glanced at Maximus totally owning Flynn.

"No, but I could beat him," she smiled slowly.

"No you couldn't," Percy stated.

She looked around at him. "Yeah? And why not?"

"Well, I don't think I could beat him, and I have better reflexes than you. My ADHD is more advanced ever since Luke helped me to hone it. His is insane," Percy added. "Look on the Wiki for more details readers."

Annabeth snuggled next to him again. "It's my knife which is the problem."

"Get rid of it, then."

"No."

"Ah, but of course. You wouldn't have anything left to blame when you lose."

He laughed as she tried to grab him, slipping off the bed and off to the kitchen. She threw a pillow at him, which he deflected with his shoulder, grinning at her, before sweeping his hair out of his eye.

Inside the kitchen he got out glasses, before calling to Annabeth:

"Do you want a drink?"

"Yeah, I'll have Orange Juice."

"So that's Apple Juice then?" Percy called back.

"No, it's what I said!"

"But you always decide to want the opposite of what you ask for once I bring it out! Your opinion just changes on what's better"

He filled up glasses as Annabeth started quoting Wikipedia:

"Hello, Perseus! In general, an **opinion** is a belief about matters commonly considered to be subjective, i.e., it is based on that which is less than absolutely certain, and is the result of emotion or interpretation of facts. An opinion may be supported by an argument, although people may draw opposing opinions from the same set of facts. Opinions rarely change without new arguments being presented! So no, I still want Orange Juice, because I believe its better! If you don't get me it, I will gut you, and force you to watch Les Miserables until your heart starts to-

"**Actually, I kinda glad you brought me Apple Juice," she decided, sipping it. "I don't really like Orange Juice today."**

Percy just smiled as his mother walked into the room.

"Right guys, time to go!"

Percy sighed, rolling off the bed. He planned to get off slowly, but Annabeth kicked him onto the floor ('whoa, whoa, no Annabeth, don't!') with a 'thump' before she turned back to Sally.

"We'll be right there," she smiled.

Percy sat up, rubbing his head. "I hate you," he decided.

She just smiled, pushing his head back down a she walked past.

**Ten minutes later, with Tyson in bed, Poseidon, Sally, Percy and Annabeth, wrapped up in winter clothes, set off to pick up Thalia and meet with Grover, who'd sent out a distress signal from the school he was scouting for new demigods at.**

Percy looked at the long scar that covered his right hand, a testament to Maximus' knife.

"How's you hand?" Annabeth asked from the seat next to him.

Percy grimaced. "I need to learn to fight with my left hand."

She frowned. "I thought you could?"

"Not to the degree I used to be able to do with my right."

"What's wrong with it?" Annabeth asked, taking his hand and probing it.

"Well, I can't grip stuff properly with it. I think the knife caused-"

She stopped him with her steely eyes. "Are you saying that you have a form of-," she cut herself off and looked at his hand quickly before continuing with what she was saying. "Yep," she decided. "I'd say you have a mild form of Ulnar neuropathy."

"What's that?" Percy asked. "And not the Wiki page please."

"Weakness in your hand; yours isn't extreme, as you can still move your fingers, but that's the best guess I have."

Percy sighed. "Typical; αυτό είναι ακριβώς τύχη μου."

Annabeth smiled. "Did you mean to say 'just my luck'?"

"I did," he replied. "I got it right?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I'm a great teacher." Of course, she didn't tell him that she had also taught him 'I really like you Annabeth' instead of, 'where's the Coffee shop. I have a hankering', when he was first learning Greek; after all, he didn't need to know that.

They stopped at bus station and Thalia crawled in.

What can I say about Thalia?

**A day after she was freed from her tree:**

"_We're about to go to war? Oh well, no worries, as I'm a daughter of Zeus (teenage pregnancy, before he met Hera. Yeah, she's been in limbo for a long time. Don't question it,) so I'll be able to stop them."_

**A week later:**

"_Why do I have to give offering to the Gods. All excepting Zeus, I'm higher than all of them! they should be giving offering to me!"_

Percy looked at Thalia. "So, how are you?"

She shrugged, not bothering to respond. "Look," she started. "I think I should lead this mission, as," she turned to look at them, "Percy, you're only the son of old drippy-"

"Hey!" Poseidon turned in his seat to glare at her. "What did you say?"

She frowned at him. "Who are you?" she asked arrogantly.

"I'm Percy's father, Poseidon, God of the Sea."

She smirked. "Well, I said what I-"

"I could deck you any day, you little bastard!"

"Poseidon," Sally started.

Thalia sniggered. "I doubt it. Jackson's are weak."

Poseidon looked at Sally, who gave him a nod of approval.

"**Hey, let me out of this!" Thalia cried suspended above the car in a bubble of water.**

Poseidon smirked as Sally rattled on about Percy as a baby.

"Percy has such a resistance to heat because of his daddy that I had to use all the hot water just to give him a bath he'd actually enjoy!"

Annabeth grinned. "Really?"

"Yep," Sally confirmed. "It was so cute, seeing him burble in his bath to himself!"

"Right, we're stopping here," Poseidon interrupted. "Need to pick up the car."

Sally frowned. "I thought we had a car?"

He nodded. "Yeah, but this is hire. We'll complete the rest of the journey in Percy's."

Percy sat up. "What do you mean?"

Poseidon and Sally smiled at him.

"Well," Sally started. "Since you're going to be driving soon-"

"And we're ignoring the real American age you need to be," Poseidon added.

"- we thought we'd give you Poseidon's car!"

No, no, no," Percy started, fear clutching him. "It's not the-"

"It's there!"

Percy pressed himself against the window, cold fear racing down his spine, as looked upon the YUGO GV!

"NOOOOOOOOO!"

"**Is it okay if I get in the back, where no-one will see me?" Annabeth asked.**

"Go ahead," Percy sighed."

Thalia, in the seat behind Percy, smiled. "My father would give me the best car money could buy," she informed him.

Percy glared back at her from the driver's seat. "Yeah? Why don't you get him to drive you there then?"

Thalia shut up.

Sally was asleep in the back as they drove closer to Westover Hall, Poseidon regaling them of his old stories, Annabeth and Thalia listening closer as Percy contemplated driving the car into the lake, killing them all.

"Yeah, so after Hades, Zeus and I got pissed, we'd drive our car past the Goddesses flat. Then, we'd sneak through the window and one of us would end up getting laid… usually me," Poseidon added.

Annabeth smiled. "When was this?"

"Oh, 5000 years ago or so. Before Zeus met Hera… in fact, I think he met Hera doing one of those chick raids-"

"Dad, stop!" Percy cried.

"When was Hades fun?" Thalia asked.

Poseidon ignored Percy and frowned. "Well, he only became boring once he was given the Underworld. Before then, he was a real party animal. That's how Persephone fell for him. Had two kids, I think. What were there names… Nico something and Becky, I think."

"Aren't they Maria's kids in the original version?" Thalia asked.

"Screw original. Nico and Becky are Persephone and Hades kids; not quite demigods, but about the same calibre-"

Percy stopped the car suddenly. "Right, we're here!" he grabbed his bags and leapt out of the car, forcing his friends to thank Sally and Poseidon quickly and hurry after him.

He stomped a good distance away, before Thalia and Annabeth caught up.

"Your dad's actually pretty cool," Thalia admitted to Percy.

"Your mom's great too," Annabeth added. "And Tyson… in fact, you're family just rules in general."

Percy grunted as they walked closer.

Annabeth frowned as they got closer. "I don't know… looks pretty intimidating…"

Percy turned to face her. "What's wrong?"

She hung back. "Sure we should go in?"

He moved closer. "Well, Grover's in there-"

"Don't be a fucking pansy, Annabeth," Thalia admonished.

Percy glared at her before taking Annabeth's shoulder. "Think about the architecture!" he swept his arm at it. "Look at the pillars, and, erm, gates, and-"

"-turrets, balustrades, arched ribs," Annabeth helped him along.

"Yeah," Percy smiled enthusiastically.

She thought about it, before admitting: "Well, I do like castles."

"Yay," Percy smiled with a little 'go you' gesture.

They walked up and into the castle, opening the doors, letting the wind billow into the hall, before closing them with a soft thump. Percy turned, before jerking back in shock at the two figures standing before them, seemingly waiting.

"Hello?" Annabeth asked.

The tall man strode forward, rubbing his military cut as he did so. "Who are you?"

Thalia smiled, before striding forward. "I've read this bit in the books; I know what to do." With that, she snapped her fingers, and said:

"We're students at this school."

"No, you're not," the woman replied.

"Yeah, we are," she snapped her fingers again.

"No, you're not," the man echoed.

Thalia frowned. "That mist thing was supposed to work…"

Percy made to step forward, before he felt a sting on his wrist. He grasped it, rubbing it to relieve the burning feeling. He lifted up his sleeve to reveal a small trident burnt onto his wrist.

"What the hell…?" he muttered.

Annabeth turned to look at him. "What's wrong?"

Percy waved her away. "I'll tell you later."

The man, Dr (who gave this nutjob a Ph.D) Thorn, looked at him, and fear flitted across his features.

Percy frowned, feeling his eyes on his wrist, his hand slipping to his sword.

Dr Thorn made to say something as Grover came out of a doorway where a party was taking place.

"Hey ya guys! So glad you could make it!" He grasped Annabeth and gave her air kisses on each cheek, repeated this with Thalia and moved towards Percy.

"Kiss me, air or no air, and I'll punch you," Percy warned him.

Grover drew back frowning.

"Sorry," Percy said, feeling slightly bad about what he'd said.

But Grover shook his head, drawing them all away from the Dr Thorn and whatsherface, ignoring them, and leading them into the hall where the dance was taking place.

Grover put a hand up to forestall any talk and pointed to the bleachers, where a boy and girl were arguing about something. They both had glossy black hair, and olive skin, and the boy was shuffling cards.

Percy nodded at them. "Is that them?"

Grover frowned. "Yeah." He gave Percy a curious look. "Perce, have you done anything different recently?"

He smiled. "Well I did switch soaps…"

Annabeth laughed, but Grover plunged forward.

"It's just… I used to be able to smell you from miles away, because you're so powerful-"

"Thanks Grover-," Percy started.

"-but now, your scent is so… I mean, I have to really concentrate to pick it up now."

Annabeth frowned. "But that's not right, is it? By rights, he should be stinking up this hall."

Grover nodded. "Yeah, right? But he's protecting you guys too. The closer you all get to Percy, the less I can smell you." Grover gave them another look, before pointing over at the demigods. "They're Nico and Bianca Di Angelo, and the boy has exactly the same thing. He's been covering his sister's scent, which is fucking stinky mind, and that's why Thorn hasn't gotten to them yet, though I suspect he's getting closer."

"Thorn?" Thalia asked. "Like the guy we just met?"

"The one and same," Grover agreed.

Annabeth looked confused. "But… Nico and Bianca…," she turned to Percy. "Do you think they're the Nico and Becky your dad mentioned? Children of Hades?"

Percy remembered that in a flash. "Gods, you're right!"

Thalia scowled. "Okay, assuming they are Children of Hades, that would make them extremely powerful, not as much as me, but still pretty good. So why's Nico's scent so negligible?"

Grover shrugged. "I don't know… but we need to get them out of here."

Thalia nodded. "We don't want to bait Thorn though… how about we announce our presence, and unite the school against them?"

Percy thought that sounded shit, and thankfully, Annabeth proposed something else.

"With respect, Thalia, and please don't fry me, but how about we dance, keep an eye on them, and go from there? We can deal with Thorn later."

"Or we could just call my dad, get him to kill Thorn, and get the Di Angelo's?" Percy suggested.

"That sucks," Grover decided. "Let's risk our lives and accomplish nothing, yeah?"

So they did. Annabeth dragged Percy into the middle of the floor and took his hand.

"Lead," she commanded.

Percy dutifully obeyed, and they swung wildly around the floor to a song Percy hated.

"Look," Percy started. "I don't know how my scent has gotten so mixed up, but maybe it has something to do with this," he pulled up his jacket to reveal the trident burn.

Annabeth looked at it, while they still moved around the floor, her face clearing.

"That must be it. When did you get this?"

Percy shrugged. "When I came into Westover… do you think it's something to do with the castle?"

She shook her head. "No… but we don't know if they burn is part of it either… I think," she said, biting her lip, "that we need to see whether or not Nico has one too. Then we'll be on to something."

Percy nodded, as Annabeth made to move off to the Di Angelo's.

"Wait," Percy said, taking her hand. She turned to face him, stormy eyes blazing, but held his ground. "Shouldn't we finish the song," he suggested nervously.

She smiled tentatively. "What about the Di Angelo's?"

"They have Grover and Thalia to look after them."

Annabeth came back, sighing. "We shouldn't… but okay."

They continued their wild dance around the floor, knocking into people and objects. Thorn, _Dr_ Thorn, watched them from the side, but Percy merely winked at him, before they swung off for new targets. They were dancing to catchy music, 'Something That I Want' by Grace Potter, and the other students joined in, others clapping from the side. Even Thorn tapped his foot to the dancers.

Percy and Annabeth separated, going into their own free style, before the beat climaxed and they moved together and swung away, Annabeth laughing.

They stopped when they hit the punch table, laughing as they looked upon the mild destruction they'd caused.

Annabeth was doubled over, breathing heavily, but she smiled at Percy, her face red, before staggering over to the Di Angelo's.

Percy, still grinning, followed. When he and Annabeth reached Nico and Bianca, they were breathing too heavily, so they had to move back before they started talking.

Percy held his wrist out to Nico, who looked scared and confused at the red faced, giggling mad man offering his wrist to him. "Hey there, Nico; do you have a little burn on your wrist, maybe a trident?"

"Chi cazzo sei, Signorina Margherita?"

Perc y frowned. "What?"

Bianca moved forward, sheilding her brother. "Who are you?"

Percy regained his composure, and held out his hands. "This seems weird, but I have a quick question? Sorry, but does you brother have any sort of burn on his wrist? Anything?"

Annabeth nodded behind him, encouraging.

Bianca frowned. "Then you'll go?"

Percy bit his lip. "Errr, sure."

"Well," she started. "He's had this one one, which looks a little like a two pronged trident, but that's it. You won't get him into your cult!" She added.

"The mark of Hades," Annabeth told Percy.

"Perfect," he responded.

"What do you mean?" Bianca asked furiously.

Nico stepped forward. "Chillax, sorella. Siamo tutti bussinessmen qui. Perché vi preoccupate per la mia piccola bruciare? C'è soldi in ballo?"

"What?" Percy asked.

Bianca shook her head. "He asked what's important about it."

"Can he speak English?" Annabeth asked.

"Yeah, but he has random spurts of italian."

Nico piped up again. "Yeah, that's right. What do you want with me, idraulico piccolo?"

Percy and Annabeth exchanged a look. They were getting closer to not only getting the Di Angelo's out of here, but also to discovering the significance of the marks on Percy and Nico's arms.

Percy glanced over at Nico, seeing the Mythomagic cards. "What are those?"

Annabeth took Bianca's arm. "Let me talk to you. We have a lot to discuss. Percy will look after Nico."

He nodded at Nico. "So… Nico… what do you do in Mythomagic?"

Nico shrugged. "You use your cards to win. It's addictive, but it's per omosessuali piccoli."

"Pardon?"

"Little homos," Nico explained.

Percy nodded. "Right. Could I have a look?"

**Ten minutes later, Percy was held by Grover and Thalia as Annabeth held the cards over a burning bin at the side of the hall.**

"Nico doesn't want them anymore!" Percy cried. "He gave them to me! He has the Silver foil collectables! You can't burn them!"

"You're addicted," Thalia told him.

"You're addicted," he retorted. "I need my cards!"

Nico stepped up. "Let them go Peter-"

"Percy!"

"Whatever. Come ho frega cazzo."

"When'd you get so strong, Percy?!" Grover whined, as they struggled to hold him.

Percy felt energised, and stronger than ever, and he used it to try and get to his cards.

Annabeth dropped the cards into the bin as Percy threw Grover and Thalia off. He collapsed as he saw the cards set alight.

"It's okay," Annabeth soothed, leaning down over his hunched form. "You'll get over it. It was just a little excitment. You'll get over it."

Percy threw off her hand, glaring at all of them; Grover and Thalia, Nico and Bianca, Annabeth...

"Get the Di Angelo's out of here. I need a moment."

He ignored Annabeth's hurt face, and strode out of the hall and down one of the corridors, fuming over the cards. Silver edition, gone! The lead figurines that could give you cancer as soon as joy, but still! All burned...

He didn't even notice the footsteps until it was too late.

He felt pain across his back as he was thrown into a wall. He hit te stone hard, falling onto his front, but he surprised himself, pushing himself straight to his feet, with little recovery. His ADHD was working like never before, fast enough for him to dodge a spike that hurtled out of the darkness. Surprised by his own speed, he was caught off guard by the tail that came flying through the darkness.

It hit him square in the chest, making his vision darken. He hit the floor and struggled to remain concious as he saw Thorn step over him, frowning.

"One of the Three, eh? Well, I'm sure I'll be allowed to dispose of you once she's done."

Percy saw his foot rear out of the darkness and onto his face.

**I know it's difficult to review for some due to Fan Fiction being a bitch, but it should be fine next chapter. Anyway, the 'Three' shall be explained later, in full detail, but don't worry; it won't affect the story too much. I'm still sticking rigidly to the Titan's Curse a nd parodying it. Please take the time to review and tell me what you thought of the Percabeth, Percy's addiction to Mythomagic (which will be coming in later) or just send me a 'lol', or a 'crap' or whatever. Please help to get this story to 1,300 and I'll give you another cahpter extremly quickly. BTW, I'm on holiday, so that's why updates are so quick. Weird for me, right? Please review! Just below and takes two seconds!**


	38. I'm Forced To Sing A Song

**Now I've gotten to Chapter 38 (a new chapter) then I think some of you may be able to review again! Hopefully Fan Fiction has finished PMSing. Anyway, thanks to all those who did review, and we got to 1,300, which is fantastic, because I wasn't sure we were going to! Anyway, please take the time to review as hopefully nothing should stop you, and tell me what you think. To Guest, who wondered if I could bend the story and keep Annabeth; that I can't do. I have other stuff planned. Sorry, but please take two seconds to review!**

**Percy woke up with a groan, blinking light back into his eyes as he surveyed his surroundings.**

He could sense water near him, and the crash of waves told him he was on a cliff. He could see Westover hall through the tree line, mainly because of its lights. That's when he realised he was captured, bound head to foot in rope and tied to a pole. His eyes fell upon Nico and Bianca, tied up in the corner. Percy was worried now; how'd they get here? What about his friends? Where were they? A thought of the burnt trading cards flashed through his mind, hurting his heart.

Just then, Thorn materialised out of the darkness in front of him.

"How'd you get Nico and Bianca?" Percy asked instantly.

Thorn smiled. "Your friends are far off; I can smell them. But you and the boy…," he grinned. "I'm not sure a monster has ever had the chance to kill two of the Three before."

Percy frowned. "You called me that before. What is it?"

Thorn scoffed. "Like I'd tell you," his tail rose behind him, bristling with spikes. "No, I'll let my employer have you, then, well, _then_ I think we'll finally see if one of the Three can be killed." He moved closer. "I'm going to make you suf-"

He was pushed aside to make room for a large group, maybe twenty or so, 12 to 14 year old girls, all wearing blue, Percy favourite colour, with white designs.

"Hello Percy-," one started, before being pushed aside by a small girl with caramel skin and soft brown hair, around the same age as Percy.

"Hello, Percy," she said, the other girls smiling with her.

Thorn looked as confused as Percy felt. "Err, hello?" the Manticore started, getting their attention. "Who are you?"

"Artemis," the girl said, moving forward. "Leader of the Percy Jackson Fan Club; we're your employer-"

"We used all our pocket money!" One admitted.

"-and we hired you to get us Percy Jackson. You can have the other demigods and take them to your master, but the deal was that Percy stays with us."

Thorn looked devastated. "But- but, I thought I was working for the Titans?"

"You are," Artemis agreed. "But not for this objective. We, an outside party, hired you as a mercenary to get us, Percy. And good work; you're just as skilled as we hoped."

Thorn didn't take the compliment, but merely looked shocked. "But he's one of the Three-"

Artemis' face lit up. "Go over there, Thorn," she ordered, and he was taken away by a couple of girls to a tea table, with cups and dolls to fill the missing places.

"Now," she looked back at Percy, before taking his wrist and looking at the burn.

"What is that burn?" Percy asked suddenly. "What's a Three?"

Artemis waved a hand. "No, not a burn; it's a scar, but I'm sure Chiron can tell you more. Anyway," she smiled up at him. "We're really glad to meet you!"

Percy frowned. "I know you… we've met before, at your house, when I was…," he thought about it. "I was twelve, right? Yeah! I met you at your house. We didn't talk though."

Artemis exchanged a talk with her other girls. "He remembers me," she said happily. She turned back to him. "We have some questions!"

Percy frowned. "Give me the Angelo's and I'll answer anything you want."

"No," Artemis told him. "I can't do that."

He got angry, straining at the ropes, trying to rip himself free.

"Not even you can break these ropes," Artemis told him.

Percy sagged, exhausted. "Okay… what do you want to know?"

The girls had a quick discussion, before one moved forward.

"Hello Percy… I'm a big fan."

"Great," he muttered. He was being interrogated by a fan club.

"What's your favourite food?"

Percy blinked. "Pardon?"

She looked nervous, shifting her feet, but she asked again.

"Barbecue," he said, confused. He soon realised that their questioning wasn't about camp, or any sort of upcoming war, or of anything important, but they were about him.

"What's your favourite car?"

"Maserati."

"Favourite hair colour?"

"Goldish/blond."

"Where would you like to live?"

"New York."

"What do you like doing?"

"Hanging out with my friends, but I like practising with my sword."

"How big is your penis?"

"WHAT?!"

The girls backed off, the one who'd just asked the question looking scared at his shocked outrage.

Percy shook his head. "Sorry; I haven't measured it," he glanced over at Thorn in the corner, who was looking miserable, forced to play Tea Party with a girl called Amy and a doll called Mrs. Dolly.

"We love you, Percy," Artemis started. "We made our flag blue because that's your favourite colour, and white was neutral. Do you like singing?"

Percy shook his head. "No, no I don't."

She frowned. "Oh, well, do you love anyone?"

He shook his head again. "Not in the way you're thinking."

"Come on," she teased. "You have to love someone?"

"No, sorry."

She stepped back with the girls. "We all love someone, right?" She turned to a girl with black hair and a little silver tiara, called Zoe. "I mean, Zoe loved Hercules, until he stood her up on their second date."

"He thou did not bringth me even a sliver of cheesth nachos."

"Why's she speak like that?" Percy asked.

Artemis moved close, whispering. "Well, you don't know, but she's really old!" she confined.

Percy laughed with the 3000 year old Goddess.

The tune 'I've Got a Dream' from 'Tangled' (2010) was struck as Percy watched in horror as Artemis and her fan girls started singing:

"_I've watched him for a while, _

_Though I do walk many miles, _

_To stare at him through such a small, dark windooww. _Percy raised his eyebrows.

_They say 'do give it up', _

'_He'll never drink your cup', _

_But I'm just still too much tenaciouuss!" _A piano set out a few notes and then Percy watched, horrified, as they burst into the chorus.

"_Oh, she's in love, oh she's in love, oh, she's in love, oh she's in love,_

_with that which is just so high aboovvee!"_

Zoe stepped forward.

"_Now my love is far less clear,_

_and while I may appear austere._

_I have the same girly female fancies._

_Some male lad which I may enjoy,_

_with which I can play coy, _

_would really be something very very speciaal!"_

Dr Thorn stood up suddenly, his face alight.

"_I too have a love,_

_though it's scorned by those above,_

_all I wish to be is in the myths of oooold. _

_Though try as much I might, _

_I can never give no fright, _

_But deep down inside I too, I have a dream!_

They all joined in: "Screw it all, we all have dreams!"

_We have a dream, we have a dream, we have a dream, though as crazy as it seems,_

_one and all, we have a DREAM!"_

Dr Thorn turned to Percy, hanging by the side. "What about you?"

"Me?" Percy asked, bored by the whole proceedings.

He cut him down and they all watched as Thorn stared at him.

"Yeah," Artemis agreed. "What's your dream?"

Percy smiled at them, crossing his arms. "Sorry girls, I don't sing," he informed them. 20 blades at his throat made him change his mind.

Doing a half hearted line dance on a felled tree:

"_I have a love, oh no it's true, just it's not as cute as you!_

_Her name is not Jess, Mary no, or Suee!_

_But something that I know_

_She's just a fucking hoe-"_

He was yanked away but the Fan Club, and pulled on all four sides to breaking point, he exclaimed greedily:

"_Someone who I can use to sate my urges!"_

_We have a dream, we have a dream, we have a dream, though as crazy as it seems,_

_one and all, we have a DREAM!"_

"**What the fuck!" Grover exclaimed, as the Fan Club and Thorn danced around Percy, abandoning all pretence and singing, 'I've Got A Dream'.**

Annabeth didn't hear him though; her mind was still reeling from Percy's statement that he fucked hoes. Her world was ruined, and she barely heard as Grover asked her something. She turned as tears filled her eyes.

Grover frowned. "Annabeth? Girl, are you okay?" he said in a camp way.

She nodded, wiping her tears away. "Yeah, I'm okay."

He frowned. "Now girl, we all know that Miss Tress says that if you keep stuff bottled up, you're only hurting yourself, and the guy you like."

She nodded, before bursting out suddenly. "PERCY'S HAD LOTS OF GIRLS! HE ADMITTED IT!"

Grover frowned, looking over at where Percy was trying to get away from the singing crowd of people.

"Seriously? Percy's not exactly being sincere. He was forced at song point to sing."

Annabeth drew her knife as Thalia came up. "Right guys, time to go!"

"Right," Annabeth decided, standing up and striding through the trees.

"PERSEUS JACKSON!"  
The singers all stopped, Thorn's tail bristling, as Annabeth strode up, grabbing Percy and glaring at him. "What do you mean you've had loads of girls?!"

Percy stared at her confused as Thalia cried: "That's the signal! CHARGE!" She ran forward, jabbing at a Fan Girl with her spear, before she was clothes lined by Thorn. She fell unconscious to the snow.

Percy and Annabeth ignored everything as around them the scene turned to carnage. Girls ran, Artemis tried to control them and Thorn threw spikes around.

"What are you talking about?!" Percy demanded.

Annabeth hit him. "Go to hell you little slut!"

"WHAT THE HADES!?" Percy roared, clutching his jaw. She swung another punch at him, which he dodged and tried to grab her arm, but she flipped him on his back. Groaning, Percy just managed to see Thorn turn, growling. He locked onto Annabeth and unleashed a volley of spikes.

"ANNABETH!"

She saw them, and held her arms out, before Grover leapt out of nowhere, taking the spikes to his chest and flying off the cliff.

"GROVER!" Percy scrambled up as Annabeth let out a scream, running towards Thorn.

"I can't take it!" She screamed. Thorn made to retreat, the scene well out of control, but Annabeth grabbed his tail. "TAKE ME WITH YOU!"

With a growl, they both dropped off the cliff.

Percy looked on with horror as Annabeth and Thorn went off the cliff. He glanced at where Grover had gone over, clearly dead, before running to Annabeth.

"ANNABETH! ANNABETH!" He screamed, making to dive into the water, before a figure tackled him to the ground.

Fighting the figure off, he made to get up, but his leg was grabbed and he fell to the ground. His strength leaving him, he looked at Grover, panting beside him.

"How are you alive?"

Grover grimaced. "Annabeth threw me into the Styx when I was twelve, remember? I'm invincible and shit."

Percy gave a relieved laugh, before he remembered Annabeth. He looked up as Artemis walked over, her face grim.

"She's gone, isn't she?" he asked her heavily.

Artemis sighed. "It's likely she's still alive, but far out of our reach now. I don't know how, but Rick did it, so we will too."

Grover pulled Percy to his feet. "Well, its one thing to be grateful for," he said.

Percy looked into the darkness. "We need to find her."

Thalia, grumpy at having been knocked out so quickly, scowled at him. "Let's get our bearings and head to Camp. We can make a move there and rescue Annabeth."

"_If_ she's alive," Artemis added happily.

Zoe came over, leading the Di Angelo's. "What shalleth we doth with theseth non-fan clubbers?"

Artemis looked at Bianca, who was clearly about to freak out, but staring at Percy with an intense interest.

"I'll talk to Bianca; Percy, Grover; take Nico while we talk," she walked up to Bianca and led her away into the woods where they might get mugged.

Nico looked at Percy. "Mia sorella iperventilazione finds you very attractive."

Percy frowned. "Who?"

"Bianca wants to scopare il cervello."

"Pardon?"

Nico struggled with the English words. "Err, she want to... err, 'bone' you, yes? She wants to sex you. Am I saying it right?"

Percy nodded. "She wants to have sex with me. Damn Perseus Attraction."

Nico nodded. "Yes, the ventilatore ragazze tell me you have, er... 'super-"

"Special?" Grover suggested.

"Sì, sì, yes. You have 'special' attraction? around you."

Percy nodded. "Yeah. Sorry, but I can't control it."

"Era molto acceso da schermo herioc," Nico admitted.

"What?" Grover asked. "Look kid, either we need to learn Italian, or you need to learn real English."

Nico gestured with is hands. "It hard to say in your lingua. Erm, she liked you, Percy, from actions you showed. She can't explain why."

"Yeah," Percy nodded. "That's the Perseus Attraction."

Nico nodded. "I like though, like you. Si?"

He nodded. "Thanks, Nico."

Zoe moved forward, blushing when Percy looked at her. "Isth it true? Is this boy oneth the Three?"

Nico lifted his sleeve to show his mark. "I know not what it means, but I have it... erm, forever? Time long," he clarified.

Zoe nodded. "I'm sureth Chiron will tell you moreth of it."

Percy looked sadly over at the edge where Annabeth had gone over. Distracted, he asked: "Do you know anymore about it?"

Zoe blushed when he asked her a question and twirled her hair. "Wellth, I really likth thou Percy."

Percy looked at her. "Yeah, great. So, my question?"

"All I knowth is that if you want to saveth thou little blonde girl, the Three is theth only chance you haveth of truimphing."

"Why?"

"The Three wereth the only demigods that thou able to defeath a Titan."

Grover sighed sadly. "I can only bet Annabeth will be in the hands of one of those, eh, Perce?"

Percy nodded sadly. "Yeah... things are advancing. First Kronos last year... the Titans are waking."

"What does that dire?" Nico asked.

"That we need to prepare," he replied darkly. His heart burnt to find out more about the Three. It seemed his only way to save Annabeth, and he was surprised to find he'd do anything to save her. He looked down at the scar on his wrist; if the 'Three' could give him the power to defeat a Titan, he was going to do anything he could to possess it."

"You're not thinking what I think you are, Perce?" Grover asked.

Percy looked at him. "No, I'm thinking exactly what you're thinking."

He nodded, determined. "Then I'm with you, Perce. Until the end. We will save Annabeth."

They united hands in a bond, built from fire and brotherhood. Basically, they were bros against the world.

"Bros?" Percy asked.

"Fuck yeah," Grover replied.

Artemis came back, leading Bianca.

"She has made her choice... she wants to join the Percy Jackson Fan Club!"

All the girls started crowding around her. "Sister," they moaned.

Percy moved forward angrily. "Bianca! You can't do this! You can't ignore your brother and take off, just because there is the slight chance that I'm going to like you!" He got right in her face. "Because news flash girls, news flash to ALL OF YOU!" He swung is arm around. "Why, Gods, why did these freaks have to survive! Why couldn't Annabeth still be here?! But NO, I'm stuck with a bunch of girls that are so insecure they find any stupid bastard to latch onto and love, and I always wanted to be a fucking DOLPHIN INSTRUCTOR!"

He threw Annabeth's hat (which had just appeared to be thrown in anger) into the snow.

He put his hand on his hips and looked away, as Nico moved forward slowly.

"Why, Bianca? Why?"

She turned to face him. "Because, I'm in love with Percy."

"Why?" he insisted.

"Because he saved us-"

She was cut off as Nico went into berserk mode. Note: This was originally in Italian:

"What the hell is it with teenage girls?! It's like if a guy holds a door for you, A FRICKEN DOOR!, they immediately think "OMG he likes me! News flash! He doesn't!" He calmed down suddenly, breathing heavily.

Bianca stared at him. "You're going to be a great hero… you're one of the Three."

"I'm over here," Nico sighed.

"Oh," she looked away from Percy. "You too, Nico."

Nico just let his mouth hang open, before shaking his head and muttering.

"Mia sorella ... rubati da un moschettiere cazzo... stolen by a fucking muskateer."

Percy frowned, not wanting to take the blame for Biana's mistake, but he turned away too.

Artemis moved forward, clapping her hands. "Great-o! Now let's get my brother to get you to Camp!"

Zoe moved forward. "Usth, too?"

"Yep!"

"But," she leaned close. "We areth not strongth enough to spendth time aloneth thou Percy."

"Oh, you'll be fine," Artemis replied dimissively.

"What about your bedtimeth, Artemis?"

She rolled her eyes. "I'm a big girl now. I get to stay out until 8.30pm!"

Zoe didn't look convinced, but they all walked to the edge of the cliff and waited for dawn.

Grover put a hand on Nico's shoulder. "Don't worry, little man. Your hair looks grea-"

Percy threw him aside and knelt down next to Nico. "You don't need that bitch," he told him.

Nico looked at him sadly. "But she's my sorella."

"Yeah, but you're one of the Three, a son of Hades, and we're going to teach you to fight with a sword."

"Imponente!"

"Yeah! Who needs sisters now?"

He stood up as Artemis walked over.

"So, Percy… how are you?" she asked.

He shrugged. "Not great."

She nodded sadly. "Yeah…, yeah… but, erm," she looked up at him nervously. "I'll try to help this girl. I'll find her."

"You can do that?" he asked.

"I'm not as young as I look. And, maybe, if I find her, maybe you'd think about, maybe, going to get a milkshake with me?"

Percy looked down at her seriously. "If you find Annabeth, I'll go to dinner with you. As friends," he added.

She nodded, frowned, but was saved a response by a car crashing into a tree.

Artemis sighed. "Gods, Apollo, you need to learn how to park properly!"

Apollo, clad in a string vest and sandals, clambered out, shaking his head. "Yweah? Whell, Ih'm yhour onhly wide ohut ofh here, wight?"

She rolled her eyes, walking over. "Right, Apollo, stop juicing. I need you to get Percy and the other people out of here."

Apollo looked over her head and locked his eyes onto Percy. "Whe havhe unwinished bwussiness."

Percy waved a hand. "Great to see you too."

"Where whill yhou bhe?" Apollo asked Artemis.

She shrugged. "Hunting."

"Ihs this lhike that twime yhou and mhum whent shopphing, because dhad and Ih shaid iht whas a bhad ideha."

She shook her head. "No, I mean, I'll be chasing a manticore to save some stupid girl from a Titan."

Apollo nodded. "Ohkay, bhut bhe bhack ihn thime fhor twea."

She nodded. "Yeah, yeah, but stall Mom and Dad if I'm late."

"Ih hahte dwoing thaht."

She gave him a kiss on the cheek before running off into the woods.

Apollo turned back to Percy, Grover, Nico and the Fan Club.

"Wight… who khnows hohw tho dwive?"

**Tell me what you thought of the Fan Club and Percy being forced to sing! Anyway, Mark Sue will be coming in next chapter, and please review. You only have to take a second to do so; all I want is a single word, so you don't need to take long! I love to hear your opinions on stuff! Review box just below and you don't even need to sign in!**


	39. I Become A Hunter

**Thanks to all those who reviewed! I was really please with how many of you guys took time to review. Thank you, and I hope you enjoy this chapter! if you guys do get this story to 1,400 reviews, I'll give you another chapter the next day, and that's Percy's training chapter, which I think you'll like. Anyway, don't feel 'pressured' or anything like that. I'm just really happy. So, anyway, more on the Three, and to 'Guest' on the 'cussing', I'll take your stuff at face value. Thanks for telling me. If it's not apparent, it might be because I wrote this before I saw your review. Anyway, you guys need to check out Jeremy Gilbert, who's fast becoming Percy's inspiration. Hope you enjoy!**

"**When will they stop?"**

Percy, Nico and Apollo looked down at the end of the bus where the PJ Fan Girls were having a sing-along.

"Wait," Percy started, looking around. "Where's Grover?"

"He'hs dhown thehre," Apollo answered, pointing down to the end of the bus.

Percy cringed as he watched his Best Bro sing 'I Live In A Little Town', with the Fan Girls.

"Shoot me," Percy decided. Then another thought struck him. "Wait, who's driving this?"

Apollo jerked around to see the bus hurtling for the Camp Half-Blood lake.

"ARGGGHHH!" They all screamed as the bus flew through the air and into the lake. With a Colossal whoosh, the car hit the water, knocking the Fan Girls off tune.

Percy groaned, pulling himself off the back of a seat and looking around. He saw the Fan Girls, unaffected by the crash.

"You okay?" he asked.

Zoe huffed. "No."

"You look fine," Percy replied.

"No, we wereth thrown off tuneth by someone."

He nodded. "Yeah, that was us crashing into the lake. You must have missed it," Percy said sarcastically.

Zoe crossed her arms. "What everth it wasth, you're friend Grover has a rare voice."

"Don't encourage him," Percy pleaded.

The bus was taken in when the demigods saw that Percy was inside, and everyone clambered out.

"Go on," Nico gestured at Percy to climb out.

He shook his head. "I'm the only thing keeping this in shore. When I go, they will too."

"Perseus Attraction?"

Grover squeezed past, grinning. "We try to make the most of it. Come on, Nico."

They all climbed out of the bus, Apollo marching straight towards the Chiron, wheelchaired as usual, his beard down to his waist.

"Myh char jhust cwashed bhechause Ih whas rescuwing yhour dhemighods. Ih whant chompensation."

Chiron grinned. "Yeah, and I want to be able to get away from your spit, bro, but that ain't happening."

Apollo turned purple. "WHAHT!?"

He grinned. "Here, have a bus token," he handed him a dirty piece of paper.

"Ih dhon't whant your fhucking bhus thoken!"

Chiron shrugged. "Sos about your bus," he rolled away without a second glance to where Percy was standing.

"Hey, Percy. How are you?"

"You grew your beard out," Percy noted.

"Yeah, well... it looks good, eh?"

"Yeah, but we have bigger stuff to talk about."

He ignored Percy and greeted Grover, before moving onto Nico.

"Who're you kid?"

Nico drew himself up. "I'm Nico Di Angelo. My sister abbandonato me to join a Percy Jackson Fan Club."

Chiron combed his beard. "Yeah, well, that shit happens. Sorry. Who's your daddy? Think we can stuff him in the Hermes cabin?" he asked Percy and Grover.

"He's a son of Hades," Grover told Chiron.

"Shit," he rolled his chair away. "You're all powerful and stuff!"

"He's all powerful and stuff," Percy agreed. "But, Chiron," he moved closer. "We have other things to talk about. Annabeth's gone missing."

Chiron nodded. "Yeah, I didn't see her in her usual place of drooling behind you." he blinked, realising what Percy has just said. "Wait… she's gone? How?"

Percy explained as Apollo walked off to the next bus stop, 50 miles from the Camp. Mr D walked up as he finished off his account.

Chiron wiped tears from his eyes. "We won't talk about this anymore."

"Shit, Chiron; are you crying?" Grover asked.

"We have to save her," Percy ordered.

"Of course," Chiron agreed, a light in his eye. "We'll get ready as soon as possible.

Mr D put his hands in his pocket, tutting. "I think I speak for all when I say we _do _want to rescue young Miss. Chase, but not without a quest from the Oracle."

Chiron nodded. "He's right," he said in a pained voice. "We have to wait for word from the Oracle. Until then, I suggest we train as hard as we can."

Suddenly, a rich voice, sincere and convincing, came from Percy's right. Whipping around, Percy came face to face with Mark Sue.

Brushing his dark hair from his face, Mark Sue cleared his throat. "Don't forget that Luke Castellan has started the rise of the Titans." He looked at Percy. "You heard this yourself, right?"

"Right," Percy agreed reluctantly.

"I don't think we're powerful enough to take down the master of Annabeth's manticore," he put his hand to his chest. "We _will _save her, but we can't go rushing in. We can't defeat what is probably a Titan at the end of the line. Also," he sighed, his face grave, "I heard rumours of the return of the Ophiotaurus too. We need to be careful."

Percy couldn't argue with Mark Sue's convincing argument, but wasn't going to roll over and die.

"What the hell is an Ophiotaurus?"

Mark Sue looked at him. "A creature whose sacrifice gives the power to kill even the Gods… it's not likely it's alive, but its more proof of the world in motion." His voice drew in authority a she said. "The Titans are rising, and we have to head them off… but that doesn't mean walking into a trap."

Zoe came walking up, scowling. "Are youth just going toth ignore thee, horse faggot," she asked Chiron.

He looked abashed, but nodded. "Sorry. What do you want this time? Burn the girls underwear? Paint the Big House with a big picture of whoever you are Fan Girling this time? Who was it last time? Elvis or something?"

Zoe sniffed. "We loveth Percy-"

"Great-"

"-but Artemis hasth gone in searchth of thisth Annabeth and thisth threat to the Gods. We needth accommodation."

Chiron waved hand. "Cabin whatever-"

"Seven, I believe," Mark Sue added kindly.

"Yeah, that. Sleep there, stay there, don't leave."

But Zoe blushed at Mark Sue's gaze. "Oh my… of course. We are gratefulth for yourth hospitality."

Mark Sue inclined his head at her, before taking her hand kissing it. "You are from the BC era, I believe?"

"How canth you tell?"

"Your amazing accent," he told her, smiling charmingly.

She blushed and giggled, mute, before skipping of back to the Fan Club.

"That got rid of her," Mark Sue said, his voice serious again. "Now, about Annabeth?"

They all looked at him with new respect, besides Percy, who hated him just because.

"I don't know if _you _can save Annabeth, but I can," he held up his wrist, the Trident in full view. "I need to know about the Three."

Chiron looked upon it his face a mix of emotions. "Yes… I think we should. I won't ask you how you know there name, because I don't give a fuck."

Mark Sue stiffened. "Nico is one too."

"What do you mean? How do you know?"

"His wrist is marked with a similar symbol."

Nico held up his wrist too, causing gasps. Mr D looked shocked, ("two of the Three, found"), but Chiron just nodded. "Come with me too, Nico. We'll get your accommodated later, but it's best you hear your legacy as Percy does."

Mark Sue moved with them, which Chiron raised his eyebrows at. "Mark Sue, you can go and continue your duties."

He frowned. "I know more about the Three than any alive. Even you," he said, not boasting but merely stating fact.

"Yeah? How?"

"I'd rather keep that to myself for now."

Chiron grunted, but they all made their way up to the Big House, before moving into the dark living room, a fire blazing as the sun descended.

Chiron rolled to one side of the fire, as Percy and Nico sat on the other. Mr D fell asleep on a chair by the table, Grover sat nervously by the window, looking out at the grounds, and Mark Sue moved into the corner, almost becoming invisible. Percy shivered; he had no doubt that was how Mark Sue preferred to start a fight. It occurred to him that Mark Sue continued to keep his sleeves down, even as the heat forced everyone else to shed their winter gear. Chiron threw his beard over his shoulder.

"What do you want to know? I'll answer all your questions, then I'll tell you how you, and mainly you, Percy, will affect Annabeth's chances of rescue and our victory in this upcoming war."

"War?" Percy asked.

"Yes, sadly; I see no other outcome. The Gods are renewing their insurances; they are preparing."

Percy settled back in his chair. "Right… what, or who, are the Three?"

Chiron frowned. "I think it best if I start with a history of the Three. Right: While most believe that the Three were created during the First Titan War that is untrue. Demigods were barely involved with that war, and as the Three are always demigods, they took no part. However, they have been known to be present in those who are born with the ability to see through the Mist."

"How are they 'present'?" Percy asked.

Chiron rubbed his hands. "Once in every threat of great danger, three demigods and once a mortal-"

"The one who could see through the mist, right?"

"Yes. But that has only happened once, so I'll ignore it as it has little concern to you. For every great threat, three demigods are 'activated'; that is, they gain powers far beyond that of an average demigod."

Percy nodded. "Annabeth always complained my reflexes were faster than hers."

"You were obviously a potential; you had the beginnings of the Three's power but it would never have grown if not for your activation."

"Luke had faster reflexes too," Percy mused.

"He may be another potential, though let's hope he is not the third of the Three. We know you and Nico are two. Let's hope the third is on our side."

"If we should be so lucky," Mark Sue's voice put Percy off guard; he'd forgotten he was there.

"Back to the history," Chiron started again firmly. "Many think that the Three were created during the First Titan war, but that's not true, they were created during the Giants War, the war that involved both Demigod and God. We were losing; the combined force of the Gods and their children was not enough to stop the twisted forces of nature. Hecate, Goddess of Magic, had an idea though. She took the three greatest Demigods or the time, the sons of Zeus, Poseidon and Hades, one of which was Heracles-"

"Heracles was one of the Three?" Percy asked.

Mark Sue's voice came out of the shadows. "Why do you think he spent his entire life destroying monsters?"

Percy looked around at him. "I don't know. Why?"

He smiled from the shadows. "That scar on your arm grows. It's supposed to lead to a weapon that would destroy the giants. Of course, it's adapted since then for the new threat. It leads to a new weapon now, one to destroy the Titans, the greatest threat of our age."

Percy glanced down at his wrist. "It grows?"

"Not only that. It adapts; if we were to destroy the Titans, and the Giants were to rise next, I'm sure it would lead us to a new weapon to destroy them with."

"How does it grow?"

"By killing monsters, obviously. You have to earn the power, Percy."

"Why isn't is already fully 'grown' or whatever?"

Mark Sue smiled thinly. "Side effect from the adaption. You might build it up completely, but it will, ah, 'reset' itself, when a new 'weapon' is… well, is better suited."

"Any idea about the weapon? What is it?"

Mark Sue looked frustrated. "That eludes all, sadly. I'm working on it," he growled.

"Any inkling?"

"Probably some sort of sword to slay Titans, or Giants, utterly."

Percy's heart caught; a way to replace Retard!

"Didn't Heracles find this weapon?"

"Some say he was about to, and that's why Nessus the Centaur killed him. It's highly likely that his wife, Deianira, was one of the Three too. The Three usually, rather, _are built to_, band together. I don't think Nessus could imagine anything more satisfying than getting the Three to kill each other. But no, Heracles didn't find the weapon, though we know he was very close. I imagine he almost touched it."

Chiron coughed bringing the attention back to him. "Heracles was one, and it was Hecate who wove the spell around them, gifting them with their maps, i.e, your scar, and their increased abilities. They were used to win the war. Since then, they have continued to survive, coming back into action whenever a new threat took form. WWII was such an event for example. Luckily, the Allies had two of the Three. The Son of Hades betrayed us, but that's not the point." He looked at Nico, smiling. "A weird thought, but young Nico has been in… well, almost a hibernation for centauries now, being an original child of Hades and Persephone. I wouldn't be surprised if he was the one of the original Three."

"Why hasn't his Scar grown then?" Percy asked.

"I think his mother kept him out of the fighting and hid him."

Percy nodded. "Okay… you mentioned abilities; such as?" Percy asked, leaning forward curiously.

"I don't know the exact abilities they exhibited-"

"I do," Mark Sue started. All eyes turned back to him. "Enhanced strength almost on the level of a Cyclops, enhanced speed, and enhanced ADHD. But you already know that from your comparisons with Annabeth."

"But I was only a potential then," Percy protested.

"By now you'll easily outstrip anyone's."

"Even yours?" Percy retorted.

Mark Sue smiled. "Easily," he repeated. "This was coupled with an immunity to the charms of the Empousai and a decreased scent detection, made the Three, rather, _you, _the perfect hunter." He coughed. "Beware though; you'll be a bit more eager to kill monsters now." He smiled grimly. "Side affect which can get you killed."

"How do you know this?" Chiron asked, beating Percy to the punch.

Mark Sue's face turned sad. "Say I knew a guy."

"Did he die?" Percy asked.

"Yes… that's the only way a potential of activated; through the death of one of the Three. They need to keep their numbers up."

Percy turned back to Chiron. "What does this mean?"

Chiron's face had a hard look Percy had never seen before. "Nico is too young to g o on a quest; he needs training. But you, Percy… we're going to get you ready, then you're going to save Annabeth, if Artemis fails that is."

Mark Sue stood up and motioned at Percy. "Come on. Grover, you too."

"But I'm not a Hunter," Grover protested.

"I need someone for Percy to work with."

"What about my nails? What about my hair? They could all be ruined."

Mark Sue looked at him strangely. "Yeah… I know that stuff matters, but doesn't Annabeth mean more?"

Grover swallowed, pale, before nodding.

**Mark Sue led them to an area off the usual training Arena.**

"Are those guns?" Percy asked in shock, seeing pistols and shotguns fired off at targets.

Mark Sue took a pistol from a bench and reloaded it. "Sloppy, Grainer, sloppy," he called to a demigod.

He turned to Percy and held out the pistol. "Monsters are evolving, and we need to as well."

"How come I've never seen this place?" Grover demanded. "I live here!"

Mark Sue shrugged. "Well, they only open this place up to 14 year olds and older. It's too dangerous otherwise. But guns can be useful."

"That makes it easy," Percy muttered.

He smiled at him. "How so?" he led them over to the shooting range.

Percy shrugged. "I just mean that one shot and the monster's dead."

Mark Sue laughed, shaking his head. "Ha, I wish! No, that's full celestial bronze you're thinking of. Since the metal's rare, they only make full celestial bronze swords and etc. Stuff you won't throw away. Bullets… well, they are very disposable. So we only plate them. That'll slow the monsters down, but you still need you're sword. They're helpful to have though."

Percy nodded, taking the gun mark Sue offered him. "Forgive me, but how are you best suited to train me?"

Mark Sue waved a hand. "No, that's a fair question. Answer is, I knew a Hunter. I know how you guys work, and how we can max your abilities. Also, we need intense training, and I'm the only one fit to give that. Don't worry; Chiron will be helping too. I just wanted to show you the shooting range." He studied Percy. "How's your unarmed combat?"

Percy frowned. "I can use a sword… well, not with my right hand anymore. It was damaged last year."

"Keep that," Mark Sue pointed at the gun, before walking off to the training arena. "Yeah, that whole hand thing will be gone now. Hunter's injuries have enhanced healing." He smiled at Percy's stunned face. "The Hunters had to be the best of the best. They can't have old injuries holding them down."

"Percy has an enhanced healing factor?" Grover stuttered.

Mark Sue grinned. "Yeah, being one of the Three rocks. I used to dream I was a potential, but…" he moved on quickly. "Anyway, it will almost always come down to hand-to-hand combat, whether that's with a sword or not."

He led them over to a mat, before facing Percy. "Hit me."

Percy raised his fists. "I might hurt you. I'm much stronger now."

Mark Sue smiled. "Let's see."

He lunged in, but slowly; he didn't want to hurt Mark Sue.

A second later he felt his back hit the floor, winded. Percy groaned. How had that happened? He pushed himself up slowly, staring at Mark Sue.

"How'd you do that?"

Mark Sue scowled. "I said to hit me."

Percy frowned, getting to his feet, before launching a punch at Mark Sue. It was caught, and he felt his leg swept out from under him again.

Percy got back on his feet, angry.

"Hit me," Mark Sue told him.

Percy felt all his anger and fear at Annabeth's capture boil up and he lashed out with all his strength and speed. Mark Sue stepped inside the blow and drove his open hand into Percy's throat. The latter collapsed, holding his windpipe.

"I didn't ask for you to demonstrate a punch in slow motion," Mark Sue told him.

Percy kicked out at him, but Mark Sue caught the leg and drove his elbow down on it. Pain laced it as Percy cried out, tears coming to his eyes.

"Shit, Mark Sue," Grover moved forward. "You might have hurt him!"

Mark Sue turned to him, fire in his eyes. "Percy is the only one here strong enough to rescue Annabeth, and I'll be damned if I'm going to watch him fail!" He turned to Percy. "Better, but still terrible. Your leg will heal quickly. I want you and Grover will meet me here at 7.00am tomorrow and we'll continue with your training." He strode off as Grover moved to Percy's side.

Percy clutched his leg, disgusted by how easily he'd been beaten, even if it had been Mark Sue.

"I don't know about you," Grover said excitedly. "But I'm looking forward to this!"

Percy gave him a burning stare.

**Please take a second to review and tell me your opinions! I love to hear them! Or just review a single word; I'm cool with either! 1,400 reviews, and I'll release the chapter the next day! Hope you're excited about Percy's training chapter! I am, if no-one else is. Please review!**


	40. Ow, Ow, You're A Badass!

**I know I said I'd release it at 1,400 reviews. I hit some work and it all got mixed up, so I'm sorry, but it's here now! As to 'Guest' who asked my age, I'd rather answer that in a PM, if that's okay. I'm below 19 for one thing. Anyway, hope you enjoy reading this chapter and TVD Jeremy fans will get a hell of a load of Easter eggs this time. Please enjoy it and review! **

**Percy's arms hurt from the weights Mark Sue was making him lift.**

They were by the lake, the water a deep blue, the grass shining under the sun. Not a cloud was in the sky, and Mark Sue, Percy and Grover were alone on the bank, not a camper in site. While it was true it was winter, the camp's shields had allowed it for a perfect summer's day. A small camp was set out; a bench with weights and a selection of blunted weapons protruding from a bag. 'Go Right Ahead' by the Hives was playing from a radio.

Mark Sue lounged on the rail of the small pier dressed in a long sleeved shirt, with buttons at the top to the chest. He brushed his dark hair from his eye and tipped his head back as Grover picked at his nails. The satyr was dressed in a simple black T-shirt with short sleeves. Percy, lying on the bench, was dressed in jeans and a white tank top. It'd been a full week since Percy had started his training and they hadn't heard a word from Artemis, though, true to Mark Sue's words, Percy had been discovering multiple opportunities his new abilities offered; just the other day he'd cut himself just to realise it'd healed by the time he opened the first aid kit.

"Why am I lifting weights?" Percy asked, placing the object on its support before pushing himself up.

Mark Sue looked down from his musings. He smiled; "I don't know, actually. Why don't we find out?"

Percy got to his feet and placed his shoulder on Mark Sue's at his direction. He started pushing, straining himself, but Mark Sue continued to gain ground, before throwing him away. Percy hit the ground, but rolled straight back up as Mark Sue had taught him earlier, his hands raised to block an attack.

"That's why," Mark Sue nodded. "Your Hunter strength piles onto your normal strength. So, when you face, oh, maybe a Laistrygonian, you'll be outclassed."

"I could be stronger than one of those giants?" Percy asked surprised.

"Yeah, if you actually work, instead of taking your gifts and shitting on them," he told him. "That's why you lift weights."

"They'd be easy to take down then," Percy grinned.

"Don't get complacent," Mark Sue told him. "That's how Hunters die."

"How'd you get so strong?" Grover asked from the side.

Mark Sue shrugged. "Not a subject I'm going to talk about," he said dismissively.

Percy figured it was a thing to do with being a child of Mary Sue, the perfect God. He caught the eye of the nymphs in the water and looked away. He was starting to understand their obsession with him. After a week's intense training, the tank top didn't hang so much; he was shocked to see what his arms looked like now and a little embarrassed, but also proud, though he didn't admit that to anyone. His hair was growing out too, just like Annabeth liked; in fact, Percy was interested to see what she'd think of the new him.

He rolled his shoulder. "Fine, but can we do something else? My arms are hurting."

Mark Sue moved back to lounging on the rail. "Grover, practice with Percy."

Grover took the boxing pads off the ground and moved over to Percy. Mark Sue reclined as Percy punched and kicked at the pads, occasionally blocking an attack from Grover.

"Go on," Percy said, taking a defensive pose. "Make a move."

Grover smiled, sweat down the front of his shirt. "I'm doing this to be your wingman, not to kick your ass." Percy threw a playful punch at Grover. "Fine," he decided. "But it's your ass."

Grover jabbed at Percy (Mark Sue had told them that swings would get them flipped), but his arm was pushed to the side, and before he could react Perce grabbed him around his shoulders. Remembering Mark Sue's training, Percy twisted his hips; that, coupled with his superior strength which was honed from weights, led to Grover being flipped through the air. Landing on his back with a dull 'thump', and let out a low groan. Percy held onto his arm and twisted it, making Grover grunt in pain.

"Enough, I get it!" Percy released him, smiling at how easy it was becoming to deck Grover. "I get it," Grover looked at him, slightly resentfully. "You're a badass."

Percy looked over at Mark Sue, spreading his arms. "Did you see that?!"

Mark Sue sighed, raising his eyebrows. "I couldn't miss it; it was in slow motion."

"Fine then. Teach me something useful! We've been doing this for a week and all you've done is bark orders," he complained in his soft voice.

"Not true," Mark Sue said to himself. Pushing off the rail, beckoning to Percy. "Go on then, Hunter. Just imagine I'm Dr. Thorn."

"Not hard," Percy grinned.

"You sure about this, Perce," Grover asked. "Let's just go back to takedowns and then we can move onto more spearwork. Don't antagonise the Sue."

"I've got this," Percy replied, pushing him off.

He took a breath, before sprinting at Mark Sue. He threw a punch at his head, which Mark Sue ducked under, before grabbing him in a headlock.

"I told you not to swing, Jackson."

Percy grabbed his arms and flipped him onto the ground. Holding onto one of his arms, he tried to twist it, hoping to get a cry of pain from Mark Sue.

What he did get was a knee to the face. Reeling, he reached for one of the spears by the lake. He shook his head, trying to remove the dizziness, before thrusting at Mark Sue. The latter dodged a few blows, before scooping a spear up for himself. They exchanged blows, Percy using everything Mark Sue had taught him about spears, but it wasn't enough. Mark Sue forced his spear down, before breaking it with his foot. Percy ripped out Retard and launched a flurry of blows. Mark Sue caught one on his spear, and kicking Percy backwards. With Jackson winded, the son of Sue had enough time to grasp his own blade. From there, they strove against each other, trying to get an advantage. Swords were the one thing Percy was equal to Mark Sue with, so he used this fact to try and get one over him. Even though a misjudged swing allowed Mark Sue to disarm him, Percy improvised, using his enhanced speed to pull off Mark Sue's favourite move; a punch to the throat. Sue managed to block it, but he lost his sword; Percy knew that wasn't to his advantage as Mark Sue was a technical marvel when it came to hand-to-hand. Percy managed to hold him off for a full 10 seconds before Mark Sue kicked at his leg, pushing him off balance, before driving his shoulder into Percy and throwing him to the ground.

Percy remembered to bring Mark Sue close to himself; that way he couldn't unleash any punches. Perce pulled him down with him as he fell, and actually saw Sue smile at his memory, but using strength Percy didn't know he had, he lifted them both up from the ground for a second, hanging above the ground, before driving Percy down onto his knee.

Tears sprung to Perce's eyes as he rolled onto the ground, moaning; Mark Sue was never gentle with him, claiming his healing factor would keep him fit.

Grover bit his lip in sympathy, but turned as he heard footsteps on the grass. He turned to see Juniper striding towards them, holding a couple of pizzas from the dinner table. Grover cleared his throat, glad to say that Percy's training had rubbed off on him too.

Juniper waved a hand, smiling at him. She thrust the pizzas at him as she drew close.

"So, how are guys?" she asked, looking at Mark Sue, Grover and Percy, still rolling on the ground. His moans had changed to curses against Mark Sue.

"Yeah," Grover sighed, tearing his eyes away from Percy. "His swearing really has gotten more versatile."

Juniper looked at Percy with concern. "Is he okay?"

Mark Sue waved a hand. "No, he's not. But it's his fault."

Juniper nodded slowly. "Right… okay."

Percy crawled to his feet, his face brightening as he saw the pizza.

"Brilliant," he breathed, his voice still weak through pain. He walked over to the pizza, smiling at Juniper. "You're a life saver."

"I'd hope so," she replied, batting her eyelashes.

Grover scowled at Percy. It wasn't really his fault, but with his straight black hair, swept to one side, the edges falling over his eyes, and wearing a tank top, which displayed his rapidly muscling arms and his chest- whoa. Even Grover was falling for it!

Juniper played with her hair as Percy hunched over her.

"You guys have been asking for Double pepperoni for days now. What are you doing here?"

She turned to come face-to-face with Mark Sue as she turned. He flipped a knife, smiling at her.

"Interested?" he asked her.

She shook her head. "No, that's-"

Mark Sue handed her a couple of drachmas. "Stay away from here, no matter how much they beg." _No more pizza for us._

Juniper gave them an apologetic look, before moving off back up the hill and out of sight.

Percy glared at Mark Sue furiously. "You're going to starve us now?" he demanded.

Mark Sue shrugged. "If that's what it takes to make you a Hunter," he gestured at the lake. "Now run around the lake… twice," he decided.

Percy didn't even bother to argue. He took a deep breath before setting off. Mark Sue gestured at Grover.

"You too, Curly."

Grover got close to him. "I don't have to take orders from you," he growled.

Mark Sue raised his eyebrows. "Seriously?"

"Okay," he broke the tough act, and ran after Percy.

**A couple of days later, Percy loaded a pistol with celestial bullets.**

He pushed the clip up the grip and loaded it before handing it over to Mark Sue.

"Good work," he said, before dropping the clip and throwing the bullets away. "Now do it like your life depends on it, because it _does."_

Percy got to his feet, throwing the gun aside. "Don't act like you care about me. You're only using me."

Mark Sue nodded, pretending to be intrigued. "I _am?_ I need to stop being so transparent. Pray tell, how am I using you?"

"You just want to get to the weapon. I can only imagine how the idea of that much power tempts you."

Mark Sue spread his arms. "Yeah, both of which require you to be alive and well. Only a Hunter can activate," he gestured meaninglessly, "_whatever._"

"Look," Percy moved in closer, right up to Mark Sue's face. "I don't know how you're so strong, or so fast, but…," he frowned. "Wait. You're a Hunter, aren't you?"

Mark Sue shook his head. "Look, the heat's getting to you, Jackson."

"Show me your arm-"

"It's not as simple-"

Percy grabbed Mark Sue's right arm. Sue retaliated with a blow to the head, which Percy blocked, before throwing him over with a Judo throw. Grasping Mark Sue's arm, he pushed up the sleeve to reveal… nothing.

Mark Sue smiled at him. "I'm honestly impressed at how you managed to take me down, but we need to work on your brains, Jackson."

Percy let him go. "You didn't give me your all."

"No," he agreed, getting to his feet. "But you took down 66%. That's good."

"How are you so strong? You might not be a Hunter, but you seem to possess our abilities."

Mark Sue made a face, amused. "_Our _abilities_?_ Wow, Percy, you really are one of the Three now."

"I'm just-"

"Ho there!" They both turned to see Chiron rolling down the hill, followed by three Ares kids. Percy sized them up as they drew closer, but Chiron seemed at ease.

"Hello," Mark Sue greeted, treating the Ares kids to a condescending look, before turning his attention back to the Centaur.

"What brings you to our lovely slice of paradise?"

Chiron shrugged. "I'm really sorry to interrupt this romantic getaway, but I was in the mood for the lake, the air and the sound of Grover's body hitting the ground, none of which are helping us to rescue Annabeth."

"We're working on it," Percy replied angrily.

He shifted in his chair. "See, 'working on it' is not the answer I'm looking for. So, I'll just ask what I came to ask: how many monsters has Percy killed?"

Mark Sue leant on the table. "If we throw Percy out into the world, he's chumm."

Chiron raised a finger. "See, that's not a number. Ten; that's how many demigods I've lost to the manticore; three; that's how many Ares kids I've brought with me; one… that's how many purposes Percy Jackson serves to me," he said, uncommonly evilly. He rolled closer to Mark Sue, "I hired you for one reason only; to grow Percy's mark. So I'll ask you again. How many monsters has Percy slain since he became a Hunter?"

Mark Sue looked him squarely in the eye, before saying: "Zero."

"That's a pity," Chiron remarked.

He made a 'oh well' face, turning away.

"See, I'm thinking of speeding things along a bit… call it your… 'inspection'. I want to see how far Percy is in his training."

Mark Sue sat himself onto the table with the air of a man who didn't give a damn.

"Well, feel free to stick around for a bit." He smiled, "just for today, mind."

Chiron smiled back. "No, I had a different idea." He turned to his demigods. "Take him."

Percy moved back. "What are you talking about?"

The centaur looked surprised. "Oh, you're welcome to come willingly. If you so desire."

"Where would you take me?"

"It's bullshit, Percy," Mark Sue remarked from the table. "Ignore him."

Chiron acted as if there had been no interruption. "Oh, just here and there. Find some monsters, get the weapon, save Annabeth. I assume you want that, yes?"

Percy backed again. "Take your thugs and go."

"Wrong answer." At a hand signal, the Ares kids moved in.

"Remember, Jackson's a sword guy," one sneered. "He's got no chance."

He reached for Percy's arm, but it came up quicker than thought and slammed into his face. He flew back 5 feet before coming to a heap on the ground. He shook his head blearily and the others backed off, before he picked up a bat from the weapons pile, snarling.

"I hear he heals like a freak. Don't worry about hurting him," he ordered angrily as he got to his feet.

Percy ducked up a blow, bringing his knee up into the kid's stomach, before blocking a blow and sending the guy over his back. He looked up to see the bat collide with his jaw in a burst of pain. He staggered as it came down again over his back. The Ares kids started laying into him, laughing.

"Calls himself a Hunter-"

"Like he could defeat the manticore-"

"Leave him!" Mark Sue's voice came from where he was standing, fists clenched.

An Ares kid nodded his head. "Why don't you make me?"

He shrugged. "Sure."

He drove his fist into the first one's throat, before blocking a kick and spinning the guy over in a full front flip. As the Ares kid flew, Mark Sue ducked the bat, driving his head up, breaking the guy's nose and taking the bat. He slammed it against Ares kid's leg and then hit his prone form again and again, with increasing force, until the bat shattered.

"Heal that," he spat, before turning to Chiron. "Fuck off."

"This isn't over," Chiron swore angrily.

Mark Sue drove his foot into the wheelchair, sending it rolling backwards down the hill.

**Percy sat with Grover, loading guns as Mark Sue sharpened a knife in the corner.**

"Grover," he said suddenly. "Look after Percy and see if he can't improve that reloading time." With that, he walked off, his hands in his pockets.

Percy brushed his shoulder off, before leaning towards Grover.

"He was badass. Took down all the Ares kids in seconds!"

Grover nodded. "That's why I don't have to go alone against you anymore?"

"Yeah, Mark Sue wants me to learn multiple fighting." Percy looked after the figure of Mark Sue. "I swear, I'm actually starting to respect this guy. He's pretty cool."

"At least your face healed," Grover teased.

Percy hit him lightly, before pulling the gun up. "Test me."

"When you're ready," he responded.

Percy started loading the gun as quickly as he could while Grover timed him. He wrestled the bullets into the clip, before pushing it up and locking it. He looked at Grover expectantly.

"How long?" he asked tentatively.

Grover smiled at him. "11 seconds; you're improving."

Percy started unloading the gun with a determined look on his face. "Yeah, but with my speed, I should be able to do it in five. Mark Sue can do that, and I should be faster." He brushed his hair out of his eyes. "11 seconds is not going to save Annabeth," he said quietly.

Grover patted his shoulder. "Don't worry, Percy. You, me and your arms will rescue her."

Percy raised his eyebrows. "Don't go gay on me."

"Just an observation," he said simply.

"Right, test me again," Percy decided.

"Okay, Perce. Then do you want to practice with the claws?"

"Yeah, but after I get to 8 seconds."

"Right, when you're-"

"Hey there!"

The two guys turned to see Thalia and Bianca striding down the hill. Grover raised a hand in greeting while Percy merely nodded.

"Still training here?" Bianca asked. She averted her eyes as Percy looked at her. Or, rather, she trained her eyes on his tank top enclosed chest.

"Yeah, and Perce has really come along," Grover said happily. "We've been working with spears, knives, swords, crossbows, fists and other assorted gadgets. We even have some claws, just like a real monster."

"All this is Mark Sue's?" Thalia asked.

Percy nodded. "Yeah."

"He's a good trainer?"

"The best," he answered. "Before I was scared about the manticore, but now I tell him to try and take me on."

"Percy's a Hunter, one of the Three," Grover agreed. "Even a manticore can't stand against him." He looked at him with a concerned look. "Then again, Percy does have some in-built desire to kill monsters. We have to be careful he doesn't act on it."

Thalia picked up a spear. "You practised with a spear?" she asked. It wasn't a question.

Percy nodded. "Yeah."

"Well, I'm the best with a spear, so anyone who goes against me, and holds for at least 5 seconds has to feel graced that they are pretty good, because I'm unstoppable. Don't ask me how; it's just a gift, which I can't control; the ability to be better than everyone else." She pointed it at Percy. "With your slightly enhanced healing factor, you might be able to recover from a beating."

Grover shook his head. "Whoa, Thalia; you may be good, but Percy's one of the Three. You'll be completely outclassed."

Percy raised a hand. "Actually, it might be good to face a different opponent." He glanced at Bianca. "Mind if you try and fight me too? Just I need practice with multiple opponents."

Grover picked up the claws. "Yeah, this sounds good."

Bianca shook her head. "Oh, I don't know… I'm not very good at this whole demi-"

"I'll let you stroke my arms," Percy sighed.

She picked up a knife. "Let's fucking do this!"

Thalia did an unnecessary spin with her spear as she moved in, giving Percy plenty of time to catch it with his hand and kick her away with no effort. Though Grover and Bianca went in at the same time, Percy wove, ducked and deflected all their attacks until he pushed Bianca away with an open hand and caught Grover in a headlock.

While Bianca seemed disappointed with missing the chance to touch Percy's shoulders, and Thalia needed to rethink her skill with her spear, Grover was grinning shamelessly.

When freed from the headlock, he slapped his hand into Percy's, grasping his arm.

"I really think we have a chance at saving Annabeth. This is fantastic."

They moved back to the table with the gun, and started up with reloading practice again. Thalia sat opposite Percy.

"I let you win," she told him.

"I'm sure you did," he replied, distracted as he reloaded his gun.

"You look great in that tank top. Do you have a girlfriend?"

"10 seconds," Grover told Percy.

"Damn," he started with dismantling the clip.

Thalia nodded. "Have you just been working with weapons?"

"No," he said quickly. "Water too." He put down the gun. "Time?"

Grover sighed. "10 seconds again, Perce."

He scowled, before working with the gun again.

"Water?" Thalia started again. "What do you mean?"

Grover smiled. "9 seconds, Perce." He looked at Thalia. "He means demigod powers."

Percy didn't even look up, focused as he was on the gun, but water rose from the lake, before encasing Thalia's hands. She tried to lift them, but it had solidified so she couldn't even move them.

"Get me out!" She demanded.

Percy raised an eyebrow as he locked his gun. "You know, for a daughter of Zeus, you're very whiny," he pointed out.

"7 seconds, Perce!" Grover cried.

Percy grinned, putting down the gun and leaning back, before looking Thalia in the eye. "I'm sorry; I've been training for so long, I've forgotten my manners." The water splashed over the table as he released it. Grover looked at the wet surface distastefully.

"Percy?" he asked.

Percy looked up from where he was reclining on his chair, pleased with himself. "Oh, sorry." he made a flicking motion with his hand and the water flew off the table as if it'd be scraped off.

Thalia glared at him. "You know, I'm one of the Three," she said arrogantly.

Grover frowned. "Where's your scar?"

"I'll be getting it… you know, soon."

Percy and Grover lost interest in her and started debating the various pros and cons of monsters and their main weaknesses as Thalia got up and stomped off.

Mark Sue came striding back with a piece of pizza. She pushed him as she walked past. He looked after her with an expression of polite interest.

"What's up her ass?"

Percy handed over the gun, smiling. "7 seconds."

Mark Sue took the gun and looked at Percy as if he was lying. "Are you-"

He was cut off as Mr D came gingerly down the small hill. Mark Sue didn't even hide his impatience at the interruption, but glared at him.

"Yes?"

"I just wanted to talk to Percy," Mr D answered. He walked up to Percy, before placing his hands on his shoulders.

"You look really good in a tank top, Percy. I'm loving the look; it's really great."

Percy nodded as he tried to free himself from Mr D's grip.

Suddenly, gunshots rang out as Mr D staggered backwards. He clutched his chest as Golden Ichor exploded outwards. He looked up, aghast, to see Mark Sue handing Percy's pistol back to him.

"Next time…," he smiled up at Mr D pleasantly, as the God regarded him with Mr D-like shock. "Don't hesitate."

**Please tell me what you think of Percy's training, because I love to hear your opinions! It'll take two seconds if you just want to put down a single word, maybe 'lol' or 'crap', and you don't need to sign in! Please review, and if we get to 1,450, I will release the chapter the next day! Properly this time. Please review! Just below!**


	41. Blackjack The Talking Yugo

**Sorry for breaking my promise but we hit a family issue and that has taken my attention. Right, to the guy who hates Mark Sue, that is quite alright. He's intended to be a Marmite character. And yeah, I'm sorry but he is going on the quest. Okay, anyway, after this chapter, we'll be making leaps and bounds forward as the group heads off on the quest, but this one is filled with the bits that happened before that. Anyway, hope you enjoy it, and Annabeth and Luke make a debut next chapter. Please review and tell me what you think.**

**Percy moved up to Annabeth in the tunnel. It was a dark, rocky tunnel with the sound of water dripping in the background. Percy looked down at himself to see find he was wearing a dark shirt with buttons to his chest, an unfamiliar necklace around his throat. **

What caught his attention were his arms; he'd rolled the sleeves of his shirt up, and on his right arm was what looked like a very nearly completed Hunter Mark. He looked at the patterns of it, snaking vines across his arm, and symbols of creatures, along with Greek letters in the vines; he could just make out 'Labyrinth'. He could just see the head of something that looked very much like Medusa on his right shoulder, near his chest. The back of his right hand was covered by a circle with three swords facing inwards, surrounded by more designs. He traced the scars, before hearing a cry of pain. He jerked up, before stepping towards it. He noticed he had a backpack on that felt full, and he could feel two knives hanging on either hip. He also realised he was taller.

Percy looked around the cavern, wondering not only where he was, but _when _this was happening. He felt older, and his simple scar had turned into a huge design across his entire arm!

A sense of fear gripped him as he looked up, to see a huge creature blocking the path forwards. He ran forwards towards the cries, coming into a decent sized antechamber. A simple grave lay in the centre, but he ignored it, entranced by a huge stone monster filling the path forward with its rocky head.

He traced the snakes at his eye level, and the dragon feet against his shoes. His wrist was throbbing, almost as if his blood wanted to… _coat _the monster statue.

"PERCY!"

He whipped around, his vision sharp even through the gloom and saw Annabeth, with a jacket and a backpack like his, just smaller. She was covered in dirt, with a cut across her forehead and a grey streak through her hair.

"You're bleeding," she pointed out.

Percy looked down at his wrist, thicker than he was accustomed to, and saw blood covering his arm.

"Lucky for your healing factor, right?" she grinned.

He looked up at her. "What's going on?"

"Don't ask me; you're the one who can see in this gloom."

Percy shook his head. "Seriously, Annabeth. Where are we? What's going on?"

She laughed, ignoring him. "We found it… I can't believe it. We beat him, and he's been a Hunter for years."

"You're scaring me now, Annabeth."

She moved nearer the statue. "No-one would have guessed-, "she jerked as a blade protruded through her body. Percy watched in shock as she moved with the blade, blood sheeting down her front.

A dark figure pushed her aside. Percy couldn't make out his face, only the Hunter Mark burning on his arm. He was one of the Three.

"I would have," he stated, answering Annabeth's rhetorical question. "In fact, I did."

"ANNABETH!" Percy screamed, running towards her body, convulsing on the ground.

"No, no, no, Mr Jackson," he felt a hand grab his throat. He tried to fight back, but there was a crack and his right arm broke in a rush of fiery pain. He struggled as he was taken to one of the snakes on the wall.

"She wants you, I think," the Hunter said. He grasped Percy's neck and pushed him towards a huge face, the fangs glinting in the dark.

**Percy pushed himself up, his heart beating against his chest**.

He looked around, taking in his cabin, the walls and the fountain bubbling in the corner. He took a deep breath, looking out of the window to see a light fall of snow blanketing the hills.

He heard the sound of hooves on the ground as Grover walked in, brushing snow off his jacket.

"Mark Sue told me to tell you that you can have the day off today, because it's-," he looked concerned when he saw Percy's face.

"You okay, Perce?"

Percy shook his head, running his fingers through his hair. "I… I had a dream."

Grover nodded. "Yeah, that happens to a lot of people."

"Annabeth was in it."

Grover dove towards the bed, waving his hands in front of his face. "You had a dream about her! Oh, that's so cute!"

Percy stared at him. "Man up." He proceeded to tell him about his dream; the Hunter Mark, the statue, Annabeth's wounds and the rival Hunter.

"Do you think it could be real?" Grover asked.

Percy shook his head. "I'm more interested in this member of the Three. Who is he?"

Grover sighed. "I don't know, but we should get going. Travis is expecting us."

**Travis, Percy and Grover had created (at Katie's insistence) a small rap band called the 'Lonely Demigods'. They hung out in the Big House and worked on parody rap tunes. They mostly did covers, but they worked on their own stuff occasionally. **

It was a great distraction tool for Travis, and today they'd hired Mr D as a featured artist to give the song more prestige.

Mr d strode in, wearing a purple suit and looking very professional. "Hey guys," he greeted.  
"Hey, hi, thanks for coming," Grover replied.  
Mr D nodded. "Sorry I'm late, I got caught up watching that Pirates of the Caribbean marathon. Have you seen those things?"  
"Oh yeah, yeah, those are, those are great," Percy answered.  
Mr D shrugged, taking off his jacket, "well, I checked out the track and I loved it. And I wrote you this big sexy hook I think you're really gonna dig."  
"Oh wow that's great, awesome. Should we just lay it down?" Travis asked. Like they'd said, he was becoming slightly normal again through this activity.  
Mr D clapped his hands. "Boys, lets get to it."  
**Percy: **_Here we go.  
Ungh, Lonely Demigods, Mr D  
_**Mr D: **_YEAAAHH!  
_**Percy: **_The night starts now  
Together on the track, the boys are back  
_**Mr D: **_The night starts now  
_**Percy: **_Night starts now baby roll with us, chickens snapping at the neck when we rollin' up.  
_**Mr D: **_ROLLIN' UP  
_**Percy: **_Blow through the doors ain't no holdin' up  
_**Mr D: **_YEAH  
THIS IS THE TALE OF CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW, _

_PIRATE SO BRAVE ON THE SEVEN SEAS  
_**Grover: **What?_  
A MYSTICAL QUEST TO THE ISLE OF TORTUGA, _

_RAVEN LOCKS SWAY ON THE OCEAN'S BREEZE.  
_**Travis: **_Yeah that was kinda weird, but we're back in the club  
Buying up the bar so the groupies show us love_

**Mr D: **_NOW BACK TO THE GOOD PART:  
FROM THE DAY HE WAS BORN, HE YEARNED FOR ADVENTURE_  
**Grover: **Nooo  
**Mr D: **_OLD CAPTAIN JACK GIVING THEM WHAT FOR.  
HE'S THE PAUPER OF THE SURF_  
**Percy: **Yeah, uh huh. (he said, trying to steer Mr D away from this weird Jack Sparrow thing).  
**Mr D: **_THE JESTER OF TORTUGA_  
**Travis: **Oh God. (he groaned.)  
**Mr D: **_BUT IS DAVY JONES' LOCKER WHAT LIES IN STORE?_  
**Grover: **Yeah, we've seen the movie.

"Stop! Stop!" Percy cried. "Mr D, what the hell are you doing?"

Mr D pulled on his suit cuff. "I was under the impression I was improving your song?"

"No, you're here to be an extra, not to add your own lyrics about Jack Sparrow!"

"As hard as it may seem," Grover added.

Mr D looked away. "Just because I have an apprecia-"

Percy swept past him, picking up his coat. I don't have to deal with this." He turned back angrily. "Annabeth has gone missing and we're- we're," he struggled for words before storming out. He changed his mind at the doors, and charged up the stairs, pulling himself up into the attic where the Oracle lived.

She was there, rotting. Percy had no idea why he'd come up here, but now that he was, he started moving closer, clearing his throat a he did so. Percy got right next to her before touching her on the shoulder.

"Hey there, Oracle? How are you?"

No answer.

"Well, that's great." His current predicament stormed back into his mind. "I have a problem, involving my friend. She's Annabeth and she's gone missing. Now, I know that you're pretty busy, but it'd be great if you could give me a quest, and then-"

The Oracle coughed and Percy stopped speaking, leaning in closely.

"Listen, kid," the Oracle coughed again. "I don't have a clue where this hoe of yours is." It turned its head, which cracked and fell right off. It waved it arms wildly and Percy scooped the head up and put it back on.

"There you go."

"As I was saying," the Oracle continued. "I don't know where Annabelle-"

"Annabeth," Percy corrected.

"I don't know where she is," the Oracle reasoned. "I'm sorry, but that's the meat, and there's no cutting it. I will tell you something though."

Percy leant in. "What?"

"Do you want to hear the Great Prophecy?"

"It's not Annabeth, but sure, why not."

"I can't remember all of it, but I know the guardians of the Gods will be the ones to destroy Olympus. Beware the Hunter."

Percy frowned. "Hunter? Do you mean one of the Three?"

"He bears the brand of fire, but differently from most, I think."

"Yeah, but how's that help me with my current problem?"

"It doesn't."

Percy got to his feet. "Are you saying you're not going to help me?"

"Nah, I- no, actually I don't think I will."

"THANKS FOR NOTHING YOU STINKY MUMMY!"

Percy grasped the Oracle and threw it out of the window. All the campers watched as the Oracle made its last flight through the heavens, before hitting the roof and exploding in pieces. The demigods all tried to catch a bit, for whoever caught a bit got a quest (or so it was said).

Chiron watched as all the bits flew around him before turning to Percy.

"What'd you do that for?"

Percy shrugged. "She pissed me off."

"Get a prophecy?"

"Just some crap about the Great one, not anything about Annabeth."

Chiron sighed. "Oh well," before wheeling off.

Percy, in the attic, turned around to come face-to-face to with Bianca."

"Hello monsieur," she started shyly. "What's up with you?"

Percy blinked, before trying to move past her.

"Are you angry?" she asked.

Percy turned, frowning. "And?"

She shrugged. "I've been practising with crystals. I can call upon the dead. Or the lost," she added quickly when she saw Percy's face.

"Crystals?" Percy asked.

She nodded. "If you'd take a seat."

He sat down on a table as she started setting crystals around him. She caught his eye and looked away quickly.

"How's Nico?" Percy asked.

"I don't know," she admitted. "I don't bother to check up on him."

Percy nodded, frowning. "Right… great to hear."

"Lie back."

He did as she instructed as she closed her eyes and touched his temples. Her fingers moved up into his hair slowly.

"Is that necessary-"

"Be quiet and let the spirits speak."

Percy thought this was all bullshit, but he closed his eyes and let her resume.

"Oh, I see a girl; blonde, with grey eyes. Do you know this girl?"

"I don't believe this shit," he muttered.

"Pardon?"

"Yeah, that's Annabeth."

"Well," Bianca concentrated. "She's telling me she wants you to abandon her, and go out with another girl. What's her name…? It stars with a 'B', I think."

"Bianca?" Percy sighed.

"Yes! That's it! She's… this will make her happy, Percy. You must obey her if she is to find true-"

Percy pushed himself up. "Yeah, fuck you very much, Bianca." He stormed out again, annoyed at how much time he'd wasted. Striding across the lawn, he thought about how he could find Annabeth… what could he do? He had to leave Camp, but he needed a quest. Since he'd destroyed the Oracle, that was going to be problematic. It was probably still alive, but it wouldn't be giving him a quest now. The only option that presented itself was the Hunter's Mark. If he could complete it, then he could find the weapon and save Annabeth. His dream came back to him, but he ignore d it, running towards where he knew monsters resided; the forest.

He reached the edge, his body trembling. He grasped Retard in his pocket and made to walk in, before a voice stopped him:

"I wouldn't."

Percy whipped around to see Mark Sue leaning against a tree. A howl came from the forest, but Mark Sue just gave it a sarcastic 'whoa, that's scary' face, before turning back to Percy.

"Your 'Compulsion' to kill monsters will just get stronger the more you kill, so I suggest you curb the craves."

Percy clenched his fist. "I'm not doing this for me, or any stupid weapon. I'm doing this for Annabeth!"

"How is this helping her?" Mark Sue challenged.

"It's- I- look, I find the weapon and I can kill whatever has her!"

"What about finding her?"

"The Hunter's mark will guide me."

"Ha," Mark Sue pushed off the tree he was leaning on. "It isn't a GPS system."

Percy scowled, before taking a deep breath and looking at Mark Sue. "I had a dream."

He didn't patronise Percy by delivering a sarcastic comment, but merely nodded.

"I saw another Hunter," Percy continued. "It wasn't me, and it wasn't Nico. I was older, but I swear he was one of the Three. I couldn't see his face, but his Mark was huge."

"How big?" Mark Sue asked with interest.

Percy gestured at his arm. "All up his arm and over his chest."

He nodded. "Well, I hear the Mark, when completed, is supposed to cover the right arm and chest of the Three."

"Are you saying I'm going to have a huge scar across me?" Percy asked.

"Yeah," he saw his face. "But hey, girls are supposed to love scars." He walked up to Percy and put an arm around him. "Come on," he glanced back at the forest. "It doesn't do to scare the monsters."

**Grover and Percy looked at the nymphs who were trying to impress Percy in the lake; it was another sunny day and Percy had just been given a break from training with Mark Sue. **

"I need to stop wearing tank tops," Percy muttered as a crowd of girls gathered.

Grover shrugged. "Well, I know Annabeth would like them," he sighed. "Speaking of which," he reached into his jeans pocket. "I somehow found this in Annabeth's pocket as it went flying through the air and landed in my hand. I don't know how she magically found it either, but she seems to be able to contact the Fan Club while the rest of us can't."

"I get it," Percy cut him off. "You somehow found an item to advance the romantic subplot."

Grover handed it over, and Percy looked down to see a leaflet for the Percy Jackson Fan Club.

_Join your fellow sisters!_

_Perks of joining:_

_Have a greater chance of marrying Percy!_

_Have children with Percy!_

_Become Mrs. Jackson!_

_Join field trips to see Percy!_

_(The Percy Jackson Fan Club does not endorse homosexuality, and DOES NOT guarantee marriage to Percy Jackson.)_

"Thinking of joining," Percy grinned at Grover.

"Move off. I found that in Annabeth's possession."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that maybe you should think about why she had it."

Percy looked at Grover until the latter started fidgeting. He crushed the leaflet, before standing up abruptly and walking away. He scrunched the leaflet and threw it over the lake. It flew a good 300 metres before it landed on a demigod, knocking him unconscious.

Memories of Annabeth started lacing through his brain: had she really felt that way? _Annabeth ran up to them. Percy raised a hand and she blushed, before putting on her stony face. Percy was wondering what was wrong with him. __Chiron leaned in. "She fancies the toga off you!" Then he galloped away before Percy could question him._

_"Okay, in a fight, who'd win? My dad or your mom?"_

_"Well-"_

_"Looking at the fact my dad can control earthquakes and your mom invented pizza."_

_"It wasn't pizza! It was an olive tree!"_

_"Sorry."_

_"You suck."_

_"You blow."_

_"You're blowing so hard you cleaned the lawn."_

He's certainly seemed to annoy her, he reflected. Depressed, he walked to the stables and opened his Yugo, before getting in and sighing. His dad has brought it over in case he needed it, but he hadn't used it yet. He could drive away in it, but it was just too shit to consider driving a rescue mission in.

He opened the door and flung himself in, sighing. He turned on the radio, and leant back.

"_Nice tank top, white boy."_

Percy jerked up; he'd sworn he'd just heard Chris Rock's voice.

"Hello?" Percy asked, looking around the car for someone in the back seat.

"_I'm the car."_

Percy jerked around, looking at the radio. "What do you mean you're the car? Do you know how lame that sounds?"

"_You're lame, white boy."_

"My name's Percy, not 'white boy'."

"_Mine's Blackjack."_

"Seriously," Percy smiled. "'Blackjack'? You're a white Yugo."

"_Oh what, just because I've got white paint, don't make me black? You racist dickhead."_

"Hey!" Percy retaliated. "You've never talked before! Why now?"

"_I feel like it."_

"I don't have to take this crap," Percy sighed, pushing at the door. He heard the lock engage.

"_Go on, Perry, make a move."_

"My name's Percy!"

"_You white boys all look the same."_

"Just open the door!"

"_I'm sick of the stables. We going anywhere?"_

"Hell no! Not in you!"

"_Is that a racist crack? What? Can't be seen in a black car?"_

"You're supposed to be a horse!"

"_Yeah, and you're not supposed to be a Hunter. Times change."_

"Let me out of the car- I mean, let me out of you!"

"_Hell, we could use some quality time, brother."_

Percy reached for the milkshake he stored in the cup holder, and hefted it, holding it over the passenger seat.

"Don't let me out, and I spill this over your seat."

"_Man, you bluffing."_

Percy dropped a bit on the seat, smiling. "Way I see it, you're already pretty shit."

"_Get it off!"_

"Let me out!"

"_Fine!"_

Percy threw open the door and jumped out, before seeing the PJ Fan Club nearby. He turned quickly and pulled on the door, but it was locked.

"Hey, Blackjack. Let me in."

"_I thought you wanted out,"_ he replied innocently.

"Not funny, man, let me in."

"_No, you can rot out there, cracker."_

"You stupid car!" Percy pulled on the door handle. "I can pull this door off!"

"_Yeah, 'cause you're so strong now. Do it, bitch!"_

Percy hit Blackjack with his hand. "I hate you."

The door clicked and Percy threw himself in before the Fan Club saw him.

"Thanks," he sighed.

"_Way I see it, we just advanced our relationship."_

Percy leant back against the headrest. "Sure, let's agree on that."

**To those who don't like Blackjack, give him until the roadtrip chapter, because that's what he was designed for. I understand talking vehicles can be… dicey. Anyway, the dream at the start is related at some point and I hope you enjoyed some part of this, either the PJ Fan Club leaflet or the Oracle and please take some time to review! Please help me to get to 1,500 reviews! Either way, a 'lol' or 'crap' or anything quick is good enough for me!**


	42. Luke And Annabeth Tag Team The Sky

**First, I was surprised I was asked this, but okay! This is dedicated to Hannah and Louie and I hope you guys like the War Council and Percy's new magic item!**

**Thanks for all the reviews guys! Yes, I am continuing with my Hunger Games parody, but I'm just taking a very long break. Anyway, I'm glad you guys liked Blackjack, and please review this chapter! We're over 1,500 reviews and nearly near 2,000! Either way, I love to hear from you guys! I was asked to make a story of the Perseus Attraction best quotes, and I'd love to hear what you're favourite quotes are? I'll give you another chapter if you take the time to tell me! Either way, thanks for the continued support!**

**Hera looked out of the window, agitated.**

Zeus paced back and forth in the living room, a scowl on his face.

"She was supposed to contact us an hour ago," Zeus growled. "How inconsiderate."

Hera kept looking out of the window, biting her lip. "She'll be back; she has to."

30 minutes on, Hera had Zeus by his shirt. "What if she's been raped in a corner? What if she's joined a group of prostitutes!? What if she's started taking drugs? What if she's fallen off her bike, and she's in a gutter, alone and unloved!"

Apollo bounded down the stairs, grinning.

"Ih'll sgave hehr!"

"Sit down," Zeus scowled. "I'd be more worried for you out there than her."

Apollo crossed his arms and sat on the sofa angrily. Hera pushed Zeus aside and grabbed the phone, dialling in the number for the police.

"Yes," she started. "Police! My daughter's gone missing, and we don't know where she is. We need help finding her."

The tired voice came along the other side of the phone. "Look, we have lots of complaints, but she's proba-"

"GET HERE NOW!"

"Yes, Ma'am," the guy said quickly.

"**It's probably okay," Hades sighed on the sofa with Persephone. **"I mean, is it really likely she tripped, broke her leg and is now dying of blood loss through the exposed bone? Probably not." He sighed. "I hear that a manticore has been running around; maybe that took her? Otherwise," he sighed again, "she might have run away."

Hera squeaked and Zeus gave Hades a burning look.

"Yes, thank you, Hades."

Persephone glared at Hades. "Can't you just look at this optimistically for once in your damn life?!"

"I thought I was," Hades said gloomily.

"This is exactly why the court didn't let you have the kids," she replied testily.

"Yes, let's remind me of that particular piece of tragedy," Hades breathed sadly. "I suppose Brick makes you happy?"

"More so than you," Persephone snarled.

Hades nodded. "Yes, well I believe that, even if he is named after a piece of housing equipment."

She tossed her black hair away. "Look, Hades, can't you just-"

The door knocked, breaking up Hades and Persephone's argument as Hera ran towards it, Zeus close behind.

The door opened to reveal a police officer stood there, frowning.

"Mr and Mrs Olympus?"

Hera and Zeus nodded as he looked down at his notepad. "You reported an Artemis, taking on the image of a 14 year old, five feet one, caramel skin and amber hair?"

Hera nodded as the police guy frowned.

"We have evidence that your daughter was taken by the manticore, called Dr Thorn. She was most likely delivered to the Titan, Atlas, who we have reports is in the area again."

"Atlas," Hera breathed.

"We are sending a detachment of demigods out to save her."

Zeus pounded his fist. "Don't we have any decent demigods going around?"

He shut the door in the policeman's face, before striding back to the sofa.

Hades looked up gloomily and said: "Our son, Nico, is a Hunter."

Persephone shook her head. "Absolutely not; he's much too young."

"Don't we have anyone else?" Hera asked.

Zeus ran a hand over his face. "We'll just have to hope the demigods succeed." He sighed.

Persephone shrugged. "That Jackson kid was just activated after the death of Cicero."

He paled. "Our last hope is in the hands of," he glared at the Percy Jackson poster Artemis had put up in the kitchen, "a pretty boy."

**Annabeth hit the ground hard, coughing out dirt a she surveyed her surroundings; she was on a cliff, the clouds black and heavy, merely metres above her.**

She glanced up to see Luke struggling with a ceiling of clouds, rotating his hips as he did so.

She ran towards him, her knife raised as she wiped sweat from her forehead.

Luke smiled charmingly at her as she got closer.

"Hey there, Annabeth; mind giving a fella a break. This sky sure is an armful," he chuckled at his own joke. "Seriously," he looked at her. "My hips are made of iron, and all those squats are paying off, but I'm not indestructible. I'm as weak as a caramel cookie!" He looked at the top of the sky appraisingly. "Still, it _is_ a great workout."

Annabeth frowned. "Where am I? Where's Thorn?"

"You're on Mount something-or-other. I forget. Thorn is off doing whatever."

"Those weren't answers!"

"Yeah, but how am I supposed to know then when I've been stuck under the sky for a week. Jeez, Annabeth, I'm not made of brains."

He coughed out blood all over Annabeth's shoes.

"Gods, Luke!" She stared at him in horror.

He shook his head. "No worries! Just a minor side effect from my lungs exploding! Go on, take the sky. I'm dying here!"

She looked at it nervously. "I don't know… it looks quite heavy."

Luke gave a little head movement. "It's not _that _heavy. Sure, my testicles have swollen, and I've been blind for days now, but it's not that bad!"

Annabeth made a face. "It sounds terrible!"

"Yeah, but you don't have any balls, so you'll be fine!" He saw her face. "Come on, Artemis will be here to hold it soon, and no-one cares about her." He made a face of pain, before slowly dropping down.

"This is nice," he sighed, as he lay down on his front. "Now I'll lose weight too." He smiled as the sky lay across his back.

"Get out of there!" Annabeth cried, taking the sky and hefting it up. "Oh, crap," she squeaked as the weight hit her shoulders.

Luke strutted away before twisting one of his damaged legs. 'Ah, that hurts."

"I can't do it alone," Annabeth breathed, as she struggled under its weight. "I haven't got Hercules strength. Actually, how can any of us do this? None of us are as strong as Hercules." She nearly fell as the sky pressed down.

"Whoa, Nelly!" Luke lurched up to help Annabeth with the sky as she faltered, before realising what he had just done. "Oh, shit. Now I'm stuck as well."

She glanced at him. "If we have pure hearts-"

"Screw that shitty reason! We need demigods, and more of them!"

"We can do it!" Annabeth cried in a reedy voice.

Luke gave a spastic shrug. "Great, now we're both fucked!"

**Percy woke up, breathing heavily.**

While he was sure he'd just been dreaming, he wasn't sure he was capable of dreaming something so weird. Shaking his head, he consoled himself that at least Annabeth was still alive. That was something he could count on. He glanced at the Mark on his arm, grimacing at the small trident, his eyes boring into it as if pure willpower could make it grow.

He jerked up as Chiron came rolling in, smiling.

"Hey, Percy; the Oracle just assigned a quest."

"Early," Percy commented.

Chiron frowned. "No, it was during Capture the Flag… wait, whoops, forgot to wake you."

"How late is it?" Percy asked, reaching for the clock.

"Meet us in the Rec Room," he said quickly before wheeling out.

**Percy rubbed his wrist, glaring around at those assembled.**

Grover, for no real reason (I really have no clue why he's here at all), Zoe and her assistant Bianca, Chiron, Mr D, Travis, Katie, Beckondork, some Ares kid since Clarisse died, and a load of other councillors. Also present were Mark Sue and Thalia.

"The prophecy came to me!" Thalia cried.

"No uhth," Zoe retorted. "The Orcaleth's head, totallyth looked atth me."

Bianca nodded. "It looked totally at her-"

"Shut it, you little grass!"

"Don't mug her off!" The Ares kid argued back.

Thalia pointed a pen at him. "One more step, fat boy and this goes in your eye."

Lee Fletcher sighed. "Yeah, let's argue about-"

"Shut it!" Some other kid cried.

Chiron hit another with a stick of cheese. "No, swords are way better than maces!"

The kid threw butter at him. "Your face is better than maces!"

Mr D looked scandalised. "Take that back!" he cried.

Mark Sue stood up and everyone stopped arguing as he glared at them all.

"Pathetic," he snarled. "Arguing like children-"

"Err, we like totally are!" Drew like totally said.

Mark Sue pointed a finger at her. "Back off, slut." He looked at Thalia. "The quest is yours, okay. You can lead it."

Percy looked up from his depression. "What was the prophecy?"

Thalia drew herself up, looking smug. "Recited thus, it goes:

_Six shall look for lost Goddess,_

_A fool, the Hunter and the least modest,_

_Through desert and death, love shall be warped,_

_Though father gay, and car parked,_

_Holding that shitting heavy sky, one must disrupt,_

_Or else his friends are all very fucked!_

_Lol, lol, lol, LOOOOL! P.S Two of you will die!_

"Sounds legit," Travis murmured.

Thalia stood up happily. "I will be glad to lead this quest. And I'll need six more people."

Chiron smiled. "Sure it isn't five?"

She looked at him irritably. "Why would it be five?"

"Because that was the number in the books."

"Screw the books," she cried. She pointed at Grover. "You know how to do a tracker spell?"

Grover sat back smugly. "Like I'd tell you that; why would I want to go on a quest? Dirty things and I may be forced to try and find Pan again. Why the hell would I want to go?"

Percy gripped his hands together, staring at his scar. "What about saving Annabeth?" he said quietly.

"I'll go!" Grover decided suddenly.

"Me too," Mark Sue decided. Thalia looked relieved at that, but changed her face to a 'whatever' expression.

"I need to go," Percy muttered.

"We'll go!" said Zoe, Thalia and that girl who gets fucked over in the book.

Chiron smiled to himself as if it was all a joke no-one but he could understand. "I think we have too many people," he pointed out.

Thalia smiled smugly. "Well, in that case I get to choose the people who go on the quest, and I choose everyone… but Percy."

Percy stood up, his chair falling behind him.

"I have to go on this quest!" he roared, slightly too dramatically.

Thalia made a face. "Yeah, well you have enough glory going for you! It's my time to shine!"

"That's a ridiculous excuse!" Percy argued.

Bianca sat up. "Wait, if Percy doesn't get to go on this quest, we don't want to be either!"

"Tough!" Chiron laughed happily. He sat back in his wheelchair and nodded. "Right, my X-Men, carry out your quest with all due haste and save Annabeth and Artemis."

They all gave a war cry, before Grover noticed Percy and sheepishly lowered his arm. Turning to him, he cleared his throat.

"I swear, Percy, I'll try my best to find-," he sighed as Percy kicked back his chair and stormed away, running his fingers through his hair.

As Percy strode across the green, his fists clenched at his sides his mind was racing. His emotions were on overdrive; there was no chance he was staying while the others went off to save Annabeth. Kicking open the door of his cabin, he strode in and threw himself down on his bed.

He took a deep breath, his heart pumping as he reviewed his options. Yet the chances of getting away were slim; he couldn't escape the camp. He heard Thalia calling orders as she moved about the camp but he did his best to shut her out. He saw the edge of the sun dip down as darkness fell over the camp, but he remained still.

**He opened his eyes to see Thorn standing over him, his tail raised.**

He looked around, noticing the pier, the water and the buildings rising in the distance. He looked down at his arm, pushing up his right sleeve to see his Hunter Mark rising just past his wrist. His eye was caught by the ring on his finger, clunky, not any sort of jewellery he'd normally wear.

His gaze was torn upwards as he felt his feet leave the ground, Thorn lifting him in the air, his hand around his throat. Percy struggled, trying to fight his way free, but Thorn's tail was rising behind him. Percy closed his eyes as it whipped forward.

**Percy threw himself out of his sheets, his heart pounding.**

Mark Sue was sitting by his bed, his hand outstretched, evidently having just woken him. He was outfitted in a coat with a backpack and what looked to be a shotgun attached to the side of it. He was wearing fingerless gloves.

"What use will they be?" Percy asked suddenly.

Mark Sue looked confused. "What?"

"Those gloves. You're lacking fingers."

Mark Sue smiled as he looked down at his gloves. "Ah, well these are special gloves. Their use makes up for their shortcomings." He shook his head, ending the topic, "anyway, I came to tell you that I'll do anything I can to save Annabeth."

Percy frowned. "I don't believe you. Not anything."

Mark Sue looked down. "Maybe not, but I'll do everything in my power."

Scratching his arm, Percy looked away angrily. "I should be going on this quest."

Mark Sue stood up, brushing his jeans down. "Yeah…," he reached into his coat and pulled out a ring, tossing it at Percy.

He caught it, catching his breath at the design; clunky, just like in his dream.

"What is this?"

Mark Sue smiled. "You've done very well in your training… and, well, just call it a present."

"Yeah, but what is it?"

Mark Sue took it and crushed it in his palm. A bar wrapped around his palm and out of it spawned a full crossbow, a bolt clicking into place.

Percy jerked back as Mark Sue threw in on top of him.

"I know you like Crossbows, even though they are slow and unreliable," he shrugged. "Still, it'll kill a monster in one. It packs quite a punch."

Mark Sue hit it, the Crossbow falling back into ring form. Percy picked it up, examining the design on the ring face. It was three swords, pointing inwards, forming a pie shape without sides with flame wrapping around the edges; the Three's symbol.

"How do you get all of this stuff?" Percy looked into Mark Sue's blue eyes, slightly nervous at how eerily they resembled Annabeth's.

"I told you," he replied softly. "I knew a Hunter." He hefted his pack before walking out of the door and off across the green.

Percy picked up the ring and crushed it in his palm. It expanded into a full crossbow, dragging his hand down with the unexpected weight. He hefted it up with both hands, feeling strange, in possession of an artefact that has already failed another Hunter. Then again, he mused, he already had Retard so he might as well complete the set.

He pushed this ring on the third finger of his right hand, before falling back into his pillows.

"Non stai andando troppo, signor Infelice?" a voice asked from the shadows.

Percy sat up, seeing Nico emerge for the shadows.

"How long have you been there?" Percy asked in a bored voice.

"Long enough, piccolo uomo." He cocked his head. "But you didn't answer me; are you going to go? To save your girl and conquer over the evil Ice Queen, Thalia?"

Percy raised an eyebrow. "You know, that was probably the longest sentance you've ever spoken in English."

"And?"

"Sure, whatever," he rolled off his bed and stretched.

"Le valigie!" Nico cried.

Percy suddenly felt energised. He started dressing, throwing over a jacket instead of a coat, opting to look cool, rather than be warm. He grabbed a rucksack and started packing it with supplies, his mind buzzing.

Once it was full, he checked Retard was in his pocket, before putting on his Wristwatch/Shield/Plot point that wasn't mentioned/Tyson's gift which has a huge 'Wanker' on it, before making sure his ring was still there.

He pushed the hair out of his face as Nico took his arm.

"You have to look after my sister," he said seriously.

"Look, Nico-"

"Or else I'll kill you."

Percy nodded. "Nico, it's very dangerous-"

"Promise, little bastardo!"

"Look-"

"Promise!"

"I can't-"

"Do you want me to have a paddy?!"

"Fine, I'll look after you sister," Percy said rashly, knowing it would come back to bite him in a breaking of the trust the small boy held for him, making him a villian, whereas once he'd been a hero...

"Then volare come il vento!" Nico shouted.

Percy tore out of the cabin, running across the lawns and towards Half-Blood Hill. Chiron saw him and waved, before Percy grabbed his chair and threw them both down the hill. Percy balanced on the back as they shot down the slopes.

"Where are we going?!" Chiron cried, the G Force distorting his words.

"I'm going! I'm off to save Annabeth!"

Chiron nodded, looking sick. They hurtled up the hill and Percy leapt off the back as Chiron went flying off the edge of the hill into the ground far below.

Percy saw the Van driving off, just as he got there. He could see Thalia laughing at him, so he gave her the finger.

"Fuck," Percy swore under his breath, gritting his teeth. How was he supposed to catch up with a van? What was fast enough? What could navigate rush hour for him, while keeping pace with the Quest Mobile?

Percy ran back the way he'd come, towards the stables, skidding down the last 20 feet of the hill and sprinting to where Blackjack was parked next to a pile of shit.

"Blackjack, I need you!" Percy cried.

"_I'm busy," _Chris Rock's voice replied.

"I need to catch up with the Quest Mobile! Come on, we can go on a road trip together!"

"_Can you even drive, Perry?"_

"Yeah, of course; American cars are just big Go-Carts. Even Tyson could drive one."

"_Fair enough. What if I don't want to come, though?"_

"Don't be a bitch," Percy sighed.

"I didn't give a fuck yesterday, I don't give one today, and you know what, I won't give a fuck tomorrow_!" _

"How about the day after that when I bring a tow truck to take you to the junk yard?"

"All the old chicks hand out there," Blackjack moaned.

Percy pulled open the door and sat down, clutching the wheel.

"_Wait, dude, we need an adult to be here with us. I don't want to run into the Fuzz for unsupervised Learner!"_

"Oh, come on, you're black!"

"_Oh I see, so that makes me automatically ready to break the law? I'm probably that guy in the clink that rapes all the other brothers, is that it? I bet my bumper's all the way down so you can see my pants too, right? You've got one fucked up racist mind, Patrick!"_

"I'm sorry, it was a joke," Percy sighed. "Anyway, you're white."

"_You wanna drive, or should I kick you out now?"_

"Sorry, I'm sorry… erm, Rasta?"

"_Hell no. I ain't no shoe stealing Jamaican motherfucker, Aflick!"_

Percy ignored him. Who on earth in Camp would be willing to help Percy and a talking car head off on a dangerous quest to rescue a Goddess when Percy had been deliberately told not to go? Who'd be willing to risk their reputation on a venture that might fail? Who'd be willing to leave the comfort of Camp for a roadtrip that would end in two people's death?

"You know," Percy mused. "I think I know someone who'd be willing to come with us…"

**Please take the time to review! Who do you think Percy is going on the road trip with? Also, please submit your favourite parts/quotes of the Perseus Attraction please! (If you have them.)**


	43. I Take A Roadtrip With A Pedeo

**I'm sorry for the wait, but exams are coming up and it's getting hectic. That's all I can say. Enjoy and please review! I love to hear your thoughts.**

**Mr D licked his fingers clean of the sticky sugar they'd acquired from the Crystal Pineapples, Percy had brought for him in a petrol station a couple of miles back.**

Once Blackjack and Percy had threatened to leave Mr D behind, he'd finally changed from his god awful rapper gear and into jeans, loafers and a dark purple sweater.

"You look like my dad," Percy muttered.

"_Isn't that the point, Gilbert?"_

Percy frowned at Blackjack. "I still don't get that."

Mr D pointed ahead of them, at the van that was driving through highway traffic.

"Is that our quarry?"

"_Don't go using any fancy white boy words," _Blackjack butted in.

Mr D raised an eyebrow. "But you're white, right?"

Percy looked at Mr D seriously. "Don't push it; he's sensitive."

Mr D held up his hands. "Sorry."

"_Damn right, Mr Rogers."_

Percy chuckled, before narrowing his eyes and the van moved away. Mr D leant in, waving a casual hand.

"So, this whole 'Hunter' thing; one of the Three…"

Percy looked over at him, waiting for him to make a point. Mr D just kept staring at him, so Percy cleared his throat and nodded.

"Yeah, but you'd know all about that. You were there when we were created, right?"

"What does being one of the Three mean, Percy?" Mr D asked.

Percy shrugged. "It just makes me stronger and shit."

"_And I'm his car!" _Blackjack pointed out. _"Hey, hey, what does this make me? Am I one of the Three?"_

"You can be our transport," Percy smiled.

"_Screw that!"_

"We'll be like Knight Rider!" He continued enthusiastically.

"_I don't want to be that retarded car!"_

"Fine," Percy snapped. "You can be the third member!" He grumbled to himself. "It's not like we're going to find him; Mark Sue said we're extremely rare."

"Explains why there are two of you at Camp already," Mr D muttered sarcastically.

"Shut it you, or you're getting kicked out of The Threemobile and you can join the rubbish team in this quest," Percy snapped at him, before turning back to the road.

Mr D looked horrified. "I'm sorry! Please, I want to stay part of Team Hunter!"

"_Get me some petrol at the next stop," _Blackjack demanded.

"Okay!"

They subsided into moody silence before Mr D decided to play some classic rock from the 80s. That sparked conversation.

"_So, Petty, if you're the oldest, and that Nicose kid is too young, are you leader of the Three?"_

Percy smiled at the thought. "Yeah… yeah, I suppose I am!"

"I always thought you'd make a great leader," Mr D sucked up.

Eventually, Team Camp pulled over for petrol and Team Hunter followed.

"Oh dear," Mr D remarked. "What if they see us?"

Percy started pulling pure celestial bronze stakes out of his bag and shoving them into the holders on his belt, before turning to Mr D.

"They don't know I have Blackjack. I'll be fine."

"_Go get some brown gold, Percy!" _Blackjack told him.

"Brown gold?"

"_Petrol. It's cool," _he insisted.

"It's not cool," Percy corrected him, pushing open the door. He turned to Mr D. "Come on."

They climbed out of Blackjack and started filling him up, Mr D looking around nervously.

Percy looked up from where he was holding the petrol pump in Blackjack.

"Stop moving like that; you're making me nervous," he added, looking around.

Mr D stopped fidgeting and moved closer. "What happens if a monster comes?"

Percy snorted. "Oh, that. I have Retard, and when he fails, I've got those celestial stakes Mark Sue gave me. We'll be fine." He looked down at his ring, before smiling. "We're fine."

Once Blackjack was full, Mr D and Percy walked into the petrol station. A couple of girls glanced at Percy and didn't stop. Percy looked around nervously as he saw the number of girls in the store.

Mr D saw his hands flicking to the stakes at his side. "What's wrong? Monsters? Can you sense them with some super-Hunter sense?"

Percy frowned at him. "I'm not a walking monster GPS. And don't worry; I have natural shielding from my Demigod scent. That'll stop monsters." He saw Mr D's face, "it's a Hunter thing," he added. "No, it's the girls who scare me. My weapons won't work on them, and my enhanced strength won't be enough to take them down. If they decide to 'attack'," he finger quoted the last word, "then we're fucked."

Mr D let a little whimper out before they reached the till.

The girl's eyes locked instantly onto Percy. She smiled, before starting to play with her hair.

"Hey there, handsome… can I get you anything?"

Percy took a deep breath. "No, just fuel. Pump 3."

She stared at him for another minute, much to everyone's discomfort, before looking at the till.

"That'll be $200."

Mr D blanched. "We filled him up, sure, but that's extortionate!"

"Yeah, well we hit a credit crunch. Cough up."

Percy leaned in. "You're a God. Just create the money," he pulled away, smiling at the girl. He leaned on the counter, looking into her eyes.

"Sure we couldn't get that price down?"

The girl flushed, but she held her ground, much to Percy's admiration.

"I'd be fired."

Percy nodded understandingly, before giving her a rueful grin. "How about something for the road?"

"Like a kiss?" she asked hopefully.

"Like chocolate," Percy corrected, pushing his hair out of his face.

"Okay," the girl replied in a daze.

Percy pushed himself off the counter as the other girls stared at the Counter Girl angrily for receiving Percy's attention.

Percy was just thinking about getting out of there when he saw Thalia and co. discussing something before moving off in groups. Percy's eyes followed Grover as he walked past the station, around to the back. He frowned.

"Hey, Mr D. Get our stuff and meet me back at Blackjack. I have a lead to follow."

Mr D sighed. "Be quick," he said, in an almost parental tone.

Percy moved out of the station quickly and followed Grover's path around the back, glancing around the corner to see the Satyr struggling with a huge keg of fuel.

"Need help?" Percy asked.

Grover whipped around, driving a knife towards Percy's stomach. His reflexes were on a level far above Grover's and he caught it easily, twisting his wrist around until his fingers unclenched. Percy swept the knife out of the air, before releasing Grover.

"A knife?" He smiled. "Not really your style."

Grover grinned at him, rubbing his wrist. "Glad you caught that knife, Perce. I'd have hated to kill you."

"Didn't you recognise my voice?"

"It was too quick. Your training's had me on edge."

"At least you would have taken that monster down."

Grover accepted his knife as Percy held it out, sheathing it again. "Yeah…," he smiled up at Percy. "I thought you'd follow us. How'd you do it?"

"I have a talking car called Blackjack, and Mr D decided to tag along."

"Sounds like a bad movie," he muttered. "Well, all the more to Annabeth's rescue."

Percy gestured at the keg. "Want me to help with that before you're missed?"

Grover gave him a cocky look. "Now, Perce, if I couldn't lift these, then," he watched as Percy grasped each keg in his hands and lifted them with a little strain, before smiling at Grover.

"You were saying?"

Grover led the way back to the van, dumbstruck all the way.

"How strong are you?"

"Mark Sue said that the Three were as strong as a Laistrygonian. So, nearly as strong as Annabeth," Percy concluded.

Grover chuckled, before wiping his mouth and looking around nervously.

"Look Perce, you need to get going. The rest will be back soon."

Percy grasped Grover's arm. "I need to ask a favour of you."

"Sure, whatever you want."

"I need you to go double agent. Help Team Hunter."

Grover frowned. "What's Team Hunter?"

Percy waved a hand dismissively. "Oh, Mr D, Blackjack and me."

"Oh, come on! I want to be on that team! It's sounds really cool." He shook his head. "What team am I on."

"Team Camp."

"Seriously? Team _camp?! _You do know that means ga-"

"Yeah, but," Percy grasped his arm. "Do this double agent thing, and you're actually on Team Hunter!"

Grover grinned then, before nodding. "I'll take the job!"

"Welcome to the Three," he clasped hands with Grover happily, but the satyr was frowning.

"I thought Blackjack was part of the Three?"

"No, he's only the transport."

"What about Mr D?"

"Yeah, sorta."

"So there's more than the Three?"

"No, there's the Three, and you're like the back-up team," Percy explained.

"So, what makes you one of the leaders!?"

"The leader," Percy corrected, holding up his Mark.

Grover snorted. "Yeah, I wouldn't show off that little scar, dude. Anyway, Mark Sue's the boss."

"But-"

"I swear he's one of the Three," he frowned. "He has to be."

"He doesn't have the Mark," Percy sighed.

"He's hiding it," Grover insisted stubbornly.

Percy started walking off, shaking his head. "Leave it, Grover!"

**Percy found Mr D back in the fuel station, finally having finished trying to pay.**

"That long?" he asked.

Mr D sighed. "I ran into complications. Let's just get out of this infernal building." He led the way out, Percy trailing behind.

On an off chance, the demigod decided to glance at one of the shelves, and there he saw it: Mythomagic cards. His pulse quickened as he contemplated building his collection up again, bigger, better, _stronger_ than before!

"No," he muttered. He must resist. Annabeth's life hung in the balance.

"**So if you combine this cards, you can get 30,000 attack points, just enough to kill the Giants!" **Percy gushed, holding up cards as Mr D drove Blackjack after Team Camp.

"_Sounds gay," _Blackjack decided.

"It's not. It's incredible," Percy insisted.

Mr D turned to look at Percy. "Has yours truly got a card?' " he asked, grinning expectantly. It only took Percy a few seconds to fish it from the great mass of cards he now owned.

"Yeah," Percy admitted awkwardly, handing Mr D the card, who stared at it in dismay.

"I only have ten attack points. Hey, but my cool rating is 9!" he said excitedly. "Is that good?"

The cool rating was out of 100. "Yeah, that's out of 10. Pretty good," Percy lied, hoping Mr D would never play Mythomagic.

Mr D turned back to the road. "Their moving into the Air Museum. What do you want me to do?"

"Is the Manticore there?" Percy asked, staring at a new card.

"Maybe."

"Then we shall subject him to the wrath of Zeus, combined with his Lightning cards to increases his hit points," he decided.

"_What the fuck?" _Blackjack muttered.

They drove up into the parking spaces where lots of kids were milling with their parents up the steps and into the doors.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Mr D asked.

Percy shook his head quickly. "No way! I'd look like a right dork if you came too." He shook his head as he stepped out of the car with his fantasy cards and into the press of five year olds.

He made his way up the stairs and into the museum, before striding up to a man in a trench coat with a buzz cut.

"God, I love the P130…," the guy muttered.

Percy nodded, not having a clue what he was talking about. "Sure, it's flaptastical."

Buzz cut dude frowned down at Percy. The demigod sucked in a breath as he realised that it was Dr Thorn.

His hand twitched as his Hunter instincts took hold. He groped in his pocket for Retard as Thorn turned back to the plane. Smiling, he uncapped the sword.

"Damn," Percy muttered as it gave a feeble attempt to change into a sword, but ultimately stayed in pen form.

"Work," he hit it against the rail, and the sword sprung to life. "Ha, ha," Percy cried happily, turning to see Thorn walking off backstage. Slightly miffed that Thorn hadn't bothered to continue their epic confrontation, he slouched after him.

He spotted Team Camp buying ice cream, before slipping through the door and following Thorn down the hall.

They came out in a huge room, rimmed with circular balconies, the lowest of which held a collection of people, all of which were glaring down at Thorn. Percy realised he needed cover, so he took out Annabeth's cap, (yeah, yeah, how does he have I don't know, but I'm on a deadline) and put it on.

Percy blinked at the unexpected weight in the hat. Ignoring his charge, he squatted down in the shadows and ripped at the hat, pulling a small recording device. He clicked the play button and Annabeth's voice blared out:

"_Annabeth Chase's records, entry 5796, August 9th. Today, a new boy called Percy Jackson entered the Camp… what can I say about him? Well… promise you won't tell anyone? Okay, well he's so hot! Gods, I know I'm twelve, but Dany was sold to Khal Drogo at thirteen, so it's not really that different! Oh, new codename is Annabeth Jackson," she added quickly before signing off. _

Percy tried to turn it off but the tape clicked past entry's before he could stop it. At this point, everyone was looking around for the source. Percy watched in horror as a huge man leaped up and looked around.

"_Annabeth Jackson, Entry, oh who gives a fuck, guess what Percy said today?! He said he wanted to __**sit next to me**__. Yeah, he __**chose **__to sit next to me. Gods, he so incredible. He's so beautiful and strong and powerful and I want to MARRRRRRRRRRRRR-"_

Percy gripped his ears as a Nazgul like shout went out, shattering some of the windows.

"_-RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-"_

"Arghhh!" The guards screamed, collapsing. Percy swore, (through the pain), that a few monsters turned into _dust._

"_-RRRy MEEEEEEEE! Bye diary!"_

Percy grasped the recorder and brought it down on the floor with all his strength. It collapsed into pieces and he fell back, his ears still ringing.

"What the hell was that?" Thorn cried.

The leader, a bloke- oh, whatever, it was Atlas, sat up.

"What was that?" His monster servants gave shrugs, but no-one knew. He sighed to himself, "Now, it'd probably be smart to search for it, but who cares?" He clapped his hands. "Bring forth the new Plot Point!"

A guy ran up with a handful of teeth and dumped them in a pot, right in the middle of the room. He picked up a watering can and poured blood onto them. Because, you know, that will make immortal warriors.

Percy watched in horror as skeletal hands rose up, grasping the edges and pulling themselves out. Atlas laughed as he spread his arms.

"Now, let them wreck havoc upon those Fan Girls and our new member of the Three!" He smiled. "Looks like the we'll be having some new potentials soon. No Hunter can stand against these… BOY SCOUTS!"

Everyone frowned up at Atlas.

"What the fuck- I mean, flip, since we're appealing to a 'less cussing' rule," Thorn grinned at the camera, "are those!?"

"They were serious 'bout that?" Atlas asked slightly stupidly. Thorn nodded his head, as the Titan sighed.

"We just can't win… but anyway, yes, they are boy scouts!" He leapt off the balcony with a bad bit of budget, i.e, you could see the ropes holding him as he did that gay pose actors do when they should be falling, hitting the ground lightly.

He strode over to them, the skeletons with those stupid scarf's things on, and pulled out strips of clothe they could throw over their shoulders.

"This, my boy scouts, is missing the Hunting badge." The boy scouts cried out in despair. "You can achieve it if you kill Jackson, Mark Sue, and those other guys. I can't remember their names."

Thorn moved close. "Sir, I don't get it."

"Look, Dr Slow, Boy Scouts are relentless. They hate gay people, they adhere sex, and most of all, they will _kill_ to get all their camper badges. They will never stop, never!"

Thorn may have been in the dark, but Percy remembered the Boy Scouts he'd been forced into; badges were life. You'd do anything for them. Fear gripped him as he edged back.

Atlas turned and saw Percy. "Hey, shouldn't you be invisible."

Percy froze. "Shouldn't you be trying to kill me?" he replied.

Atlas conceded his point. "Fair enough." He turned to his boy scouts. "Kill him."

"Lol!" Percy cried, before sprinting through the doors.

**Boy Scouts are vicious. Anyway, next time I'll be testing the water with a narrator like in Hercules: The Animated Series'. Tell me what you think but please review! Also, I'm trying to work out the Skelton's Boy Scout song, the thing that will precede their appearance. Please review, and vote on the poll! **


	44. Dr Thorn And A Banjo

**Thanks for all your reviews guys! Please tell me what you think about this chapter with Luke and the Grover/Percy relationship! Remember, I write for you! Please help to get this up to 1,700 reviews, even if you just want to put down a simple lol or something! Thanks and enjoy!**

**Thalia, Grover, Bianca, Zoe and Mark Sue were chillin' by planes.**

"So," Grover asked, staring at his ice cream, "any of you guys got yourselves a significant other?"

Thalia smiled cockily. "Boys are all over me… they can't contain themselves, and sometimes I just have to break their hearts."

"Yeah," Grover nodded, "so got a boyfriend?"

She frowned, brought up short. "No."

"Lame," he decided, turning to Zoe.

"Nay."

"Mark Sue?"

He looked up slowly. "My love was killed in a riot, ripped apart by men, men who had forsworn all compassion for hate and destruction. I held her hand as the life pumped out of her body, her tears stained red through the blood that should have kept her alive, but instead of doing so, it chose the path of ease, deserting her in her need. I loved her, and I swore I'd avenge her, no matter what I had to do. I remember, her last words were-"

"Boring," Grover complained. "Jeez, this group sucks compared to the one in the original series." He gazed into the distance wistfully. "Yeah… Perseus Jackson, Annabeth Chase and Grover Underwood… we started 'The Perseus Attraction' in style and now we're a high flying TV series on HBO." He frowned. "But now!" He chucked his ice cream onto Mark Sue's shirt. "It's a mess!" He turned to the viewers. "What would you guys feel about having an alternative dimension chapter? Get Perce, Annabeth and Grover together for a scene. Like a dream?"

Bianca shoved Grover. "It'd never work!"

"Yeah?" he flared. "Just because Annabeth is the most popular character in this story!"

She slapped him. "You dare?"

Grover held his swelling face. "I'll wear this like a badge of honour."

She slapped him again.

"I'm twice as brave," he smiled.

She slapped him again.

"Goddamnit women, leave me be!"

Just then, Percy came running up, panting and red faced.

"Hey, Perce," Grover nodded, his face a mess of swelling.

"Who… are… you?" Percy panted.

"I'm Grover!"

He squinted, trying to see past the swelling. "Oh yeah," he smiled. "Hey."

Mark Sue smiled happily. "Oh, good." He turned to Thalia. "You can leave now."

She looked furious. "NO! This is my story! Thalia Grace and the Titan's Curse!" She drew her spear, holding it at Percy. "You won't take that from me," she shrieked.

And just as Thalia prepared to run Percy through with her pencil case spear-

"You are you?" Percy asked.

Thalia frowned. "Thalia.

"No, not you." He waved his hands around vaguely. "Him."

_Percy was becoming mad, as we-_

"There he is again!"

Bianca snorted. "That's the narrator, obviously."

Percy blushed. "Sorry, but in my defence I just heard Annabeth say that she held undying love for me!" He glanced at you. Yes, you. "Which, by the way, I _love." _He leant over to the reader, still breathing heavily. "I'm not letting down the Percabeth side."

Zoe pushed Grover aside and strode up to Percy. "Thisth is badth, but you canth cometh with usth. You knowth, if you wantth."

Percy nodded, not quite sure what she said. "Yeah, thanks for that, it's brilliant."

Thalia shoved through. "Okay, look, this is _my _quest, and I'm doing a great job of leading it!" She looked around at the others. "Right?"

The Apprentice music started coming on. Mark Sue decided he was busy fixing something on his pack and Bianca was clearly shaking her head.

"You're in a plane museum," Percy pointed out. "How is that anywhere near Artemis?"

Thalia moved right up him, her spear still in her fist. "Look, Mr Ocean Man-"

"Ocean Man," Percy repeated, grinning. "Ouch."

"Just because you're not ready-"

The all whipped around as a roar split the air. Percy glanced around to see that Grover had turned the wrong way, and he dragged him around.

"Thanks, Perce," he nodded. "Hope no-one noticed."

Mark Sue narrowed his eyes and moved forward. "Right, I don't think it's deadly, probably a small monster, maybe a Chi," he was cut off as a huge golden lion came running up a ramp- Wait, like, a ramp to a loading bay? Where the hell does this 'ramp' come from? Where does it lead? Okay, I really need-

"Shut up and keep narrating!" Bianca growled.

Anyway, Mark Sue led them down to face it, gesturing for them to fan out. He was visibly sweating.

"Okay, spread out and we'll attack it until one of us can target the mouth. Try to confuse it."

Grover laughed. "Hell yeah! I heard the Nemean Lion is really stupid." He strode up waving his club. "Hey, dumbass!" He jerked to the side. "Yeah, there's loads of me! How do you feel now, you big stupid asshol-"

The Lion leapt forward, grabbing Grover in its teeth and breaking his spine, before flinging him twenty feet in the air, right into a glass display which collapsed on top of him.

"SCATTERth!" Zoe cried as they ran for their lives.

"**I think I've got it!" **Luke stretched out a leg, trying to reach a metal block which could keep the sky up instead of them. Annabeth whimpered beside him.

Luke turned on her. "Help the Team, mud dog!"

"I'm trying," she complained.

"Try harder!"

"How will Percy ever love me if I look like _this?_" She started crying, leaving Luke, trapped with no escape, to comfort her.

"Erm," he tapped her with his hip. "Don't worry. I'm sure if you pulled your weight with this sky then Percy would look at you in a better light."

She glared at him. "Shut up, Luke! I hope you die!"

Luke smirked at her. "I can't die. I'm one of the most popular characters! I might even get a spin-off series. I mean," he shrugged, "it'll suck, but at least I'll get it!"

"Yeah? What's it going to be called? The Retarded Adventures of Luke Castellan?"

"Nag, nag, nag," he replied, shifting the sky. "This is your fault, BTW."

"How is this my fault!?"

"If you hadn't gotten captured, then I wouldn't have had to try and trick you into holding the sky!"

"Yeah, but you _did _try and trick me!"

"But I'm actually helping you now! Way I see it, I'm the good guy here!"

"You're the main antagonist!"

"And that just turned out great, didn't it?" he reflected bitterly. "I'm losing screen time! If I'd stayed at Camp Half-Wit, I might have been made Camp Leader of this quest the others are on!"

Annabeth let go of the sky suddenly, dropping the weight fully onto Luke's shoulders.

"There's a quest!? Is Percy on it!?"

They heard a popping sound as Luke sagged. "Well… there goes my chance at having kids," he muttered despondently.

"Does Percy have armour?" Is he riding a horse of destiny? Tell me!"

"Yeah, sure, now help me with this sky!"

"He must look very valiant-"

"Yeah, yeah, he's a regular Prince Charming, now fucking help me, bitch! You think that because I'm stuck under this cloud that I can't beat you, because I can!"

Annabeth grumbled as she took the sky, before glancing at Luke.

"Are you losing hair?"

Luke scowled. "Fine, so that stupid 'Grow Back Your Hair' cream was a dud. Add that to my broken testicles, the fact that my lines are decreasing and now I have to carry the sky with _you!"_

"You don't like me?" Annabeth asked, hurt.

Luke looked scared, and swallowed. "Of course I do!" he said cheerily. "You're a great gal! But hearing you yap on about Percy Fucking Jackson is enough to push anyone's buttons! I didn't need to hear that stupid story about how he managed to catch that stupid rabbit for you! Sure it was sweet, but I absolutely draw the line at knowing what boxer size he wears!"

"But that's vital!" she whined.

"Yeah, I thought my liver was too, but this oversized cloud proved otherwise! Now help me lift."

They fell into silence as they wondered if this would be their story in a nutshell for the season. Luke started humming, wiggling his hips. Annabeth looked at him curiously.

"What are you doing?"

Luke grinned. "I'm going to get that rock and save us." He started singing as a tune in the wind started to pick up, the sound bouncing off the rocks.

"_Oh, they'll be rocks! That will always hold in the sea!" _Luke moaned.

"What are you singing?"

"Noah and the Whale; Rocks and Daggers, babes! _And I thank you for the love, these rocks have always given me! JOIN IN!"_

They stared singing as Dr Thorn came up the hill and pulled out a banjo, playing a fast tune.

_I love the way that you're always surprised," _Annabeth and Luke chorused together as Thorn supplied back-up notes. _  
Oh, to find truth in all my lies  
'Cos you trust me and ignore my disguise._

They all took a deep breath and sung:

"_Oh, well it comforts me!_

"_OH, well it comforts me!_

"_OH, well it comforts ME!_

"_OH, WELL IT COMFORTS ME!_

Thorn broke into a solo as Annabeth and Luke tapped their hips together. The manticore leapt off his stone and started doing a jig to his music and the two under the sky bobbed to the music, the trio intoxicated under the sky.

Thorn finally pulled it to a stop and the world seemed a little darker afterwards.

They all whipped around as they heard clapping. Atlas strode forward, smiling and clapping. He wiped a tear from his eye and continued forward.

"That was lovely," he admitted. "But, Luke, you're going to have to get out from under that sky. We have Artemis coming soon and she doesn't need you chilling under there."

Luke let go of the sky, the full weight falling onto Annabeth as he dusted off his hands, crawling out from under it.

Just as he pitched himself next to Atlas, Artemis came skipping up the slope, singing what sounded suspiciously like 'The Percy Jackson Song'. She stopped as she saw Annabeth, sweating, under the sky, Thorn with a banjo, and Atlas and Luke standing by him.

"Welcome to the party!" Atlas spread his arms. He moved over to Annabeth, smiling at Artemis. "I know we don't know anything about one and other," he admitted, "and being a Titan, you're not going to trust me, but I do have a favour to ask of you."

Artemis looked surprised, but she raised her bow and fired at Atlas. He caught the arrow lazily and threw it aside.

"Look," he began again. "I'm not the bad guy here."

"You've chained up that maiden!" Artemis cried.

"Don't tell everybody!" Annabeth cried out.

Luke frowned at her. "You're _still _a virgin? Damn, I would have thought you'd nailed Percy by now."

"It's embarrassing!"

Atlas moved closer to Artemis. "Come on, take the sky for her."

"No!" She cried, standing up to her grand height of a little over five feet and glaring at him. "She's my competition for Percy. I'm not doing anything for her!"

"Ah!" Atlas leaned closer. "But think about it: Mr Jackson is on his way _right now_, with a host of heroes at his back. And when he gets here, who do you think he'll pay attention to? You, sitting down, relaxed, or poor helpless Annabeth struggling under the sky." He moved even closer, putting a hand by his mouth. "Not to mention she's all sweaty too."

"GIVE ME THAT SKY, BITCH!" Artemis kicked Annabeth out from under the sky and took it, before realising that A.) it was fucking heavy! and B.) well, it is _very _heavy.

Atlas pulled Annabeth up. "Now let's talk about your relationship with this Son of Poseidon."

Artemis growled. "But I thought you were trying to help me!"

Atlas shook his head with an apologetic look before leading Annabeth off. Luke laughed.

"You just got schooled, son!" He trailed after them, laughing all the way.

"**You're saying this works?!"**

"It worked in 'Gladiator'," Percy responded.

"Yeah, but they were facing _human _opponents!" Grover cried.

"Details."

"The only detail will be me knocking your teeth out."

Percy pushed him forward. "It's coming!"

They moved into formation. You know that scene in Gladiator, where Maximus and that slave guy work together, with Maximus holding his shield up, and the slave jabbing his spear over his back? Yeah, well Grover and Percy were Maximus and Slave, respectively.

Grover held up a huge wooden block with a dinosaur picture on as Percy jabbed Retard over his head. One flaw here was that this was designed for opponents that couldn't pile into them with one leap, and was immune to sword jabs besides. The other flaw was that Retard was not a spear and they had no reach.

They moved closer as Zoe was swept aside by the Nemean Lion.

"How close to I have to get?" Grover asked as he caught the Lion's attention.

"Close enough so I can hit him!" Percy responded.

"Oh, that's not too hard!" Grover replied sarcastically. "That sword's like your penis; not long enough!"

Percy grinned as they moved closer. They were right next to the Lion. He jabbed at it, the sword bouncing off its pelt.

"Bit closer so I can gut the bastard!"

Grover whimpered as the Nemean Lion got its teeth stuck in his 'shield'.

He whipped around and glared at Percy. "I'M FUCKING CLOSE ENOUGH! WHY AM I MAXIMUS AGAIN!"

He leapt back, throwing Percy onto his ass. The Son of Poseidon got to his feet angrily, grabbing Grover and spinning him around.

"Because you're the only one who fell into the Styx and became INVINCIBLE!"

"YEAH? AND WHY DID THAT HAPPEN! OH, YEAH, BECAUSE ANNABETH FOUND OUT THAT I KNEW SHE LOVED YOU!"

Percy stopped in his tracks. "She does?"

"What?! You didn't know?!"

"I thought the hat tape was a joke, or puppy love."

"You're an idiot!"

Mark Sue came dancing past, heaving a plane's propeller at the Lion. "When did this story become _amazing," _he said randomly before running off.

"Yeah?" Percy flared, continuing with their argument..

"Yeah."

"Well, you're still a SATYR!"

Grover tackled him, the two pitching onto the ground. Percy got his foot under the satyr and threw him a good 15 feet.

Grover crawled up, wiping his mouth. "Invincible satyr against Poseidon's Hunter bastard. Fair enough?"

"I'm not a bastard!" Percy roared.

"Yeah you are, Percy Rivers." (See Game of Thrones for Bastard names).

Percy twitched. "You know, I always hated you, Grover! I defended your ass at Yancy, and now I'm going to kick your little ass!"

"Oooh, scary," Grover taunted.

Percy charged him, throwing punches at the Satyr. Grover managed to dodge one, but Percy enhanced speed was… well, enhanced, so he took a few of them, but the Achilles Curse kept him on his feet. He swept Percy's foot out from under him and ripped a knife from his belt, driving it towards the Son of Poseidon's face. Percy caught it, their hands making a grotesque spectacle as they grasped the knife.

"Stop fighting each other and help-," Bianca started, before being charged by the Nemean Lion.

Percy pushed the knife up easily and rolled backwards, taking Grover with him. They ended with Grover on the ground and Percy pushing the knife down at his face. The satyr let the knife fall, moving his face aside, before kneeing Percy and throwing him over.

"STOP THIS MADNESS!" Mark Sue cried. He threw a weighted length of rope, hoping to entangle one of their legs. Percy saw it coming and pulled off a Spider-Man, i.e, he jumped up, spreading his body flat horizontal, dodging the rope. That's where it went wrong though. He was supposed to grab Grover while spread-eagled and pull him down with him, spinning as the fall and making sure Grover landed onto his feet before kicking him up and into the way of the Goblin Glider, in this case, the Nemean Lion. (Just watch Harry vs Peter 2.) But Percy wasn't Spider-Man, so he missed when he tried to grab Grover and fell right onto his front, the air leaving his body in a single instance.

Grover knelt beside him, shaking his head. "Spider-Man?"

Percy gasped for air. "Spidey 3, that but where-"

"-Peter fights Harry and pulls off that awesome move of agility. Yeah… sorry about that. Friends?" He offered his hand.

"I don't really hate you," Percy gasped. "I'm just not sure I can handle Annabeth _loving _me." He looked up at Grover from his front. "It's scary."

Grover pulled him onto his feet. "You might be a powerful demigod, but I guess we all suffer from butterflies."

Percy sat by a plane display as the Nemean Lion ate their friends. "Juniper, right?"

"She snuck up on me, Perce." He clutched his curly hair. "Goddamnit, I thought I was _gay!"_

"I thought Annabeth thought of us as friends, and that was it."

Grover snorted. "Yeah, that's not real."

Percy clasped his shoulder. "Yeah, well I've got time to waste. I'd be glad to be your wingman."

Mark Sue landed next to them, his left arm sheeted in blood. He shook his head, looking up at them. "Look, I know a load of people are annoyed by my perfection and get annoyed with me, but we really need to kill this Lion and Percy's the only one who can do it."

Percy turned his gaze to fix on the Lion that was tearing its way through the rest of Team Camp. He stood up and activated his ring. A crossbow sprung to life in his hands, which he aimed at the Nemean Lion.

"Awesome!" Grover exclaimed at the Crossbow. "You didn't have that in the book!"

In a really dodgy way to end a fight that was taking too long, the Nemean Lion roared at Percy, and the demigod opened fired.

The bolt went flying down the Lion's throat and killed it really quickly. Everyone approached the corpse as it started morphing, changing its shape. Percy picked up the pelt.

"It's an Onesie," Bianca pointed out.

It was. You know you can get those Onesie's in different animals, like foxes and giraffes? Well, this one was a cheap looking Lion one.

"I am not wearing that," Percy decided.

"But itth invicibleth," Zoe protested.

"I'll look like a right pillock, going to save Annabeth in that!"

"Put on the Onesie, Percy," Mark Sue ordered.

Percy put on the Onesie and zipped it up. He drew the line at lowering the hood. He put his shoes on over his Onesie clad feet. He used to look cool, but now he looked like a right idiot.

Mark Sue stared at him. "What?" Percy asked.

He shook his head. "Sorry, the Onesie is distracting. But roll up your right sleeve."

Percy frowned, but did what he said, exposing his Mark. As he watched, it started to creep down his arm, vines forming an image on the back of his hand. He rubbed at it once it was finished; the symbol of the Three was emblazed on the back of his hand.

"Well, that's bigger than last time," Grover pointed out.

"Thankth for thath, Captain Obviousth," Zoe replied.

"I have to have this on my hand?" Percy asked. "What's my Mom going to say?"

Mark Sue shrugged. "If you find this weapon, it'll probably disappear."

Percy stared at the Mark distastefully. "Will it always update this much?"

Mark Sue shook his head. "Depends on the monster. The Nemean Lion is extremely powerful, so you're rewarded with a larger piece of the Mark."

Grover clapped Percy's shoulder. "So keep killing Nemean's, and the Titan's have no chance!"

Percy nodded, rolling up his sleeve, which was of little help, because the Mark now covered his hand, vines spreading from the trident on the back of his wrist. It was pretty good artwork Percy would have admitted, if he hadn't been so annoyed that he was going to have a huge scar covering his entire arm.

"At least you get super strength," Grover reasoned.

"_Poseidon fills the happy sea with happy fish for you and me."_

"What's that?" Bianca asked, turning to hear the noise.

Mark Sue's face had gone white. "It can't be…"

"_Apollo makes our happy songs so we can stand and song along."_

Mark Sue turned to them. "That's a Boy Scout song…. but not any Boy Scout song… it's the Eagle division."

Zoe shook her head. "It canth beth."

"What's that?" Grover asked, lost.

Percy already knew though. "The deadliest Boy Scout group; they won't stop."

"Stop what?"

He turned to look at Grover. "Until they have earned their hunter badge."

They all turned as skeletons in Boy scout scarf's and backpacks came into view, singing their 'Happy Gods' song.

"We're all going to die," Mark Sue moaned.

**Sorry for going off the grid. Just got 'Last of Us' and it was awesome. Please review and tell me your opinions! I'd love it if we could get this story up to 1,700 reviews! Please take just a second of your time to review and tell what you thought of the chapter! Any favourite moments, or characters to want to see more off? Tell me!**


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